Re: Need help

January 5, 2008

Hi T,

Ask about allergies too, and maybe you could try and

think yourself of anything in the last few weeks that

has changed at all. Especially environmentally (i.e.

detergent, toothpaste, shampoo, airfreshner, a perfume

you wear, something you guys got for Christmas? A dog,

cat? Something like that) If not those things, did

somebody pass away that she knew, or a teacher quit,

or an aunt is going to have a baby or a teacher is

going to, or something that may be making her have

feelings that she does not know how to explain. How

old is she again? Does she have any crushes on boys or

have friends that suddenly won't talk to her anymore?

Did she recently have a birthday and she doesn't want

to grow up, or did a friend have a birthday and now

acts like she can't be friends with somebody who is

not her age?

The reason I ask these things, is because I know if I

had gone to public school I probably would have been

diagnosed with Autism or aspergers at least and these

are the kind of things that I can remember vividly

experiencing and causing me great frusteration. I

never told my parents about these things while I was

experiencing them, because I thought they were dumb

and thought that I was stupid for feeling these ways

and didn't want to feel these ways and thought that if

I didn't talk about it, that I could just force it to

go away and I would keep in better control of myself.

But every time that I did that I began to get ulcers

and so I didn't want to eat because it hurt and for

some reason the only things I ever wanted to eat were

Orange juice and lettuce just plain shredded lettuce.

The thing is, I thought I was being tough and

controlling my feelings, but it was very stupid of me,

because I was just causing more feelings of pain and

loneliness and that nobody cared about me, when how

could they, they didn't even know what was wrong. But

because of that I would get in fights with my mom. I

never physically faught her because I had a heavy

handed dad that would have cured that problem in a

heart beat, but I just ignored her or said no to

everything she asked me to do or rolled my eyes and

walked off.

In my own defence, I was not a brat. I did not even

know what a brat was. We were never allowed to watch

tv growing up and the only people I knew or had for

friends were from church. These feelings and actions

started in me as young as age 3 and I can remember

being three and hiding under the piano bench for hours

while my parents tried to find me.

Don't suspect that because she is not talking to you

or communicating her feelings that she does not have

them. In fact I probably had more feelings than most

kids my age. I liked boys from the time I was 6 and

remember thinking I was in love with adult men from

the time I was 7-8. I started having terrible period

cramps and pms when I was only 8 yrs old and my

parents didn't know what was wrong with me.

They took me to my Ped. and I still vividly remember

that day, when the Dr. said, " Well she is becoming a

little woman here. Excpect her period to start any

time now " . It started when I was 9. I dealt with my

first period myself because my mom was having a baby

and I being a scared 9 yr old and not wanting to tell

my blabber mouth grandma just used toilet paper every

hour for days till the period stopped. Then I never

even told a soul til the next month when it happened

again and I remember hating my mom and new baby

brother because he caused my mom to not be there for

me, and she was so stupid in my opinion back then,

that she couldn't read my mind and know what was wrong

with me.

My mom and I have had serious struggles with our

relationship until I had my first baby and gained a

whole new perspective on things.

I guess I always expected that she should have this

intuition and power to know and understand my feelings

and what I was going through and make it better and

stand up for me, and she never did and I honestly at

one point hated her for it.

Of course I was like 12 when I hated her, so I have to

forgive myself now, but the only reason that I wanted

to share these things with you is to help you maybe

figure out what it is and so you can be there for her

and be able to talk about what ever it is, so that she

doesn't have to feel like I did and it won't drive a

wedge between the two of you.

ANother big thing for me, was when I had a friend, who

now that I think back was not even that much of a

friend. I only saw her once a month and we would write

pen pal letters to one another once a week. I was only

8, but I thought she was my best friend. Her name was

Becky and one day Becky had a birthday and turned 9

and she said to me that she did not want to be friends

with a stupid imature 8 yr old like me any more

because she was 9 and 9 yr olds don't hang around with

dumb 8 yr olds.

That was the last time I really saw her again till we

were like 18. SHe is still a bit on the " uppety " side

and has always been rich and I have always been poor

or middle class financially. It does not at all bug me

now. I realize that I was just a silly little girl,

but at that day, it meant the world to me and I

thought my life was over, and I was only 8 for crying

out loud.

My family always called me a " dramma queen " and people

still call me that. I still hate it. Because the thing

is, to me, and my feelings that is how I really felt

and really feel, I was not trying to show off or be

dramatic, I was just being me and was just expressing

myself the way that I felt. To every one else, I was

seeking attention and was overexagerating or making up

stuff or way overduing it, to get what they called

" the center of attention " .

But the thing is they were very wrong! I do not like

to be the center of attention. I do not like everyone

to look at me or know my feelings, I do not like to be

thought of as a blabber mouth or dramma queen, so I

used to reward myself for seeing how long I could go

without talking, so that people would stop calling me

things like " drama queen " and say that I never shut up

or that " nobody is as long winded as Esther " .

Even church teachers used to say, " anyone who wants to

answer the question, besides Esther " .

So, I felt very misunderstood my whole life growing

up, I felt like someday I would find Mr. Right and he

would just sweep me off my feet and be able to

basically read my mind and understand me and that we

would be able to communicate mind to mind and not have

to talk

Well of course that never happened! And believe me,

when that is what you go into a marriage thinking is

going to be how it is, you wind up with a Major

disappointment. I got married just a few months after

I turned 20. It took me till about 3 years ago and we

just celebrated our 7th anniversary - to figure out

that NO-one can read our minds and that that false

hope was an illusion.

You may think that I am crazy and call it crazy all

you want, I have been called crazy, I have been called

about every name you can think of. But I am not crazy,

I just think differently than most people want to

admit. The thing is... many people feel that way and

they want to express that, and they feel alone and

wish that somebody could just be there to be able to

completely understand them. If people didn't feel that

way, why are there movies about telepathic people who

can read thoughts and movies like Mel Gibsons " What

women want " and books about it and why does nearly

every woman out there feel so alone all the time.

