Re: Re: All or Nothing

[Guest guest]

yes! and awesome blog elle.. thanks for letting us know about it.ann

Subject: Re: All or Nothing

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Sunday, April 11, 2010, 2:53 PM

 

Excellent reminder. Thank you.

I wanted to tag on and add something I've been working on. I am integrating the

idea that the mid-point of two extremes does not necessarily equal balance. As

an example: " I have to sacrifice myself 100% to make others happy OR I

sacrificing myself for others goes against my love for myself. " Working in the

" middle " of those extremes is still dysfunctional and unhealthy, because those

extremes are dysfunctional and unhealthy.

I've really been working on scrapping the extremes altogether and creating a

new, more healthy and whole way.

Hope that makes sense. Thanks for your insight, and best wishes on that awesome

blog!!

Blessings,

Karla

>

> Growing up with an All or Nothing reality, I find myself always looking for

the middle road.

>

> Except now as it comes to her. I wonder some times if the whole point is that

while they will never stop doing this....maybe sometimes we have to learn to do

it. Set the boundaries in black and white terms, lay out the expectations, like

they are written in dried cement.

>

> Get your act together Nada, or we are done! (all or nothing)

>

> Knowing full well, as we all do....that they never will get it together.

Maybe what is so hard sometimes is that we have to employ the same tactics that

we have been subjected to...so that we can save ourselves from them...or just

save ourselves. Period.

>

> I haven't done it yet, I'm biding my time, getting my distance because I need

to get my head straight, so I can still live with myself after its done and we

are finally NC. But she e-mails me. I don't delete them, but I do put them in

a different folder so I can't see them...so I can forget they came in and delete

them later when this is done.

>

> I contemplate how far I have managed to come, and I feel a sense of

accomplishment for that. Most of the time I can keep her in check, like a dog

on a choke chain. Partly I know it's because my constancy is notable to all of

the people we share and hers is not. So if she does anything to me, she

jeopardizes self...and right now her whole self is vulnerable (when isn't it?).

>

> I'd like to " fade to black " as it were, you know, just stop being the blip she

keeps looking for on the radar screen. But it's never that easy.

>

> It's early, allergies woke me up...and my brain started moving when I got the

group e-mail.

>

> Good morning all...hope your day is not all or nothing, black or white, saint

or sinner, or just distorted beyond recognition of normal. Get your choke

chains out, it's another day and vigilance is demanded at every single damned

minute of the day.

>

> Sincerely,

> Elle

>

> PS, I bought the domain and so the blog is in transition. So if you were

following... here is the new one: http://www.chickswi thscars.com/

>