A new member, Anne in VA

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Dear members of this mailing list! My name is Anne and I am a new member here. I am soon 37 years old and married to an American but I am originally from Europe. I moved to Virginia in the United States in November last year. Excuse me for my poor English; it is not my native language. This will be a long message because I want to write as much as I can about my situation. I have so many questions and I do not know if there are any answers to them. I have done some research on the Internet myself and read people’s opinions but are there really any ”true” answers??? I will tell you my “story” and I would like to hear about

your experiences and take part of your knowledge, thoughts and opinions. If I do not find any answers, at least I will gain some more understanding in what is happening to me. My background: Started taking Cipramil (Celexa in the U.S.) in 1995 Stopped taking the medication in 2004 Found out about a month ago that all my “problems” are related to “side-effects”

(or Withdrawals, I do not know what word you use) to stop taking an SSRI-medication. In 1995 I had a rough time in my life and felt I did not have the energy to do what I felt obligated to do. I got to know a girl when I studied on a university in another country who was on Cipramil and she told me how well she felt and how much more energy she had. I had never been on any prescription drug like that but I kept it back in my mind. When I came back to my own country I went to a regular family doctor and told him about how I felt and I also suggested starting taking Cipramil to get more energy. He wrote a prescription immediately without telling me anything about this kind of medication. Cipramil was a new medication at that time (so was all SSRI-medication in my country at that time) and if I knew what I know now, I would NEVER have start taking the medication… After about a year I wanted to quit taking Cipramil. The doctors knew nothing, they told me to quit cold turkey because there will be no problems to do that. I did quit told turkey and I felt terrible, physically I felt horrible and emotionally I was very, very over sensitive. I went back to the doctor and told him about my “problems”. The doctor told me to start taking Cipramil again and that I probably had to be on the medication for the rest of my life. I started to take

the medication again but I refused to believe I had to take it for the rest of my life. You have to understand. I come from a country where the mentality is that the government always knows best. All doctors work for the government and I was to scare to take any other decisions by myself in a subject I knew nothing about. During my 9 years on SSRI-medication, I was kind of their little “lab rat”. Every time a new SSRI-medication came to my country, they tried it to me. I felt awful and when I finally got the Cipramil again I felt at least a little better. In 2003 I came to a point where the Cipramil made me totally over active. I could feel that my body started to “revolt” against Cipramil and I knew I had to stop taking this horrible medication. The whole time I was on 40 mg and during one period they

increase it to 60 mg just to see how I reacted). I went to a doctor (a specialist in psychiatry) in 2003. He did a thoroughly examination (with tests etc.) for approximately 2 ½ years and determined that I have no mental problems at all. Unfortunately he had no knowledge at all about peoples “problem” when they stop taking an SSRI-medication and he could not help me. I weaned off for about 6 months to a year (too short time?) and in the end I took a tablet only when the head zaps and the dizziness got to unbearable. Finally, about 2 years ago I quit taking Cipramil totally. I had a lot of “side effects” but at that time they were manageable, I could cope and because I thought they would soon go away. Now almost 2 years later, the side effects have NOT gone away… I get more and more side effects and they also intensify. Most of the side effects began several months after I had quit taking Cipramil totally and my doctor said he did not believe my problems came from stop taking Cipramil because it was several months I quit. After 2 years of Hell (excuse my language) and some research, I know now that my doctor was wrong. Here is a list with my side effects (or withdrawals) that I have experienced and still experience: SOME OF THE “SIDE EFFECTS” I HAVE EXPERIENCED AND STILL EXPERIENCE DUE TO STOP TAKING CIPRAMIL (CELEXA IN THE U.S.): Hyper sensitive to: Light Sound Flickering light/things (travel in vehicles, using a computer, walk, take a shower, flipping pages,

read etc.) Touch of the skin Smell Heat and cold Headache/Migraine Nerves twisting and tingling, pain Extreme dizziness Seizure Anxiety attacks (or panic attacks) Head zaps and feeling of “disconnection” “Heavy head” Pain in the whole body or changing from body part to body part Blurred vision and fussy spots in eyes Stiffness in whole body Insomnia. I have problems falling a sleep, stay a sleep, and I wake up too early. If I sleep, I have a lot of nightmares Hyperactivity in body and brain Trembling Clicking in ear Menstruation cycle changed dramatically Stomach pain Nausea and vomiting Heat sensation in face Cold hands and feet I am now at a point where I feel I HAVE to do something; I cannot live like this anymore. I can not do the things I love most, like using my computer, watch TV, travel (in whatever vehicle), walk, flip pages in a magazine or book, play board games, I can not even be out in the sunlight without getting “problems”. The ‘side effects” increase in numbers and intensify in periods, sometimes it is triggered out of stress and fear. After I got a seizure (flicking sun rays through the trees when I was traveling in a car) I

started to have anxiety attacks (or panic attacks) because of extreme fear of getting seizures again because that was something of the most frightening I have ever experienced. Sometimes I am conscious when I get seizures and that is so scary. I am also scared that something more serious will happen to me, like heart attacks etc. There are so many things I cannot do anymore and my life feels so limited. I feel sad and it is difficult for me to keep the hope

up (that this will ever go away) sometimes. My husband is not very understanding in this. I do not know anyone personally who are in the same situation as me and I feel VERY lonely. I cannot cope with it much longer without some support, advice, understanding, and some more knowledge. As I said before, I have a lot of questions. Have Cipramil given me

permanent damage to my central nervous system so the ‘side effects” will never go away or will it just take a very long time to recover (because I was on Cipramil for so many years)? Do I have to start taking Cipramil again to make the “side effects” go away, or will they never go away even if I start taking Cipramil again? What can I expect will happen with my body and mind if I start taking Cipramil again (after 2 years without it)? What can I expect will happen if I do not start taking it again? If anyone has the experience, please share it with me! The LAST thing I want to do is to start taking Cipramil again. As long as I feel hope for recovery, I will continue to cope with the horrible ‘side effects” as well as I can. If I lose my hope, I do not see any other way then start taking Cipramil again. To take Cipramil again is my LAST resort. What can I do to ease the “side effects” and the anxiety attacks if a recovery is possible? Doctors have, due to lack of experience, given me Xanax (max. 3 mg a day in periods to ease my “problems”). Will Xanax interrupt or delay the recovery or is it a good way to ease my “problems”??? What do you recommend? Please, help me find some answers or gain some more understanding, I am desperate and lonely and need support from others who knows what I am going through. Where can I find any professional who has a great knowledge in this subject? I live in a little village in south central Virginia, I am unemployed at the moment and I have no insurance so I cannot afford any fancy specialist at the moment. I

will listen to you with my heart open. You are the one who are in my situation and understand what I am going through. I am a good listener and I will give you my love, support and understanding as much as I can. I am so grateful to have joined this mailing list and I want to be a part of this group. Please be my friend and make me feel a little bit less lonely! With Love, Anne in Virginia, USA. ___________________________________________________________ P.S. Excuse me if my message is messy, I hope you can read it and understand it anyway. PLEASE HELP

ME! __________________________________________________