Guest guest Posted October 6, 2006 Report Share Posted October 6, 2006 --- kimmy wrote: > Hi Mari, > Yes, a positive attitude is a must!!!! but what about folks who are depressed? I read this all the time - positivve attitude, etc. - not that i dont have one-sometimes--but when we say things like that; well, if someone might not have a positive attitude...or not shoot for happiness...well, it seems to me, that there's room for blaming the victim here - , that is, " you ^didn't^ have a positive attitude and that's why...etc... " and I'm not downing " positive attitude " - but exactly what does that mean? marisa When I > was DX last year, the owner of my business had died > less than 2 months before. I had been left in charge > of the entire business, a bar and restaurant. Then I > found out I had cancer. I was devastated, the owners > wife wanted to sell the business immediately. I told > her NO. I was going to work my way through it with > the least physical and emotional expense on me. I > know everyone is different and has different > priorities, but for me, mastectomy with no other > treatment meant I would be back to work full time > sooner. And that is what happened. Going on 15 > months later, we have done over 12,000.00 worth of > renovations and 2 weeks ago she asked me to be a > 50/50 partner for the price of 1.00. > A positive attitude and faith in oneself is > important. But most important to remeber is that If > God brings you to it, He will bring you through it. > AND.....everthing happens for a reason. We often > question those happennings and are bewildered by the > reasons. but it all works out if you have faith. > peace....................kimmy > P.S. I am glad to have an " antique " show me > guidance and share her wisdom. You are a valuable > asset to this site. > > Mari wrote: > Hi all, > > I don't post much because I'm such an antique. I had > bc 21 and 18 > years ago, had a modified radical each time. I > didn't have any > radiation, and chemo was just in the infant stages, > but they said I > didn't need it anyway. I was back to work in 3 weeks > the first time, 2 > weeks the second time. Have lived a normal, although > crazy life since. > I'm extremely active all day, travel, work, etc. > I'll go Kimmy one > better and say I never get a mammogram any more. The > best bonus is I > lose 5 pounds (well maybe a little less) each night > when I remove my > prosthesis, :-D > > Now on the serious side, I was scared to death when > diagnosed. My > Mom had passed on from bc. I was sure I was going > the same route. My > doctor said, " Yes, it's serious, but 96% of my > patients are still here > and living full lives " . Remember, this was over 20 > years ago. I was 39 > and scared to death that I wouldn't be here to spend > my life with my > hubby and to see my 2 boys grow to manhood. When the > surgeon said this, > it turned my thoughts 180º toward fighting it and > living. Now mind you > this was without all the wonderful and numerous > treatments which are > available today. My best advice is your attitude, > keep it positive. If > you're depressed, please get help. Most of all, > please know that every > one of the lovely ladies here on this list are here > for you! > > My prayers and blessings are being send your way > each and every day! > > >And they only had to squish one boob!!!! Now there > is a silver lining if I ever saw one!! > > Angel (A.K.A. Mari) > mfgershman@... > > Please click each day to help others, IT'S FREE! > > http://www.thebreastcancersite.com/cgi-bin/WebObjects/CTDSites > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > removed] > > > > > > > --------------------------------- > Do you Yahoo!? > Get on board. You're invited to try the new Yahoo! > Mail. > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > removed] > > __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 6, 2006 Report Share Posted October 6, 2006 I cant help but to put my 5 cents into this one..... Gloria, ( one of my aunts ) first had cancer 15 years ago, mastectomy, reconstruction, then 10 years later cancer came back ,,, same breast area, surgery , chemo,,, 5 years of inhibitors and now once again,,, the cancer is back ,,,, limph nodes this time..... Gloria is now 65. I keep telling her " attitude is 80 per cent of the cure " she is now tired of fighting, deppresed and " leans " completly on others to do things for her... cooking , cleaning , driving, we feel tha she can do more on her own and that she should... but she is just tired.... radiation burned her severly ,,, then fluid ... then infection.... is like she dont want to start the chemo now.... the question here is...... do we, the relatives, have the right to tell her to have a positive attitude?????? this is all so damn hard on everyone, the patient and those around........ thanks for reading... thanks for being here... --------------------------------- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 6, 2006 Report Share Posted October 6, 2006 " positive attutude " sometimes doesn't meant alot when you just want a f'ing break! you know? I really wonder what " positive attitude " means... marisa (i take my son to school every morning, pick him up in the afternoon, do homework with him, got him a tutor for math, because he's dyslexic; i bring him to his couselor once a week, since his father died suddenly, and i go to work wvery day, except fridays, when i go to chemo...but there are still dirty dishes in the sink, and i'm still not sure what " positive attitude means... though i'm not downing anyone that has one, I'm just plugging along here...) --- Ramos wrote: > I cant help but to put my 5 cents into this > one..... Gloria, ( one of my aunts ) first had > cancer 15 years ago, mastectomy, reconstruction, > then 10 years later cancer came back ,,, same > breast area, surgery , chemo,,, 5 years of > inhibitors and now once again,,, the cancer is back > ,,,, limph nodes this time..... Gloria is now 65. > > > I keep telling her " attitude is 80 per cent of > the cure " she is now tired of fighting, deppresed > and " leans " completly on others to do things for > her... cooking , cleaning , driving, we feel > tha she can do more on her own and that she > should... but she is just tired.... radiation > burned her severly ,,, then fluid ... then > infection.... is like she dont want to start the > chemo now.... the question here is...... do we, the > relatives, have the right to tell her to have a > positive attitude?????? this is all so damn hard > on everyone, the patient and those around........ > > thanks for reading... thanks for being here... > > > > > --------------------------------- > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 6, 2006 Report Share Posted October 6, 2006 Bless you Marisa. I am still looking for my inner Polly . She can be quite illusive! I think we go through stages just as if a loved one has died. Everyone goes through the stages, denial, barganing, depression/anger and finally acceptance at their own rate. Some might say, " Well you have just lost a physical part you are still you so what does it matter " . Well it does matter not only the physical part you lost but all the hopes and dreams that may have gone out the window because of this condition and that loss. Ruth > > Hi all, > > > > I don't post much because I'm such an antique. I had > > bc 21 and 18 > > years ago, had a modified radical each time. I > > didn't have any > > radiation, and chemo was just in the infant stages, > > but they said I > > didn't need it anyway. I was back to work in 3 weeks > > the first time, 2 > > weeks the second time. Have lived a normal, although > > crazy life since. > > I'm extremely active all day, travel, work, etc. > > I'll go Kimmy one > > better and say I never get a mammogram any more. The > > best bonus is I > > lose 5 pounds (well maybe a little less) each night > > when I remove my > > prosthesis, :-D > > > > Now on the serious side, I was scared to death when > > diagnosed. My > > Mom had passed on from bc. I was sure I was going > > the same route. My > > doctor said, " Yes, it's serious, but 96% of my > > patients are still here > > and living full lives " . Remember, this was over 20 > > years ago. I was 39 > > and scared to death that I wouldn't be here to spend > > my life with my > > hubby and to see my 2 boys grow to manhood. When the > > surgeon said this, > > it turned my thoughts 180º toward fighting it and > > living. Now mind you > > this was without all the wonderful and numerous > > treatments which are > > available today. My best advice is your attitude, > > keep it positive. If > > you're depressed, please get help. Most of all, > > please know that every > > one of the lovely ladies here on this list are here > > for you! > > > > My prayers and blessings are being send your way > > each and every day! > > > > >And they only had to squish one boob!!!! Now there > > is a silver lining if I ever saw one!! > > > > Angel (A.K.A. Mari) > > mfgershman@... > > > > Please click each day to help others, IT'S FREE! > > > > > http://www.thebreastcancersite.com/cgi-bin/WebObjects/CTDSites > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > > removed] > > > > > > > > > > > > > > --------------------------------- > > Do you Yahoo!? > > Get on board. You're invited to try the new Yahoo! > > Mail. > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > > removed] > > > > > > > __________________________________________________ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 6, 2006 Report Share Posted October 6, 2006 Hi Ruth, I completely understand what you are saying. I don’t really have an inner Polly but I am the Unsinkable Molly Brown and I sure as heck am good at denial! When I was 