Re: I went to more doctors....

[Guest guest]

Dear Danni;

Do you have family to help you make a decision? If not and it were me I would

choose the doctors that you like the best and weigh their advise with the other

doctors. Good luck. Melt

[Guest guest]

Hi Melt,

I have my Dad that is living with me but he takes care of my brother who

has parkinson's. My Brother is total care and needs feedings via a tube. I feel

so bad putting more on him. As far as my other family members they live in NY.

My youngest sister is getting married in July. I have a habit of trying to

protect my family and friends from my problems. Thank you for your advise. I

just do not know what to do at the moment.

Danni

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[Guest guest]

Danni,

Please don't be afraid of the pain meds. Right now you need them just to

function! Pain will make you not care anymore b/c you are conentrating on it so

much. then depression hits. You are not doing yourself any good on that,

sweetie! You need to get a handle on this pain so that you can feel a little

more in control right now.

Please know I am praying for you!

Hugs & many more...

Gail

Blondedolphin172@... wrote:

Hello Stilligans,

I saw 3 doctors this week regarding the tumors on my pituitary gland. I first

saw an neurosurgeon who specializes in pain management. The neurosurgeon told me

that no matter what pain mediations I take they will not get rid of alot of the

pain. I saw a doctor down at the cleveland clinic in Naples,Fl today. I found

out that my pituitary gland has malfunctioned. I am still producing a very high

level of TSH ( thyroid stimulating hormone),my level is 20.98(normal is

..25-4.9), eventhough I no longer have a thyroid gland and I am taking synthroid

orally. Then I was told that my pituitary gland is producing very high levels of

FSH( follical stimulating hormone) eventhough I had my ovaries and uterus out 12

years ago. I guess with the gland malfunctioning and the tumors causing my right

eye to have a white film over the pupil they suggest that I not wait for the

medications to decrease the brain swelling and have the pituitary gland removed.

I am alittle hesitant and scared to

have anymore surgery. I am not sure what to do. I felt so stupid for crying in

the doctors office today. Everything from the still's pain and the head pressure

are getting to me and I am not sure I am strong enough to deal with it anymore.

i broke down and allowed te doctors to place me on avinza 30mg daily for pain.

They feel that I should take more pain meds but I am afraid to. See, my

biological mother was an alcoholic and I am afraid of addiction. I know it is so

stupid but that is my fear. I am still unable to process all that the doctors

have said this week. I am just worried and not sure what to do. I am not even

sure I am strong enough to decide what to do.....

Danni

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[Guest guest]

Danni: this is a bit late I know but was gone for 4 days.

I at one time was a drug user (many many years ago) I also with stills

have been on a lot of pain meds. What I found worked for me was this. I

only take them when I need them. Real pain. Pain I can not deal with.

Little every day pain I live with but big pain I take the meds. Others

told me take them all the time so the break threw pain did not happen.

(This was also stated by an aunt that was a R.N. and a cancer survivor)

I was too scared of becoming addicted so I did not. My pain thresh hold

has also gotten bigger so in the end I do not need them as much as I

first did. Also now days docs keep a close eye on things like that as if

they do not they can get in trouble. The rest I would seek out others

family very very close friends and ask what they think then for some

thing like this I would also even get three doc opinions and then go

from there. At one time two docs thought I had kidney. well I went with

them and they called a 3rd doc in to do a look at it he said no I did

not I only had a cyst So we all agreed to let it go and keep an eye on

it that was over 5 years ago and to this day nit has been nothing more .

no growth and no more pain but I relied on what the docs said friends

and family and then made a call what to do based on medical reasons

,emotional and family concerns . I also gave it some time and would not

make a call on it for a bit of time so I could think it over and decide

then. I can and will say you are strong enof you just do not know it.

See I was there one time. with the stills pain and troble putting me in

intensevi care every few weeks for a week at a time, not working ECT I

lost it when the last straw hit. My ex divorcing me after 26 years and

almost two years into stills. some of the drugs did change my

personality this I now know but the main reason with out it being ever

said was I did not fit in to her world of perfect I was ill and could

not work even my kids say this is how she felt . Any way on to the

point. At the end I did not believe I could go one or live with any

thing more so I almost ended it. the cops and med person were great that

night see with out them I would not have the loving woman I have in my

life and I also would not have this place I call my home nor would I

have been here to tell you what I have . see we never know how strong we

are tell after the fact so hang in there you will make it no matter what

that is and you will know what to do in the end

So with all that said I will send you this hug and good warm thought

Marty

I went to more doctors....

Hello Stilligans,

I saw 3 doctors this week regarding the tumors on my pituitary gland. I

am a little hesitant and scared to have anymore surgery. I am notsure

what to do. I felt so stupid for crying in the doctors office today.

