A few Laughs / Elaine

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 3/18/2006 12:08:39 P.M. Central Standard Time,

helpbpdmom@... writes:

Any good laughs to share, we need to alugh to get past the pain, fear,

hurt, frustration that we all experience living with this condition.

Ok Elaine - you asked for it.... LOL

Toooo quiet on this board! Here's a few jokes (hopefully non-offensive

.......) I sure don't mean to!

Hope everyone enjoys!

Hugs all.....

Blondie

JESUS CAN SEE YOU!

A burglar has just made it into the house he's intending to ransack, and

he's looking around for stuff to steal. All of a sudden, a little voice pipes

up, " I can see you, and so can Jesus! "

Startled, the burglar looks around the room. No one there at all, so he goes

back to his business. " I can see you, and so can Jesus! " The burglar jumps

again, and takes a longer look around the room.

Over in the corner by the window, almost obscured by curtains, is a cage in

which sits a parrot, who pipes up again, " I can see you, and so can Jesus! "

" So what, " says the burglar, you're only a stupid parrot! "

To which the parrot replies, " Maybe so, but 'Jesus' is the rottweiler! "

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DOG GOES TO MOVIES

I went to the cinema the other day and in the front row was an old man and

with him was his dog. It was a sad, funny kind of movie, you know the type.

In the sad part, the dog cried his eyes out, and in the funny part, the dog

laughed its head off. This happened all the way through the movie.

After the movie had ended, I decided to go and speak to the man. " That's the

most amazing thing I've ever seen, " I said. " That dog really seemed to enjoy

the movie. It's remarkable! "

" Yeah, it is, " said the man. " He hated the book. "

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What do you call a fish with no eyes?

A fsh

Two snowmen are standing in a field. One says to the other : " Funny, I smell

carrots too " .

Two peanuts walk into a bar.

One was a salted.

Once upon a time there were two muffins in the microwave. Suddenly, on of

the muffins says:

" Man it's hot in here!!!! "

The other muffin exclaims,

" Look a talking muffin!!!! "

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CATS AND TEENAGERS

For all of you with teenagers or who have had teenagers, or are a teenager,

you may want to know why they really have a lot in common with cats:

1. Neither teenagers nor cats turn their heads when you call them by name.

2. No matter what you do for them, it is not enough. Indeed, all humane

efforts are barely adequate to compensate for the privilege of waiting on them

hand and foot.

3. You rarely see a cat walking outside of the house with an adult human

being, and it can be safely said that no teenager in his or her right mind

wants

to be seen in public with his or her parents.

4. Even if you tell jokes as well as Jay Leno, neither your cat nor your

teen will ever crack a smile.

5. No cat or teenager shares you taste in music.

6. Cats and teenagers can lie on the living-room sofa for hours on end

without moving, barely breathing.

7. Cats have nine lives. Teenagers carry on as if they did.

8. Cats and teenagers yawn in exactly the same manner, communicating that

ultimate human ecstasy -- a sense of complete and utter boredom.

9. Cats and teenagers do not improve anyone's furniture.

10.Cats that are free to roam outside sometimes have been known to return in

the middle of the night to deposit a dead animal in your bedroom.

Thus, if you must raise teenagers, the best sources of advice are not other

parents, but veterinarians. It is also a good idea to keep a guidebook on cats

at hand at all times. And remember, above all else, put out the food and do

not make any sudden moves in their direction. When they make up their minds,

they will finally come to you for some affection and comfort, and it will be

a triumphant moment for all concerned.