Re: New subscriber/Welcome

July 8, 2005

In a message dated 07/07/2005 9:52:15 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

wmrjh5@... writes:

This past year has been a living nightmare. My daughter, who is now 14

years old, has been diagnosed with BPD.

Welcome to our group. Know that you are not alone in this. You will find

very similar stories here and lots of support and compassion. My daughter is

18. I am one of the lucky ones with a good ending. But always cautiously

optimistic. She spent since age 13 in 7 different facilities, meds, therapy

you name it. Five years of chaos and havoc.

She turned 18 in Jan. I kicked her out twice. The second time back in we

drew up a contract that we signed together. In a nutshell, it states what

behaviors we will and will not tolerate, it lists the rules of the house, her

chores, boundaries and consequences. From that day forward I did not have to

resort to any consequences. She attended school every day without being late

and graduated last month! She does everything she is supposed to do and has

told me that it's much easier doing what I should then to face the

consequences. She is free to go out and enjoy herself, knowing she has done

her chores

and won't worry about getting in trouble. There is peace at home, finally,

no stress or tension. We bought her a car just last night for her

accomplishments. We told her we would when she graduated. She couldn't be

happier.

We aren't all this lucky.

We have a very long story with many trials and tribulations. Your daughter

needs structure in her life, seems they do better when things are written

down for them in a sort of military fashion. You will find a lot of these kids

have stated at one time or another that they wanted to join the military.

It's just the structure and routine they are looking for. And for yourself and

the rest of your family's sanity, you must set boundaries and advise her of

the consequences. I know with her being a minor you can't just tell her to

move out. It was a long time before I was able to, waiting for her to come of

age. Seek out a therapist on your own, and get yourself the book

" Co-Dependent No More " . Hope this helps. Keep reading and remember you can't

change

your daughter, only yourself and your reactions to her actions.

Hugs,

Debbie

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