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RE: Re: TCU /

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Shanara,

I remember when Liz's episodes were climaxing I showed her 's report

card. C is a bright little girl, and she shared a room with L. She was also

in 2nd grade, and her grades were plumetting. Her report card said all over

it that she had trouble focusing. I told L that her behavior was causing C

to not be able to focus and she reacted as if it was totally unreasonable

for me to make her responsible for this situation. She simply couldn't

understand that her behavior had any kind of effect on others.

I remember she came home and bragged about insulting some customers because

she was standing up for herself, and when she got fired a couple of weeks

later I asked if that might have had something to do with it. Oh, never, not

a chance, in her mind.

They are smart, but they seem to have no idea about the real life issues!

Helen

_____

From: WTOParentsOfBPs

[mailto:WTOParentsOfBPs ] On Behalf Of Summer Sunderland

Sent: Friday, June 02, 2006 2:02 PM

To: WTOParentsOfBPs

Subject: Re: TCU /

Do our kids who suffer with this, KNOW they are doing this to us? Do

you think? Or, are they caught up in it and they don't realize what

they are doing? Anybody?

Shanara

>

>

> That's totally amazing to me that she has a degree in finance.

> Yet her financial life is in shambles! ::: sigh :::: That

doesn't amaze

> me, since there are so many paradoxes with BPD kids.

>

> Yes, TCU is a great school!

> (I'd say that even if I weren't a fellow Texan...) : )

>

> I know what you mean about her reeling you in, and when she hooks

you, she

> picks a fight, and then throws you - floundering, back in the

water. That's

> so classic BPD.

>

> My daughter is 33 now, and has 4 children... 2 of which she is

raising.

> (long story). Mine is an only child also.

>

> So glad you're here !

>

> Welcome, again,

>

> Blondie

>

>

> In a message dated 5/31/2006 3:54:16 P.M. Central Daylight Time,

> lolxoxo444@... writes:

>

> My daughter has a degree in finance from TCU a very good private

school in

> Texas. And my consistent rescue only challenged her to come up

with harder

> problems for me to solve! We didn't pay the IRS.. She was shocked

and I scared

> too.. and that helped her become more responsible (for a while)

but then her

> talks of suicide came back when she got tired of paying on these

bills.

>

> This is the type of HELL we all live with. Don't let the BPD into

your

> savings... the next thing it takes after that is your

marriage...and then your

> sanity! Hold on to your husband and trust his judgement.

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

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To: Helen, Melina, all of you at Support to Parents of BP's

Helen I am grieving over the lack of understanding on the part of my family too.

Yesterday I wrote a message to ask about sending my sister's a copy of the

Walking on Eggshell's Melina gave me some very good advice and she suggested I

go. However I didn't tell her in that short paragraph, the whole story. Here's

part two of my family gathering problem.

I have two younger sisters, one of them is Bipolar. As some of you have noted,

the mental heath professionals call the symptoms we talk about here, Bipolar.

Two psychiatrists and one psychologist told me that my daughters symptoms sound

like Level One Bipolar Mixed, which is the worst degree of Bipolar disorder.

Bipolar One Mixed, will pick a person to demonize when they are in the agitated

depresive state. My sister picks on me! She uses the same strategy and tactics

as my daughter (our kids)... ..isolate ambush, abuse and mistrust, then deny

responsibility. I'm an easy target since my 38 yr old daughter has the family

wondering after telling them for years I abused her. (!) None of the other

family members has ever seen my sisters abuse of me except my husband, from my

end of the phone. My parents know my sister has a problem but they white wash it

saying she can't handle stress. And they push and insist we get along like

normal families.

For the last month my sisters and I have been planning my mother's 80th birthday

party. It's two weeks away. Then two weeks ago my Bipolar sister called and

verbally bullied me to the point I had to hang up. It came the same week as my

daughters abuse and I broke and decided not to go to the party. Both of them

will be there. The rest of my family are no protection or support to me and they

don't want to know about it. It's a no win situation for me but if I don't go

I'm the bad guy! Plus the worst thing... I have no family. But if go and get

abused I always swear I'll never get close enough to let that happen again! Is

it worth it? My husband says visit your parents in the " off season " and kiss the

rest of them goodbye!