Everything from the still's pain and the head pressure are getting to me

and I am not sure I am strong enough to deal with it anymore. i broke

down and allowed te doctors to place me on avinza 30mg daily for pain.

They feel that I should take more pain meds but I am afraid to. See, my

biological mother was an alcoholic and I am afraid of addiction. I know

it is so stupid but that is my fear. I am still unable to process all

that the doctors have said this week. I am just worried and not sure

what to do. I am not even sure I am strong enough to decide what to

do.....

Danni

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[Guest guest]

Danni please call me sometime, maybe tonight at 8 or something 856 866 1050.

I understand all the things you are saying. Sometimes we have to trust the

doctors . Being a nurse and as you put it, drop kicking them, makes us

hesitant to do therapeutic measures. But you do need to do something. Being

self

aware as you are, I doubt you will have an addiction problem. Again, you will

take care of that cause you recognize the potential. Many hugs my friend.Liz

[Guest guest]

Marty,

I just read your post to me and I am crying. It helps so much to know people

who understand my fears. I am so thankful that you have a wonderful partner in

your life now. You deserve to have a partner who makes you happy. I am sorry to

hear what you had to go through to get to where you are now. I was suppose to

get married on April 22,2006. My Ex's family did not approve of me and in the

end I refused to keep fighting for a person who depends so much on their

family's approveal. His family told him I was damage goods and I was faking my

illness. I really thought I found the person who I wanted to spend my life with.

His mother called off the wedding the morning of it. My EX was told that if he

married me he would no longer have a family. My EX told me I was not worth him

losing his family. Now he owes me alot of money ( over 20,000) and he is

refusing to pay me back. He told other Officers( he is a correction officer)

that he needs someone who is thin, pretty and not sick. It hurts so much. How

long have you taken pain meds ??? I am very scared to take them but I did take

them yesterday. I received a call this morning from the neurosurgeon and she

says my pressure on the right optic nerve has increased alot. I am having a

difficult time seeing out of my right eye. She told me that if I continue to not

treat my pain that there is a chance I can cause more problems. I spoke to a

very dear friend last night and she agreed with what you have told me. I do not

understand why I shake everytime I think of taking something for pain. I guess

with me I fear that I will become addicted just like my abusive biological

mother was when she drank. How do you get over fears like that ???? I am so

blessed to have support from people who truely understand what I am feeling.

Thanks again for sharing your story. You have really touched my heart with your

honesty. I hope that one day I can help someone just like how you have helped

me.

Danni

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[Guest guest]

Danni :

I was on pain pills for over three years hard core and now am trying to

get back on them after a 4 year period of not having them or any med

coverage to help me control the every day break threw pain of late.

I know when we take drugs most become addicted to things because they

take them for fun and enjoyment not because there really needed. even

after all of mine I did not have much trouble stopping them and I

believe that is I only used them when needed no other time and for me It

worked .

I know what you mean by ex's costing us .I have also lost a lot

kids, home , and money close to around $120,000.00 total with the cost

of the divorce the closing of my business( a gun business and calif is

not gun friendly. I was a manufacture and also gun smith for both the

police and privet persons. I also was just starting to make movie prop

guns also ) Be glad in one thing and that it happened before you were

married and not after .I just still have a hard time when people are

like this . acting like they care for you but only really caring what

others say or feel like we are nothing but o well I am lucky I lived

threw it and have grown in leaps and bounds from it to a life that is

better then any time in the past with support I never know could be and

this to I wish you and every one here the support of loved ones. The

strength they need to stand fast and most of all the strength we need to

make it every day with the dragon snapping at our heels

Hugs all

Marty

Re: I went to more doctors....

Marty,

I just read your post to me and I am crying. It helps so much to know

people who understand my fears. I am so thankful that you have a

wonderful partner in your life now. You deserve to have a partner who

makes you happy. I am sorry to hear what you had to go through to get to

where you are now. I was suppose to get married on April 22,2006. My

Ex's family did not approve of me and in the end I refused to keep

fighting for a person who depends so much on their family's approveal.

His family told him I was damage goods and I was faking my illness. I

really thought I found the person who I wanted to spend my life with.

