10 Ways to Find Joy

[Guest guest]

10 Ways to Find Joy

After tragedy and loss, moving forward with life takes a commitment

to find or create joy, laughter, and love. Here's how.

Hints for Happiness

Remembering is painful. But even as we think about a tragedy like

9/11, sharing the joy of living is possible -- and more important

than ever. BHG.com spoke about remembering, recovering, and

rebuilding with Leigh Anne Jasheway of Eugene, Oregon, Masters of

Public Health and a consultant on stress management for 16 years.

Jasheway is author of Don't Get Mad, Get Funny -- A Light-Hearted

Approach to Stress Management (Whole Person/Pfeiffer Hamilton Press,

1996), among many other books. Ms. Jasheway offered ideas about

finding joy for moms, dads, kids, and families.

Say hello to neighbors with a

batch of homemade cookies.

1. Every day, do something that reaffirms the beauty and joy of

living. Take time to look around and you'll find plenty of proof

that beauty is everywhere. Have your morning cup of coffee in sight

of the sunrise, or make it a point to see the sunset. Nature brims

with the miracle of life -- get outside and soak it in. Walk through

a park listening for birds, watch clouds in a robin's-egg-blue sky,

go barefoot in lush grass, skip stones. Stop to smell those roses,

and while you're at it, buy some fresh flowers for the house.

2. Do something. A feeling of helplessness in the face of tragedy or

human need and suffering contributes to stress. Activity is

therapeutic, and volunteerism is one of the best ways to give

activity purpose. In helping others, you help yourself. Build a

house for the less fortunate with Habitat for Humanity. Or look to

Volunteers of America for many other opportunities to help others.

Its programs serve some 300 communities across the country, with

more than 30,000 volunteers annually doing all kinds of good, from

delivering meals to the elderly to reading mail to residents of

nursing homes. Or get active on a smaller scale -- there's a lot to

be said for just practicing random acts of kindness. Recent research

found that a " joy center " of the brain thrills more to unanticipated

delights than to what's expected. So surprise someone with a little

gift. The payoff for you is experiencing the joy of giving.

Habitat for Humanity

Volunteers of America

3. Turn off the television and radio news. Reliving the horror of

9/11 in documentary form can open old wounds. Choose instead to rent

a feel-good movie or watch family videos you haven't seen in a

while. Or pull out those scrapbooks and albums. Gather everyone

around the stereo for an old-fashioned life-affirming radio show.

Even just turning up some favorite old tunes can rejuvenate the

spirit. Sing along!

4. Get to know your neighbors. A sense of neighborhood and community

increases feelings of security and connectedness. Don't let the

month of September become tainted forever, or allow loss and grief

to steal your joy. Welcome fall with new neighborhood traditions:

Plan a block-party cookout or chili cook-off, organize a pre-holiday

cookie exchange, or host a multifamily garage sale. It need not be

anything elaborate. Share a batch of cookies with the folks next

door or just sit on the front porch talking with the neighbors.

Friendships develop in the details of daily living.

More Ideas

Laughter effectively conquers

negativity -- so have fun!

5. Laugh. It really is the best medicine, reducing anxiety,

depression, and fear. In fact, studies show that laughter is one of

the best ways to let out negative emotions without causing harm. Buy

a funny book and chortle away, tell silly knock-knock jokes with the

kids, invent a stupid pet trick, or rent a screwball comedy the

whole family will enjoy. Grownups can check out Amelie (rated R),

the heartwarming and funny French film that had all of France

practicing anonymous acts of goodwill and kindness.

6. Start and end the day on a positive note. Your mother always told

you to, and the advice is still great: Count your blessings. When

you wake up, start your day with a thankful thought. Ditto at

bedtime. If you feel down during the day, actually make a list of

the good things in your life. Meditate, sing, practice yoga, light a

candle -- find small positive rituals that center you with good

thoughts and positive energy as you begin and close the day.

7. Don't allow anger and rage to rule your life. Misdirected anger

isn't healthy. Consciously replace churning emotions with serene

thoughts. Think of a particularly tranquil time at the ocean, or

imagine yourself in a favorite soothing place. Find healthy ways to

let off steam: exercise, make music, garden, paint, write out your

thoughts in a journal. If you continue to feel overwhelmed or

undermined, you can turn to prayer or professional assistance for

help in handling upsetting feelings.

8. Before you get out of bed in the morning, think of something that

makes you smile. Before you even brush your teeth, get your mental

and visual focus on something that will warm your heart. Try putting

a favorite picture -- hospital photos of your newborns, the brand-

new kitten, a perfect moment on a family vacation -- on your bedside

table. Look at it first thing in the morning. Starting off your day

in a positive frame of mind will set your spiritual metabolism for

the rest of the day. Smiles not only exercise muscles that fight

frown lines, they actually boost your immune system.

9. Be forgiving. Forgiveness is an act of the will, an action you

can take even when your heart and feelings seem to be lagging behind

in bitterness. It might be impossible to forgive actual

perpetrators, but you can hope and pray for transformation in them.

In your own life, give up grudges and let go of old toxic memories.

Reconcile with estranged friends and family members if you can, and

commit yourself to giving others the measure of forgiveness you

would like extended to you. Don't sweat small grievances.

10. Nurture your family spirit. We live in a different world now, a

world that needs love more than ever. Show your commitment to those

you love in word and deed. " I love you " means a lot, and so do the

actions that make the words more than greeting-card sentiment. So

say it, show it, and hug a lot. Strengthening family ties cultivates

stability in your home. See and call out-of-town family and nearby

relatives more often. That family feeling can grow well beyond your

natural kin.