Re: off the subject, but

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 1/29/2006 10:47:26 A.M. Eastern Standard Time, no_reply writes:

Sometimes I want to just pack up and move without giving them a forwarding address.

This hits close to home for me.

My brothers both took advantage of my parents like this, and after my dad died-

they leaned my mom's house and were not paying the mortgage.

Both had jobs with wives working and neither with any children- yet they NEEDED what little money my mom had....she was drawing $400 a month social security with cancer , parksinson;s and glaucoma meds to buy- NO prescription drug coverage...

She had saved her money to build her home and had never HAD a mortgage before!

When I found out what was going on I chose to intervene with attorneys so she would have money for herself- and a home to live in!

she was afraid to make them angry so I took the brunt of that-

I wound up having to put one of them in jail as they had been stealing from her (forging and cashing her personal checks). They all belonged there as far as I was concerned.

and now if you move and don;t leave an address...

then you really wouldn;t see the grandchildren...

I hope you can learn to say no without fear.

And as Dear Abby says, they can't use you unless you let them...

If they were to keep the kids from you because you won't bail them out time after time-

Then they are really just using you with the kids as insurance. Pretty low level behavior.

Your own self respect has to come first. Always.

I think it is time for a reality check and let them know you are not their personal bank.

You don't need a reason or any explanation. Just a NO will do.

My brothers have not spoken to me since I saw them at my mom's funeral...

almost three years now. They are not ashamed, they are angry at ME.

And that is OK and fine with me- I protected my mom and I have my self respect for standing up and putting a stop to their behavior. And I would do it again....

now you have a choice whether or not to protect yourself and keep your self respect.

Let us know what you choose.

Andree

www.essentialsoapsinc.com

[Guest guest]

Janet,

Sorry to hear this. I would definitely talk to him and her both. Or if you feel more comfortable just him. Explain to him that you cannot continue to do this with your health problems etc.

They cannot stop you from see the grandkids. I know our state has grandparents rights. I will keep you in my prayers.

Hugs

nne

Breast Cancer Patients Soul Mates for Lifehttp://www.geocities.com/chucky5741/breastcancerpatients.html

Check out my breast cancer ornaments at:http://www.geocities.com/chucky5741/bcornament.htmlalso check out my other ornaments and lots of nice gifts at:http://www.cancerclub.com

off the subject, but

I have to let off steam somewhere or bust, so I'll tell you guys and get it off my chest. I tired of my grown, married son (and his wife) taking advantage of us! The youngest son is a firefighter/paramedic and earns more in year than my husband and I together ever did....and he's always broke. His wife (who does not work) doesn't have a clue how to save or budget, just spend, spend, spend. So, when the bills for car insurance are due, or his truck needs new tires, etcetera and so on, he asks us for a loan (which he never repays). He just asked us for another loan to pay the Christmas bills, and I want so badly to tell him to speak to his wife about her wasteful spending habits before I'll give him another dime! But, I'm afraid that if we do, they'll keep us away from the grandchildren. Sometimes I want to just pack up and move without giving them a forwarding address. Sorry for the rant. Janet

[Guest guest]

Janet, you need to speak up and offer up some tough love. These guys know they have someone to fall back on and they are hurting you in the process. Tell your son this is the last "gift" of money you will give him. Don't call it a loan because you know he will not pay it back. Tell him you are firm this time and you have no more to give him financially.

If you can afford it maybe you could offer to pay for financial counseling for them instead. Tell him you will do that but you will NOT loan them another dime.

LICS June "The best protection any woman can have...is courage." Cady Stanton Secular Breast Cancer Support group: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/SecularBCSupport/

-----Original Message-----From: breastcancer2 [mailto:breastcancer2 ]On Behalf Of avalonpennSent: Sunday, January 29, 2006 7:47 AMTo: breastcancer2 Subject: off the subject, butI have to let off steam somewhere or bust, so I'll tell you guys and get it off my chest. I tired of my grown, married son (and his wife) taking advantage of us! The youngest son is a firefighter/paramedic and earns more in year than my husband and I together ever did....and he's always broke. His wife (who does not work) doesn't have a clue how to save or budget, just spend, spend, spend. So, when the bills for car insurance are due, or his truck needs new tires, etcetera and so on, he asks us for a loan (which he never repays). He just asked us for another loan to pay the Christmas bills, and I want so badly to tell him to speak to his wife about her wasteful spending habits before I'll give him another dime! But, I'm afraid that if we do, they'll keep us away from the grandchildren. Sometimes I want to just pack up and move without giving them a forwarding address. Sorry for the rant. Janet