His mother called off the wedding the morning of it. My EX was told that

if he married me he would no longer have a family. My EX told me I was

not worth him losing his family. Now he owes me alot of money ( over

20,000) and he is refusing to pay me back. He told other Officers( he is

a correction officer) that he needs someone who is thin, pretty and not

sick. It hurts so much. How long haveyou taken pain meds ??? I am very

scared to take them but I did take them yesterday. I received a call

this morning from the neurosurgeon and she says my pressure on the right

optic nerve has increased alot. I am having a difficult time seeing out

of my right eye. She told me that if I continue to not treat my pain

that there is a chance I can cause more problems. I spoke to a very dear

friend last night and she agreed with what you have told me. I do not

understand why I shake everytime I think of taking something for pain. I

guess with me I fear that I will become addicted just like my abusive

biological mother was when she drank. How do you get over fears like

that ???? I am so blessed to have support from people who truely

understand what I am feeling. Thanks again for sharing your story. You

have really touched my heart with your honesty. I hope that one day I

can help someone just like how you have helped me.

Danni

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[Guest guest]

Marty,

Thanks for sharing your story with me. It is so hard right now because I am

in alot of pain and due to brain swelling I am losing my vision in my right eye.

I am so scared of taking pain meds. I have never had an addiction to anything in

my life. Due to being a nurse for so long I have seen alot of nurses become

addicted to drugs. I am trying to take the pain meds like I am suppose to. My

doctor says it was important to decrease my pain so that the pressure will not

get worse. Is it normal to be this afraid to take medications?? I had a real

hard day today due to severe pain. I took the pain medications and then cried

because I felt so weak. I just felt awful about myself. I know it is so stupid

but I am trying to get over that. I really need to thank you, Mandy and all the

stiligans for your support and advise.

I am so happy that you were able to go through all the bad times and come out

stronger. It helps to talk with people who understand what it is like to live

with this illness. How long have you been in your relationship??? Does she

understand your illness?? I pray that she can see how caring and giving you are.

I am lucky to have people in my life that share their expirences with me. It

helps to see what others have gone through and makes me have hope that I will be

stronger.

Thanks for sharing ...

Danni

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[Guest guest]

Danni:

It is okay to be scared but at the same time it is also okay to take

the meds we need to for what ever reason and in your case some darn good

ones. I for one do not like to take any thing and my son is also now

this way after what he got to see some did to me and how I was treated

by his mother because of them. Yet both of us will take them over

suffering more then needed and also to help us save what we have now and

to or get better to enjoy life more. I know for my self if becoming

addicted to some drugs would also let me have a bit of a more normal

life I would not mid . It is not always easy to break it but it can be

broken if a person has the strong will power and wants to. Reading how

you treat it to begin with I do not think you would have a problem to

start with and if you did you would not have the struggle a lot of other

s do to break it.

My niece has a tumor in her brain that swells a lot. It is not cancerous

thank God. She is using opium based drugs and has become addicted to

them she also is finding it hard to break but then again she is an ex

drug user and has a very very addicted personality. I know this she is

now able to live a closer to normal life what ever that is with them

then with out. She is also a better mother with them as with out she

locked her self in the bedroom and kept to her self from the pain and

noise of the kids. I look at it this way. what are the trade offs and

the cost both ways then go from there

Re: I went to more doctors....

Marty,

Thanks for sharing your story with me. It is so hard right now because I

am in alot of pain and due to brain swelling I am losing my vision in my

right eye. I am so scared of taking pain meds. I have never had an

addiction to anything in my life. Due to being a nurse for so long I

have seen alot of nurses become addicted to drugs. I am trying to take

the pain meds like I am suppose to. My doctor says it was important to

decrease my pain so that the pressure will not get worse. Is it normal

to be this afraid to take medications?? I had a real hard day today due

to severe pain. I took the pain medications and then cried because I

felt so weak. I just felt awful about myself

[Guest guest]

Marty,

Thank you for caring enough about me to share your family's expirences. It is

so difficult to put my fears aside and take the pain medications. I can relate

to how much pain your niece is in with a brain tumor. The pain in my head was so

bad yesterday that I just wished to go to sleep and never wake up. I did take

the pain meds yesterday and they helped a little but I felt so weak for having

to take them. I am so blessed to have friends in the group that understand.

Thanks again for sharing your expierences with me.

Danni

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[Guest guest]

Danni;

Just remember this it takes a strong person to know they need them and

take them. You're not weak for using some thing to help you handle the

pain! You are weak if you take them to handle normal stress in life that

is the deference in abuse and need

Hugs

Marty

Re: I went to more doctors....

Marty,

Thank you for caring enough about me to share your family's expirences.

It is so difficult to put my fears aside and take the pain medications.

I can relate to how much pain your niece is in with a brain tumor. The

pain in my head was so bad yesterday that I just wished to go to sleep

and never wake up. I did take the pain meds yesterday and they helped a

little but I felt so weak for having to take them. I am so blessed to

have friends in the group that understand.

Thanks again for sharing your expierences with me.

Danni

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