Well, it is because they don't know how to verbally

express their feelings and it is exhausting at times

to try and so they either don't or when they are in

the middle of verbally talking as fast as Alvin and

the chipmunks they finally break down and either yell

or cry or they just realize that they will never get

their point across anyhow and so they don't talk at

all and just wish somebody could relate to them or

understand them.

Anyhow, as you can see by how long my e-mail posts

are, I have gotten a lot more long winded and have

decided that who cares if people say I talk or write

too much, I have to express myself in order to not

have ulcers.

I still have challenges keeping on track or on the

same subject and my mind switches all over the place

so it is very hard still for me to explain myself, and

it is a good thing that my husband is about the most

patient man alive, when it comes to me having

feelings, because I don't do a very good job of

explaining myself still verbally, I often have to

write him a letter in order to express what I am upset

about.

But just realize that it could be something like this

and she may have punched you the other day, because

she was annoyed that in her mind, you were so stupid

as to not realize that she is not sick and it has

nothing to do with illness, she is hurt or upset

emotionally.

Please though, if she is anything the way I used to

feel, do not tell her or act like you can't handle it

and try to get a councelor or somebody to help her

instead of you. Because for me, that only fed the

problem. It made me feel like, my mom doesn't care, so

she is dumping me onto some complete stranger, so I am

not talking. Or it made me feel like, " I can't share

my feelings with her, I will have to go it alone,

because she is too weak to handle my feelings, if she

is frusterated now, they would break her. She could

never make it if she had to be given my feelings "

Anyhow, I know that that is a lot for any NT or

" Normal " person to process, but my mind always has

raced like this with millions of things going on in it

constantly. I think so fast that it truly is

challenging for me to keep up with myself in speaking

or in typing. When I really want to get my feelings

out, I have to keep a handwritten journal where I can

just let my hand fly accross the pages and I do not

have to worry about hurting anyones feelings or

phrasing my words right in order to make scence. It

makes sence to me and when I really need to get things

out, that is all that I can think of.

Oh, and speaking of periods or hormones, Kassi

mentioned that at her weight she would probably not

begin a period, and while that may " normally " be

true... I was only 56 pounds when I was 8 and started

the cramping and only 59 pounds when I was 9 and began

having periods. When I was 11 I finally put on some

weight and was about 78 pounds, but it was not till I

was 15 that I finally hit a good weight of 110. Of

course now my body has gone the opposite and I would

kill to be 125 or 110 again, but would have to loose

150 pounds to be my ideal weight again and yet I have

not grown in height at all, I am still 5'5 " , but that

is a whole different story.

Anyhow, just know that your daughter probably really

can understand and hear you.

I think the Movie " What dreams may come " with Robin

, is probably one of my favorite movies and

that is because the couple were soul mates and able to

read one anothers minds. Somehow that is what I always

thought should happen from the time I was very very

young. I still have to admit that I wish it could be

that way at least a little more than it is anyway

Hope this helps a little.

Esther

--- taijij at work wrote:

> We have an appt with her ped. on monday, so far i am

> going to ask him to

> test for -diabetes, thyroid, hormone issues, adrenal

> issues.

>

> If anyone can think of anything else please let me

> know before monday.

>

> Thanks

>

> >

> > In a message dated 1/3/08 11:43:29 AM Eastern

> Standard Time,

> >

> > amnestyb@... <amnestyb%40yahoo.com> writes:

> >

> > How long has she been on the Strattera and when

> did the behavior

> > change start?

> >

> > sometimes hormons change things too. have the doc

> check those levels

> > eric abbys dad

> >

> > **************Start the year off right. Easy ways

> to stay in shape.

> >

>

http://body.aol.com/fitness/winter-exercise?NCID=aolcmp00300000002489

> >

> > [Non-text portions of this message have been

> removed]

> >

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been

> removed]

>

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your home page.

http://www.yahoo.com/r/hs

January 5, 2008

Hi T,

Ask about allergies too, and maybe you could try and

think yourself of anything in the last few weeks that

has changed at all. Especially environmentally (i.e.

detergent, toothpaste, shampoo, airfreshner, a perfume

you wear, something you guys got for Christmas? A dog,

cat? Something like that) If not those things, did

somebody pass away that she knew, or a teacher quit,

or an aunt is going to have a baby or a teacher is

going to, or something that may be making her have

feelings that she does not know how to explain. How

old is she again? Does she have any crushes on boys or

have friends that suddenly won't talk to her anymore?

Did she recently have a birthday and she doesn't want

to grow up, or did a friend have a birthday and now

acts like she can't be friends with somebody who is

not her age?

The reason I ask these things, is because I know if I

had gone to public school I probably would have been

diagnosed with Autism or aspergers at least and these

are the kind of things that I can remember vividly

experiencing and causing me great frusteration. I

never told my parents about these things while I was

experiencing them, because I thought they were dumb

and thought that I was stupid for feeling these ways

and didn't want to feel these ways and thought that if

I didn't talk about it, that I could just force it to

go away and I would keep in better control of myself.

But every time that I did that I began to get ulcers

and so I didn't want to eat because it hurt and for

some reason the only things I ever wanted to eat were

Orange juice and lettuce just plain shredded lettuce.

The thing is, I thought I was being tough and

controlling my feelings, but it was very stupid of me,

because I was just causing more feelings of pain and

loneliness and that nobody cared about me, when how

could they, they didn't even know what was wrong. But

because of that I would get in fights with my mom. I

never physically faught her because I had a heavy

handed dad that would have cured that problem in a

heart beat, but I just ignored her or said no to

everything she asked me to do or rolled my eyes and

walked off.

In my own defence, I was not a brat. I did not even

know what a brat was. We were never allowed to watch

tv growing up and the only people I knew or had for

friends were from church. These feelings and actions

started in me as young as age 3 and I can remember

being three and hiding under the piano bench for hours

while my parents tried to find me.

Don't suspect that because she is not talking to you

or communicating her feelings that she does not have

them. In fact I probably had more feelings than most

kids my age. I liked boys from the time I was 6 and

remember thinking I was in love with adult men from

the time I was 7-8. I started having terrible period

cramps and pms when I was only 8 yrs old and my

parents didn't know what was wrong with me.

