Guest guest Report post Posted May 1, 2005 Mainly my familys at times...mostly my mom, but when needing attention so badly sometimes I did not care who it was, therefore the one night stands, etc.....but I use to blantly come home drunk or high, knowing how my mom felt about it....I cried desperately for love, in negative ways.... cascorsam@... wrote: When you were creating chaos, did you always make sure your family knew about? Was it mainly your family's attention you were looking for or would anyone's attention be okay? Jean Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest guest Report post Posted May 1, 2005 My ex husband was playing a mind game with me...he knew i was in a bad place then....and knew I did not want to go to jail....but if I could redo, I would...I would go to jail so my daughter would not think I abandoned her...and maybe her BPD would not be as bad as it is...and yes that is guilt talking, but it is something I have to deal with... Kelley wrote: most judges do not put you in jail the first time you dont pay back owed child support, they will work out a payment plan. Sorry you had to go through all that. Kelley Re: See, when I got my divorce, my BPD was in wild swing...and I was so confused...and homeless...nobody told me the state would give me an attorney, so even though my ex husband slept with a minor before our divorce, I was the " bad " one because of my behaviors and he got custody and I got visitation. Well, my BPD got really bad again, and I was sick, I got behind on my child support...yes I had to pay child support...so my ex told me either catch up on my lump sum of child support I was behind or go to jail.....I couldn't do either, I couldn't be a function drug addict in jail...I was so selfish then, so I lost my parental rights. Now, in hindsight, I would have went to jail.....Yes my ex makes 12 dollars an hour.... cascorsam@... wrote: Why on earth should you have to pay support for your son? Does your ex make more than you? Are the support laws really different in Louisiana? When I got my divorce, the husband was responsible for child support. Jean Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest guest Report post Posted May 1, 2005 No, but I had lost all parental rights....so they didn't seek me for child support.. Kelley wrote: both parents are obligated to support the children. You don't have to ask him for anything, just file in court a request for child support. Legal Aid can help you with the papers, and he does have an obligation! Did you pay child suport when she was not living with you? Hugs Kelley Re: No, I must to have missed it or not gotten to it yet...I won't ask Brit's dad for nothing and he told me " You have had 8 years to save up for her. " Ha what a laugh, I was an addict most of those years....I am planning on it...I heard they work better with you to...my boss throws a fit from you know where every time I have to take off for my daughters therapy... cascorsam@... wrote: Did you read my post about getting your ex to pay child support? And my word, if you can make more at Mc's why don't you go there as fast as you can. I spent a lot of time at Mickey D's with my grandsons and I never saw anyone look stressed. Aren't there state work laws in Indiana (that' s where you are, right?) regarding breaks, etc? Be assertive, get another job and go back to school. If you're not so exhausted you can work and go to school. Do one part time. You have your whole life ahead of you, you should have a job you enjoy. Jean Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest guest Report post Posted May 4, 2005 I have decided to take myself to the bookstore this afternoon after my real estate appts and sip coffee and look thru the self improvement section. I think it is time that I work on me, my goals, what I want to do for enjoyment, etc. I'm tired of all of 's problems. I'm tired of all the misery, hatefulness, and always the unhappiness. I want some joy in my life. The boys used to provide quite a bit of that in my life, but I need to go on to something bigger as well. It's like my daughter is sucking me out of me and has been for too many years. She has taken my soul and I am not letting her do this to me any longer. Jean Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest guest Report post Posted May 4, 2005 I heard " Co-Dependent No More " is good, unless you have it already. Good luck and enjoy that cup of Java!!!!! Debbie Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest guest Report post Posted May 5, 2005 Good for you Jean!!! I am jealous of you at this moment and looking forward to the day that I can truly focus on " me " . Enjoy this time and don't let anything get in your way. Patty > I have decided to take myself to the bookstore this afternoon after my real > estate appts and sip coffee and look thru the self improvement section. I > think it is time that I work on me, my goals, what I want to do for enjoyment, > etc. > > I'm tired of all of 's problems. I'm tired of all the misery, > hatefulness, and always the unhappiness. I want some joy in my life. The boys used > to provide quite a bit of that in my life, but I need to go on to something > bigger as well. It's like my daughter is sucking me out of me and has been for > too many years. She has taken my soul and I am not letting her do this to me > any longer. > > Jean > > > Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest guest Report post Posted May 28, 2005 I was reading that when they put you in the black they cannot remember all you did for them in the past that was good. So, if that is the case then she doesn't remember that I paid her mortgage for months while she was pregnant and her health ins, before she refinanced her house. Well, if she doesn't remember then she won't remember to ask me for financial assistance again when she's broke. Do I have that correct??? Jean Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest