Re: Had It Up To My Eyeballs

[Guest guest]

I have had it with my daughter. Her mortgage payment is due this month and

she has no where enough to pay it. Her mind is so taken up by that dirtbag

husband of hers that she cannot put the trype of effort needed into her real

estate. She is waitresing, but that doesn't take a whole lot of thought--at

least not how she does it.

Her husband's girlfriend has been calling her cell at all hours of the night

and so has he. The games they are all playing (daughter included) turn my

stomach. Hubby showed up at her house a 5:00am yesterday morning to ask her

if she wanted to shack up with him. He brought Dunkin Donuts muffins and

donuts. She SAID she didn't let him in. Told him he looked like crap---he is

dirty, grey in color, hasn't washed his hair in weeks or at least that is how

it looks. (I saw him in town last week). He makes a homeless oerson look

spiffy !!

She was crying and I mean crying to me that she just can't take

anymore---hubby's girlfriend is text messaging her (she is 43) and leaving

messages on

daughter's cell to the effect of what she and my daughter's dirtbag do in bed.

I told my daughter to call the police and tell then, both idiots are

harrassing her. But she won't do it. I know she really wants him back even

though

he is high, gross, filthy and jobless and probably has AIDS by now.

ANy suggestions? I hung up on her a few hours ago after telling her SHE

turns my stomach almost as much as her husband does. I told her if she put as

much effort into real estate as she does into this adolescent bull crap, maybe

she wouldn't have her kids be homeless soon.

Jean

[Guest guest]

Kelley

Are you new or are you trhe same Kelley from Kentucky? In any event, thanks

for the imput.

Jean

[Guest guest]

if it were me, i would speak with her about general topics and if she brought up

her situation about husband, his g/f, the mortgage, lack of money, etc, i would

tell her that i had to go and end the conversation. i would do this

consistently, each and every time i spoke with her. i would also limit my

conversations with her to ONE time per day. really, how many times a day do

most parents speak to their ADULT children. every day? once a week?

i know you are worried about your grandsons. if and when the times comes, you

will do what you feel is necessary to protect them. if she does not have the

money to pay her mortgage, i guess it will not be paid.

kelley

cascorsam@... wrote:

I have had it with my daughter. Her mortgage payment is due this month

and

she has no where enough to pay it. Her mind is so taken up by that dirtbag

husband of hers that she cannot put the trype of effort needed into her real

estate. She is waitresing, but that doesn't take a whole lot of thought--at

least not how she does it.

Her husband's girlfriend has been calling her cell at all hours of the night

and so has he. The games they are all playing (daughter included) turn my

stomach. Hubby showed up at her house a 5:00am yesterday morning to ask her

if she wanted to shack up with him. He brought Dunkin Donuts muffins and

donuts. She SAID she didn't let him in. Told him he looked like crap---he is

dirty, grey in color, hasn't washed his hair in weeks or at least that is how

it looks. (I saw him in town last week). He makes a homeless oerson look

spiffy !!

She was crying and I mean crying to me that she just can't take

anymore---hubby's girlfriend is text messaging her (she is 43) and leaving

messages on

daughter's cell to the effect of what she and my daughter's dirtbag do in bed.

I told my daughter to call the police and tell then, both idiots are

harrassing her. But she won't do it. I know she really wants him back even

though

he is high, gross, filthy and jobless and probably has AIDS by now.

ANy suggestions? I hung up on her a few hours ago after telling her SHE

turns my stomach almost as much as her husband does. I told her if she put as

much effort into real estate as she does into this adolescent bull crap, maybe

she wouldn't have her kids be homeless soon.

Jean

[Guest guest]

Jean,

Maybe it's time to just cut her loose. I guess she knows what she should do

- report the harassment calls, ditch the dirtbag, etc., but she won't do it.

I have a friend from church who works in the Mass. Dept. of Transitional

Assistance, and I've had contact with homeless shelters before all this

stuff happened to me, so I really trust those folks to offer the resources

people need to get stabilized in their work situation, etc. In May it will

be a year since I actually dropped my daughter off at a homeless shelter.

She only spent one night there - she begged her husband to take her back,

and he did so way too soon, in my opinion. He should have used that leverage

to force her into treatment. I told him so, and he didn't do that. Oh, well,

he's got his own set of problems, but my daughter makes him look really

stable!

Anyway, I have concluded a long time ago that what my daughter needs isn't

my money, rides, etc., but to be forced to follow through with school, work,

etc., to organize her life. She won't hear that from me - from her family,

she expects enabling - but when she got on welfare and they signed her up

for a class, she actually went to it, did well enough to get a B average

(she tells me - you never really know), and then had to look for work. I

don't know if she found work yet - a month ago she hadn't done so yet, but

that's up to her. She now knows she has the academic tools to do so. What

she's lacking is the ability to actually get the job...

I'd just not answer the phone a whole lot right now. Do you have caller ID?

Is there a counseling center you can refer her to when she calls with this

kind of issue, saying " Look, talking to me about this is not helpful. Here's

a number for you to call. " , or something like that?

I hope things get better for you!

Helen

_____

From: WTOParentsOfBPs

[mailto:WTOParentsOfBPs ] On Behalf Of cascorsam@...

Sent: Thursday, June 15, 2006 12:31 PM

To: WTOParentsOfBPs

Subject: Re: Had It Up To My Eyeballs

I have had it with my daughter. Her mortgage payment is due this month and

she has no where enough to pay it. Her mind is so taken up by that dirtbag

husband of hers that she cannot put the trype of effort needed into her real

estate. She is waitresing, but that doesn't take a whole lot of thought--at

least not how she does it.

Her husband's girlfriend has been calling her cell at all hours of the night

and so has he. The games they are all playing (daughter included) turn my

stomach. Hubby showed up at her house a 5:00am yesterday morning to ask her

if she wanted to shack up with him. He brought Dunkin Donuts muffins and

donuts. She SAID she didn't let him in. Told him he looked like crap---he is

dirty, grey in color, hasn't washed his hair in weeks or at least that is

how

it looks. (I saw him in town last week). He makes a homeless oerson look

spiffy !!

She was crying and I mean crying to me that she just can't take

anymore---hubby's girlfriend is text messaging her (she is 43) and leaving

messages on

daughter's cell to the effect of what she and my daughter's dirtbag do in

bed.

I told my daughter to call the police and tell then, both idiots are

harrassing her. But she won't do it. I know she really wants him back even

though

he is high, gross, filthy and jobless and probably has AIDS by now.

ANy suggestions? I hung up on her a few hours ago after telling her SHE

turns my stomach almost as much as her husband does. I told her if she put

as

much effort into real estate as she does into this adolescent bull crap,

maybe

she wouldn't have her kids be homeless soon.

Jean

[Guest guest]

Hey Jean --

Same Kelley from KY. I got that stupid virus and had to unsubscribe as

Kerk0522 and resubscribe under a new yahoo email address. What a pain!

Kelley

cascorsam@... wrote:

Kelley

Are you new or are you trhe same Kelley from Kentucky? In any event, thanks

for the imput.

Jean

[Guest guest]

Hi Jean,

I'm sorry the situation has accelerated again. My recommendation (if K will do

it) is to change cell numbers.

I am sorry you told her those things in closing. It's our job as parents to

listen!

Carol

-------------- Original message --------------

From: cascorsam@...

I have had it with my daughter. Her mortgage payment is due this month and

she has no where enough to pay it. Her mind is so taken up by that dirtbag

husband of hers that she cannot put the trype of effort needed into her real

estate. She is waitresing, but that doesn't take a whole lot of thought--at

least not how she does it.

Her husband's girlfriend has been calling her cell at all hours of the night

and so has he. The games they are all playing (daughter included) turn my

stomach. Hubby showed up at her house a 5:00am yesterday morning to ask her

if she wanted to shack up with him. He brought Dunkin Donuts muffins and

donuts. She SAID she didn't let him in. Told him he looked like crap---he is

dirty, grey in color, hasn't washed his hair in weeks or at least that is how

it looks. (I saw him in town last week). He makes a homeless oerson look

spiffy !!

She was crying and I mean crying to me that she just can't take

anymore---hubby's girlfriend is text messaging her (she is 43) and leaving

messages on

daughter's cell to the effect of what she and my daughter's dirtbag do in bed.

I told my daughter to call the police and tell then, both idiots are

harrassing her. But she won't do it. I know she really wants him back even

though

he is high, gross, filthy and jobless and probably has AIDS by now.

ANy suggestions? I hung up on her a few hours ago after telling her SHE

turns my stomach almost as much as her husband does. I told her if she put as

much effort into real estate as she does into this adolescent bull crap, maybe

she wouldn't have her kids be homeless soon.

Jean

[Guest guest]

Yikes. Sounds like she has pushed you to the brink. It might be good to let

her get behind on her payment and let that be the issue she worry's about

instead of the gross husband. It might be good for her to sink or swim. It is

really easier to say than do but she needs to know she can make it on her own.

There is no promise tat you will always be there to bail her out so you might

as well let her start discovering this now.

I'm sad that you were so upset that your phone call ended so badly. I am

sure you couldn't handle one more thing and just let the words fly. I hate it

when that happens. One time I told my daughter she made me wish I was dead.