They took me to my Ped. and I still vividly remember

that day, when the Dr. said, " Well she is becoming a

little woman here. Excpect her period to start any

time now " . It started when I was 9. I dealt with my

first period myself because my mom was having a baby

and I being a scared 9 yr old and not wanting to tell

my blabber mouth grandma just used toilet paper every

hour for days till the period stopped. Then I never

even told a soul til the next month when it happened

again and I remember hating my mom and new baby

brother because he caused my mom to not be there for

me, and she was so stupid in my opinion back then,

that she couldn't read my mind and know what was wrong

with me.

My mom and I have had serious struggles with our

relationship until I had my first baby and gained a

whole new perspective on things.

I guess I always expected that she should have this

intuition and power to know and understand my feelings

and what I was going through and make it better and

stand up for me, and she never did and I honestly at

one point hated her for it.

Of course I was like 12 when I hated her, so I have to

forgive myself now, but the only reason that I wanted

to share these things with you is to help you maybe

figure out what it is and so you can be there for her

and be able to talk about what ever it is, so that she

doesn't have to feel like I did and it won't drive a

wedge between the two of you.

ANother big thing for me, was when I had a friend, who

now that I think back was not even that much of a

friend. I only saw her once a month and we would write

pen pal letters to one another once a week. I was only

8, but I thought she was my best friend. Her name was

Becky and one day Becky had a birthday and turned 9

and she said to me that she did not want to be friends

with a stupid imature 8 yr old like me any more

because she was 9 and 9 yr olds don't hang around with

dumb 8 yr olds.

That was the last time I really saw her again till we

were like 18. SHe is still a bit on the " uppety " side

and has always been rich and I have always been poor

or middle class financially. It does not at all bug me

now. I realize that I was just a silly little girl,

but at that day, it meant the world to me and I

thought my life was over, and I was only 8 for crying

out loud.

My family always called me a " dramma queen " and people

still call me that. I still hate it. Because the thing

is, to me, and my feelings that is how I really felt

and really feel, I was not trying to show off or be

dramatic, I was just being me and was just expressing

myself the way that I felt. To every one else, I was

seeking attention and was overexagerating or making up

stuff or way overduing it, to get what they called

" the center of attention " .

But the thing is they were very wrong! I do not like

to be the center of attention. I do not like everyone

to look at me or know my feelings, I do not like to be

thought of as a blabber mouth or dramma queen, so I

used to reward myself for seeing how long I could go

without talking, so that people would stop calling me

things like " drama queen " and say that I never shut up

or that " nobody is as long winded as Esther " .

Even church teachers used to say, " anyone who wants to

answer the question, besides Esther " .

So, I felt very misunderstood my whole life growing

up, I felt like someday I would find Mr. Right and he

would just sweep me off my feet and be able to

basically read my mind and understand me and that we

would be able to communicate mind to mind and not have

to talk

Well of course that never happened! And believe me,

when that is what you go into a marriage thinking is

going to be how it is, you wind up with a Major

disappointment. I got married just a few months after

I turned 20. It took me till about 3 years ago and we

just celebrated our 7th anniversary - to figure out

that NO-one can read our minds and that that false

hope was an illusion.

You may think that I am crazy and call it crazy all

you want, I have been called crazy, I have been called

about every name you can think of. But I am not crazy,

I just think differently than most people want to

admit. The thing is... many people feel that way and

they want to express that, and they feel alone and

wish that somebody could just be there to be able to

completely understand them. If people didn't feel that

way, why are there movies about telepathic people who

can read thoughts and movies like Mel Gibsons " What

women want " and books about it and why does nearly

every woman out there feel so alone all the time.

Well, it is because they don't know how to verbally

express their feelings and it is exhausting at times

to try and so they either don't or when they are in

the middle of verbally talking as fast as Alvin and

the chipmunks they finally break down and either yell

or cry or they just realize that they will never get

their point across anyhow and so they don't talk at

all and just wish somebody could relate to them or

understand them.

Anyhow, as you can see by how long my e-mail posts

are, I have gotten a lot more long winded and have

decided that who cares if people say I talk or write

too much, I have to express myself in order to not

have ulcers.

I still have challenges keeping on track or on the

same subject and my mind switches all over the place

so it is very hard still for me to explain myself, and

it is a good thing that my husband is about the most

patient man alive, when it comes to me having

feelings, because I don't do a very good job of

explaining myself still verbally, I often have to

write him a letter in order to express what I am upset

about.

But just realize that it could be something like this

and she may have punched you the other day, because

she was annoyed that in her mind, you were so stupid

as to not realize that she is not sick and it has

nothing to do with illness, she is hurt or upset

emotionally.

Please though, if she is anything the way I used to

feel, do not tell her or act like you can't handle it

and try to get a councelor or somebody to help her

instead of you. Because for me, that only fed the

problem. It made me feel like, my mom doesn't care, so

she is dumping me onto some complete stranger, so I am

not talking. Or it made me feel like, " I can't share

my feelings with her, I will have to go it alone,

because she is too weak to handle my feelings, if she

is frusterated now, they would break her. She could

never make it if she had to be given my feelings "

Anyhow, I know that that is a lot for any NT or

" Normal " person to process, but my mind always has

raced like this with millions of things going on in it

constantly. I think so fast that it truly is

challenging for me to keep up with myself in speaking

or in typing. When I really want to get my feelings

out, I have to keep a handwritten journal where I can

just let my hand fly accross the pages and I do not

have to worry about hurting anyones feelings or

phrasing my words right in order to make scence. It

makes sence to me and when I really need to get things

out, that is all that I can think of.

Oh, and speaking of periods or hormones, Kassi

mentioned that at her weight she would probably not

begin a period, and while that may " normally " be

true... I was only 56 pounds when I was 8 and started

the cramping and only 59 pounds when I was 9 and began

having periods. When I was 11 I finally put on some

weight and was about 78 pounds, but it was not till I

was 15 that I finally hit a good weight of 110. Of

course now my body has gone the opposite and I would

kill to be 125 or 110 again, but would have to loose

150 pounds to be my ideal weight again and yet I have

not grown in height at all, I am still 5'5 " , but that

is a whole different story.

