Re: Our Feisty (by Topper, long and with tears)

September 17, 2006

I got this post just before going to bed Friday night... so, of course, I went to sleep thinking about .... I got up yesterday morning.... and went looking for her pics... the album she had set up in our group is still there, Meleese spotted it too. There is a shot of just here, but after googling for quite a while, it's not to be found.. but I found a lot of other stuff... posts that she'd made over the years to other groups, and a lot of comments and such from her friends about her both before and after she passed.

and I met in another group. I was going through a bad time (thyroid health related... was falling down that night, couldn't stand up) and found a support group online that particular night.. the gals there were great, they triaged me through a series of emails that night and we figured out what was going on with me. The group was for immune disorders, there just weren't any good thyroid groups back then, that was just before Christmas in '02. Anyway, and I both were dealing with thyroid problems, and not having found any good groups yet and both been thinking of starting a group specializing in thyroid.. but both of us were chicken to do it on our own... so.. we started to talking... In less than 24 hours we had name picked out and things roughed out an had our group on line!!! That's this group.... Our first.

I'm in Minnesota, was in Texas. We talked a LOT about me going down to see her, we just never got around to coming up with a way to pay for it..... but it was something that we both wanted... to meet face to face and spend some time gabbin... I wish we'd done that... found a way.

crap.. now I'm gonna cry again... I did that most of yesterday. I miss her.

It was so easy to work with her. We had the same thoughts on so many things. It was like we could read each others thoughts or something. Policy here was so easy to set up and for us to follow cuz we both knew how the other felt.. there was no arguing or anything about what was right and what wasn't... we both thought so much alike... a basic common sense philosophy, I think, so there wasn't a whole lot of ego in anything... things are basically right.. or wrong... I dont' know how to explain that...

So.. this group started on January 15th of 2003.... during the next few months we worked on ideas for a website, and did that, and several more groups... and did those. The other groups are very quiet, just about shutting down in the summer time... but I want to work on that...

I miss gabbing with her in IM every morning. The last few months she was online less and less. She just wasn't feeling well. Her docs were being poops. Not caring much for how she was feeling. She felt very alone with all of that.

Yesterday, in my searchings, I found a post that she made just before Christmas.. that one really had me balling.... how so very alone she felt... her family wasn't the greatest, her mom and all of that is a soap opera. She missed all her friends from Vegas.... I can't remember why it was she moved from Vegas to Texas... it might be because Leon, her hubby wanted to move. Leon... she loved him very much... I don't remember how long there were married... I think it was less than 10 years... but I'm not sure. I've talked with him on the phone a couple of times.. as I have with .. but mostly it was IM and email.

always sent me cards... for my bday.. for Christmas... for the anniversary of this group... and the website, she'd stick a dollar or two in each one, for the lottery, for the clinic... and a few times just for being her 'pard'... .that's what she always called me.. her 'bestest pard'. She is the one that came up with our owner's tag line...... Proud Group Co-Owner. I was using Proud Group Owner for a few months after she passed.. but it reminds me so much of her to sign it that way.. it makes me sad. She is still listed as a member of the group. Now as a moderator since others have access to her account, but she's still here.

We set up a discussion group where she and I could conduct our 'business' concerning the groups and website and such. We have a thousand or more posts there between us... and I haven't been able to bring myself to delete the group, and all our posts....

We came up with a dream.. our first year. To build a clinic. A very special clinic. Incorporating my designs for the building and grounds along with hers. We agreed on EVERYTHING about it... but for one thing... where to build.... she loves the warmer south... I love the green and wild north... we teased a lot about picking a state somewhere between.....

I still want to do the clinic... I actually got some work in this week and blew a dollar on lottery ticket Friday afternoon, for last night's drawing... I used my Bday, 's Bday (which is the launch date of the Phoenix site, it was my Bday present to her that year to launch the site on her day), and the start date for this group... but it didn't win.... If anyone wants to buy lottery tickets for the clinic... do it... we NEED a clinic.

Our dream is that it specialize in Thyroid, adrenal and lymphedema care ( had lymph, hospitalized twice with complications). We'd fly people in from all over the US to see our docs, who would be GOOD docs in thyroid and adrenal care. To have labs, counseling, follow up care and appropriate prescriptions. No more dealing with half baked labs, and underdosed meds and ridicule and ignorance. We'd also have therapists to help with lymph....

