10 Steps to the Body You Want

[Guest guest]

10 Steps to the Body You Want

The shortest path is through your brain. Here are the tools you

need.

by Pamela M. Peeke, MD, MPH

" I was doing really well until... " As a doctor who counsels women

trying to lose weight, I've heard this too many times. An upset

patient settles into the overstuffed armchair across from my desk,

and utters her tale of defeat.

You've probably said those words yourself, dozens of times. You're

doing great, eating right, working out regularly, and something

happens. You hurt your back or shoulder and find it difficult to

train. Maybe life just gets crazy and suddenly you're missing

workouts and turning to food for comfort. The hell with minimeals

and lean protein. What you need is a pile of cookies.

I sympathize--I've had my share of those days. But life happens. I

have no doubt that you're a master at helping the people you care

about get through tough times. But when things get funky in your

life, do you give yourself the same treatment?

The following 10 steps are all about turning that feminine impulse

to nurture inward and becoming your own best caregiver, regardless

of the obstacles life places in your path. These principles will

help you stay on track, no matter what life throws at you.

Pledge to Change

You've had it. You're tired of feeling like crud every day, and

you're determined to get in shape, mentally and physically.

Hold on. You may be champing at the bit to overhaul your diet, start

exercising--become the new you. But if your positive changes are to

be permanent, you need to recognize the adversity you'll face. I

want you to put your intentions in writing and acknowledge the

difficult times to come. On the best stationery you can find--no

scrap paper--write out and complete the following contract.

I, ______________________ , commit to starting my weight loss

program on ___________ (date). I believe that I can accept and

complete my challenge to the best of my ability.

I realize this is work and accept the self-care price I must pay to

achieve my mental and physical transformation.

I commit to keeping a daily journal that tracks my progress and

forgives my slipups.

I will practice these 10 principles to help myself stay the course.

I will expect and adapt to adversity and see tough times as learning

opportunities.

I will strive to take action and not to ruminate, bitch, moan, or

whine.

I will be self-assertive and fight for the right to take care of

myself.

I will acknowledge and reward myself for my achievements along the

way.

You will do battle with your inner demons that try to pull you back

into your familiar, self-destructive ways. But in the end, you'll

win. Every time you embrace this challenge, you're one step closer

to the best woman you can be.

Find Your Motivation

When I was in medical school, I was taught that the greatest

motivation to change an unhealthy lifestyle is the desire to prevent

or treat a disease. But I have a vivid memory of a woman I sent

packing after a coronary bypass, who told me she couldn't wait to

load up on her favorite fast food and light a cigarette to

celebrate.

Often, getting healthy isn't enough motivation. That's why I'm

asking you to create a Motivational Target--like an archery target

with inner and outer rings. The outer rings include the reasons you

feel obligated to make a change, such as your health, and the inner

rings are the deeply personal, maybe even hidden reasons that make

you want to change. Here's how to do it.

Sit down with a piece of blank white paper. Draw an archery target--

at least four rings and a bull's-eye. Ask yourself one question: Why

do I want to change my body? Write down the first three answers that

come to mind.

Chances are, they represent your Global Motivations: I want to

change because I want to be healthier. I want to change because I'll

die if I don't. Distill your answers into simple phrases and write

them in the outermost ring.

Now go deeper. Ask again: Why do I want to change? Look for answers

that stop you in your tracks. They might be serious or humorous.

Write out the first three you think of and turn each into a key

phrase.

These are your Target Motivations, and you need to anchor them with

a Mantra that will conjure up its power when you need it most. It

should be simple, contain a powerful visual image if possible, and

smack you in the head like an invisible two-by-four so it will knock

you out of your " I gotta eat " trance. It should also contain the

phrases " run from " and " run to. " Here's an example of how you might

come up with a Mantra.

Say your Target Motivation is to be happy, fit, and free, living

life to the fullest. But right now, there's a package of Oreos

screaming at you. So what's the consequence of giving in? How about

this: You're standing in the hot summer sun, dressed in dark,

shapeless clothing that feels like a shroud. You're sweating as you

watch others jog in shorts, bike in colorful clothes, and enjoy

life. So " sweaty shroud " is what you run from. What do you want to

run to? After some thought, you might conjure up a vision of

yourself on a bike, clad in a pair of clingy biking shorts, riding

up a long hill on a country road. You look and feel fit and free.

You're joyful, happy, loving life. Okay. You've got it.

Motivation Mantra: Run from sweaty shroud; run to bike ride on

country road, feeling joyful and free.

Repeat this process for each of the inner rings. You'll end up with

at least three Target Motivations, any one of which can function as

your bull's-eye.

Learn to Let Joy In

When I meet a patient, one of the first questions I ask is, " What in

your life gives you joy? " Women often say, " My partner " or " My

kids. " My response is, " Aside from your family, what gives you joy? "

Too often, the reply is a blank stare.

Caring for a family is one aspect of what makes you whole. You must

find what else brings you joy, whether that's returning to school,

writing, growing a garden, or cooking gourmet meals.