What would you do? Thanks for listening... You who are reading this now.. You

are my real sisters!

Re: TCU /

Do our kids who suffer with this, KNOW they are doing this to us? Do

you think? Or, are they caught up in it and they don't realize what

they are doing? Anybody?

Shanara

>

>

> That's totally amazing to me that she has a degree in finance.

> Yet her financial life is in shambles! ::: sigh :::: That

doesn't amaze

> me, since there are so many paradoxes with BPD kids.

>

> Yes, TCU is a great school!

> (I'd say that even if I weren't a fellow Texan...) : )

>

> I know what you mean about her reeling you in, and when she hooks

you, she

> picks a fight, and then throws you - floundering, back in the

water. That's

> so classic BPD.

>

> My daughter is 33 now, and has 4 children... 2 of which she is

raising.

> (long story). Mine is an only child also.

>

> So glad you're here !

>

> Welcome, again,

>

> Blondie

>

>

> In a message dated 5/31/2006 3:54:16 P.M. Central Daylight Time,

> lolxoxo444@... writes:

>

> My daughter has a degree in finance from TCU a very good private

school in

> Texas. And my consistent rescue only challenged her to come up

with harder

> problems for me to solve! We didn't pay the IRS.. She was shocked

and I scared

> too.. and that helped her become more responsible (for a while)

but then her

> talks of suicide came back when she got tired of paying on these

bills.

>

> This is the type of HELL we all live with. Don't let the BPD into

your

> savings... the next thing it takes after that is your

marriage...and then your

> sanity! Hold on to your husband and trust his judgement.

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

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Guest guest

Shanar,

They're into their own world and lack empathy. So, maybe not consciously, I

agree with you they do not realize the impact they have on others.

Besides, they are looking for that reaction from us. That's the payoff -- it

makes their bad behavior all worthwhile.

That's why we change our reactions to them. No payoff -- not so fun anymore.

They can straighten out if they want to.

Carol

-------------- Original message --------------

> Do our kids who suffer with this, KNOW they are doing this to us? Do

> you think? Or, are they caught up in it and they don't realize what

> they are doing? Anybody?

> Shanara

>

>

>

>

> >

> >

> > That's totally amazing to me that she has a degree in finance.

> > Yet her financial life is in shambles! ::: sigh :::: That

> doesn't amaze

> > me, since there are so many paradoxes with BPD kids.

> >

> > Yes, TCU is a great school!

> > (I'd say that even if I weren't a fellow Texan...) : )

> >

> > I know what you mean about her reeling you in, and when she hooks

> you, she

> > picks a fight, and then throws you - floundering, back in the

> water. That's

> > so classic BPD.

> >

> > My daughter is 33 now, and has 4 children... 2 of which she is

> raising.

> > (long story). Mine is an only child also.

> >

> > So glad you're here !

> >

> > Welcome, again,

> >

> > Blondie

> >

> >

> > In a message dated 5/31/2006 3:54:16 P.M. Central Daylight Time,

> > lolxoxo444@... writes:

> >

> > My daughter has a degree in finance from TCU a very good private

> school in

> > Texas. And my consistent rescue only challenged her to come up

> with harder

> > problems for me to solve! We didn't pay the IRS.. She was shocked

> and I scared

> > too.. and that helped her become more responsible (for a while)

> but then her

> > talks of suicide came back when she got tired of paying on these

> bills.

> >

> > This is the type of HELL we all live with. Don't let the BPD into

> your

> > savings... the next thing it takes after that is your

> marriage...and then your

> > sanity! Hold on to your husband and trust his judgement.

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

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Guest guest

, I really don't know what I would do.

I would really want to be there for my mother's birthday party, because that

would be important to her. At 80 years old, I wouldn't want her to start to

worry about things that she can't do anything about. I wonder whether you

can stage this so that you are never alone. Is there someone who your sister

and your daughter wouldn't dream of abusing you in front of? I found that

when and I faced Liz together every time, consistently, she became

less abusive to me because she knew wouldn't stand for it, and she

wouldn't be able to convince him it didn't happen. Maybe you can find

someone to be your " shadow/bodyguard " in that setting. Does that make sense?