guest Report post Posted June 1, 2005 Anyone Have any of you noticed with your daughters (the ones 20ish and over) referring to females their own age or a little younger as " the lady " instead of " the girl " ? My daughter is 32 yet I used to notice over the past couple of years that she would refer to other females who were younger than herself as " that lady " . If you are young and someone is around your age, wouldn't you refer to them as " that girl " ? It just struck me that she saw herself as a child almost in relation to other females her own age or a little younger Jean Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest guest Report post Posted June 24, 2005 I brought the clothing for the boys to my daughter's house this morning. I knew she was going to be served today and I wanted to get the clothes there before that happened, but I was too late. I got there at 8:00am, but the sheriff had already been there. I unloaded a huge plastic container with all the clothes out of the back of my SUV (which I had bought because I always had the boys with me), struggled with it half way up her driveway (didn't want to park in the driveway for fear she would call the police if I went IN the driveway). As soon as I was 10 ft into the driveway with container, she opened her front door screaming and crying for me to " get out of here " or she would call the police. She was waving a piece of paper at me saying that I was NOT going to take her kids away from her. I said, Krisitn, it is only for visitation. She continued crying saying I would only get " supervised " visitation, because, according to her, I tell the boys she is trash. Actually I told HER she was trash. I told her this the day I brought her, dirtbag and the baby home from the hospital. The day HE gave me tons of attitude and she stood by , watched and took his side. I lost my temper that day as I drove them home and told both of them they were trash, but her more so because she had not been raised that way and that I was sick of her lifestyles with trash and since she only chose trash, she must be trash. She then went on to say crying and screaming on her front step that her " counselor " says she has to stay away from me if she is " EVER going to amount to anything " . Roaming the streets of the ghetto with the boys' father (another drug using , thieving, loser) for 2 years and then marrying this convict, thief, drug user, she can be with them and I am assuming the counselor thinks they are ok for helping her " amount to something " . I am so sick of it. Once again, I am at the point that I just want to sell my house and get the hel- out of here and away from all of them. I honestly believe she BELIEVES I am this horrible person. Me, who has picked up the pieces all the time for her, I am just a horrible, horrible person. If she is seeing a counselor what good is he doing? (And I am sure it is a HE, because she cannot manipulate women). I am going forward with this visitation suit, if I lose, I am DONE. I just cannot believe she hates me to the extent she does. All this because she says I was overprotective when she was a teenager and that I " have always tried to control her " . I guess not wanting her ruining her life with criminals and raising my grandsons with criminals, I guess I was supposed to shut my eyes and my mouth, but keep my pocketbook open. I guess then I would gave been a good mother I would appreciate anyone's assessments of this. Thanks Jean Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest guest Report post Posted June 24, 2005 Dot I have only seen her twice in 3 months before going to court for the restraining order. And I have seen her twice in 2 weeks, once when I was going to drop off the clothes and she got out of the car and was nice, but I didn't want to get out of my car with her home because I didn't know how she was going to act. When she saw me she was all sweetsy nice, so I didn't trust her. That was only a week after my lawyer made a total fool out of her in court---but she probably didn't notice. And then I saw her the other day as our cars passed. I had emailed her a couple of real estate leads and emailed her asking to see the boys. This was 4 emails in a 2 week period. I was hoping to avoid the expense of having tro go to court for visitation. But, it didn't get me anywhere so I am suing for visitation. It is ridiculous that it has to come to this. I guess pure and simple she wants me out of her life and out of my grandsons' lives. It is quite amusing. MY whole family accepted her and trhe boys after they were born with open arms. They always bought the boys tons of toys and clothes and they truly loved these kids. My cousin was the one who was in labor and delivery with Krisitn for both pregnancies. We had my son dress up as the " character of choice " for every birthday. THe kids felt lots of love and had lots of attention. Now, the boys haven't even had their birethday parties since she took up with ddirtbag a yr ago last March. Can you imagine a 5 and 6 yr old having no birthday party. My son and I took them to dinner on their birthdays but not the usual big, family gathering, because my family is sick of her and doesn't want her around. They bouth stuff for the boys, but won't be in Krisitn's presence. Everyone feels she just uses people---doesn't know how to send a " thank you " note even though I would hound her about it. When you're with trash, there is a lot that is not expected of you, I guess. Jean Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest guest Report post Posted June 24, 2005 Dot It wasn't the cops who gave her the summons, it was a sheriff hired thru the court. I was expecting the cops at MY door after I left there. That is usually what she does. BUt we know this is all a vendetta to keep me away from the boys because I turned in that loiusy pc of crap husband of