[Fwd: FW: (no subject)]This is just to funny...I had to send it to all of you

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Z fibriotic NSIP/o5/PA

Potter, reader,carousel lover and MomMom to Darah

*“I’m gonna be iron like a lion in Zion” Bob Marley*

J. Zion, PE

President

Refrigeration

Design & Service, Inc.

14 Union Hill Rd.

West Conshohocken, PA

19428

Phone

FAX

From:

MarkRBrody@...

Sent: Friday, April 20, 2007 10:32

PM

To: MarkRBrody@...

Subject: (no subject)

> WEEK AT THE GYM: ONE MAN'S STORY> > This is dedicated to anyone who ever attempted to get into a regular> workout routine. (If you read this without laughing out loud, there is> something wrong with you.)> > Dear Diary: For my fortieth birthday this year, my wife (the dear)> purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.> Although I am still in great shape since playing on my college> football team 25 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go> ahead and give it a try.> > I called the club and made my reservation with a personal trainer> named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26 yr. old aerobics> instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.> > My wife seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club> encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.> > MONDAY:> Started my day at 6:00 am.> > Tough to get out of bed, but it was well worth it when I arrived at> the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She was something of a> Greek goddess -- with blonde hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling whitesmile.> Woo Hoo!!!!!> > She took my pulse after 5 minutes on the treadmill. She was alarmed> that my pulse was so fast, but I attributed it to standing next to her> in her Lycra aerobics outfit. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in> which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very> inspiring, Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my> gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around.> > This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!> > TUESDAY:> I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door.> Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air,> and then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the> treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it> all worthwhile... I feel GREAT!! It's a whole new life for me.> > WEDNESDAY:> The only way I can brush my teeth is by lying on the toothbrush on the> counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a> hernia in both pectorals.> Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. Belinda's> voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when she> scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest> hurts when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster.> Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity> rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get> in shape and enjoy life. She said some other shit too.> > THURSDAY:> Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her> thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help> being a half an hour late; it took me that long to tie my shoes.> Belinda took me to workout with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I> ran and hid in the men's room. She sent Lars to find me, then, as> punishment, put me on the rowing machine-which I sank.> > FRIDAY:> I hate that bitch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any> other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anaemic> little cheerleading bitch. If there were a part of my body could move> without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it.> Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And> if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the* & %#!# & **> barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich!! The treadmill> flung me off and I landed on a Pilate's teacher. Why couldn't it have> been someone softer, like the drama coach or the women's collegiate> volleyball team?> > SATURDAY:> Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly> voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her made me> want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the> strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven> straight hours of the Weather Channel.> > SUNDAY:> I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go> and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year,> my wife (the bitch) will choose a gift for me that is fun like a root> canal, or a vasectomy.>

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