Is it just me?

[Guest guest]

I am not sure if I expect too much or have unnecessary expectations in my

relationships.

Like, I expected some things from a friend who is also a business contact. I

realized that from her end, the relationship is more business. Once, I shared

personal information with her; and she said that she would rather not waste time

on the subject (I think she was very busy)...that's when I knew for sure it was

a business contact/working relationship.

I got confused, however; since she has extended help to me when I needed it in

the past and I never expected it. Like, when she offered for me to stay in her

apt until I found a new place. She once shared some very personal information

with me; and then caught herself and said, " oh! but enough about this stuff,

let's get back to work...I shouldn't even be thinking about this. " So, maybe she

just does'nt know her own feelings well enough or she just doesn't want to dwell

on it.

The strange thing is that when I asked for some general feedback on a project I

was doing (very general input that wouldn't take more than 20 minutes), she said

" oh, no... " and said she would rather just look at it in silence and see what

others wrote up on it (this would obviously help her out). So, I don't know.

---

Also, I have a working/mentor relationship with a professor and also work with

him and someone else. I think I mentioned this before on these boards.

Basically, the other person receives affirmations from him (like, wow thats

great I cant believe you figured this out, or that hes smart and he has the mind

of an engineer, etc..)

Anyhow, I guess since I give less input anyway when I am there and I already

mentioned this & the professor still wants me there (we barter--I get free

classes), I get a twinge of pain because I feel like I am not as smart, gifted,

or useful when I am there. I don't go over there that often, though.

I don't know what all these expectations are about. I hope I am not

subconsciously still playing the victim role here. I recently bought a book:

" Victim No More " that I still have yet to read.

I guess the reason I bring this up in this forum even though it is not directly

related to my borderline mother or dysfunctional FOO is because my Nada has a

waif/victim mentality her whole life and I used to think more like that, too:

Like, that circumstances just happened to me. I've gotten much better at seeing

the bigger picture of things and catching myself when I feel victim like or

disappointed in people. I get annoyed at myself sometimes when expecting

more...especially from working type relationships which should remain work-like.

-Joy