Isn't that awful? I at that point and that moment truly had been under so much

stress from her that death looked good. Hang in there, Tonya

In a message dated 6/16/2006 8:09:28 P.M. Central Standard Time,

bluejay_01@... writes:

ANy suggestions? I hung up on her a few hours ago after telling her SHE

turns my stomach almost as much as her husband does. I told her if she put

as

much effort into real estate as she does into this adolescent bull crap,

maybe

she wouldn't have her kids be homeless soon.

Jean

[Guest guest]

I haven't had much time lately to post -- but I do try to keep up with the

happenings. Jean, a thought came to my mind when I read your most recent

posts. It seems to me that our bpd children will continually use us to gain

whatever they're in need of at any given moment.

Until they gain some insight into their disorder & behaviours, this just

seems to be second nature to them. It's only as they begin to recover that

they can develop some empathy & understanding as to how much we've bent over

backwards for them. Until they reach this point, they *will* literally run

us into the ground if we let them. (Patricica, you also come to my mind

when I say this).

For it's a bit different because her daughter is still a minor, and

as her mother she may have some legal responsibilites to fulfill. But for

you, Jean, maybe it's time to come to the realization that until K wants

help enough for herself, she won't change. She'll continue to " use " you,

because she

can only care about her own wants, needs & feelings. That's just part &

parcel of a bp. She's not deliberately trying to disappoint or disgust you.

Will she ever change? Who knows. Can YOU change your reactions to her

demands? Absolutely!!!

Boundaries need to be set regarding babysitting. If you're only comfortable

with the older two, then put your foot down & tell her that.

Please don't chip in to help rescue her with her mortgage. She could just

as easily turn around and take Will back, and then I know you'd be fit to be

tied. I know you love your grandchildren, and want them brought up in a

good part of town. But at what price??? Your own mental health??

Those children need you in their life. I believe the best thing you can to

is to be a stabilizing influence in their lives. Be " there " for them, be

consistant, be as involved as you're able to be. If they have to move it

won't be the end of the world for them, and possibly a crisis such as that

would force K to look at her choices in life.

Hang in there .... you're one " tough broad " (said with respect!!!) I know

you'll do what's right for you.

Joan

----Original Message Follows----

From: bosoxfan199@...

Reply-To: WTOParentsOfBPs

To: WTOParentsOfBPs

Subject: Re: Had It Up To My Eyeballs

Date: Thu, 15 Jun 2006 18:35:08 +0000

Hi Jean,

I'm sorry the situation has accelerated again. My recommendation (if K will

do it) is to change cell numbers.

I am sorry you told her those things in closing. It's our job as parents to

listen!

Carol

-------------- Original message --------------

From: cascorsam@...

I have had it with my daughter. Her mortgage payment is due this month and

she has no where enough to pay it. Her mind is so taken up by that dirtbag

husband of hers that she cannot put the trype of effort needed into her real

estate. She is waitresing, but that doesn't take a whole lot of thought--at

least not how she does it.

Her husband's girlfriend has been calling her cell at all hours of the night

and so has he. The games they are all playing (daughter included) turn my

stomach. Hubby showed up at her house a 5:00am yesterday morning to ask her

if she wanted to shack up with him. He brought Dunkin Donuts muffins and

donuts. She SAID she didn't let him in. Told him he looked like crap---he is

dirty, grey in color, hasn't washed his hair in weeks or at least that is

how

it looks. (I saw him in town last week). He makes a homeless oerson look

spiffy !!

She was crying and I mean crying to me that she just can't take

anymore---hubby's girlfriend is text messaging her (she is 43) and leaving

messages on

daughter's cell to the effect of what she and my daughter's dirtbag do in

bed.

I told my daughter to call the police and tell then, both idiots are

harrassing her. But she won't do it. I know she really wants him back even

though

he is high, gross, filthy and jobless and probably has AIDS by now.

ANy suggestions? I hung up on her a few hours ago after telling her SHE

turns my stomach almost as much as her husband does. I told her if she put

as

much effort into real estate as she does into this adolescent bull crap,

maybe

she wouldn't have her kids be homeless soon.

Jean

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 6/15/2006 12:43:23 PM Eastern Standard Time,

cascorsam@... writes:

I told my daughter to call the police and tell then, both idiots are

harrassing her. But she won't do it. I know she really wants him back even

though

he is high, gross, filthy and jobless and probably has AIDS by now.

ANy suggestions? I hung up on her a few hours ago after telling her SHE

turns my stomach almost as much as her husband does. I told her if she put as

much effort into real estate as she does into this adolescent bull crap,

maybe

she wouldn't have her kids be homeless soon.

Jean

Jean, why in the world is she answering the phone anyway? Why doesn't she

just change her cell number, or block calls from theirs? Man, she needs to get

a grip.

DebbieL