Maybe even a couple of people you can trust. Your husband could be one of

them. Then, if abuse happens, you can find some way to remove yourself from

the situation. I wouldn't make anything up, but things like that are

migraine triggers for me and I would probably mention that and leave instead

of ignoring it.

I hope that makes sense! Let us know how it goes! I have found that if our

daughter has an audience of more than the person she wants to abuse, and

also is on a structured setting and planned activities are happening there

is a lot less chance of that kind of thing.

Let us know what you decide, and how it goes! I just think if you decide not

to go you will face just as much trouble as if you go.

Helen

_____

From: WTOParentsOfBPs

[mailto:WTOParentsOfBPs ] On Behalf Of Randel

Sent: Friday, June 02, 2006 6:50 PM

To: WTOParentsOfBPs

Subject: Re: Re: TCU /

To: Helen, Melina, all of you at Support to Parents of BP's

Helen I am grieving over the lack of understanding on the part of my family

too. Yesterday I wrote a message to ask about sending my sister's a copy of

the Walking on Eggshell's Melina gave me some very good advice and she

suggested I go. However I didn't tell her in that short paragraph, the whole

story. Here's part two of my family gathering problem.

I have two younger sisters, one of them is Bipolar. As some of you have

noted, the mental heath professionals call the symptoms we talk about here,

Bipolar. Two psychiatrists and one psychologist told me that my daughters

symptoms sound like Level One Bipolar Mixed, which is the worst degree of

Bipolar disorder. Bipolar One Mixed, will pick a person to demonize when

they are in the agitated depresive state. My sister picks on me! She uses

the same strategy and tactics as my daughter (our kids)... ..isolate ambush,

abuse and mistrust, then deny responsibility. I'm an easy target since my 38

yr old daughter has the family wondering after telling them for years I

abused her. (!) None of the other family members has ever seen my sisters

abuse of me except my husband, from my end of the phone. My parents know my

sister has a problem but they white wash it saying she can't handle stress.

And they push and insist we get along like normal families.

For the last month my sisters and I have been planning my mother's 80th

birthday party. It's two weeks away. Then two weeks ago my Bipolar sister

called and verbally bullied me to the point I had to hang up. It came the

same week as my daughters abuse and I broke and decided not to go to the

party. Both of them will be there. The rest of my family are no protection

or support to me and they don't want to know about it. It's a no win

situation for me but if I don't go I'm the bad guy! Plus the worst thing...

I have no family. But if go and get abused I always swear I'll never get

close enough to let that happen again! Is it worth it? My husband says visit

your parents in the " off season " and kiss the rest of them goodbye!

What would you do? Thanks for listening... You who are reading this now..

You are my real sisters!

Re: TCU /

Do our kids who suffer with this, KNOW they are doing this to us? Do

you think? Or, are they caught up in it and they don't realize what

they are doing? Anybody?

Shanara

>

>

> That's totally amazing to me that she has a degree in finance.

> Yet her financial life is in shambles! ::: sigh :::: That

doesn't amaze

> me, since there are so many paradoxes with BPD kids.

>

> Yes, TCU is a great school!

> (I'd say that even if I weren't a fellow Texan...) : )

>

> I know what you mean about her reeling you in, and when she hooks

you, she

> picks a fight, and then throws you - floundering, back in the

water. That's

> so classic BPD.

>

> My daughter is 33 now, and has 4 children... 2 of which she is

raising.

> (long story). Mine is an only child also.

>

> So glad you're here !

>

> Welcome, again,

>

> Blondie

>

>

> In a message dated 5/31/2006 3:54:16 P.M. Central Daylight Time,

> lolxoxo444@... writes:

>

> My daughter has a degree in finance from TCU a very good private

school in

> Texas. And my consistent rescue only challenged her to come up

with harder

> problems for me to solve! We didn't pay the IRS.. She was shocked

and I scared

> too.. and that helped her become more responsible (for a while)

but then her

> talks of suicide came back when she got tired of paying on these

bills.

>

> This is the type of HELL we all live with. Don't let the BPD into

your

> savings... the next thing it takes after that is your

marriage...and then your

> sanity! Hold on to your husband and trust his judgement.

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

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