Anyhow, just know that your daughter probably really

can understand and hear you.

I think the Movie " What dreams may come " with Robin

, is probably one of my favorite movies and

that is because the couple were soul mates and able to

read one anothers minds. Somehow that is what I always

thought should happen from the time I was very very

young. I still have to admit that I wish it could be

that way at least a little more than it is anyway

Hope this helps a little.

Esther

--- taijij at work wrote:

> We have an appt with her ped. on monday, so far i am

> going to ask him to

> test for -diabetes, thyroid, hormone issues, adrenal

> issues.

>

> If anyone can think of anything else please let me

> know before monday.

>

> Thanks

>

> >

> > In a message dated 1/3/08 11:43:29 AM Eastern

> Standard Time,

> >

> > amnestyb@... <amnestyb%40yahoo.com> writes:

> >

> > How long has she been on the Strattera and when

> did the behavior

> > change start?

> >

> > sometimes hormons change things too. have the doc

> check those levels

> > eric abbys dad

> >

> > **************Start the year off right. Easy ways

> to stay in shape.

> >

>

http://body.aol.com/fitness/winter-exercise?NCID=aolcmp00300000002489

> >

> > [Non-text portions of this message have been

> removed]

> >

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been

> removed]

>

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your home page.

http://www.yahoo.com/r/hs

January 5, 2008

Wow Esther,

I read that whole e-mail and I have to say I am

impressed that you can right all that.

I too have the problem with my mind go so fast that my

mind or hands can't keep up with it. I have what my

husband calls bekah's blunnders where I am trying to

say something so fast that I mix up words and make a

whole new work. It is quite funny. I have the

problem of people thinking I am not that articulat or

smart where in fact I have quite an above average IQ

(whatever that means), I just can't have my brain slow

down enough to get my thought is order.

I am surprised that " What Dreams May Come " is one of

your favorite movie. It was very interesting but

quite disturbing for me. It still amazes me how one

person's opinion of a movie can be so different from

some other persons.

Have a good day,

Rebekah

--- Esther wrote:

> Hi T,

> Ask about allergies too, and maybe you could try and

> think yourself of anything in the last few weeks

> that

> has changed at all. Especially environmentally (i.e.

> detergent, toothpaste, shampoo, airfreshner, a

> perfume

> you wear, something you guys got for Christmas? A

> dog,

> cat? Something like that) If not those things, did

> somebody pass away that she knew, or a teacher quit,

> or an aunt is going to have a baby or a teacher is

> going to, or something that may be making her have

> feelings that she does not know how to explain. How

> old is she again? Does she have any crushes on boys

> or

> have friends that suddenly won't talk to her

> anymore?

> Did she recently have a birthday and she doesn't

> want

> to grow up, or did a friend have a birthday and now

> acts like she can't be friends with somebody who is

> not her age?

> The reason I ask these things, is because I know if

> I

> had gone to public school I probably would have been

> diagnosed with Autism or aspergers at least and

> these

> are the kind of things that I can remember vividly

> experiencing and causing me great frusteration. I

> never told my parents about these things while I was

> experiencing them, because I thought they were dumb

> and thought that I was stupid for feeling these ways

> and didn't want to feel these ways and thought that

> if

> I didn't talk about it, that I could just force it

> to

> go away and I would keep in better control of

> myself.

> But every time that I did that I began to get ulcers

> and so I didn't want to eat because it hurt and for

> some reason the only things I ever wanted to eat

> were

> Orange juice and lettuce just plain shredded

> lettuce.

> The thing is, I thought I was being tough and

> controlling my feelings, but it was very stupid of

> me,

> because I was just causing more feelings of pain and

> loneliness and that nobody cared about me, when how

> could they, they didn't even know what was wrong.

> But

> because of that I would get in fights with my mom. I

> never physically faught her because I had a heavy

> handed dad that would have cured that problem in a

> heart beat, but I just ignored her or said no to

> everything she asked me to do or rolled my eyes and

> walked off.

> In my own defence, I was not a brat. I did not even

> know what a brat was. We were never allowed to watch

> tv growing up and the only people I knew or had for

> friends were from church. These feelings and actions

> started in me as young as age 3 and I can remember

> being three and hiding under the piano bench for

> hours

> while my parents tried to find me.

> Don't suspect that because she is not talking to you

> or communicating her feelings that she does not have

> them. In fact I probably had more feelings than most

> kids my age. I liked boys from the time I was 6 and

> remember thinking I was in love with adult men from

> the time I was 7-8. I started having terrible period

> cramps and pms when I was only 8 yrs old and my

> parents didn't know what was wrong with me.

> They took me to my Ped. and I still vividly remember

> that day, when the Dr. said, " Well she is becoming a

> little woman here. Excpect her period to start any

> time now " . It started when I was 9. I dealt with my

> first period myself because my mom was having a baby

> and I being a scared 9 yr old and not wanting to

> tell

> my blabber mouth grandma just used toilet paper

> every

> hour for days till the period stopped. Then I never

> even told a soul til the next month when it happened

> again and I remember hating my mom and new baby

> brother because he caused my mom to not be there for

> me, and she was so stupid in my opinion back then,

> that she couldn't read my mind and know what was

> wrong

> with me.

> My mom and I have had serious struggles with our

> relationship until I had my first baby and gained a

> whole new perspective on things.

> I guess I always expected that she should have this

> intuition and power to know and understand my

> feelings

> and what I was going through and make it better and

> stand up for me, and she never did and I honestly at

> one point hated her for it.

> Of course I was like 12 when I hated her, so I have

> to

> forgive myself now, but the only reason that I

> wanted

> to share these things with you is to help you maybe

> figure out what it is and so you can be there for

> her

> and be able to talk about what ever it is, so that

> she

> doesn't have to feel like I did and it won't drive a

> wedge between the two of you.