hers. I am ssure he is brainwashing her to hate me further than she does already. He thinks he is going to have it made with getting out and not working and having her buy him drugs and booze like she did for him last year. She is going to try to get him " permanent disablity " because he can't work because he can't deal with people. He had no trouble dealing with people wwhen they blew thru $20,000 last summer in Las Vegfas when they got married and trhen I had to pay her $2200month mortgage and her health ins for the kids. But I am the scum of the earth. After all, shouldn't I fork over all my money to her and help support her crap husband otherwise I am on the shi- list and I am no good. Does anyone wonder why I am angry and sick of it all? Also, if I move, I won't have these memories that I have here. I can write off everyone before the stress gives me cancer or a stroke. Jean Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest guest Report post Posted June 24, 2005 In a message dated 06/24/2005 11:46:51 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, cascorsam@... writes: She was waving a piece of paper at me saying that I was NOT going to take her kids away from her. I said, Krisitn, it is only for visitation. She continued crying saying I would only get " supervised " visitation, because, according to her, I tell the boys she is trash. Another page in the saga of your life. She is out of control, your daughter. She couldn't even take the time to read the paper? Assuming it was for custody instead of you just exercising your rights to visitation of your grandchildren. Supervised? You? She's worried about you calling her trash? You certainly wouldn't say to the boys. And besides, hasn't she been telling her own boys " trash " about you? Can't imagine what she is telling them to make them shun you. She should be supervised just for having them, and especially when the dirtbag is around. Now THERE'S a means for supervision. Her counselor can only advise her based on what he is hearing from her. He surely does not know the entire truth, he is only hearing one side........her side, and we all can imagine what that might be. She can't amount to anything because she is the one choosing not to amount to anything, not because of anyone around her. She certainly amounted to something quite good when she was working alongside you, but of course, she forgets all that. She amounted to something when you were handing out the money for her mortgage, health insurance for the boys, daycare, etc., but of course, she forgets all that. She only amounted to something when she wasn't in a relationship with some loser druggie. What's it going to take for this girl to wake up and lead a normal life? Maybe this will wake her up, when we show them we mean business just to have normal relationships in our lives. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you and your grandsons having a normal relationship. No one in controling or interfering with her life. Only she is making her own life miserable. Things would be so much nicer and go along so much smoother if she didn't fight things like this. It's a shame because like I said before, the boys are the ones who will suffer in the long run. At the rate she is going, she is going to lose both of them when the time comes for them to decide they have had enough of her. Hugs and keep your chin up. Debbie Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest guest Report post Posted June 24, 2005 Hi Jean It sounds like things continue to be pretty rough for you right now. Too bad you couldn't have arrived at 's house before the cops . . . how come they can always do something quickly when you hope they'll dally, and won't ever show up when you truly need them? I wonder if what she says that the counselor is telling her is what is really true. I have a hard time with any counselor saying those type things that says to you. If the past is any indication of the future, could be SO misrepresenting the counselor! My daughter chooses trash, too, and it is heartbreaking to watch. She came by yesterday and said that the sole method of birth control she and her boyfriend use is the " pull out " method. Oh, God, it is only a matter of time until she gets pregnant that way! But, she still thinks she's invincible, it won't happen to her. They don't use condoms because she's allergic to latex; but surely the Health Dept. has non-latex based condoms? She won't go back. You mentioned moving again. My question would be this: what would be different? You worry about the boys where you are now, wouldn't you worry about them wherever you moved to as well? As I'm sure you know, it doesn't matter where we move, our problems tenaciously move right along with us. That being said, I'm so glad MY daughter doesn't live close by (she lives on the other side of town), so I understand the desire to get away. You can have the " effect " of moving without actually doing the thing, i.e. cut off your relationship with . You don't HAVE to drive by her house, etc. It seems prudent to think about why you want to move and what a move would accomplish. Then ask yourself if the same things can't be achieved by staying where you are, with modifications. You've said, I believe, that you sell real estate. My dad did that, and if I recall correctly, a good part of your business is from word- of-mouth from satisfied customers. Do you really want to move to another area and have to start over??? From your posts, it seems that your stress comes from a few areas: seeing regarding court appearances both at court and at her house, and wanting visitation with the grands. Does moving solve those problems? It seems to me you experience a great deal of agony after you've encountered , and she's spewed her poison all over you. Could you not simply decide you're not going to see her again? Is it possible to do everything but court appearances