Re: I wanted to be invisable/Jolynn

[Guest guest]

Gee Jolynn, I'm glad to hear they are staring at my cane! And here I

thought it was me being overweight or having a face full of zits!

LOL Hang in there. A cane is worth the stares. Just give them a

smile and keep on going!

Kathy

>

> I went to an award ceremony tonight for my 9 year old daughter.

She

> wanted to sit at the top of the bleachers and I said " not tonight "

> she was disapointed and realized it was because of me.

>

> This was my first outing with THE CANE where I knew that I would

run

> into people I know. I got there early and claimed my seat in the

> front of the bleachers. A dad walked up and sat next to me and

> said " my wife has one with cats on it so we will sit here " .I

> said " if the audience get restless we can do battle with our

canes "

> He laughed and I was trying to figure out why I said that.

> As more and more people filed in I got very self conscious. I

tucked

> my cane under my arm because I was wearing a heavy coat and wanted

> to hide it. After my daughter got her award we went to leave and

> they told me to go the other way (walking in front of the whole

> town) and I quickly remembered that there was a restroom and said

I

> needed to go too bad and couldn't go the other way.

> They let us out and as I was leaving I saw a few people I know

give

> me the " oh that poor woman " look I wanted to cry, it made me feel

so

> small. I love the way the cane helps me, but it will be a super

long

> time before I am comfortable sporting it.

> I am still going to use it all the time. I am use to the cane just

> not the pity looks. That really bothers me. I am so use to being

> looked at because people know me and want to say hi, not because

> people feel bad for me. Maybe I am hyper sensitive because I am

> anticipating it.

>

> I just feel like all they see is my cane. I don't know how long it

> will be before I stop feeling this way. I know it seems self

> centered. I feel better writing about it.

>

> Thanks for reading,

> Jolynn

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Kathy,

LOL

My husband also suggested I stop dressing like a shlup. He said last

week I was wearing nice jeans and looked like a GAP comercial and

this week I have been wearing clothes that could be construde as

pajamas. He wasn't being mean just truthful, I actually did put on

some comfy pants that I could wear to bed simply because I could

also wear them out of the house as well. (10 years of marriage and

he knows me so well)

I laughed because he is so not into clothing and would tell me I

look great in a garbage bag. I think he was just saying I would feel

better about myself if I did more than roll out of bed. He is right.

I think I'll put on a little make up and actually brush my hair the

next time I am going to be in public.

It isn't like I am Crawford with out the cane or anything. I

do feel better. The world is not staring at me. I need to get out of

my own head.

Jolynn

> >

> > I went to an award ceremony tonight for my 9 year old daughter.

> She

> > wanted to sit at the top of the bleachers and I said " not

tonight "

> > she was disapointed and realized it was because of me.

> >

> > This was my first outing with THE CANE where I knew that I would

> run

> > into people I know. I got there early and claimed my seat in the

> > front of the bleachers. A dad walked up and sat next to me and

> > said " my wife has one with cats on it so we will sit here " .I

> > said " if the audience get restless we can do battle with our

> canes "

> > He laughed and I was trying to figure out why I said that.

> > As more and more people filed in I got very self conscious. I

> tucked

> > my cane under my arm because I was wearing a heavy coat and

wanted

> > to hide it. After my daughter got her award we went to leave and

> > they told me to go the other way (walking in front of the whole

> > town) and I quickly remembered that there was a restroom and

said

> I

> > needed to go too bad and couldn't go the other way.

> > They let us out and as I was leaving I saw a few people I know

> give

> > me the " oh that poor woman " look I wanted to cry, it made me

feel

> so

> > small. I love the way the cane helps me, but it will be a super

> long

> > time before I am comfortable sporting it.

> > I am still going to use it all the time. I am use to the cane

just

> > not the pity looks. That really bothers me. I am so use to being

> > looked at because people know me and want to say hi, not because

> > people feel bad for me. Maybe I am hyper sensitive because I am

> > anticipating it.

> >

> > I just feel like all they see is my cane. I don't know how long

it

> > will be before I stop feeling this way. I know it seems self

> > centered. I feel better writing about it.

> >

> > Thanks for reading,

> > Jolynn

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Jolynn,

It sounds like you are having one of those " transition "

weeks...slowly adjusting to the idea that your life is changing in a

way that you have no real control over....and it stinks.