> ANother big thing for me, was when I had a friend,

> who

> now that I think back was not even that much of a

> friend. I only saw her once a month and we would

> write

> pen pal letters to one another once a week. I was

> only

> 8, but I thought she was my best friend. Her name

> was

> Becky and one day Becky had a birthday and turned 9

> and she said to me that she did not want to be

> friends

> with a stupid imature 8 yr old like me any more

> because she was 9 and 9 yr olds don't hang around

> with

> dumb 8 yr olds.

> That was the last time I really saw her again till

> we

> were like 18. SHe is still a bit on the " uppety "

> side

> and has always been rich and I have always been poor

> or middle class financially. It does not at all bug

> me

> now. I realize that I was just a silly little girl,

> but at that day, it meant the world to me and I

> thought my life was over, and I was only 8 for

> crying

> out loud.

> My family always called me a " dramma queen " and

> people

> still call me that. I still hate it. Because the

> thing

> is, to me, and my feelings that is how I really felt

> and really feel, I was not trying to show off or be

> dramatic, I was just being me and was just

> expressing

> myself the way that I felt. To every one else, I was

> seeking attention and was overexagerating or making

> up

> stuff or way overduing it, to get what they called

> " the center of attention " .

> But the thing is they were very wrong! I do not like

> to be the center of attention. I do not like

> everyone

> to look at me or know my feelings, I do not like to

> be

> thought of as a blabber mouth or dramma queen, so I

> used to reward myself for seeing how long I could go

> without talking, so that people would stop calling

> me

> things like " drama queen " and say that I never shut

> up

> or that " nobody is as long winded as Esther " .

> Even church teachers used to say, " anyone who wants

> to

> answer the question, besides Esther " .

> So, I felt very misunderstood my whole life growing

> up, I felt like someday I would find Mr. Right and

> he

> would just sweep me off my feet and be able to

> basically read my mind and understand me and that we

> would be able to communicate mind to mind and not

> have

> to talk

> Well of course that never happened! And believe me,

> when that is what you go into a marriage thinking is

> going to be how it is, you wind up with a Major

> disappointment. I got married just a few months

> after

> I turned 20. It took me till about 3 years ago and

> we

> just celebrated our 7th anniversary - to figure out

> that NO-one can read our minds and that that false

> hope was an illusion.

> You may think that I am crazy and call it crazy all

> you want, I have been called crazy, I have been

> called

> about every name you can think of. But I am not

> crazy,

> I just think differently than most people want to

> admit. The thing is... many people feel that way and

> they want to express that, and they feel alone and

> wish that somebody could just be there to be able to

> completely understand them. If people didn't feel

> that

> way, why are there movies about telepathic people

> who

> can read thoughts and movies like Mel Gibsons " What

> women want " and books about it and why does nearly

> every woman out there feel so alone all the time.

>

=== message truncated ===

Rebekah

Phil 4:8

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

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January 5, 2008

Wow Esther,

I read that whole e-mail and I have to say I am

impressed that you can right all that.

I too have the problem with my mind go so fast that my

mind or hands can't keep up with it. I have what my

husband calls bekah's blunnders where I am trying to

say something so fast that I mix up words and make a

whole new work. It is quite funny. I have the

problem of people thinking I am not that articulat or

smart where in fact I have quite an above average IQ

(whatever that means), I just can't have my brain slow

down enough to get my thought is order.

I am surprised that " What Dreams May Come " is one of

your favorite movie. It was very interesting but

quite disturbing for me. It still amazes me how one

person's opinion of a movie can be so different from

some other persons.

Have a good day,

Rebekah

--- Esther wrote:

> Hi T,

> Ask about allergies too, and maybe you could try and

> think yourself of anything in the last few weeks

> that

> has changed at all. Especially environmentally (i.e.

> detergent, toothpaste, shampoo, airfreshner, a

> perfume

> you wear, something you guys got for Christmas? A

> dog,

> cat? Something like that) If not those things, did

> somebody pass away that she knew, or a teacher quit,

> or an aunt is going to have a baby or a teacher is

> going to, or something that may be making her have

> feelings that she does not know how to explain. How

> old is she again? Does she have any crushes on boys

> or

> have friends that suddenly won't talk to her

> anymore?

> Did she recently have a birthday and she doesn't

> want

> to grow up, or did a friend have a birthday and now

> acts like she can't be friends with somebody who is

> not her age?

> The reason I ask these things, is because I know if

> I

> had gone to public school I probably would have been

> diagnosed with Autism or aspergers at least and

> these

> are the kind of things that I can remember vividly

> experiencing and causing me great frusteration. I

> never told my parents about these things while I was

> experiencing them, because I thought they were dumb

> and thought that I was stupid for feeling these ways

> and didn't want to feel these ways and thought that

> if

> I didn't talk about it, that I could just force it

> to

> go away and I would keep in better control of

> myself.

> But every time that I did that I began to get ulcers

> and so I didn't want to eat because it hurt and for

> some reason the only things I ever wanted to eat

> were

> Orange juice and lettuce just plain shredded

> lettuce.

> The thing is, I thought I was being tough and

> controlling my feelings, but it was very stupid of

> me,

> because I was just causing more feelings of pain and

> loneliness and that nobody cared about me, when how

> could they, they didn't even know what was wrong.

> But

> because of that I would get in fights with my mom. I

> never physically faught her because I had a heavy

> handed dad that would have cured that problem in a

> heart beat, but I just ignored her or said no to

> everything she asked me to do or rolled my eyes and

> walked off.

> In my own defence, I was not a brat. I did not even

> know what a brat was. We were never allowed to watch

> tv growing up and the only people I knew or had for

> friends were from church. These feelings and actions

> started in me as young as age 3 and I can remember

> being three and hiding under the piano bench for

> hours

> while my parents tried to find me.

> Don't suspect that because she is not talking to you

> or communicating her feelings that she does not have

> them. In fact I probably had more feelings than most

> kids my age. I liked boys from the time I was 6 and

> remember thinking I was in love with adult men from

> the time I was 7-8. I started having terrible period

> cramps and pms when I was only 8 yrs old and my

> parents didn't know what was wrong with me.

