A glimmer of hope

[Guest guest]

Thanks to all who sent hugs & encouragement. -- your post gives me

great hope.

My son called this afternoon. It sounds like he's slowly coming to terms

with the fact that his ambitions for this semester weren't realistic. He

said when he spoke to his old counsellor at the psych. day program on

Thursday they talked about how maybe " there's a discrepency between what he

feels he should be doing, and what he's capable of " . The amazing thing to

me was that when he said that, he actually sounded like he was beginning to

understand. Thank God for that counsellor. Somehow she was able to bring

that up without making him feel like a failure. He said what overwhelmed

him last week was his anxiety, and that he's feeling like he's fighting off

slipping back into depression. I told him that I believed that was an

understandable feeling, as he'd had a very emotionally stressful week.

He also brought up the subject that maybe college wasn't for him, as he

maybe wouldn't be able to keep his anxiety under control in those

conditions. - my son too is a bit of a perfectionist, in the sense he

felt if he couldn't maintain at least an 86% average he wasn't doing well

enough. Talk about pressure!

I've tried to reassure him that his Dad and I wouldn't think any less of him

for not getting his degree.

He's talking about looking into real estate, and I believe that might be a

really good alternate, as he's always been very, very good at bargaining,

etc. (Any thoughts on that Jean?)

Anyway, for now he's going to go ahead with just the math class, and his

part-time job. Hopefully his mood will stabilize again and he'll continue

to have good insights into making the right choices at the right time.

I also mentioned to him that I thought he should have a counsellor, or

someone he was talking with, on an ongoing basis for the time being. There

is an anxiety disorders clinic in the area near him, and I suggested he get

his family doc to refer him there.

I too value SO much this group, and the outlet it's given me to share, vent

& gather support from.

Just knowing I'm not alone has been a huge help. Thanks everyone.

Joan

----Original Message Follows----

Reply-To: WTOParentsOfBPs

To: WTOParentsOfBPs

Subject: Re: Too good to be true-Update

Date: Sat, 14 Jan 2006 23:29:00 -0000

>

> Does anyone on this list have an adult child that has

> understood/acknowledged their bpd, and come to terms with it, in

the sense

> of knowing their limits are maybe different from their peers, but

they CAN

> succeed in spite of it?? Just wondering ...

>

> Yes Joan -- Our 29 yr old dtr now understands that she is extremely

sensitive to stress (positive or negative) and is continuing to learn

how to better manage that through the use of DBT skills training and

judicious use of meds. It's not that she has limits to what she can

achieve; she's intelligent and capable. In July 2004, she was unable

to walk 3 blocks to a neighborhood coffee shop by herself because of

anxiety and stress/depression. In June 2005, she traveled to London

and to Spain by herself and had a wonderful time! She still has

major depressive disorder and is on meds for that, but her psy doc

says that she no longer meets the criteria for BPD.

One thing I've noticed re my dtr is that she is very sensitive to

peers and how she measures up to others. Also, very much a

perfectionist in many ways. I think the DBT group has helped her

learn to moderate that as well as begin to see herself as successful

in her own right.

If your son doesn't already have a good psychiatrist he needs to find

one. A family doc or psych day people are probably not equipped to

work with him effectively over the long term. My dtr has a pysdoc

who understands BPD, Depression, Anxiety and approaches it in a

positive way. That, plus attending a DBT group for the past year has

helped her so much.

Take care and have hope! Your son can be helped, just needs to find

the right person/group. 2li

(ps- Ativan is like a sedative and can cause heavy drowsiness. My

dtr found it best to only take it before bedtime).