On the other hand, you seem to have a good outlook on things, and

sometimes I agree that just putting the best face on for " the world "

can lift your spirits. I know while I was in the hospital just

getting myself cleaned up, teeth brushed and a little moisturizer on

mentally seemed to improve how I felt. I am not into " looks "

either...but since that is one non-verbal cue that others " read " it

seems to have an impact on how others react. I think I have read

that non-verbal cues override what people actually say in

the " receivers mind " .

When I was doing some therapy years ago (as my first marriage was

coming unglued) we talked about the role of " acting " in getting to a

better mental place while in difficult times. Maybe it would be

worthwhile to try while you are experimenting with your new " you " .

It's pretty simple...and it is not for the long term....but you just

pretend you are someone else you admire who you think would handle

your target " situation " better than you. It can be a friend or a

parent or an actor...anyone who you think carries off your

desired " persona " well. Don't tell anyone...just be that person for

an hour or so...kinda like trying on a different dress and seeing

how you look in it.

Unfortunatly the media doesn't provide many good examples of people,

women paticularly, with disabilities, but they are better at

portraying older women who have managed to maintain a

certain " flair " and " vitality " despite growing older.

Sometimes I pretend I am Sarandon.

Cam

[Guest guest]

---

Cam/...you make me laugh!! I am pretending today that I am

Shields......not pregnant thou!!

I have placed the dinner order, I did add 2 more chicken dinners in

case we had a few late add ons!!!,PA

In , " cammaltby " <cammaltby@...>

wrote:

>

> Jolynn,

>

> It sounds like you are having one of those " transition "

> weeks...slowly adjusting to the idea that your life is changing in

a

> way that you have no real control over....and it stinks.

>

> On the other hand, you seem to have a good outlook on things, and

> sometimes I agree that just putting the best face on for " the

world "

> can lift your spirits. I know while I was in the hospital just

> getting myself cleaned up, teeth brushed and a little moisturizer

on

> mentally seemed to improve how I felt. I am not into " looks "

> either...but since that is one non-verbal cue that others " read " it

> seems to have an impact on how others react. I think I have read

> that non-verbal cues override what people actually say in

> the " receivers mind " .

>

> When I was doing some therapy years ago (as my first marriage was

> coming unglued) we talked about the role of " acting " in getting to

a

> better mental place while in difficult times. Maybe it would be

> worthwhile to try while you are experimenting with your new " you " .

> It's pretty simple...and it is not for the long term....but you

just

> pretend you are someone else you admire who you think would handle

> your target " situation " better than you. It can be a friend or a

> parent or an actor...anyone who you think carries off your

> desired " persona " well. Don't tell anyone...just be that person for

> an hour or so...kinda like trying on a different dress and seeing

> how you look in it.

>

> Unfortunatly the media doesn't provide many good examples of

people,

> women paticularly, with disabilities, but they are better at

> portraying older women who have managed to maintain a

> certain " flair " and " vitality " despite growing older.

>

> Sometimes I pretend I am Sarandon.

>

> Cam

>

[Guest guest]

HI Cam,

I actually do that all the time. I think of how who I admire would

react and then base my reaction on that.

I keep thinking of president Clinton when he had those crutches but

I don't admire him at all. I think it is more I can't get that image

out of my head.

I am going to pluck my eyebrows and give my self a facial. Then I

know I will feel better and more likely to finish getting ready

before leaving the house.

Jolynn

by@...> wrote:

>

> Jolynn,

>

> It sounds like you are having one of those " transition "

> weeks...slowly adjusting to the idea that your life is changing in

a

> way that you have no real control over....and it stinks.

>

> On the other hand, you seem to have a good outlook on things, and

> sometimes I agree that just putting the best face on for " the

world "

> can lift your spirits. I know while I was in the hospital just

> getting myself cleaned up, teeth brushed and a little moisturizer

on

> mentally seemed to improve how I felt. I am not into " looks "

> either...but since that is one non-verbal cue that others " read "

it

> seems to have an impact on how others react. I think I have read

> that non-verbal cues override what people actually say in

> the " receivers mind " .