> They took me to my Ped. and I still vividly remember

> that day, when the Dr. said, " Well she is becoming a

> little woman here. Excpect her period to start any

> time now " . It started when I was 9. I dealt with my

> first period myself because my mom was having a baby

> and I being a scared 9 yr old and not wanting to

> tell

> my blabber mouth grandma just used toilet paper

> every

> hour for days till the period stopped. Then I never

> even told a soul til the next month when it happened

> again and I remember hating my mom and new baby

> brother because he caused my mom to not be there for

> me, and she was so stupid in my opinion back then,

> that she couldn't read my mind and know what was

> wrong

> with me.

> My mom and I have had serious struggles with our

> relationship until I had my first baby and gained a

> whole new perspective on things.

> I guess I always expected that she should have this

> intuition and power to know and understand my

> feelings

> and what I was going through and make it better and

> stand up for me, and she never did and I honestly at

> one point hated her for it.

> Of course I was like 12 when I hated her, so I have

> to

> forgive myself now, but the only reason that I

> wanted

> to share these things with you is to help you maybe

> figure out what it is and so you can be there for

> her

> and be able to talk about what ever it is, so that

> she

> doesn't have to feel like I did and it won't drive a

> wedge between the two of you.

> ANother big thing for me, was when I had a friend,

> who

> now that I think back was not even that much of a

> friend. I only saw her once a month and we would

> write

> pen pal letters to one another once a week. I was

> only

> 8, but I thought she was my best friend. Her name

> was

> Becky and one day Becky had a birthday and turned 9

> and she said to me that she did not want to be

> friends

> with a stupid imature 8 yr old like me any more

> because she was 9 and 9 yr olds don't hang around

> with

> dumb 8 yr olds.

> That was the last time I really saw her again till

> we

> were like 18. SHe is still a bit on the " uppety "

> side

> and has always been rich and I have always been poor

> or middle class financially. It does not at all bug

> me

> now. I realize that I was just a silly little girl,

> but at that day, it meant the world to me and I

> thought my life was over, and I was only 8 for

> crying

> out loud.

> My family always called me a " dramma queen " and

> people

> still call me that. I still hate it. Because the

> thing

> is, to me, and my feelings that is how I really felt

> and really feel, I was not trying to show off or be

> dramatic, I was just being me and was just

> expressing

> myself the way that I felt. To every one else, I was

> seeking attention and was overexagerating or making

> up

> stuff or way overduing it, to get what they called

> " the center of attention " .

> But the thing is they were very wrong! I do not like

> to be the center of attention. I do not like

> everyone

> to look at me or know my feelings, I do not like to

> be

> thought of as a blabber mouth or dramma queen, so I

> used to reward myself for seeing how long I could go

> without talking, so that people would stop calling

> me

> things like " drama queen " and say that I never shut

> up

> or that " nobody is as long winded as Esther " .

> Even church teachers used to say, " anyone who wants

> to

> answer the question, besides Esther " .

> So, I felt very misunderstood my whole life growing

> up, I felt like someday I would find Mr. Right and

> he

> would just sweep me off my feet and be able to

> basically read my mind and understand me and that we

> would be able to communicate mind to mind and not

> have

> to talk

> Well of course that never happened! And believe me,

> when that is what you go into a marriage thinking is

> going to be how it is, you wind up with a Major

> disappointment. I got married just a few months

> after

> I turned 20. It took me till about 3 years ago and

> we

> just celebrated our 7th anniversary - to figure out

> that NO-one can read our minds and that that false

> hope was an illusion.

> You may think that I am crazy and call it crazy all

> you want, I have been called crazy, I have been

> called

> about every name you can think of. But I am not

> crazy,

> I just think differently than most people want to

> admit. The thing is... many people feel that way and

> they want to express that, and they feel alone and

> wish that somebody could just be there to be able to

> completely understand them. If people didn't feel

> that

> way, why are there movies about telepathic people

> who

> can read thoughts and movies like Mel Gibsons " What

> women want " and books about it and why does nearly

> every woman out there feel so alone all the time.

>

=== message truncated ===

Rebekah

Phil 4:8

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

Be a better friend, newshound, and

know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now.

http://mobile.yahoo.com/;_ylt=Ahu06i62sR8HDtDypao8Wcj9tAcJ

January 5, 2008

funny you should mention that, she did have that problem but we took care of

that right away. she hasn't had any problems with her mouth since. but you

are dead one with that one and her.

thanks

T

>

> toothache--make sure she doesn't have a broken tooth or big cavity

> that's keeping her from eating

>

> >

> > >

> > > In a message dated 1/3/08 11:43:29 AM Eastern Standard Time,

> > >

> > > amnestyb@... <amnestyb%40yahoo.com> writes:

> > >

> > > How long has she been on the Strattera and when did the behavior

> > > change start?

> > >

> > > sometimes hormons change things too. have the doc check those levels

> > > eric abbys dad

> > >

> > > **************Start the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape.

> > >

> http://body.aol.com/fitness/winter-exercise?NCID=aolcmp00300000002489

> > >

January 5, 2008

funny you should mention that, she did have that problem but we took care of

that right away. she hasn't had any problems with her mouth since. but you

are dead one with that one and her.

thanks

T

>

> toothache--make sure she doesn't have a broken tooth or big cavity

> that's keeping her from eating

>

> >

> > >

> > > In a message dated 1/3/08 11:43:29 AM Eastern Standard Time,

> > >

> > > amnestyb@... <amnestyb%40yahoo.com> writes:

> > >

> > > How long has she been on the Strattera and when did the behavior

> > > change start?

> > >

> > > sometimes hormons change things too. have the doc check those levels

> > > eric abbys dad

> > >

> > > **************Start the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape.

> > >

> http://body.aol.com/fitness/winter-exercise?NCID=aolcmp00300000002489

> > >

January 5, 2008

Ester-

Thank you for you beautiful, thoughtful email. I think it was truly

heartfelt.

