RE: Re: Question about detachment

October 26, 2007

April,

I highly recommend the book Leaving Home. It's written more for us kids of

dysfunctional parents. It describes what we go through when we try to separate

from them.

Kelley

To: WTOAdultChildren1@...: aprilondis@...: Thu, 25 Oct

2007 23:39:44 +0000Subject: Re: Question about detachment

Hey Kelley and Kyla,Wow, this line from Leaving Home really caught me: " They

remainattached to their parents through the desire to punish or expose theparent

to public scrutiny, much like " whistle-blowers " who spend theirlives exposing

corruption in corporations or in government. " I wonder if writing to each on this

board is a healthy way to fill ourneed to expose our BPD to public scrutiny? I

think I personally dohave that need (for good or ill!) - I want others to

acknowledge whatit was like to have a nada instead of a mother.A lot of KOs (me

included) have high functioning BPs in their lives,and have teachers, friends,

co-workers and others around us who don'treally understand what's going on

behind closed doors. This group is aplace where you can tell the story of what

happened to people who willunderstand, believe and validate you.Leaving Home

sounds like a good book?- April> >> >

I am reading the book Leaving Home and just came across > this: " After > > years

of disappointment, some children give up their hopeful self > > fantasies, and

instead focus on the memories in their wounded > > selves. They remain attached

to their parents through the desire > to > > punish or expose the parent to

public scrutiny, much like " whistle-> > blowers " who spend their lives exposing

corruption in corporations > > or in government. The wounded self is as

intensely attached to the > > rejecting parent as the hopeful self is to the

illusory loving > > parent. It has no interest in separating from the rejecting

parent > > any more than a deprived child of eight or nine is interested in > >

leaving its family. " > > > > I believe this is where I am. Although I am trying

to detach from > > them I find my thoughts are constantly filled with my

parents. I > do > > have a desire to expose them in a way because they have been

so > > hypocritical. Has anyone else experienced this? If so how did you > > get

past this and what does that look like?> > > > Thanks,> > > > Kelley> >>

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