The clinic will be set up to be as self contained as possible... for several reasons. By growing our own food (solar greenhouse and outdoor growing beds) we save a ton of money on the cost of feeding everyone, provide physical therapy for those that need to learn to get their hypo bodies into motion again and start building strength and endurance... and to keep over all costs down.. The more food we can produce ourselves.. the more climate control we can do off grid.. the more money we have available to fly in patients and treat them... whether they have insurance or not.

Also... this part we both loved...... folks that don't have money and just can't afford to come.. the ones that can't take charity and who just can't accept the 'gift' of coming for good care..... well... they come anyway ... and work for their care.... working in the gardens or greenhouse, working in the kitchen.. doing research, teaching classes, leading a support group on site... whatever they can do... they get to do to earn their keep..... and keep costs down... leaving more money available to help others.

Sigh.. I can go on for hours and hours and hours on all the ideas and dreams that she and I talked about over the years..... Someday... it will be... Someday.... The ThyroPhoenix Clinic.

Last January... hadn't been on line at all for a couple of days.. and hadn't been posting.. I was getting worried and wasn't sure how 'butt in ski' I should be. We'd just had our group anniversary party on the 15th.. she'd been up and excited about that.... Then I saw the first post. I was going to look up the who and exactly which day.. but I can't... I'll cry again... I don't want to cry.

The post was that had passed, from a heart attack. Over the next couple of days we got more of the details, as Leon and his son ('s step son) were able to pass on more info.

She'd had a funny stomach that day... Can't remember if there was back pain too, or not.. but she had some alkaselzer at one point and went to bed, hoping to feel better... but it wasn't getting any better and she ended up asking Leon to call 911. By the time that they got there, she was gone.

Just like that.

Now.. have to think of happier things.

She loved root beer and cheese...

She loved to order out for Chinese and pizza

She loved flowers, and wanted a section of the greenhouse in our clinic to be for cutting flowers, to have fresh flowers all over the place.

She loved critters, the dog in the pictures at the group site was a foundling that she took in.... some ape put out poison and she lost her friend... that hurt her bad.

She loved the color green.

She loved to be warm.

She loved Las Vegas

She was VERY loyal to her friends.

She dreamed of having a garden tub... we have one in the drawings for the clinic.. and it will still be included, in remembrance of her.

She got so silly every time we talked of the mascot we planned for the clinic... a pot bellied pig that we will name Armour.....

One of the very few things that she insisted on for the clinic was a library.... it's designed for her.... it's small.. with just a couple of big soft comfy chairs.... a place for just one or two people to curl up quietly and read. Another was a small sitting area over looking the greenhouse. Just for a few people to gather and visit and look out over all the growing things with the warm sun on them... surrounded by vases filled with flowers, of course!

We both got silly over the idea of having a fountain or small water fall thing somewhere... a place to escape....

She never had any kids of her own. Oh gosh...I can't go look at any more posts...I think she was 51.. we're only a couple of years apart....

No matter how awful she felt... she was always there when you needed someone to get you out of the dumps.... she'd be the one that would be trying to make me stop crying now.....

She got to make it to our 'virtual' anniversary party on the 15th of January... and passed four days later... it makes me smile to know that she got to see the third anniversary....

wrote an article on depression for someplace online that she was involved with, again, I just can't go through any more stuff to see the details.... sigh... sniff sniff..... Anyway.. it's posted on our website now too.... www.thyrophoenix.com/depression.htm

It's so weird... we never met in person... but she was one of the best and closest friends that I ever had... this woman that joined with a half dozen others one night to help me figure out why I couldn't stand up and kept falling down.

I miss you Pard... I'm having a grilled cheese for lunch today... just for YOU!

Topper ()

Proud Group Owner

On Fri, 15 Sep 2006 15:50:25 -0700 (PDT) G W writes:

Bummer! I lost my friend too but not to Thyroid. Can u send a pict of to the alias? I have no clue as to why I'd like to see her pict but for some reason I really would. I'm really sorry about . For those that don't know the story, can u tell us about her: her age, her family or kids, how long was she sick, hometown and etc. If this is too personal, I understand. But for some reason, I just want to know. Tell us about how you became friends, how long she's been gone, rather or not she played the piano or if she played soccer or any stuff like that...Why? I dunno.

September 17, 2006