Re: Question for all the parents out there

[Guest guest]

I am so use to the strange behaviors that I don't even notice them anymore.

Everyone else around me sees it, but I don't. That's sad.

Barb

[Guest guest]

Well, I am A.S. so I guess I can't add to that, but I can see how it

can happen! I believe it is possible to pick up on things like that.

Absolutely.

*smiles*

B

>

>

> Do any of you ever feel as though you are getting more and more like

> the AS child you are raising?

>

> For instance: " its perfectly obvious to me that he is about to melt

> down, why can't you see this?! "

> ?

>

[Guest guest]

Agree 110%.I frequently become " obsessed " with projects.

I also have OCD tendencies.I have learned to detect a " meltdown "

from 100 miles away.I think being the parent of an AS child has

heightened my sense of awareness.

advocateforaspies <advocateforaspies@...> wrote:

..

>

>

> Do any of you ever feel as though you are getting more and more like

> the AS child you are raising?

>

> For instance: " its perfectly obvious to me that he is about to melt

> down, why can't you see this?! "

> ?

>

---------------------------------

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[Guest guest]

Yes I do. I not only feel my own meltdowns coming (about 2-3 times a year),

but also have discovered I don't want to deal with all the people out there.

THEY don't understand I do not recognize faces in a crowd. Or realize I do not

know whom they are when I run into them in a store. I do much better with

voices than faces. If you see me, talk to me a bit. I may be able to make the

connection. I don't want to be rude, but all the pieces do not connect. I also

have trouble with chitchat. I say my piece and move on. Please do not ask for

my attention to rehash something that I consider already settled. If I don't

agree with something, give me the rulebook and I'll probably find a loophole

that covers my view. If not, I'll go by what it says. It's possible I could be

diagnosed with something. Why bother for me? We have limited resources and I

have found my niche. My child has many years to learn how to adapt. We intend

to help in the process. We may not be

the best role models, but have hired several therapists to help him do better

than I. Coping may be all any of us can ask for. Fitting in is a pipe dream

for many. I hope to teach my child the social cues that make being with people

easier. I just never learned them all. I relate to why my child does what he

does. He takes it further than I ever did. I just hope we are able temper his

responses. After all, what's wrong with going outside and stomping your feet,

going to a quiet spot to cry, or just having a good loud scream? I've done all

of these in the last year.

Lynn

3Question for all the parents out there Posted by: " crateofbeans "

kehecho@... crateofbeans Tue Aug 15, 2006 4:57 pm (PST)

Do any of you ever feel as though you are getting more and more like

the AS child you are raising?

For instance: " its perfectly obvious to me that he is about to melt

down, why can't you see this?! "

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

I tell ya when I first started reading the books for Seth it was

eeiry. It was like reading about myself. I mean, really. I have no

social understanding nor am I interested in gaining any. I have a

horrible time meeting people's eyes. The process is just awful to me.

Especially if it's a person I know, but not well. I can hardly look

at them at all. They're the worst to talk to for me too. If they ask

a question I can't answer the " right way " or something goes wrong with

the conversation I'm totally unable to fix it. I usually end up

standing there in silence for like two minutes then spitting out

something that is apropos to nothing. i am sure that everyone at my

church thinks I am completely insane but it probably wars with their

opinions of my son who will spend two hours hiding under a table if

they change the way the primary sunday school does their opening

exercises. But as I always say, " you gotta love em. " even if they are

a little different.

Amber

>

>

> Yes I do. I not only feel my own meltdowns coming (about 2-3

times a year), but also have discovered I don't want to deal with all

the people out there. THEY don't understand I do not recognize faces

in a crowd. Or realize I do not know whom they are when I run into

them in a store. I do much better with voices than faces. If you see

me, talk to me a bit. I may be able to make the connection. I don't

want to be rude, but all the pieces do not connect. I also have

trouble with chitchat. I say my piece and move on. Please do not ask

for my attention to rehash something that I consider already settled.

If I don't agree with something, give me the rulebook and I'll

probably find a loophole that covers my view. If not, I'll go by what

it says. It's possible I could be diagnosed with something. Why

bother for me? We have limited resources and I have found my niche.

My child has many years to learn how to adapt. We intend to help in

the process. We may not be

> the best role models, but have hired several therapists to help him

do better than I. Coping may be all any of us can ask for. Fitting

in is a pipe dream for many. I hope to teach my child the social cues

that make being with people easier. I just never learned them all. I

relate to why my child does what he does. He takes it further than I

ever did. I just hope we are able temper his responses. After all,

what's wrong with going outside and stomping your feet, going to a

quiet spot to cry, or just having a good loud scream? I've done all

of these in the last year.

> Lynn

>

>

> 3Question for all the parents out there Posted by: " crateofbeans "

kehecho@... crateofbeans Tue Aug 15, 2006 4:57 pm (PST)

>

> Do any of you ever feel as though you are getting more and more like

> the AS child you are raising?

