A little bit despondent tonight

[Guest guest]

Hey all you beautiful people!

It’s 11:42pm on 3 March 2006 here in South Africa.

I have had two tremendous days of lecturing; preceded by

helping my 12 year old son to do research for a school project on The History of the Development of Money.

I got so interested in what he has compiled from the web

that I was reading and digging and formatting, etc. until 2am on 2 March 2006 (I

found a timeline for the history of money, which after I formatted it into MS

Word came to 97 pages! And this was only bullet points!), when I realized I

still had to customize my lecture slides for the launch of a Management/Leadership

development course the next day (a mini-MBA), so I spent another hour doing

that and ended up in bed at around 3am.

I had to get up at 6am to pack everything and be on

time for the day’s facilitation session.

So off I went with less than 3 hours’ sleep. [used to be no problem]

I pushed through till well beyond 5pm, stayed after

all the learners left and cleared the lecture room, did my evaluations of them

and went home.

Got home around 7pm, where my darling wife was waiting

for me, for an appointment we had at 8pm.

Only got in bed around 11pm - again.

Spent today (3 March 2006) lecturing my specialty

subject (Professional Project Management) from 8:30 am to 4:30pm to the same

group of learners.

Wrapped up at about 5:30pm and came home.

The family and I (4 of us) caught a 7:45pm movie (being

Friday and all) and got home around 10:30pm.

It is difficult to eat properly on a “stint”

like this.

I do my best, I take my own fat free, sugar free

yoghurt, fruit and a few bottles of (what I believe to be) a liver-friendly

energy and glucose drink.

[i am also insulin resistant, bordering on Diabetic

type II, so I have to watch the sugar, the UC and the PSC nasty treats]

These sessions are for corporates and are all at

conference venues with professional catering.

Since my dx I have tried asking ahead of time for

specially prepared meals, but so few individuals outside of the PSC/UC type

circle has an inkling of how & what to really eat, so I have adopted an

approach of warning them that I am “Diabetic” and then only eating

what I can of what they prepare, stocking up with my own additional goodies in

my dedicated little cooler bag.

It is just amazing how they can miss the boat. You

won’t believe how often I get rice cakes with Chicken/mayo or tomato and

yellow cheese…

[i can’t do yellow cheese, only mozzarella allowed

/ I can’t do rice cakes - UC]

AND SOMETIMES I AM JUST SICK OF TRYING TO EXPLAIN,

AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN.

As I sit here now, I am so tired, I am beyond sleep.

I am exhausted beyond rational thinking.

My liver hurts, and I can feel it below my ribs from

the outside (enlarged).

My Hepato-GI said that I should expect “that

full feeling” because of having PSC… (do I really?! – not tonight,

please?)

I am soooo despondent about my condition (and have

allowed myself for the first time since diagnosis to really wallow in my own

misery).

I work hard at staying positive and holistically

keeping myself in a healthy space but if I can not even keep up with two full

days like this in a month (like I used to – so easily) it gets too

much!!!!

I just need to vent, and I am abusing your amazing

group here and now to do so!!!

Sorry for myself,

Love to all,

-SJ