Ok, I am going to try to answer some of the thinks you put forth

no new pets, shampoos, air things, perfumes, toothpastes.

My mother died in March

A teacher's aid left with a child that was difficult, in October

She boy CRAZY!!! she asks me alot to find her a boyfriend.

No babies, no birthdays.

SHe really doesn't have any friends. She says I am her best friend and

that's true. I am.

The old addage that you hurt the ones you love the most. As very much true,

in my opinion. I know that with Kayla she will lash out at me because she

knows that I can handle whatever she does and will always love her.

I tell her all the time how much I love her. I tell her there is nothing

she could do that would change that and that as mom I will take all her

problems and help her with them. I tell both of my children the same thing.

I am a very protective mom for both of them. Not to say I don't allow them

to go out and do things, I do. I am protective of their feelings. I don't

want them to hurt. I want them to be happy. It's hard thing to accomplish

for someone else.

I want Kayla to talk to me, I tell her she can tell me anything. Sometimes

she does. The other day she said she wanted to talk to someone else. I

said she could but that she could talk to me. Kayla is 12 but acts a lot

younger. She is bright. If she chooses to talk to someone else then I will

allow it. I hope that it might help.

About the letter writing- i do that too. Only when I am upset. I write

letters to myself. I used to write letters to my husband as well.

If I left anything out please let me know.

Thank you for opening up and allowing me some insight.

T-

> Hi T,

> Ask about allergies too, and maybe you could try and

> think yourself of anything in the last few weeks that

> has changed at all. Especially environmentally (i.e.

> detergent, toothpaste, shampoo, airfreshner, a perfume

> you wear, something you guys got for Christmas? A dog,

> cat? Something like that) If not those things, did

> somebody pass away that she knew, or a teacher quit,

> or an aunt is going to have a baby or a teacher is

> going to, or something that may be making her have

> feelings that she does not know how to explain. How

> old is she again? Does she have any crushes on boys or

> have friends that suddenly won't talk to her anymore?

> Did she recently have a birthday and she doesn't want

> to grow up, or did a friend have a birthday and now

> acts like she can't be friends with somebody who is

> not her age?

> The reason I ask these things, is because I know if I

> had gone to public school I probably would have been

> diagnosed with Autism or aspergers at least and these

> are the kind of things that I can remember vividly

> experiencing and causing me great frusteration. I

> never told my parents about these things while I was

> experiencing them, because I thought they were dumb

> and thought that I was stupid for feeling these ways

> and didn't want to feel these ways and thought that if

> I didn't talk about it, that I could just force it to

> go away and I would keep in better control of myself.

> But every time that I did that I began to get ulcers

> and so I didn't want to eat because it hurt and for

> some reason the only things I ever wanted to eat were

> Orange juice and lettuce just plain shredded lettuce.

> The thing is, I thought I was being tough and

> controlling my feelings, but it was very stupid of me,

> because I was just causing more feelings of pain and

> loneliness and that nobody cared about me, when how

> could they, they didn't even know what was wrong. But

> because of that I would get in fights with my mom. I

> never physically faught her because I had a heavy

> handed dad that would have cured that problem in a

> heart beat, but I just ignored her or said no to

> everything she asked me to do or rolled my eyes and

> walked off.

> In my own defence, I was not a brat. I did not even

> know what a brat was. We were never allowed to watch

> tv growing up and the only people I knew or had for

> friends were from church. These feelings and actions

> started in me as young as age 3 and I can remember

> being three and hiding under the piano bench for hours

> while my parents tried to find me.

> Don't suspect that because she is not talking to you

> or communicating her feelings that she does not have

> them. In fact I probably had more feelings than most

> kids my age. I liked boys from the time I was 6 and

> remember thinking I was in love with adult men from

> the time I was 7-8. I started having terrible period

> cramps and pms when I was only 8 yrs old and my

> parents didn't know what was wrong with me.

> They took me to my Ped. and I still vividly remember

> that day, when the Dr. said, " Well she is becoming a

> little woman here. Excpect her period to start any

> time now " . It started when I was 9. I dealt with my

> first period myself because my mom was having a baby

> and I being a scared 9 yr old and not wanting to tell

> my blabber mouth grandma just used toilet paper every

> hour for days till the period stopped. Then I never

> even told a soul til the next month when it happened

> again and I remember hating my mom and new baby

> brother because he caused my mom to not be there for

> me, and she was so stupid in my opinion back then,

> that she couldn't read my mind and know what was wrong

> with me.

> My mom and I have had serious struggles with our

> relationship until I had my first baby and gained a

> whole new perspective on things.

> I guess I always expected that she should have this

> intuition and power to know and understand my feelings

> and what I was going through and make it better and

> stand up for me, and she never did and I honestly at

> one point hated her for it.

> Of course I was like 12 when I hated her, so I have to

> forgive myself now, but the only reason that I wanted

> to share these things with you is to help you maybe

> figure out what it is and so you can be there for her

> and be able to talk about what ever it is, so that she

> doesn't have to feel like I did and it won't drive a

> wedge between the two of you.

> ANother big thing for me, was when I had a friend, who

> now that I think back was not even that much of a

> friend. I only saw her once a month and we would write

> pen pal letters to one another once a week. I was only

> 8, but I thought she was my best friend. Her name was

> Becky and one day Becky had a birthday and turned 9

> and she said to me that she did not want to be friends

> with a stupid imature 8 yr old like me any more

> because she was 9 and 9 yr olds don't hang around with

> dumb 8 yr olds.

> That was the last time I really saw her again till we

> were like 18. SHe is still a bit on the " uppety " side

> and has always been rich and I have always been poor

> or middle class financially. It does not at all bug me

> now. I realize that I was just a silly little girl,

> but at that day, it meant the world to me and I

> thought my life was over, and I was only 8 for crying

> out loud.

> My family always called me a " dramma queen " and people

> still call me that. I still hate it. Because the thing

> is, to me, and my feelings that is how I really felt

> and really feel, I was not trying to show off or be

> dramatic, I was just being me and was just expressing

> myself the way that I felt. To every one else, I was

> seeking attention and was overexagerating or making up

> stuff or way overduing it, to get what they called

> " the center of attention " .