>

> For instance: " its perfectly obvious to me that he is about to melt

> down, why can't you see this?! "

>

>

> __________________________________________________

>

[Guest guest]

Hi,

Yes, but not anywhere remotely as bad as my son. I was always a little

" off " though. I miss social cues and make mistakes, and I yelled a couple times

out of frustration. I went thru a long custody war with my ex because he said

I shouldn't even be around our son and he made up a lot of lies and

exaggerations about me in court, which the judge believed without any Proof (he

said

" just look at her " ). he on the other had didn't care, or spend time, or do any

" parenting " at all, basically because our son was in the way of his busy social

life. I have custody now (which included a 7,000. in depth physiological eval

comparing my abilities to his) and loosing my second husband, and now working

3 jobs. I will never again (which would have been used against me in court

btw) allow a dx or take meds ( I did and they put me in a bad mood). it will

also probably hinder my ability to help my son if the therapists " walk on

eggshells " or they might even recommend foster care if they consider me

disabled.

If you have these kinds of problems you won't have time for a social life

either.

[Guest guest]

Boy you really have been through alot to help your child. Isn't it

amazing what lengths parents will go to, to help their child as much as

possible in life? And worse, we end up with barely no social life of

our own! A very intelligent, nice social worker who works for the state

here, once told me " and don't ever exepct a thank you from your child,

because with AS it simply may never happen. " Not much I can say in

reply to that comment except to keep on keeping on, the way I have

been, in trying to help my child in this world : ) Hats off ! to all

the parents here that I read of, who are constantly trying to help

their kids more, at all odds : )

[Guest guest]

Hey, that is the nicest thing that someone has said to me in a long

time. I don't ever ecpect Logan to say " Mom, you are the greatest and

thanks for all the testing and dr apps. and the time off work and the

therapy appts. that you took me to. It really help me alot. " I know

that the new life with my new husband really has not turned out as I

expected. Now that I am in the later part of my life, I really did

look forward to the " alone, quite time " that newlyweds and

emptynesters get. I know that I made the decision to have a child but

I feel that I got more than my fair share. Logan is a very loving,

very bright child that brings me more joy than I could ever hope for

in a child. The love that gushes out of that child is amazing. He

pushes me to my limit, but makes me more braver and stronger than i

have ever been, every day! What I thought I was my limit, I have left

in the dust. The power that is in all of us to endure and come out on

top. Keep the faith. " This too shall pass. "

>

> Boy you really have been through alot to help your child. Isn't it

> amazing what lengths parents will go to, to help their child as much

as

> possible in life? And worse, we end up with barely no social life of

> our own! A very intelligent, nice social worker who works for the

state

> here, once told me " and don't ever exepct a thank you from your

child,

> because with AS it simply may never happen. " Not much I can say in

> reply to that comment except to keep on keeping on, the way I have

> been, in trying to help my child in this world : ) Hats off ! to all

> the parents here that I read of, who are constantly trying to help

> their kids more, at all odds : )

>

[Guest guest]

Hello again: )

I don't know about the other folks here but, I firmly believe we are

not given more to handle in our lives, than what we are capable of

handling. With that said, my next comment is " butttttt??! " My own

mother thinks I am being prepared for something in the future in His

eyes. Personally I just hope its not much harder than having to see

how my child has been treated by ignorant (un educated in AS field)

people, and how my child has cried and cried and become a " happily "

alone, kind of person now. How many times can a parent's heart be

twisted,shredded and bruised? Thankfully I have stepped in at those

moments when I saw them occur, and spoke to my child quietly,

explaining why people are so " mean " so my child wasn't as hurt

emotionally as could have happened. Sometimes you just have to grab

hold of your child and hang on with a huge bear hug : ) People FEAR

the unknown, therefore we as parents of our special kids need to keep

trying to educate the public.

This is just my own opinion, based on years of raising my special

child : )

Did I mention how extremely proud I am of my child, how well my child

has progressed, adapted and even a tiny bit of conforming? Yeap,

even parents of special kids are proud of their kid's accomplishments!

>

> Hey, that is the nicest thing that someone has said to me in a long

> time. I don't ever ecpect Logan to say " Mom, you are the greatest

and

> thanks for all the testing and dr apps. and the time off work and

the

> therapy appts. that you took me to. It really help me alot. " I

know

> that the new life with my new husband really has not turned out as

I

> expected. Now that I am in the later part of my life, I really did

> look forward to the " alone, quite time " that newlyweds and

> emptynesters get. I know that I made the decision to have a child

but

> I feel that I got more than my fair share. Logan is a very loving,

> very bright child that brings me more joy than I could ever hope

for

> in a child. The love that gushes out of that child is amazing. He

> pushes me to my limit, but makes me more braver and stronger than i

> have ever been, every day! What I thought I was my limit, I have

left

> in the dust. The power that is in all of us to endure and come out

on

> top. Keep the faith. " This too shall pass. "

>

[Guest guest]

>

> Hello again: )

>

> I don't know about the other folks here but, I firmly believe we are

> not given more to handle in our lives, than what we are capable of

> handling.

Lol, I've been greatly overestimated! Sometimes the only thing between

me, and a bottle in a brown bag on the beach, is knowing that I am the

only one

here for my kids. =)

Theresa