Re: Seeing it in writing-having a hard time.

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 1/10/2006 11:12:50 A.M. Central Standard Time,

Barbara.T.Mellert@... writes:

Hi Dawn - I know I've felt just the same way you do. It seems to

happen every time I look at Sam's audiogram (my younger son). It's just

unbelievable to me how bad his hearing is! For me, I know I go through

" layers " with my boys' hearing loss. When Sam was first diagnosed (at

15 months of age), all I remember hearing our audiologist say is " I have

bad news " . Months later we were hiking with Sam and Tom's SLP. Sam was

babbling away. Our SLP looked so pleased with herself and said " Listen

to him talk - and he's profoundly deaf! " . I remember thinking " whoa -

profoundly deaf! I didn't know that! " . Of course I can read an

audiogram as well as the next person but I don't think my heart had

caught up until then. I know for the longest time I'd walk up behind my

boys and see their hearing aids on their ears and feel so sad... I

don't feel sad any longer so I think you do get there.

Hi Barbara,

I agree with you on this. is now 12. She was born with

normal hearing in her right ear (profound in the left) and it stayed that way

until she was seven. No matter how much time goes by it still bothers me when

she has a drop, and now that she is older I really see it bothering her more

and more. She now has in implant in her left ear and still uses a hearing aid

in her right ear and does great with it.

Her right ear has been stable for the past 3 years, but now is

starting to drop rapidly again. It is so sad when she says things like she used

to

be able to hear our dog bark, but can't now (she can with her implant). This

recent drop is really bothering her (and me). She does make me laugh though.

She is already wondering if she is a candidate for a bilaterally implant

now, but then said this is not how she wanted to get it. I keep asking her how

she ever thought she would qualify. Oh well it is always something.

Cathy

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 1/10/2006 11:47:48 A.M. Eastern Standard Time,

dawnandchildren@... writes:

He is handling this better than I am at this point.

Just venting......

Dawn

It's been over 8 years for us and honestly, Ian is still handling this

better than I am. We've intentionally presented every in a very matter-of-fact

way, we've always done it that way to make things less traumatic, less stress

filled. And it's worked well for us. But there are still days when everything

seems so hard to me, when the mommy-guilt comes back in some form.

At the beginning I use to stand in the doorway of my son's room, watch him

sleep and just cry. Nothing specific was bothering, it was just emotional

venting. So, believe it or not, you're doing just fine, even though it feels

incredibly sad.

It's a process -- as we've often said on this list, go easy on yourself.

Best -- Jill

[Guest guest]

Hi Dawn - I know I've felt just the same way you do. It seems to

happen every time I look at Sam's audiogram (my younger son). It's just

unbelievable to me how bad his hearing is! For me, I know I go through

" layers " with my boys' hearing loss. When Sam was first diagnosed (at

15 months of age), all I remember hearing our audiologist say is " I have

bad news " . Months later we were hiking with Sam and Tom's SLP. Sam was

babbling away. Our SLP looked so pleased with herself and said " Listen

to him talk - and he's profoundly deaf! " . I remember thinking " whoa -

profoundly deaf! I didn't know that! " . Of course I can read an

audiogram as well as the next person but I don't think my heart had

caught up until then. I know for the longest time I'd walk up behind my

boys and see their hearing aids on their ears and feel so sad... I

don't feel sad any longer so I think you do get there.

so be gentle with yourself! And keep on venting.

Hugs,

Barbara

dawnandchildren@... wrote:

>I just got the written report on my son's evaluation for both his hearing loss

and his special ed testing. Even though I knew what was in the reports before

they were written, it just seems harder to handle it all when it is put into

writing and I read the results. I was crying as I read all that they have found

so far and what he has already gone through with his surgeries. I know that

it's all part of the healing/acceptance/grief process, but knowing this doesn't

lessen the sadness I feel at this moment. I look at little Cody and see how

well he is adjusting to having lost half of his hearing and I thank God that he

is doing as well as he is. He is handling this better than I am at this point.

>

>Just venting......

>

>Dawn

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

dawnandchildren@... wrote: <<I know that it's all part of the

healing/acceptance/grief process, but knowing this doesn't lessen the sadness I

feel at this moment. >>

Hi, Dawn.

I don't think logic can ever lessen our emotional reaction. I feel the same

way ... I'm rational and I know that I'm in this process, but as you say that

doesn't make it any easier. We're relatively new to all this too, and some days

when Emmett turns and asks me " What did you say? " it breaks my heart. He never

sees me cry, but I do, in spurts. It's good to vent, and I have found this to be

the best place for that. My husband " gets " it but no one else we know does. They

don't realize that I don't need consolation. I just need to vent!

Wishing you an easier time of it,

johanna

---------------------------------

Yahoo! Photos – Showcase holiday pictures in hardcover

Photo Books. You design it and we’ll bind it!

[Guest guest]

At the beginning I use to stand in the doorway of my son's room, watch him

sleep and just cry. Nothing specific was bothering, it was just emotional

venting.