35 my husband died very suddenly of a heart attack. I had 3 kids, a dog, and 2 cats - $10,000 in savings and life insurance to cover the mortgage on the house. I must tell you that coming to terms with BC has in many ways, been more of a challenge for me. My diagnosis (I have to get the records from my Onc – since I can’t even find the letter telling me what stage, etc I was) was just before Mother’s Day in 05 and It was not until September of this year that I really began to “get it” that I had a serious condition/illness. I’m still kind of reeling. Thank goodness I have the dearest Onc in the world and he has just hung in there with me as I played tough, competent, invulnerable. He’s the only one I cried in front of. You are so right about the stages leading to acceptance. I just upped my antidepressant! Thank you for your comments. Maya _____ From: breastcancer2 [mailto:breastcancer2 ] On Behalf Of ruthiema36 Sent: Friday, October 06, 2006 9:57 PM To: breastcancer2 Subject: Re: RE: Mari aka Angel Bless you Marisa. I am still looking for my inner Polly . She can be quite illusive! I think we go through stages just as if a loved one has died. Everyone goes through the stages, denial, barganing, depression/anger and finally acceptance at their own rate. Some might say, " Well you have just lost a physical part you are still you so what does it matter " . Well it does matter not only the physical part you lost but all the hopes and dreams that may have gone out the window because of this condition and that loss. Ruth > > Hi all, > > > > I don't post much because I'm such an antique. I had > > bc 21 and 18 > > years ago, had a modified radical each time. I > > didn't have any > > radiation, and chemo was just in the infant stages, > > but they said I > > didn't need it anyway. I was back to work in 3 weeks > > the first time, 2 > > weeks the second time. Have lived a normal, although > > crazy life since. > > I'm extremely active all day, travel, work, etc. > > I'll go Kimmy one > > better and say I never get a mammogram any more. The > > best bonus is I > > lose 5 pounds (well maybe a little less) each night > > when I remove my > > prosthesis, :-D > > > > Now on the serious side, I was scared to death when > > diagnosed. My > > Mom had passed on from bc. I was sure I was going > > the same route. My > > doctor said, " Yes, it's serious, but 96% of my > > patients are still here > > and living full lives " . Remember, this was over 20 > > years ago. I was 39 > > and scared to death that I wouldn't be here to spend > > my life with my > > hubby and to see my 2 boys grow to manhood. When the > > surgeon said this, > > it turned my thoughts 180º toward fighting it and > > living. Now mind you > > this was without all the wonderful and numerous > > treatments which are > > available today. My best advice is your attitude, > > keep it positive. If > > you're depressed, please get help. Most of all, > > please know that every > > one of the lovely ladies here on this list are here > > for you! > > > > My prayers and blessings are being send your way > > each and every day! > > > > >And they only had to squish one boob!!!! Now there > > is a silver lining if I ever saw one!! > > > > Angel (A.K.A. Mari) > > mfgershman@... > > > > Please click each day to help others, IT'S FREE! > > > > > http://www.thebreas <http://www.thebreastcancersite.com/cgi-bin/WebObjects/CTDSites> tcancersite.com/cgi-bin/WebObjects/CTDSites > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > > removed] > > > > > > > > > > > > > > --------------------------------- > > Do you Yahoo!? > > Get on board. You're invited to try the new Yahoo! > > Mail. > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > > removed] > > > > > > > __________________________________________________ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 7, 2006 Report Share Posted October 7, 2006 Hiya, I know what you mean and it seems artificial, this " positive " attitude and you're right if you think that. I didn't even attempt this positve attitude during my chemo just went with the flow, when I felt okay I said so when not, I said nothing or else unloaded on my closest people. Now it's 11 months and 4 days since my last chemo. I am still feeling the effects: memory loss, fatigue, some pain, working through the surgery tightness, irregular periods if you can even call them periods, hot flashes, mood swings and general bouts of fear about my health ( every little ache and tired day gets me thinking..) I am 36 never married and no children and maybe never any. But you know what? What's so cool about this whole experience I have come through is I feel more content now than I have ever remembered feeling in my life. Imagine that? It hurt so much that anything else just pales. I have always been so strong and took chemo and everything else so hard anyway , I just