>

> When I was doing some therapy years ago (as my first marriage was

> coming unglued) we talked about the role of " acting " in getting to

a

> better mental place while in difficult times. Maybe it would be

> worthwhile to try while you are experimenting with your new " you " .

> It's pretty simple...and it is not for the long term....but you

just

> pretend you are someone else you admire who you think would handle

> your target " situation " better than you. It can be a friend or a

> parent or an actor...anyone who you think carries off your

> desired " persona " well. Don't tell anyone...just be that person

for

> an hour or so...kinda like trying on a different dress and seeing

> how you look in it.

>

> Unfortunatly the media doesn't provide many good examples of

people,

> women paticularly, with disabilities, but they are better at

> portraying older women who have managed to maintain a

> certain " flair " and " vitality " despite growing older.

>

> Sometimes I pretend I am Sarandon.

>

> Cam

>

[Guest guest]

I've read has scoliosis. She's nearly my mother's age and

it has slowed her down a lot.

But maybe she's not the best example, as her publicist says something to the

effect of " nonsense -- she does handsprings every day. " I guess like us

she wants some privacy to maintain her dignity, and would just as soon be

invisible.

Jolynn, if it makes any difference, most of us know all too well how it

feels to want to be invisible, between ugly braces and casts, uneven

shoulders, rib humps, and scars, especially in bathing suits. It seems

there's no end to the personal appearance issues we get to deal with.

So we can enjoy the mental image of how a graceful Hollywood goddess would

handle a cane, if it makes us feel better. But somehow, not that I would

wish scoliosis on anyone, and I'm sorry for Liz, I kind of like knowing that

even the most beautiful are as fragile as the rest of us inside, with the

same insecurities and pains.

Sharon

[ ] Re: I wanted to be invisable/Jolynn

> Jolynn,

>

> It sounds like you are having one of those " transition "

> weeks...slowly adjusting to the idea that your life is changing in a

> way that you have no real control over....and it stinks.

>

> On the other hand, you seem to have a good outlook on things, and

> sometimes I agree that just putting the best face on for " the world "

> can lift your spirits. I know while I was in the hospital just

> getting myself cleaned up, teeth brushed and a little moisturizer on

> mentally seemed to improve how I felt. I am not into " looks "

> either...but since that is one non-verbal cue that others " read " it

> seems to have an impact on how others react. I think I have read

> that non-verbal cues override what people actually say in

> the " receivers mind " .

>

> When I was doing some therapy years ago (as my first marriage was

> coming unglued) we talked about the role of " acting " in getting to a

> better mental place while in difficult times. Maybe it would be

> worthwhile to try while you are experimenting with your new " you " .

> It's pretty simple...and it is not for the long term....but you just

> pretend you are someone else you admire who you think would handle

> your target " situation " better than you. It can be a friend or a

> parent or an actor...anyone who you think carries off your

> desired " persona " well. Don't tell anyone...just be that person for

> an hour or so...kinda like trying on a different dress and seeing

> how you look in it.

>

> Unfortunatly the media doesn't provide many good examples of people,

> women paticularly, with disabilities, but they are better at

> portraying older women who have managed to maintain a

> certain " flair " and " vitality " despite growing older.

>

> Sometimes I pretend I am Sarandon.

>

> Cam

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> scoliosis veterans * flatback sufferers * revision candidates

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Sharon...

Your post reminds me of my favorite paper from last year. In a study

of volunteers aged 60+, 68% were found to have scoliosis!

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/query.fcgi?cmd=Retrieve & db=pubmed & dopt=Abstra\

ct & list_uids=15864163 & query_hl=1 & itool=pubmed_docsum

Regards,

>

> I've read has scoliosis. She's nearly my mother's

age and

> it has slowed her down a lot.

>

> But maybe she's not the best example, as her publicist says

something to the

> effect of " nonsense -- she does handsprings every day. " I guess

like us

> she wants some privacy to maintain her dignity, and would just as

soon be

> invisible.

>

> Jolynn, if it makes any difference, most of us know all too well how it

> feels to want to be invisible, between ugly braces and casts, uneven

> shoulders, rib humps, and scars, especially in bathing suits. It seems

> there's no end to the personal appearance issues we get to deal with.