One way to start along the path to joy is to stop each time you're

confronted with a demand on your time and ask yourself this

question: " Will this thing, event, or person bring me joy? " If the

answer is, " Absolutely, " congratulations--you've discovered what you

need. If you answer, " I don't know, " then give it a try. You'll know

soon enough. But if the answer is, " No, " why would you let it into

your life? If you can't avoid it, limit the time you devote to it.

You may have to put in some work to find joy. At the age of 40, I

laced up my sneakers and gave running a try. Now I'm in training for

my third marathon.

Whine But Get the Job Done

Next to the armchair that my patients use during their appointments

sits a ceramic jar labeled " Dr. Peeke's Early Retirement Fund. " When

a patient starts in with the negative self-comments, she has to put

$1 into the jar. At the rate some of my patients are going, I'll be

playing golf 24-7 in no time.

Listen to yourself: " I'm stupid, I'm fat, I'm ugly, I'm a failure,

my legs are too short... " I call this a Rumination Rut. The

dictionary definition of ruminate is " to go over in the mind

repeatedly. " The next definition is " to chew repeatedly for an

extended period. " Let's see, stewing and chewing in response to

stress--boy, did Webster get that right. This leaves you vulnerable

to BMW--bitching, moaning, and whining--about your body, your

willpower, your behind, your this, your that. The biggest source of

BMW-ing is refusing to accept that transformation takes mental and

physical sweat, intensity, mindfulness, and focus--all the things,

by the way, that you apply to your job, your kids, and your

relationships.

Getting out of the rut is straightforward: Employ any distraction

technique at your disposal. Get off the couch and go for a walk.

Take the kids bowling or roller-skating. Clean out your closets. Do

anything but let your brain hold your butt hostage.

Forget Perfection, Embrace Progress

Some women have a huge problem with this principle because all their

lives, they've tried to be perfect--perfect wife, perfect mother,

perfect employee, perfect friend. Is this your story, too? Look, no

woman--no human--diets and trains perfectly day after day, so

striving for perfection is a prescription for guilt. It eats away at

the positive energy you need for making progress.

" Progress, not perfection " means that if you work hard and keep your

focus 80% of the time, you're doing great. The other 20% of the

time, you get to be human--fallible. Did you miss your workout

today? No worries. You'll regroup and bounce back tomorrow.

Here's where keeping a journal will come in handy. Reflect on your

day and write down at least three things that you did well and that

helped you move forward. This gives you positive reinforcement and

helps you build momentum because you're giving yourself credit where

credit is due.

Control Stress, Find Peace

For most women, stress is a constant companion. It's there as they

speed to work, pay the bills, or pick up a gallon of milk at 10:30

at night so everyone can have cereal the next morning. In one survey

on stress conducted by the National Women's Health Resource Center,

nearly 93% of the 681 people surveyed described the level of stress

in their daily lives as moderate or higher. Fewer than half said

they always felt capable of coping with it.

There are two main categories of stress in a woman's life. Everyday

stress is the kind we expect and should be able to manage: the daily

commute, the parking ticket, the computer malfunction; stresses from

major milestones, like getting married or having a child, are

tougher but also manageable.

Toxic stress, on the other hand, grinds you down day after day, year

after year. It erodes your immune system and makes PMS and

perimenopause a living hell. It also ramps up your appetite for

comfort foods and can pack on pounds of fat deep inside your tummy,

expanding your girth and making you more vulnerable to heart

disease, diabetes, and cancer. Work is a huge source of toxic stress

for women--perhaps the biggest. In one study of more than 21,000

nurses (the ultimate caretakers), Harvard University researchers

concluded that on-the-job stress weakens a woman's health as much as

smoking or a sedentary lifestyle.

My Stress Rx signs will help. You can make these signs and photocopy

several. In really big, colorful letters, write:

STOP!

The Answer Is NOT in Here.

Tape these to your fridge, kitchen cabinets, pantry--even on the

vending machine at work, if you dare. When you confront this sign,

close your eyes for a second. Take a deep breath and say, " The

answer is not in this fridge/vending machine/pantry. "

Your second sign should read:

The Answer Is Here.

Tape this to your workout bag or your dumbbells at home, your bath

salts, your favorite relaxing CD, your treadmill, your favorite

herbal tea, or your phone. After stopping at the first sign, walk

quickly toward this one. This is what will truly soothe you. Sip a

mug of your favorite tea. Be with your feelings. Honor that new

voice inside you. It's the voice of empowerment, and each time you

withstand stress in a positive way, the voice will become louder and

stronger.

Give Yourself License to Chill

Buddha said, " We are what we think. With our thoughts, we make the

world. " If you're in a continual state of depression, anger,

frustration, or fatigue, your world will feel pretty small and

unfulfilling. That's why I want you to commit to practicing

relaxation techniques.

Research supports meditation's positive effects on mood. What's

more, it appears to literally change the minds of those who practice

it. In a study published in 2002 in the Journal of Psychosomatic

Medicine, brain scans of new meditators who were guided in

meditation 3 hours a week for 8 weeks showed significant increases

in activity in a part of the brain associated with positive emotion.

