Going to Arizona

[Guest guest]

Hi Bee,

I'm still in Iowa and thinking seriously about going to Arizona for a

while so I can spend a lot of time outdoors. I want to leave this

weekend, in fact. My situation here is that I have a friend, and

I've been working for him on and off since 1999. He has this problem

where it's hard for him to use a computer much, because of something

with his eyes. It's a pretty weird sort of thing. And I've had

these weird somatic things too, with my back and my stomach and all,

and because of my mental state I've been quite socially isolated and

he's been my only friend here (we're a lot alike). And on his side

it never works out for anyone else to work for him. So we've

developed this really co-dependent work relationship/friendship.

It's only a few hours of work a week, though.

The situation is complicated by the fact that this town is a center

for what is possibly a cult group (Transendental Meditation), which

he is very involved in and I used to be part of, and the work right

now is related to that, and so there's guilt and fear surrounding

leaving because I've not fully broken with the group inside myself.

So for me to pull away from this by going to Arizona triggers guilt

in me, especially because he's involved in something kind of big

right now and for the next couple of months (a concert, headlined by

McCartney, benefiting Lynch's foundation that supports the

group). I can still work long-distance, but it's harder for him that

way. I know I have the right to go, and I would like to be able to

stop working for him and move away from here, but I still feel

guilty, and as we discussed, that stress goes right to my stomach and

makes it harder to eat. I broke the news the other night that I was

thinking of leaving, and I had trouble eating yesterday.

So my question is, do you think this is going to be worth the

potential stress involved? Is there enough potential benefit to

spending a lot of time outdoors? I think the guilt will be most

intense at first, and I hope it will subside. And you've said that

being outdoors can help the adrenals, so I'm hoping that it will

directly benefit this problem (my parasympathetic nervous system

being triggered at the drop of a hat).

ALso if I go I may have to fall back on a lot of liquids at first.

So my other question is, how does the egg drink count as far as being

a meal? I don't want to have more than three meals a day--does the

egg drink count as a full meal, or could I have it more than three

times if necessary?

Thanks for wading through all this.

Rick