Guest guest Posted November 13, 2000 Report Share Posted November 13, 2000 Good morning all, I have been even more of a lurker than usual lately, as my life has been complete hell. I have so much going on, I would really love some advice/opinions. Here is the situation: My mother, after 18 months of illness (including a 6 month period of remission) is now terminally ill. She is being discharged from the hospital tomorrow, and I will be trying to work something out with work and my family to take care of her. She has 3 months on the outside. Obviously, I am just sick over this. I am trying to be strong so I can take care of her the best that I can. In the meantime, my surgery is scheduled for Dec. 20th. When I told my surgeon that I might be up in the air for now, he couldnt have been more kind or understanding. In fact, he offered to move the date up to Nov 27th if that made things any easier, to get it over with before things with Mom get even worse. He also said that after about a week, once the staples come out, I should be okay to take care of her. The point was also made that perhaps I should do it now before emotionally I just cant take it. I have been planning for this surgery since last April. And I feel like my own life has been on hold while I waited to get to this point. AND, I have gained 20!!!! pounds since my first consult with him in August. There is no doubt I am a stress eater. So should I do it? My husband will pick up the slack taking care of my mom while I am in the hospital (as well as doing a smaller rotation each week once I am able to get back in the groove.) His mom has offered to fly out and help us. Should I do it now, while my work is being so compassionate and generous about time off? While I have the emotional stamina? While I need to take so much time out anyway? I feel like it is an extra complication, but I want to get this done. If I dont, I dont know when I'll have time again...I think it could be at least another year before I would be able to justify that time off. And in the process, I just know I will continue to gain. But I also need to be sure I am taking care of my mother to the best of my ability...and I cant jeopardize that. I want to fulfill her dying and only wish...to be at home...and that requires round the clock care. Thanks for listening, you all. Possibly going in for surgery with Dr. Randall 11/27. Or who knows when. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 14, 2000 Report Share Posted November 14, 2000 Oh, , What can I say to take away the pain you must be feeling right now?? After making such a momentous decision concerning yourself, to have this cross added to your back. Although your mom's passing is going to be an extremely sad affair, you also have to know that you will still go on, and need to worry about your own health, too. You seem to have a lot of back-up support for help during the surgery and post-op, and as you said, you have all the time already taken off. My concern for you, as you stated, is that you'll put it off, and possibly gain in the meantime. , go for it. You have the help, the time, and the courage. You know your mom is going to want what is best for you, and would never want to hold you back. And since the doctor offered to move the surgery date up (which is awesome!!) it will speed up your recovery time so that you can spend the most constructive time with your mom. I truly believe she would want this for you, aside from the fact, if she feels she held you back, it might be upsetting to her. Sorry if I went on too long, and feel free to talk anytime. The next few months are going to be emotionally wretching for you, and just know I, along with our whole group, are here for you anytime. Love, Sue from Webster Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 14, 2000 Report Share Posted November 14, 2000 , Having lived a similar experience in my life, after just undergoing Appendix surgery, my grandfather also required round-the-clock care. We all took our turns in helping him out, and my family left the easier things for me to do (med's, washing him up, getting drinks etc.). I did it without even thinking about my own discomfort. Just knowing he was terminal, made me less focused on my own pain, and even though I experienced complications, I was still focused on my Grandpop. Before I knew it, I was better, and had more time to spend with him. This is a decision only you can make , however, if your mom really wants you to do this, I say that's another wish of hers. I personally would go with the earlier date, to give you more time to spend with each other when you're all better. I hope your days get brighter sweetie, please don't hesitate to write anytime. Sending big hugs to you and your family. Dawn crisis Good morning all, I have been even more of a lurker than usual lately, as my life has been complete hell. I have so much going on, I would really love some advice/opinions. Here is the situation: My mother, after 18 months of illness (including a 6 month period of remission) is now terminally ill. She is being discharged from the hospital tomorrow, and I will be trying to work something out with work and my family to take care of her. She has 3 months on the outside. Obviously, I am just sick over this. I am trying to be strong so I can take care of her the best that I can. In the meantime, my surgery is scheduled for Dec. 20th. When I told my surgeon that I might be up in the air for now, he couldnt have been more kind or understanding. In fact, he offered to move the date up to Nov 27th if that made things any easier, to get it over with before things with Mom get even worse. He also said that after about a week, once the staples come out, I should be okay to take care of her. The point was also made that perhaps I should do it now before emotionally I just cant take it. I have been planning for this surgery since last April. And I feel like my own life has been on hold while I waited to get to this point. AND, I have gained 20!!!! pounds since my first consult with him in August. There is no doubt I am a stress eater. So should I do it? My husband will pick up the slack taking care of my mom while I am in the hospital (as well as doing a smaller rotation each week once I am able to get back in the groove.) His mom has offered to fly out and help us. Should I do it now, while my work is being so compassionate and generous about time off? While I have the emotional stamina? While I need to take so much time out anyway? I feel like it is an extra complication, but I want to get this done. If I dont, I dont know when I'll have time again...I think it could be at least another year before I would be able to justify that time off. And in the process, I just know I will continue to gain. But I also need to be sure I am taking care of my mother to the best of my ability...and I cant jeopardize that. I want to fulfill her dying and only wish...to be at home...and that requires round the clock care. Thanks for listening, you all. Possibly going in for surgery with Dr. Randall 11/27. Or who knows when. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 14, 2000 Report Share Posted November 14, 2000 , First of all I am so sorry to hear about your mom, it so very painful watching a loved one suffer. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this trying time. It sounds like between your husband and your Mother in-law (she must be a special lady) that you have a great support system. I would take advantage of the offer for help. Are you having your surgery open or LAP? Will your care for your mom require lifting her, bathing, changing linens, etc? I am pre-op, but from what I have been told one week out sounds to soon for physical activity? If you have hospice care and your care will involve feeding, talking, reading, fixing her hair, holding her hand, etc., then maybe you should proceed. I think you have to have a clear understanding of the level of care your mom needs and what you will be able to provide. If with the support from your husband and mother in-law you believe your Mom will have the level of care she needs then maybe it makes sense to continue. This is just my opinion, my heart goes out to you during this difficult time and having this difficult situation in your life. Hugs, Joni 13 days pre-op, Dr. Thayer NWH crisis Good morning all, I have been even more of a lurker than usual lately, as my life has been complete hell. I have so much going on, I would really love some advice/opinions. Here is the situation: My mother, after 18 months of illness (including a 6 month period of remission) is now terminally ill. She is being discharged from the hospital tomorrow, and I will be trying to work something out with work and my family to take care of her. She has 3 months on the outside. Obviously, I am just sick over this. I am trying to be strong so I can take care of her the best that I can. In the meantime, my surgery is scheduled for Dec. 20th. When I told my surgeon that I might be up in the air for now, he couldnt have been more kind or understanding. In fact, he offered to move the date up to Nov 27th if that made things any easier, to get it over with before things with Mom get even worse. He also said that after about a week, once the staples come out, I should be okay to take care of her. The point was also made that perhaps I should do it now before emotionally I just cant take it. I have been planning for this surgery since last April. And I feel like my own life has been on hold while I waited to get to this point. AND, I have gained 20!!!! pounds since my first consult with him in August. There is no doubt I am a stress eater. So should I do it? My husband will pick up the slack taking care of my mom while I am in the hospital (as well as doing a smaller rotation each week once I am able to get back in the groove.) His mom has offered to fly out and help us. Should I do it now, while my work is being so compassionate and generous about time off? While I have the emotional stamina? While I need to take so much time out anyway? I feel like it is an extra complication, but I want to get this done. If I dont, I dont know when I'll have time again...I think it could be at least another year before I would be able to justify that time off. And in the process, I just know I will continue to gain. But I also need to be sure I am taking care of my mother to the best of my ability...and I cant jeopardize that. I want to fulfill her dying and only wish...to be at home...and that requires round the clock care. Thanks for listening, you all. Possibly going in for surgery with Dr. Randall 11/27. Or who knows when. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 14, 2000 Report Share Posted November 14, 2000 , I have never been in those shoes. But the posts for the last week I'm sure can relate to you. I think, While you have everyone's attention you should do it. You might not feel so strong in a couple of months. My heart goes out to you and what ever you decide is right for you. Don't forget we are here for good times and the bad ones that sometimes follow. There seems to always be at least one person here who can relate. Pam On Tue, 14 Nov 2000 07:58:44 EST atenbroek@... writes: > Good morning all, > > I have been even more of a lurker than usual lately, as my life has > been > complete hell. I have so much going on, I would really love some > advice/opinions. Here is the situation: > > My mother, after 18 months of illness (including a 6 month period of > > remission) is now terminally ill. She is being discharged from the > hospital > tomorrow, and I will be trying to work something out with work and > my family > to take care of her. She has 3 months on the outside. > > Obviously, I am just sick over this. I am trying to be strong so I > can take > care of her the best that I can. > > In the meantime, my surgery is scheduled for Dec. 20th. When I told > my > surgeon that I might be up in the air for now, he couldnt have been > more kind > or understanding. In fact, he offered to move the date up to Nov > 27th if that > made things any easier, to get it over with before things with Mom > get even > worse. > > He also said that after about a week, once the staples come out, I > should be > okay to take care of her. The point was also made that perhaps I > should do > it now before emotionally I just cant take