Re: My daughter needs friends! :(

February 14, 2010

Les,

I

think it depends where you are located.

There

are social clubs in large cities where parents bring their children. Groups

sponsor nights at the museum or cinema.

I’m

pretty sure if you are near a large city you could contact local groups and find

something.

If

your location doesn’t have this, have you tried the school?

At

our jr. high, the guidance counselors and teachers set aside certain

pizza lunches for students needing friends.

They

might meet in the home ec room instead of the cafeteria and they invite a mixed

group of kids.

They also

invite a few of the NT students who may having a sibling or cousin and have

volunteered in the elementary schools with the aspie kids.

We

also have a board games club. Students can play after school in the

cafeteria on Tu, W, Th and catch the late bus or be picked up by parents.

Two

of our hall aides are paid to chaperon it and the students lead with the games

they like.

Sometimes

they bring them in from home or just have their cards but the school also owns

many games that can be used.

Maybe

if this isn’t in place, you could find out how to get this started

in your school building. Ask if there are any mini-grants that can

be used to start this activity.

I

think the hall aides got a few hundred dollars from the PTO to make the first

purchases. Some parents donate a game that their child enjoys.

Good

luck with this.

E.C.

From:

[mailto: ] On Behalf Of Les

Sent: Saturday, February 13, 2010

9:58 PM

To:

Subject: ( ) My

daughter needs friends!

Hi everyone. I'm a mother to two children with high

functioning autism. My oldest is 13 and she's been having such a hard time

lately. She has no friends. She had two friends in our neighborhood. One was

her friend then decided to go on a campaign to make other kids not want to play

with my daughter because she was -quote " wierd and dorky " . So my

daughter became friends with her little sister. Now her sister is starting to

do the same thing. My daughter is so lonely and desperate for a friend that

she'll take whatever abuse this girl dishes out. I have no idea how to help

her. Sports where we live are super competitive...obviously a kid with

motor skill problems and coordination problems and muscle weakness isn't going

to make the team. She tries out for everything though We've started bringing

her to our churches middle school group in the hopes that she'll find a buddy.

So far not too much luck. How do I find a friend for her? I've tried to get her

to ask a friend home from school or get a group to go bowling. The problem is

she has no way of recognizing potential friends. She asks the most popular kids

, and at least they are kind to her, but they do reject her. She's an akward

kind of nerdy kid. I know there are tons of akward nerdy kids in middle school...how

do I get her to invite them home instead? I'm sure she's not the only kid who's

lonely or lacking friends. I looked into a social skills group, but it's over

an hour away and $400 a week. What do I do? Where can I find a friend for my

daughter?

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February 14, 2010

Hi:

We've done the social skills group thing in Atlanta. It may be the same one

you're speaking of and it really didn't help. The girls in our group all had

ADHD with the exception of my daughter who has aspergers. They played board

games and sometimes just talked. They also prohibited the girls from getting

together outside of the group to socialize so we were all disappointed by that.

I've given up trying to find friends for my daughter because she is an adult in

a teenager's body. Unfortunately, she's not into any of the current pop culture

or music with the exception of the Twilight books which we read together. She

likes some video games and spends a great deal of time on the computer. In the

past she's tried very hard to fit in and find friends but now she's given up.

Her biggest issue is that she says exactly what she thinks which many times

comes out sounding rude. She doesn't mean to hurt other people's feelings and

doesn't even realize this is what's happening.

I keep telling her things will get better in college or when she's an adult. She

can't bring herself to be a silly, giggly girl when she thinks like a

30-year-old.

I'm sorry you're daughter is having these issues at school. I told my daughter

and she said she would be willing to talk to your daughter about things by

email. Maybe her experience would help your daughter in some way.

>

> Hi everyone. I'm a mother to two children with high functioning autism. My

oldest is 13 and she's been having such a hard time lately. She has no friends.