>

> So we can enjoy the mental image of how a graceful Hollywood goddess

would

> handle a cane, if it makes us feel better. But somehow, not that I

would

> wish scoliosis on anyone, and I'm sorry for Liz, I kind of like

knowing that

> even the most beautiful are as fragile as the rest of us inside,

with the

> same insecurities and pains.

>

> Sharon

>

> [ ] Re: I wanted to be invisable/Jolynn

>

>

> > Jolynn,

> >

> > It sounds like you are having one of those " transition "

> > weeks...slowly adjusting to the idea that your life is changing in a

> > way that you have no real control over....and it stinks.

> >

> > On the other hand, you seem to have a good outlook on things, and

> > sometimes I agree that just putting the best face on for " the world "

> > can lift your spirits. I know while I was in the hospital just

> > getting myself cleaned up, teeth brushed and a little moisturizer on

> > mentally seemed to improve how I felt. I am not into " looks "

> > either...but since that is one non-verbal cue that others " read " it

> > seems to have an impact on how others react. I think I have read

> > that non-verbal cues override what people actually say in

> > the " receivers mind " .

> >

> > When I was doing some therapy years ago (as my first marriage was

> > coming unglued) we talked about the role of " acting " in getting to a

> > better mental place while in difficult times. Maybe it would be

> > worthwhile to try while you are experimenting with your new " you " .

> > It's pretty simple...and it is not for the long term....but you just

> > pretend you are someone else you admire who you think would handle

> > your target " situation " better than you. It can be a friend or a

> > parent or an actor...anyone who you think carries off your

> > desired " persona " well. Don't tell anyone...just be that person for

> > an hour or so...kinda like trying on a different dress and seeing

> > how you look in it.

> >

> > Unfortunatly the media doesn't provide many good examples of people,

> > women paticularly, with disabilities, but they are better at

> > portraying older women who have managed to maintain a

> > certain " flair " and " vitality " despite growing older.

> >

> > Sometimes I pretend I am Sarandon.

> >

> > Cam

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > scoliosis veterans * flatback sufferers * revision candidates

> >

[Guest guest]

That is interesting, . Thanks for sharing it.

Not that I trust reporters for accurate medical information, but the article

I saw mentioned that Liz 's scoliosis is congenital. They also

mention she began to have spine issues when she was thrown from a horse

while shooting International Velvet at age 12. Then they mention a recent

spinal fracture from reaching for an object on her night stand, so that

sounds like osteoporosis.

It's easy to think how great it would be to be rich and famous, but it

certainly offers no immunity to misery. Imagine going through 8 divorces!

http://www.eonline.com/News/Items/0,1,15437,00.html

Sharon

[ ] Re: I wanted to be invisable/Jolynn

>>

>>

>> > Jolynn,

>> >

>> > It sounds like you are having one of those " transition "

>> > weeks...slowly adjusting to the idea that your life is changing in a

>> > way that you have no real control over....and it stinks.

>> >

>> > On the other hand, you seem to have a good outlook on things, and

>> > sometimes I agree that just putting the best face on for " the world "

>> > can lift your spirits. I know while I was in the hospital just

>> > getting myself cleaned up, teeth brushed and a little moisturizer on

>> > mentally seemed to improve how I felt. I am not into " looks "

>> > either...but since that is one non-verbal cue that others " read " it

>> > seems to have an impact on how others react. I think I have read

>> > that non-verbal cues override what people actually say in

>> > the " receivers mind " .

>> >

>> > When I was doing some therapy years ago (as my first marriage was

>> > coming unglued) we talked about the role of " acting " in getting to a

>> > better mental place while in difficult times. Maybe it would be

>> > worthwhile to try while you are experimenting with your new " you " .

>> > It's pretty simple...and it is not for the long term....but you just

>> > pretend you are someone else you admire who you think would handle

>> > your target " situation " better than you. It can be a friend or a

>> > parent or an actor...anyone who you think carries off your

>> > desired " persona " well. Don't tell anyone...just be that person for

>> > an hour or so...kinda like trying on a different dress and seeing

>> > how you look in it.

>> >

>> > Unfortunatly the media doesn't provide many good examples of people,

>> > women paticularly, with disabilities, but they are better at

>> > portraying older women who have managed to maintain a

>> > certain " flair " and " vitality " despite growing older.

>> >

>> > Sometimes I pretend I am Sarandon.

>> >

>> > Cam

>> >

>> >

>> >

>> >

>> >

>> >

>> >

>> >

>> >

>> > scoliosis veterans * flatback sufferers * revision candidates

>> >

[Guest guest]

HI Joynn,

Yeah, but if you dress nicely, do your hair and put on some make-up, people get really confused! It' kinda funny watching how uncomfortable they are not knowing why I'm using a cane when I look so well. It makes for good people watching.

Bonnie

[ ] Re: I wanted to be invisable/Jolynn

Hi Kathy,LOLMy husband also suggested I stop dressing like a shlup. He said last week I was wearing nice jeans and looked like a GAP comercial and this week I have been wearing clothes that could be construde as pajamas. He wasn't being mean just truthful, I actually did put on some comfy pants that I could wear to bed simply because I could also wear them out of the house as well. (10 years of marriage and he knows me so well) I laughed because he is so not into clothing and would tell me I look great in a garbage bag. I think he was just saying I would feel better about myself if I did more than roll out of bed. He is right. I think I'll put on a little make up and actually brush my hair the next time I am going to be in public. It isn't like I am Crawford with out the cane or anything. I do feel better. The world is not staring at me. I need to get out of my own head.Jolynn > >> > I went to an award ceremony tonight for my 9 year old daughter. > She > > wanted to sit at the top of the bleachers and I said "not tonight" > > she was disapointed and realized it was because of me. > > > > This was my first outing with THE CANE where I knew that I would > run > > into people I know. I got there early and claimed my seat in the > > front of the bleachers. A dad walked up and sat next to me and > > said "my wife has one with cats on it so we will sit here".I > > said "if the audience get restless we can do battle with our > canes" > > He laughed and I was trying to figure out why I said that. > > As more and more people filed in I got very self conscious. I > tucked > > my cane under my arm because I was wearing a heavy coat and wanted > > to hide it. After my daughter got her award we went to leave and > > they told me to go the other way (walking in front of the whole > > town) and I quickly remembered that there was a restroom and said > I > > needed to go too bad and couldn't go the other way. > > They let us out and as I was leaving I saw a few people I know > give > > me the "oh that poor woman" look I wanted to cry, it made me feel > so > > small. I love the way the cane helps me, but it will be a super > long > > time before I am comfortable sporting it. > > I am still going to use it all the time. I am use to the cane just > > not the pity looks. That really bothers me. I am so use to being > > looked at because people know me and want to say hi, not because > > people feel bad for me. Maybe I am hyper sensitive because I am > > anticipating it.> > > > I just feel like all they see is my cane. I don't know how long it > > will be before I stop feeling this way. I know it seems self > > centered. I feel better writing about it. > > > > Thanks for reading,> > Jolynn> >>

[Guest guest]

Cam,

Sarandon. You picked a good one!

Bonnie

[ ] Re: I wanted to be invisable/Jolynn

Jolynn,It sounds like you are having one of those "transition" weeks...slowly adjusting to the idea that your life is changing in a way that you have no real control over....and it stinks.On the other hand, you seem to have a good outlook on things, and sometimes I agree that just putting the best face on for "the world" can lift your spirits. I know while I was in the hospital just getting myself cleaned up, teeth brushed and a little moisturizer on mentally seemed to improve how I felt. I am not into "looks" either...but since that is one non-verbal cue that others "read" it seems to have an impact on how others react. I think I have read that non-verbal cues override what people actually say in the "receivers mind".When I was doing some therapy years ago (as my first marriage was coming unglued) we talked about the role of "acting" in getting to a better mental place while in difficult times. Maybe it would be worthwhile to try while you are experimenting with your new "you". It's pretty simple...and it is not for the long term....but you just pretend you are someone else you admire who you think would handle your target "situation" better than you. It can be a friend or a parent or an actor...anyone who you think carries off your desired "persona" well. Don't tell anyone...just be that person for an hour or so...kinda like trying on a different dress and seeing how you look in it.Unfortunatly the media doesn't provide many good examples of people, women paticularly, with disabilities, but they are better at portraying older women who have managed to maintain a certain "flair" and "vitality" despite growing older.Sometimes I pretend I am Sarandon.Cam