Help with defiance issues and social skills

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Hello,

First post to this board. My wife and I have a 7yr old boy, high functioning, on the ASD spectrum. The initial diagnosis was PDD-NOS. The current working diagnosis is Asperger's and we're awaiting the final formal report. We just hired a great advocate to help us with the school system that says our son does not even qualify for an IEP (same system that recently told us he now needs to repeat first grade).

Anyway, we're sinking right now and need help with two issues.

1) Social relationship building. We've lived in our new town for 1.5 years and don't know anyone. We've had three sets of parents say no to playdates. The school cut the 'friendship group'. Our son expresses no interest in playing with anyone in his class. We have some recommended books like 'Social Stories' but he needs to also experience it, not just read it. Any suggestions?

2) Defiance. While we've had some minor issues over the last three years including melt downs and a little hitting/trying to hit when he's angry, the last three weeks have turned in a bad direction. We think the core issue is school where he's saying it's going faster and faster and he doesn't understand. At home, he's saying NO to a lot, and hitting more aggressivley. He threatened to open the doors to the van on the highway this past Sunday and refused to wear his seat belt. We feel like we're losing basic 'command and control' authority. Picking him up gets him very riled up and when my wife or I have given ourselves timeouts and retreated to our bedroom he starts kicking, clawing and scratching the door to get in. He's not currently on meds and is currently being reviewed by a credible neurologist in Sacramento who we like. We've called to move up his next appointment. Additional thoughts or opinions?

We would feel blessed by any help or support. It's very hard right now.

Thanks!