She had two friends in our neighborhood. One was her friend then decided to go

on a campaign to make other kids not want to play with my daughter because she

was -quote " wierd and dorky " . So my daughter became friends with her little

sister. Now her sister is starting to do the same thing. My daughter is so

lonely and desperate for a friend that she'll take whatever abuse this girl

dishes out. I have no idea how to help her. Sports where we live are super

competitive...obviously a kid with motor skill problems and coordination

problems and muscle weakness isn't going to make the team. She tries out for

everything though We've started bringing her to our churches middle school

group in the hopes that she'll find a buddy. So far not too much luck. How do I

find a friend for her? I've tried to get her to ask a friend home from school or

get a group to go bowling. The problem is she has no way of recognizing

potential friends. She asks the most popular kids , and at least they are kind

to her, but they do reject her. She's an akward kind of nerdy kid. I know there

are tons of akward nerdy kids in middle school...how do I get her to invite them

home instead? I'm sure she's not the only kid who's lonely or lacking friends. I

looked into a social skills group, but it's over an hour away and $400 a week.

What do I do? Where can I find a friend for my daughter?

>

February 14, 2010

What are her interests? You could sign her up for some community classes or Park N Rec... in areas that interest her. She's bound to connect with friends her age and who share similar interests. Volunteering is an awesome way to expose her to social situations and it will boost her self esteem ~ humane society, clothesline, food shelf... any non profit organization... just depends upon her interests. Are there any committees at school she'd like to join.. like: school paper, yearbook, pep club? Could you talk with the school counselor and get an upperclassman mentor for her? Or possibly an older girl from the neighborhood who is kind and would include her and act as a mentor?

From: Les <lesburleson@...>Subject: ( ) My daughter needs friends! Date: Saturday, February 13, 2010, 8:58 PM

Hi everyone. I'm a mother to two children with high functioning autism. My oldest is 13 and she's been having such a hard time lately. She has no friends. She had two friends in our neighborhood. One was her friend then decided to go on a campaign to make other kids not want to play with my daughter because she was -quote "wierd and dorky". So my daughter became friends with her little sister. Now her sister is starting to do the same thing. My daughter is so lonely and desperate for a friend that she'll take whatever abuse this girl dishes out. I have no idea how to help her. Sports where we live are super competitive...obviously a kid with motor skill problems and coordination problems and muscle weakness isn't going to make the team. She tries out for everything though We've started bringing her to our churches middle school group in the hopes that she'll find a buddy. So far not too much luck. How do I find a friend for her?

I've tried to get her to ask a friend home from school or get a group to go bowling. The problem is she has no way of recognizing potential friends. She asks the most popular kids , and at least they are kind to her, but they do reject her. She's an akward kind of nerdy kid. I know there are tons of akward nerdy kids in middle school...how do I get her to invite them home instead? I'm sure she's not the only kid who's lonely or lacking friends. I looked into a social skills group, but it's over an hour away and $400 a week. What do I do? Where can I find a friend for my daughter?------------------------------------

February 14, 2010

What was the rationale for prohibiting them from socializing outside the group?