through your attorney? Since seems determined to dump her garbage on you, decide you are no longer going to be her garbage can, and don't allow yourself to be drawn in to her drama. Now, I well know ALL this is easier said than done, but it is food for thought. Dot Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest guest Report post Posted June 25, 2005 I don't know where to start. I am sorry you continue to go through these feelings with your daughter. My daughter, too, is attrracted to trouble. No, we didn't raise them like this, but I think this is who they chose because they feel different. She can be " queen " of the delinquents, I used to say. It's because they lack self esteem, and she feels she can be herself, ranting and raving, around these folks. The drama is part of the allure -- push away before you are pushed. I don't think the court proceedings are helping as far as you and your daughter's relationship. We went that route when my daugher was younger; I think she's past it now, but then I was the enemy. It is very stressful for them, they cannot handle these situations, and will not endear her towards you. I know you don't like the way it affects the babes (she cannot pay attention to them properly with this illness -- it is a terrible thing, we go through some of the same concerns, not to that extent). However, you need to lay low for now. You really need to distance yourself -- easier said than done. Observe. You know her behavior is not going to change -- yours must. We learn to not react -- to change our reactions -- we need to be level around them. Over time, her feelings will subside and I pray for you she will come back. It's not your fault. They cannot have healthy relationships in their lives. I'll be praying for you and the boys, Carol -------------- Original message -------------- > Dot > > I have only seen her twice in 3 months before going to court for the > restraining order. And I have seen her twice in 2 weeks, once when I was going > to > drop off the clothes and she got out of the car and was nice, but I didn't want > to get out of my car with her home because I didn't know how she was going to > act. When she saw me she was all sweetsy nice, so I didn't trust her. That > was only a week after my lawyer made a total fool out of her in court---but she > probably didn't notice. > > And then I saw her the other day as our cars passed. I had emailed her a > couple of real estate leads and emailed her asking to see the boys. This was 4 > emails in a 2 week period. I was hoping to avoid the expense of having tro go > to court for visitation. But, it didn't get me anywhere so I am suing for > visitation. It is ridiculous that it has to come to this. I guess pure and > simple she wants me out of her life and out of my grandsons' lives. It is quite > amusing. MY whole family accepted her and trhe boys after they were born with > open arms. They always bought the boys tons of toys and clothes and they > truly loved these kids. My cousin was the one who was in labor and delivery > with > Krisitn for both pregnancies. We had my son dress up as the " character of > choice " for every birthday. THe kids felt lots of love and had lots of > attention. > > Now, the boys haven't even had their birethday parties since she took up with > ddirtbag a yr ago last March. Can you imagine a 5 and 6 yr old having no > birthday party. My son and I took them to dinner on their birthdays but not > the > usual big, family gathering, because my family is sick of her and doesn't > want her around. They bouth stuff for the boys, but won't be in Krisitn's > presence. Everyone feels she just uses people---doesn't know how to send a > " thank > you " note even though I would hound her about it. > > When you're with trash, there is a lot that is not expected of you, I guess. > > Jean > > > Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest guest Report post Posted June 25, 2005 Please remember bpd's cannot take responsibility for any of their actions -- they always blame others. You are just the target. That's why I pray you remove yourself from the situation (pretend she's someone else's daughter) and protect your heart, Carol -------------- Original message -------------- > > In a message dated 06/24/2005 11:46:51 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, > cascorsam@... writes: > > I just cannot believe she hates me to the extent she does. All this because > > she says I was overprotective when she was a teenager and that I " have > always > tried to control her " . I guess not wanting her ruining her life with > criminals and raising my grandsons with criminals, I guess I was supposed to > shut my > eyes and my mouth, but keep my pocketbook open. I guess then I would gave > been > a good mother > > > > > I had to reply to this too. She doesn't hate you to the extent you > think. She hates that you don't like the dirtbag. She thinks he's locked up > because of you. He's locked up because of himself and that's all he'll ever > be, > a useless druggie convict. He should never be around those kids. She will > find herself working her butt off while he lays around the house eating up > her money and neglecting the kids. She'll get tired of it. > And I'm sure you were no more overprotective than any of us. How does she > explain the fact that she made it through high school, college and managed to > work with you and do very well in the real estate? She can be high > functioning, she just chooses not to be. No one makes anyone do anything, > these are > the choices she is making for herself, and bad ones at that. Oh, and how is > your son? Is he the same disfunctional, dramatic, chaotic, > going-no-where person that she is? If you were so bad, how come he's not > the same way as your daughter? Let her explain that. And, keep your > pocketbook closed. > Debbie > > > Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites