Denial

[Guest guest]

As in, mine.

I've just joined this group, just picked up the book about BPD moms (which I'm

slowly working my way through) and honestly, I can't read a lot of the posts

here. I have so few memories of my childhood, I feel like strings get plucked

and the tune is familiar but I don't really want to know the song. I read

something in the book that talked about how BPD moms will humiliate their kids

and I just this flood of emotion (but didn't have specific memories) - I know

the feeling of being humiliated. I know the memory will come (because I do

ultimately want it, it really sucks having few memories of your childhood and I

can handle any bad news) - but man, I'm not in any rush to get it.

So I think I'm going to talk to a therapist; I'm thriving in my life and just

want to understand how this has affected me, and how to recover some of my

childhood, heck, my adulthood. How to live with her, or live without her,

whatever has to happen. I just feel so overwhelmed, I want to forget that I know

this. I see too many things in the book and on the list that make me say yes,

she has BPD and then I feel resistant like, how could that be? I must be making

some mistake. That's a double edged sword too; the thought she might have BPD

makes me feel relieved because at least I know she's not crazy and I'm not

crazy, but it seems so overwhelmingly awful and hopeless, that I want it to be

something different entirely.

a in WA