[Guest guest]

It is enevitable that this happens. The baby boom generation was

nver taught financial management. Never taught the value of a

dollar. They want what they want and they want it NOW. I see it

every day. Young adults want now what it took their parents years

to obtain. It's time to put your foot down and let them know there

are responsible for their own lives.-

-- In breastcancer2 , avalonpenn <no_reply@y...>

wrote:

>

> I have to let off steam somewhere or bust, so I'll tell you guys

and

> get it off my chest. I tired of my grown, married son (and his

wife)

> taking advantage of us! The youngest son is a

firefighter/paramedic

> and earns more in year than my husband and I together ever

did....and

> he's always broke. His wife (who does not work) doesn't have a

clue

> how to save or budget, just spend, spend, spend. So, when the

bills

> for car insurance are due, or his truck needs new tires, etcetera

and

> so on, he asks us for a loan (which he never repays). He just

asked us

> for another loan to pay the Christmas bills, and I want so badly

to

> tell him to speak to his wife about her wasteful spending habits

before

> I'll give him another dime! But, I'm afraid that if we do,

they'll

> keep us away from the grandchildren. Sometimes I want to just

pack up

> and move without giving them a forwarding address. Sorry for the

> rant. Janet

>

[Guest guest]

Sounds like extortion to me Janet. If they would withhold their child from receiving your love they must not either of you very much. Sometimes tuff love is needed in a situation like that. They know you are an easy touch so therefore she doesn't have to be frugal.

Trisha

-- off the subject, but

I have to let off steam somewhere or bust, so I'll tell you guys and get it off my chest. I tired of my grown, married son (and his wife) taking advantage of us! The youngest son is a firefighter/paramedic and earns more in year than my husband and I together ever did....and he's always broke. His wife (who does not work) doesn't have a clue how to save or budget, just spend, spend, spend. So, when the bills for car insurance are due, or his truck needs new tires, etcetera and so on, he asks us for a loan (which he never repays). He just asked us for another loan to pay the Christmas bills, and I want so badly to tell him to speak to his wife about her wasteful spending habits before I'll give him another dime! But, I'm afraid that if we do, they'll keep us away from the grandchildren. Sometimes I want to just pack up and move without giving them a forwarding address. Sorry for the rant. Janet

[Guest guest]

ANDREE............

Trisha

-- Re: off the subject, but

In a message dated 1/29/2006 10:47:26 A.M. Eastern Standard Time, no_reply writes:

Sometimes I want to just pack up and move without giving them a forwarding address.

This hits close to home for me.

My brothers both took advantage of my parents like this, and after my dad died-

they leaned my mom's house and were not paying the mortgage.

Both had jobs with wives working and neither with any children- yet they NEEDED what little money my mom had....she was drawing $400 a month social security with cancer , parksinson;s and glaucoma meds to buy- NO prescription drug coverage...

She had saved her money to build her home and had never HAD a mortgage before!

When I found out what was going on I chose to intervene with attorneys so she would have money for herself- and a home to live in!

she was afraid to make them angry so I took the brunt of that-

I wound up having to put one of them in jail as they had been stealing from her (forging and cashing her personal checks). They all belonged there as far as I was concerned.

and now if you move and don;t leave an address...

then you really wouldn;t see the grandchildren...

I hope you can learn to say no without fear.

And as Dear Abby says, they can't use you unless you let them...

If they were to keep the kids from you because you won't bail them out time after time-

Then they are really just using you with the kids as insurance. Pretty low level behavior.

Your own self respect has to come first. Always.

I think it is time for a reality check and let them know you are not their personal bank.

You don't need a reason or any explanation. Just a NO will do.

My brothers have not spoken to me since I saw them at my mom's funeral...

almost three years now. They are not ashamed, they are angry at ME.

And that is OK and fine with me- I protected my mom and I have my self respect for standing up and putting a stop to their behavior. And I would do it again....

now you have a choice whether or not to protect yourself and keep your self respect.

Let us know what you choose.

Andree

www.essentialsoapsinc.com

[Guest guest]

I meant to say they must not LOVE either of you very much.

-- off the subject, but

I have to let off steam somewhere or bust, so I'll tell you guys and get it off my chest. I tired of my grown, married son (and his wife) taking advantage of us! The youngest son is a firefighter/paramedic and earns more in year than my husband and I together ever did....and he's always broke. His wife (who does not work) doesn't have a clue how to save or budget, just spend, spend, spend. So, when the bills for car insurance are due, or his truck needs new tires, etcetera and so on, he asks us for a loan (which he never repays). He just asked us for another loan to pay the Christmas bills, and I want so badly to tell him to speak to his wife about her wasteful spending habits before I'll give him another dime! But, I'm afraid that if we do, they'll keep us away from the grandchildren. Sometimes I want to just pack up and move without giving them a forwarding address. Sorry for the rant. Janet

[Guest guest]

You know I'm a baby boomer and I resemble that remark. ;-)

But actually, my ex and I bought our first house when I was in my mid 20s, he was in his early 30s, and we bought it on our own with our earnings and savings. When I divorced him at age 36 and he bought out my equity I bought my own house using the equity as a down, my dh and I bought our next house with the equity out of that house, etc... Don't stereo type all baby boomers into this category. We are not, dh and I, great money managers but I've never borrowed a dime from his parents or mine. My ex and I borrowed money from his mom to buy a car and later to remodel a kitchen and paid her back every dime with current going interest plus 1%. I know a lot of boomers like this, in fact, most of my friends. My own mom likes to buy me things when she can. She has bought me much over the years, large appliances and furniture stuff.

LICS June "The best protection any woman can have...is courage." Cady Stanton Secular Breast Cancer Support group: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/SecularBCSupport/

-----Original Message-----From: breastcancer2 [mailto:breastcancer2 ]On Behalf Of pert364Sent: Sunday, January 29, 2006 9:54 AMTo: breastcancer2 Subject: Re: off the subject, butIt is enevitable that this happens. The baby boom generation was nver taught financial management. Never taught the value of a dollar. They want what they want and they want it NOW. I see it every day. Young adults want now what it took their parents years to obtain. It's time to put your foot down and let them know there are responsible for their own lives.>> I have to let off steam somewhere or bust, so I'll tell you guys and > get it off my chest. I tired of my grown, married son (and his wife) > taking advantage of us! The youngest son is a firefighter/paramedic > and earns more in year than my husband and I together ever did....and > he's always broke. His wife (who does not work) doesn't have a clue > how to save or budget, just spend, spend, spend. So, when the bills > for car insurance are due, or his truck needs new tires, etcetera and > so on, he asks us for a loan (which he never repays). He just asked us > for another loan to pay the Christmas bills, and I want so badly to > tell him to speak to his wife about her wasteful spending habits before > I'll give him another dime! But, I'm afraid that if we do, they'll > keep us away from the grandchildren. Sometimes I want to just pack up > and move without giving them a forwarding address. Sorry for the > rant. Janet>

[Guest guest]

Miss Janet, I am so hating to hear that one of your boys is acting

so bad to you. I told my mom on the phone about him and she said I

should just tell you that you need to just put him over your knee

and give him a big smack where it will hurt. Then she said you need

to tell him you wont give him any more money. She said tht at boy

wo would ask his mom for money like taht needs to grow up. she said

if he has a job and makes some money he needs to quit spending more

and to learn how to manage his money. I bet he has new clothes and

a big tv and has parties too. She said to ask you if your other

younguns are like that. JR

>

> I have to let off steam somewhere or bust, so I'll tell you guys

and

> get it off my chest. I tired of my grown, married son (and his

wife)

> taking advantage of us! The youngest son is a

firefighter/paramedic

> and earns more in year than my husband and I together ever

did....and

> he's always broke. His wife (who does not work) doesn't have a

clue

> how to save or budget, just spend, spend, spend. So, when the

bills

> for car insurance are due, or his truck needs new tires, etcetera

and

> so on, he asks us for a loan (which he never repays). He just

asked us

> for another loan to pay the Christmas bills, and I want so badly

to

> tell him to speak to his wife about her wasteful spending habits

before

> I'll give him another dime! But, I'm afraid that if we do,

they'll

> keep us away from the grandchildren. Sometimes I want to just

pack up

> and move without giving them a forwarding address. Sorry for the

> rant. Janet

>