it. > > I have been planning for this surgery since last April. And I feel > like my > own life has been on hold while I waited to get to this point. AND, > I have > gained 20!!!! pounds since my first consult with him in August. > There is no > doubt I am a stress eater. > > So should I do it? My husband will pick up the slack taking care of > my mom > while I am in the hospital (as well as doing a smaller rotation each > week > once I am able to get back in the groove.) His mom has offered to > fly out and > help us. > > Should I do it now, while my work is being so compassionate and > generous > about time off? While I have the emotional stamina? While I need to > take so > much time out anyway? > > I feel like it is an extra complication, but I want to get this > done. If I > dont, I dont know when I'll have time again...I think it could be at > least > another year before I would be able to justify that time off. And > in the > process, I just know I will continue to gain. > > But I also need to be sure I am taking care of my mother to the best > of my > ability...and I cant jeopardize that. I want to fulfill her dying > and only > wish...to be at home...and that requires round the clock care. > > Thanks for listening, you all. > > > > Possibly going in for surgery with Dr. Randall 11/27. Or who knows > when. > > -------------------------- eGroups Sponsor > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 14, 2000 Report Share Posted November 14, 2000 Hi , I'm sorry you're going through such a difficult time and of course no one can really tell you what to do. From your email though it sounded like you had already decided and were just looking for validation. Whatever you ultimately choose is the right thing - feel strong in that. Although you don't have a choice about your mother's illness - the good news is that you do have choices about how you'll take care of yourself and what your next step will be. I know it may seem like there isn't much to be thankful for at this point but if you look more closely you'll see that you do have a lot of good things on your side despite your mom's condition. Best of luck to you. Anita > Good morning all, > > I have been even more of a lurker than usual lately, as my life has been > complete hell. I have so much going on, I would really love some > advice/opinions. Here is the situation: > > My mother, after 18 months of illness (including a 6 month period of > remission) is now terminally ill. She is being discharged from the hospital > tomorrow, and I will be trying to work something out with work and my family > to take care of her. She has 3 months on the outside. > > Obviously, I am just sick over this. I am trying to be strong so I can take > care of her the best that I can. > > In the meantime, my surgery is scheduled for Dec. 20th. When I told my > surgeon that I might be up in the air for now, he couldnt have been more kind > or understanding. In fact, he offered to move the date up to Nov 27th if that > made things any easier, to get it over with before things with Mom get even > worse. > > He also said that after about a week, once the staples come out, I should be > okay to take care of her. The point was also made that perhaps I should do > it now before emotionally I just cant take it. > > I have been planning for this surgery since last April. And I feel like my > own life has been on hold while I waited to get to this point. AND, I have > gained 20!!!! pounds since my first consult with him in August. There is no > doubt I am a stress eater. > > So should I do it? My husband will pick up the slack taking care of my mom > while I am in the hospital (as well as doing a smaller rotation each week > once I am able to get back in the groove.) His mom has offered to fly out and > help us. > > Should I do it now, while my work is being so compassionate and generous > about time off? While I have the emotional stamina? While I need to take so > much time out anyway? > > I feel like it is an extra complication, but I want to get this done. If I > dont, I dont know when I'll have time again...I think it could be at least > another year before I would be able to justify that time off. And in the > process, I just know I will continue to gain. > > But I also need to be sure I am taking care of my mother to the best of my > ability...and I cant jeopardize that. I want to fulfill her dying and only > wish...to be at home...and that requires round the clock care. > > Thanks for listening, you all. > > > > Possibly going in for surgery with Dr. Randall 11/27. Or who knows when. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 14, 2000 Report Share Posted November 14, 2000 , I'm so sorry to hear about you're mothers illness, my prayers will be with you both. I agree with Pam, I think you should snag the earlier date while you can. Allow the people who have offered to help, do just that, and take care of YOU before you're consumed with the care for you Mom. I believe God works in mysterious ways, how often is it that an EARLIER date is available for this surgery? Having the surgery now would give you time to get comfortable with your new eating habits before the time comes when you need to pay less attention to eating and more attention to family. Love and prayers to you, -Kathy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 15, 2000 Report Share Posted November 15, 2000 I'm so sorry to read about what is going on right now with your mom. Big {{{HUGS}}} to you. As for whether or not to do the surgery its your call I know but if your husband can help and your surgeon seems optimistic about recovery time I would do it now. You'll be amazed how quickly your strength will come back and energy just after a few weeks and it might put you in a better place emotionally at the same time to help you assist your mom. Whatever you decide to do all the best with it but I think your surgeon made a valiant point about moving up the date so things haven't changed hopefully not much worse with your mom if you have the earlier surgery date. Keep us updated and stay strong. Lyssa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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