let it run it's course, it socked me in the face. I am a firm believer that there is a lesson in every trial that we're made to endure. My particular lesson I am happy to have received. A big fat wake up call. I think that a positive attitude isn't enough. A reevaluation of your life and what it means to be here and what is important in the day to day is this " positve attitude " that we all search for. It's the meaning behind why we are dealing with this. I am forever living more in the moment and less in the " what if " that I used to live in. Projecting what I thought were accurate predictions onto my future, how the hell is anyone supposed to know what is going to happen next? You see, I always thought that was a part of maturing, knowing what comes next, being good at predicting the next moment that to me was reaching adulthood. All of the adults always seemed to sit around and " know " everything. What a big misconception. Happiness and this positve attitude thing, those 2 things aren't even related. True happiness comes from being content with each moment no matter what is going on out there. it's an inner honest voice that we recognize as not trying to control anything, or change anyone, just being. I can't explain it very well, but I am so content now and I never was before. I am so happy to have my life, to use my body again because I am very athletic and missed that for so many months. It is a joy to jump and swim and run and not want to pass out right away. I can eat and my mouth isn't on fire, I sleep through the night. All of these things are coming to you too and when they do they will seem magnified. Chemo is hard for many of us, Keep telling yourself it's just temporary I will do it and it will pass just like everything else. You have been put throught this horrible trial but there are so many positive things coming from it if you look. I swear, we can all learn great things. Life is a wonderful gift and should not be squandered too much on feeling bad for ourselves, a little time there then back to telling ourselves the good parts. You have to be your best friend for yourself right now as hard as that sounds. It sounds so preachy, I'm sorry, I am just passionate about what I feel and what I've learned. I am not bitter and don't feel like a victim but I remember being so pissed off alot of the time because it hurts. But whatever doesn't kill you makes you stonger and you are growing stronger every day my dear. Lots of love, a Marisa Steffers wrote: " positive attutude " sometimes doesn't meant alot when you just want a f'ing break! you know? I really wonder what " positive attitude " means... marisa (i take my son to school every morning, pick him up in the afternoon, do homework with him, got him a tutor for math, because he's dyslexic; i bring him to his couselor once a week, since his father died suddenly, and i go to work wvery day, except fridays, when i go to chemo...but there are still dirty dishes in the sink, and i'm still not sure what " positive attitude means... though i'm not downing anyone that has one, I'm just plugging along here...) --- Ramos wrote: > I cant help but to put my 5 cents into this > one..... Gloria, ( one of my aunts ) first had > cancer 15 years ago, mastectomy, reconstruction, > then 10 years later cancer came back ,,, same > breast area, surgery , chemo,,, 5 years of > inhibitors and now once again,,, the cancer is back > ,,,, limph nodes this time..... Gloria is now 65. > > > I keep telling her " attitude is 80 per cent of > the cure " she is now tired of fighting, deppresed > and " leans " completly on others to do things for > her... cooking , cleaning , driving, we feel > tha she can do more on her own and that she > should... but she is just tired.... radiation > burned her severly ,,, then fluid ... then > infection.... is like she dont want to start the > chemo now.... the question here is...... do we, the > relatives, have the right to tell her to have a > positive attitude?????? this is all so damn hard > on everyone, the patient and those around........ > > thanks for reading... thanks for being here... > > > > > --------------------------------- > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 7, 2006 Report Share Posted October 7, 2006 , You could tell her about the group and how the ladies were saying how much easier it is with a positive attitude. She may resent you coming out and just telling to have one. Its not always that easy for some. I will keep her in my prayers. Hugs nne Breast Cancer Patients Soul Mates for Life http://www.geocities.com/chucky5741/breastcancerpatients.html BreastCancerStories.com http://www.breastcancerstories.com/content/view/433/161/ Angel Feather Loomer www.angelfeatherloomer.blogspot.com Check out my other ornaments at www.geocities.com/chucky5741/bcornament.html Lots of info and gifts at: www.cancerclub.com Re: RE: Mari aka Angel I cant help but to put my 5 cents into this one..... Gloria, ( one of my aunts ) first had cancer 15 years ago, mastectomy, reconstruction, then 10 years later cancer came back ,,, same breast area, surgery , chemo,,, 5 years of inhibitors and now once again,,, the cancer is back ,,,, limph nodes this time..... Gloria is now 65. I keep telling her " attitude is 80 per cent of the cure " she is now tired of fighting, deppresed and " leans " completly on others to do things for her... cooking , cleaning , driving, we feel tha she can do more on her own and that she should... but she is just tired.... radiation burned her severly ,,, then fluid ... then infection.... is like she dont want to start the chemo now.... the question here is...... do we, the relatives, have the right to tell her to have a positive attitude?????? this is all so damn hard on everyone, the patient and those around........ thanks for reading... thanks for being here... --------------------------------- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 7, 2006 Report Share Posted October 7, 2006 Ruth, I remember when I had my hysterectomy about 8-9 years ago. I grieved for it and it surprised me. It's not something anyone knows about unless you tell them. I'd had all the kids I wanted, had already had a tubaligation... but I still grieved.... a part of me was gone. I think I did too with the recent mastectomy, it just didn't surprise me that I went through those stages. We all follow our own path for this journey... even if we are all fighting breast cancer. Barb R. Michigan Re: RE: Mari aka Angel Bless you Marisa. I am still looking for my inner Polly . She can be quite illusive! I think we go through stages just as if a loved one has died. Everyone goes through the stages, denial, barganing, depression/anger and finally acceptance at their own rate. Some might say, " Well you have just lost a physical part you are still you so what does it matter " . Well it does matter not only the physical part you lost but all the hopes and dreams that may have gone out the window because of this condition and that loss. Ruth > > Hi all, > > > > I don't post much because I'm such an antique. I had > > bc 21 and 18 > > years ago, had a modified radical each time. I > > didn't have any > > radiation, and chemo was just in the infant stages, > > but they said I > > didn't need it anyway. I was back to work in 3 weeks > > the first time, 2 > > weeks the second time. Have lived a normal, although > > crazy life since. > > I'm extremely active all day, travel, work, etc. > > I'll go Kimmy one > > better and say I never get a mammogram any more. The > > best bonus is I > > lose 5 pounds (well maybe a little less) each night > > when I remove my > > prosthesis, :-D > > > > Now on the serious side, I was scared to death when > > diagnosed. My > > Mom had passed on from bc. I was sure I was going > > the same route. My > > doctor said, " Yes, it's serious, but 96% of my > > patients are still here > > and living full lives " . Remember, this was over 20 > > years ago. I was 39 > > and scared to death that I wouldn't be here to spend > > my life with my > > hubby and to see my 2 boys grow to manhood. When the > > surgeon said this, > > it turned my thoughts 180º toward fighting it and > > living. Now mind you > > this was without all the wonderful and numerous > > treatments which are > > available today. My best advice is your attitude, > > keep it positive. If > > you're depressed, please get help. Most of all, > > please know that every > > one of the lovely ladies here on this list are here > > for you! > > > > My prayers and blessings are being send your way > > each and every day! > > > > >And they only had to squish one boob!!!! Now there > > is a silver lining if I ever saw one!! > > > > Angel (A.K.A. Mari) > > mfgershman@... > > > > Please click each day to help others, IT'S FREE! > > > > > http://www.thebreastcancersite.com/cgi-bin/WebObjects/CTDSites > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > > removed] > > > > > > > > > > > > > > --------------------------------- > > Do you Yahoo!? > > Get on board. You're invited to try the new Yahoo! > > Mail. > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > > removed] > > > > > > > __________________________________________________ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 9, 2006 Report Share Posted October 9, 2006 Personally, I like the New Barb much better, at least her mental attitude and outlook on LIVING. Not too crazy about the physical part, but, at 55, I'll never be 25 (physically) again, so I won't sweat it. Barb R. Michigan Re: RE: Mari aka Angel No ; it just takes time and patience. I like the New better, although I liked the old like you... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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