What's more, the heightened activity persisted for at least 4 months

after the experiment, when the study participants were scanned again.

Meditation, yoga, tai chi, progressive relaxation--it doesn't matter

which you choose, as long as you like it and do it regularly. I

recommend that you take a class, but if you can't, buy a book or

video. Taking a class serves three purposes: You get correct

instruction, meet other like-minded people, and automatically build

some " me " time into your day.

If you want to experiment on your own, try walking meditation. It's

just what it sounds like: combining a walk with quiet reflection.

Don't think about a destination. Simply turn your full attention to

the movements that make up the act of walking. Break it down to its

basics. For example, as you lift each foot, silently say to

yourself " lift. " As you move your leg forward, say " move. " Then

say " step " as you place your foot on the ground. The more you focus

on these movements, the calmer you'll feel.

Learn to Stay Calm in a Crisis

You must practice your self-care as best you can in the worst of

times. The ability to regroup allows you to continue a healthy

eating and activity plan no matter what the crisis. Your goal is to

keep regrouping until you achieve a new plan that works for you.

Plan A is your life on schedule. You eat breakfast every day at 7

am, you walk on your lunch hour, you have your " me " time every night

after 9, when you put the kids to bed. Plan A goes seamlessly about

once a year. Relish the moment.

Plan B is your life on stress. You've been up all night with your

youngest, who has a nasty bout of stomach flu, so you're sleeping

when you usually eat your egg-white omelet. You're under the gun at

work, so the big report takes precedence over your walk. Your mom

and sister are having another one of their interstate wars, so

you've been on the phone with one or the other every night, instead

of cozying up with a book. So how do you tend to your self-care?

You go to Plan Me.

This is your fallback, the way to take care of your needs in the

midst of chaos. To prepare this plan, write down what your healthy

eating and activity plan would look like on a low-stress day. That's

Plan A. Now make a list of everything that could wreck that plan and

rewrite it, devising ways to work around these problems. Here's a

simple example: It's too cold to take your Plan A walk. Go to Plan

Me--walking in the mall or on the health club's treadmill.

If you really get off track, Plan Me can be 3 days of withdrawal and

regrouping to regain momentum. In those 3 days, you'll refocus on

Plan A, practice it, and let it gel before diving in again.

Fight for Your Self-care

I see women try to get their partners and family to help create time

for their self-care. Meeting resistance, the women simply give up.

Not anymore. You're learning to stand your ground and make it work.

You realize you're not being selfish, you're just asking for balance.

Every successful company has a mission statement--a paragraph or two

that states why it exists, whom it serves, and what it hopes to

achieve. Knowing your mission teaches you to set boundaries, draw a

line in the sand, and say, " This is my time, and I'm here to defend

it. " You're on your treadmill and the phone rings. That's why

there's voice mail. The call can wait. Your self-care can't.

Write down no more than 10 sentences that describe what you want to

accomplish in your life and what is important to you, both

personally and professionally. You could focus on being the best

spouse, mother, and daughter you can be. But don't forget to commit

to honoring your intellectual, physical, and spiritual needs--and

above all, your rights as an individual.

To cure a chronic case of " yes-itis, " here's what to do the next

time you're asked to do something that you can't or don't want to do:

1. Ask yourself, Will saying yes further my mission statement? For

example, if you've already volunteered for countless PTA events in

the past year, do you really need to take on another?

2. If the answer is no, say in a calm and caring tone, " I'm so

sorry, but that doesn't work for me right now. Maybe next time. "

Wow. Saying this shows that you know what works for you. Now, once

you've said it, stick to it. Stand up to anyone who tries to argue

you down. Keep your refusal courteous but definite, short but sweet,

and don't get into a debate.

Form a 911 Squad

Research shows that people trying to make healthy lifestyle changes

are more likely to succeed when they have a strong support network.

With a minimum of effort, you can assemble your very own Estrogen

Squad.

Call one or more members of your Estrogen Squad when you're about to

do something self-destructive--like blow off your workout or embark

on a binge. Choose one or two people you most depend on, with whom

you feel comfortable sharing your deepest feelings--your mother or

sister, a special aunt, maybe even a teenage daughter.

Then choose the one or two friends who have given you the most

support and encouragement, or who might like to join your efforts.

Consider including a personal trainer, a therapist, or your family

doctor, if he or she is caring and supportive of your goals.

Those in your squad should be kind, of course, and willing to reply

to your calls, e-mails, and more. They should also be able to look

you straight in the face and tell you that dress doesn't work for

you, or that you're making everyone nuts with your endless BMW-ing.

A sassy sense of humor never hurts, either.

A woman's efforts are most successful when supported by her

assertive, witty, loving, and nurturing sisters. Armed with her

Estrogen Squad, a woman will see her quest for mental and physical

transformation become a reality.

One of my favorite maxims is " In the midst of difficulty lies

opportunity. " I don't see mistakes--I see opportunities to learn.

Open your heart to the lessons. If you view challenging life events

as opportunities to recommit to your self-care rather than as

overwhelming obstacles, you will overcome them. If you should lose

your footing along the way, review these principles. You know the

answers are here and inside of you.