Jill,

I do that. I love to watch this little guy sleep. He looks just like an angel

and I feel so blessed to have him in my life. Sometimes I am so overcome with

love for him that it hurts to see him suffer so much. I know that he will pull

through anything that is handed to him. Me, I'm not so sure.....

Dawn

-------------- Original message ----------------------

From: JillcWood@...

[Guest guest]

At the beginning I use to stand in the doorway of my son's room, watch him

sleep and just cry. Nothing specific was bothering, it was just emotional

venting.

Jill,

I do that. I love to watch this little guy sleep. He looks just like an angel

and I feel so blessed to have him in my life. Sometimes I am so overcome with

love for him that it hurts to see him suffer so much. I know that he will pull

through anything that is handed to him. Me, I'm not so sure.....

Dawn

-------------- Original message ----------------------

From: JillcWood@...

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 1/11/2006 12:13:41 A.M. Eastern Standard Time,

dawnandchildren@... writes:

Me, I'm not so sure.....

Dawn

I am. You're going to be fine.

I know because you're recognizing what is happening for you. That's half the

battle right there. If you were denying the pain and sadness, I'd be

worried. I'm not suggesting that you nurture the pain or wallow in it, but

feeling

it and moving through it is an awful but necessary thing. And if it gets too

overwhelming, then you need to get some help for yourself. It's very helpful,

many of us on this list have done it.

For a while, when Ian was first born and I was facing/dealing with surgery

for our 6-week-old baby, I functioned on caffeine and auto-pilot. The fear was

overwhelming when I let it in, so I refused to acknowledge it. My husband

was supportive and wonderful, but in the same state. Once the surgery was over

and our son was okay, we simply collapsed for a couple weeks. We were

emotionally and physically exhausted. We circled the wagons, didn't go out or

see

friends at all, unless they dropped by.

Do I recommend that? No, never. But it was the only way I knew to cope at

the time. Looking back I wish I'd had the strength to deal more directly with it

all, but I didn't. My best friend was a lifesaver back then, she recognized

what was going on and didn't go away. I have to give her a great deal of

credit for helping me deal when I didn't know how. When we found out about

Ian's

hearing loss, it was round 2 for us in dealing with a health crisis. I was

better prepared the second time around, and even then it was really rough.

Best -- Jill

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 1/11/2006 12:13:41 A.M. Eastern Standard Time,

dawnandchildren@... writes:

Me, I'm not so sure.....

Dawn

I am. You're going to be fine.

I know because you're recognizing what is happening for you. That's half the

battle right there. If you were denying the pain and sadness, I'd be

worried. I'm not suggesting that you nurture the pain or wallow in it, but

feeling

it and moving through it is an awful but necessary thing. And if it gets too

overwhelming, then you need to get some help for yourself. It's very helpful,

many of us on this list have done it.

For a while, when Ian was first born and I was facing/dealing with surgery

for our 6-week-old baby, I functioned on caffeine and auto-pilot. The fear was

overwhelming when I let it in, so I refused to acknowledge it. My husband

was supportive and wonderful, but in the same state. Once the surgery was over

and our son was okay, we simply collapsed for a couple weeks. We were

emotionally and physically exhausted. We circled the wagons, didn't go out or

see

friends at all, unless they dropped by.

Do I recommend that? No, never. But it was the only way I knew to cope at

the time. Looking back I wish I'd had the strength to deal more directly with it

all, but I didn't. My best friend was a lifesaver back then, she recognized

what was going on and didn't go away. I have to give her a great deal of

credit for helping me deal when I didn't know how. When we found out about

Ian's

hearing loss, it was round 2 for us in dealing with a health crisis. I was

better prepared the second time around, and even then it was really rough.

Best -- Jill

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 1/11/2006 12:13:41 A.M. Eastern Standard Time,

dawnandchildren@... writes:

Me, I'm not so sure.....

Dawn

I am. You're going to be fine.

I know because you're recognizing what is happening for you. That's half the

battle right there. If you were denying the pain and sadness, I'd be

worried. I'm not suggesting that you nurture the pain or wallow in it, but

feeling

it and moving through it is an awful but necessary thing. And if it gets too

overwhelming, then you need to get some help for yourself. It's very helpful,

many of us on this list have done it.

For a while, when Ian was first born and I was facing/dealing with surgery

for our 6-week-old baby, I functioned on caffeine and auto-pilot. The fear was

overwhelming when I let it in, so I refused to acknowledge it. My husband

was supportive and wonderful, but in the same state. Once the surgery was over

and our son was okay, we simply collapsed for a couple weeks. We were

emotionally and physically exhausted. We circled the wagons, didn't go out or

see

friends at all, unless they dropped by.

Do I recommend that? No, never. But it was the only way I knew to cope at

the time. Looking back I wish I'd had the strength to deal more directly with it

all, but I didn't. My best friend was a lifesaver back then, she recognized

what was going on and didn't go away. I have to give her a great deal of

credit for helping me deal when I didn't know how. When we found out about

Ian's

hearing loss, it was round 2 for us in dealing with a health crisis. I was

better prepared the second time around, and even then it was really rough.

Best -- Jill