> But the thing is they were very wrong! I do not like

> to be the center of attention. I do not like everyone

> to look at me or know my feelings, I do not like to be

> thought of as a blabber mouth or dramma queen, so I

> used to reward myself for seeing how long I could go

> without talking, so that people would stop calling me

> things like " drama queen " and say that I never shut up

> or that " nobody is as long winded as Esther " .

> Even church teachers used to say, " anyone who wants to

> answer the question, besides Esther " .

> So, I felt very misunderstood my whole life growing

> up, I felt like someday I would find Mr. Right and he

> would just sweep me off my feet and be able to

> basically read my mind and understand me and that we

> would be able to communicate mind to mind and not have

> to talk

> Well of course that never happened! And believe me,

> when that is what you go into a marriage thinking is

> going to be how it is, you wind up with a Major

> disappointment. I got married just a few months after

> I turned 20. It took me till about 3 years ago and we

> just celebrated our 7th anniversary - to figure out

> that NO-one can read our minds and that that false

> hope was an illusion.

> You may think that I am crazy and call it crazy all

> you want, I have been called crazy, I have been called

> about every name you can think of. But I am not crazy,

> I just think differently than most people want to

> admit. The thing is... many people feel that way and

> they want to express that, and they feel alone and

> wish that somebody could just be there to be able to

> completely understand them. If people didn't feel that

> way, why are there movies about telepathic people who

> can read thoughts and movies like Mel Gibsons " What

> women want " and books about it and why does nearly

> every woman out there feel so alone all the time.

> Well, it is because they don't know how to verbally

> express their feelings and it is exhausting at times

> to try and so they either don't or when they are in

> the middle of verbally talking as fast as Alvin and

> the chipmunks they finally break down and either yell

> or cry or they just realize that they will never get

> their point across anyhow and so they don't talk at

> all and just wish somebody could relate to them or

> understand them.

> Anyhow, as you can see by how long my e-mail posts

> are, I have gotten a lot more long winded and have

> decided that who cares if people say I talk or write

> too much, I have to express myself in order to not

> have ulcers.

> I still have challenges keeping on track or on the

> same subject and my mind switches all over the place

> so it is very hard still for me to explain myself, and

> it is a good thing that my husband is about the most

> patient man alive, when it comes to me having

> feelings, because I don't do a very good job of

> explaining myself still verbally, I often have to

> write him a letter in order to express what I am upset

> about.

> But just realize that it could be something like this

> and she may have punched you the other day, because

> she was annoyed that in her mind, you were so stupid

> as to not realize that she is not sick and it has

> nothing to do with illness, she is hurt or upset

> emotionally.

> Please though, if she is anything the way I used to

> feel, do not tell her or act like you can't handle it

> and try to get a councelor or somebody to help her

> instead of you. Because for me, that only fed the

> problem. It made me feel like, my mom doesn't care, so

> she is dumping me onto some complete stranger, so I am

> not talking. Or it made me feel like, " I can't share

> my feelings with her, I will have to go it alone,

> because she is too weak to handle my feelings, if she

> is frusterated now, they would break her. She could

> never make it if she had to be given my feelings "

> Anyhow, I know that that is a lot for any NT or

> " Normal " person to process, but my mind always has

> raced like this with millions of things going on in it

> constantly. I think so fast that it truly is

> challenging for me to keep up with myself in speaking

> or in typing. When I really want to get my feelings

> out, I have to keep a handwritten journal where I can

> just let my hand fly accross the pages and I do not

> have to worry about hurting anyones feelings or

> phrasing my words right in order to make scence. It

> makes sence to me and when I really need to get things

> out, that is all that I can think of.

> Oh, and speaking of periods or hormones, Kassi

> mentioned that at her weight she would probably not

> begin a period, and while that may " normally " be

> true... I was only 56 pounds when I was 8 and started

> the cramping and only 59 pounds when I was 9 and began

> having periods. When I was 11 I finally put on some

> weight and was about 78 pounds, but it was not till I

> was 15 that I finally hit a good weight of 110. Of

> course now my body has gone the opposite and I would

> kill to be 125 or 110 again, but would have to loose

> 150 pounds to be my ideal weight again and yet I have

> not grown in height at all, I am still 5'5 " , but that

> is a whole different story.

> Anyhow, just know that your daughter probably really

> can understand and hear you.

> I think the Movie " What dreams may come " with Robin

> , is probably one of my favorite movies and

> that is because the couple were soul mates and able to

> read one anothers minds. Somehow that is what I always

> thought should happen from the time I was very very

> young. I still have to admit that I wish it could be

> that way at least a little more than it is anyway

> Hope this helps a little.

> Esther

>

> --- taijij at work <taijijat@... <taijijat%40gmail.com>> wrote:

>

> > We have an appt with her ped. on monday, so far i am

> > going to ask him to

> > test for -diabetes, thyroid, hormone issues, adrenal

> > issues.

> >

> > If anyone can think of anything else please let me

> > know before monday.

> >

> > Thanks

> >

> > On Jan 4, 2008 6:18 PM, <abbysdad42@... <abbysdad42%40aol.com>>

> wrote:

> >

> > >

> > > In a message dated 1/3/08 11:43:29 AM Eastern

> > Standard Time,

> > >

> > > amnestyb@... <amnestyb%40yahoo.com> <amnestyb%40yahoo.com>

> writes:

> > >

> > > How long has she been on the Strattera and when

> > did the behavior

> > > change start?

> > >

> > > sometimes hormons change things too. have the doc

> > check those levels

> > > eric abbys dad

> > >

> > > **************Start the year off right. Easy ways

> > to stay in shape.

> > >

> >

> http://body.aol.com/fitness/winter-exercise?NCID=aolcmp00300000002489

> > >

> > > [Non-text portions of this message have been

> > removed]

> > >

> >

> > [Non-text portions of this message have been

> > removed]

> >

>

> __________________________________________________________

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>

January 5, 2008