CaitlinEmbracing change as a blessing in disguise at www.welcome-to-normal.com--- In , "gaaspiemom" <gaaspiemom@...> wrote:>> Hi:> > We've done the social skills group thing in Atlanta. It may be the same one you're speaking of and it really didn't help. The girls in our group all had ADHD with the exception of my daughter who has aspergers. They played board games and sometimes just talked. They also prohibited the girls from getting together outside of the group to socialize so we were all disappointed by that. > > I've given up trying to find friends for my daughter because she is an adult in a teenager's body. Unfortunately, she's not into any of the current pop culture or music with the exception of the Twilight books which we read together. She likes some video games and spends a great deal of time on the computer. In the past she's tried very hard to fit in and find friends but now she's given up. Her biggest issue is that she says exactly what she thinks which many times comes out sounding rude. She doesn't mean to hurt other people's feelings and doesn't even realize this is what's happening. > > I keep telling her things will get better in college or when she's an adult. She can't bring herself to be a silly, giggly girl when she thinks like a 30-year-old.> > I'm sorry you're daughter is having these issues at school. I told my daughter and she said she would be willing to talk to your daughter about things by email. Maybe her experience would help your daughter in some way.> > > > > >> > Hi everyone. I'm a mother to two children with high functioning autism. My oldest is 13 and she's been having such a hard time lately. She has no friends. She had two friends in our neighborhood. One was her friend then decided to go on a campaign to make other kids not want to play with my daughter because she was -quote "wierd and dorky". So my daughter became friends with her little sister. Now her sister is starting to do the same thing. My daughter is so lonely and desperate for a friend that she'll take whatever abuse this girl dishes out. I have no idea how to help her. Sports where we live are super competitive...obviously a kid with motor skill problems and coordination problems and muscle weakness isn't going to make the team. She tries out for everything though We've started bringing her to our churches middle school group in the hopes that she'll find a buddy. So far not too much luck. How do I find a friend for her? I've tried to get her to ask a friend home from school or get a group to go bowling. The problem is she has no way of recognizing potential friends. She asks the most popular kids , and at least they are kind to her, but they do reject her. She's an akward kind of nerdy kid. I know there are tons of akward nerdy kids in middle school...how do I get her to invite them home instead? I'm sure she's not the only kid who's lonely or lacking friends. I looked into a social skills group, but it's over an hour away and $400 a week. What do I do? Where can I find a friend for my daughter?> >>

February 15, 2010

Honestly, I believe the reason behind them not wanting the girls to socialize

outside the social skills group was money. If you're charging $100 per session

per girl for them to spend an hour playing board games why should you encourage

them to meet offsite to go bowling, etc. That's the only rationale I could think

of.

> > >

> > > Hi everyone. I'm a mother to two children with high functioning

> autism. My oldest is 13 and she's been having such a hard time lately.

> She has no friends. She had two friends in our neighborhood. One was her

> friend then decided to go on a campaign to make other kids not want to

> play with my daughter because she was -quote " wierd and dorky " . So my

> daughter became friends with her little sister. Now her sister is

> starting to do the same thing. My daughter is so lonely and desperate

> for a friend that she'll take whatever abuse this girl dishes out. I

> have no idea how to help her. Sports where we live are super

> competitive...obviously a kid with motor skill problems and coordination

> problems and muscle weakness isn't going to make the team. She tries out

> for everything though We've started bringing her to our churches

> middle school group in the hopes that she'll find a buddy. So far not

> too much luck. How do I find a friend for her? I've tried to get her to

> ask a friend home from school or get a group to go bowling. The problem

> is she has no way of recognizing potential friends. She asks the most

> popular kids , and at least they are kind to her, but they do reject

> her. She's an akward kind of nerdy kid. I know there are tons of akward

> nerdy kids in middle school...how do I get her to invite them home

> instead? I'm sure she's not the only kid who's lonely or lacking

> friends. I looked into a social skills group, but it's over an hour away

> and $400 a week. What do I do? Where can I find a friend for my

> daughter?

> > >

> >

>

February 17, 2010

Heartbreaking isn't it. I have been having my 12 year old

try to still do things typical teens would do, just with

me for now. I have her earn points for good behavior and

she can cash them in for typical teen stuff, going to the

mall to pick out an outfit and to lunch with Mom. A movie,

going to the book store. This is a type of behavior therapy too.

My daughter and perhaps yours wants a friend that is very

interested in her special interests. I work on having

her broaden interests. She rarely takes an interest in my interests.

She can even be very impatient. This same behavior applies

to how she responds to her cousins excitement over being in a

play (she is annoyed and indifferent). Oh boy right! This is

a key trait of friendship is to care about what the other

person is talking about. The more they can be flexible about this the more

likely they will be appealing to others. Do you agree?

Pam