RE: Re: Fear

[Guest guest]

le,

Brilliant!!

Thanks,

Bob

Re: Fear

>

> it's not my truth - first that he'll see me as uncaring, selfish,

> ungiving and also that if I don't give him this why would he want

to

> stay with me and then how am I going to provide for myself

> financially. So this money fear intrudes on my being true to myself

> in the moment.

> I also see too clearly how the future is a repetition of the past

if

> we don't undo our beliefs. I have gravitated into the same position

> with husband #2 as I had going with husband #1 many years ago,

> financially dependent on someone else-- feeling powerless around

> making money and lots of fear around leaving my reclusive way of

> living.

>

> The thought of today is that I have to start empowering myself

> financially. I have done the Work on this until the cows come home.

I

> always thought that action should come in a 'doing the dishes',

kind

> of way, effortless when the time was right, that if I accepted and

> loved this powerless, useless part of me it would all fall into

place

> and there would be greater movement in a natural way, without fear.

> Maybe that's true for the likes of etc. who don't experience

> fear but for me it feels like I don't have a choice but to 'feel

the

> fear and do it anyway', move forward while I encourage myself all

the

> way. I think I have to take action even while there is fear until I

> learn there is nothing to fear.

>

> Good new year of healing to you all.

>

> Love, Margaret

Dear Margaret,

I was so thrilled to read your email and see that we are the same,

you and me. I too have been in many relationships with that same

underlying bargain going on. In my last (current) relationship we

got the " bargain " out in the open and we actually went to a councelor

and wrote up a contract on how he would provide for me finacially for

a year while I dove into my artwork, I in turn would clean the house,

cook the meals and help him to relax after a hard days work (food,

compliments, sex, affection etc.) We tried to make it as fair as

possible so that no one would feel abligated or indebted. And if we

broke up, everything would be split in half regardless of who bought

it etc. But as timed passed I began to feel that there was a very

strong imbalance going on inside of me. I felt like I was slowly but

surely loosing my ability to take care of myself finacially. My love

for him was being smothered by my fear of loosing him and having to

learn how to take care of myself all over again. After a while I

wasn't even sure if I was staying because I loved him or because he

paid for everything. It was so painful for both of us. I was no

longer able to be affectionate with him because the debt I felt to

him and the neediness were so heavy on my mind. He began to feel that

I didn't " appreciate' what he was doing for me and my feelings of

debt increased. We finally broke up before the year was over. I

knew that i would never know for sure if I truly loved him, or me, as

long as he was supporting me. It was very difficult at first- I had

$700 in my hand, no job, and a much softer work ethic. I struggled,

still do, but what had changed for me, was that I knew that I could

never exchange my love for money again (oldest profession in the

world for women). This also meant that I would not allow myself to

work at a job I hated just because the pay was good- that too would

be selling myself for money. My focus shifted and I realized that it

was more important for me to feel a sense genuine accomplishment in

the world, however small, then it was for me to live a grand,

comfortable life that I had not had a hand it making for myself. Me

and my ex, eventually got back together. The " bargain " crepted back

into our relationship again. The scared side me really wanted to be

taken care of (still does), and the scared side of him really wanted

to secure love with money. Pretty soon we both realized that

the " bargain " would never work for either of us again. We knew that

we were only encouraging each other fears, and here we had an

opportunity to support each other in overcoming our fear. I really

have needed to know that I can take care of ME (even if it didn't

look as good as his care for me looked- it would be enough). And my

boyfriend really needed to know that he could be loved and love

without paying for it. Love is free when it is not mingling with

fear or anger. I try not to take even one penny from him now. I am

even learning to buy him things, to treat him to dinners, to splurge

on Christmas gifts for him- and the thing is- I am doing it all for

me- to recieve the gift of giving, to him and to me. I am not wealthy

in my bank account. There are many days when I am not sure how or

where the money is going to come- but it always does, regardless of

my panic about it. I am wealthy in my artwork now- each of my

paintings feels like gold to me. I have also realize that my

struggles are from the concepts that were handed down from my mother,

my grandmother, great grandmother-etc. These are old fears. I have

started doing the work on my mother- especially around my fears of

lack and thoughts of inadequacy in finacially situations. It seems

to help. Sometimes I am so scared, I entertain all sorts of awful

thoughts of poverty and sickness and isolation, but the work has

helped me to move even during my most awful fears, sometimes only an

inch, sometimes more. Like you said, I just go ahead anyway, because

I know that once this fear is undone, then it is done, and I am a

little freer. once said " Love is action. "

Love le

[Guest guest]

Margaret, I love your response. Most people just look at me quisically when

I share these thoughts.

My experience is that whenever I find the courage to tell the truth, Love

shows up. But only always. ( More and more I find myself thinking and

speaking in speak. It seems so gentle and responsible.) I used to say

" tell the truth and let the chips fall where they may " .

Love

Bob

Fear

>

>

>

> Hi fam,

>

> Gosh, it's quiet around here. I miss coming to the group and

having a

> rake of messages to read.

>

> Pip and le, I so relate to your posts- berating yourself in

> general and in particular around not doing enough.

>

> My husband and I are going through a few difficult days. It's like

> the underlying bargain in our marriage just won't hold up anymore.

> The undiscussed, semi-unconscious bargain was that I would mother

him

> and take care of his emotional neediness and he would provide for

me

> financially. Sometimes it can look like a bargain made in heaven,

> right now it's hellish looking. I notice more and more I can't do

the

> mothering, the holding, the touching of him when I feel he's

coming

> at me from a place of neediness and he's resentful of the fact

that

> he has to work and I get to be on a semi-vacation and don't

support

> him in a financial way.

>

> I feel bad when I have to tell him I can't hold him or touch him

when

> it's not my truth - first that he'll see me as uncaring, selfish,

> ungiving and also that if I don't give him this why would he want

to

> stay with me and then how am I going to provide for myself

> financially. So this money fear intrudes on my being true to

myself

> in the moment.

> I also see too clearly how the future is a repetition of the past

if

> we don't undo our beliefs. I have gravitated into the same

position

> with husband #2 as I had going with husband #1 many years ago,

> financially dependent on someone else-- feeling powerless around

> making money and lots of fear around leaving my reclusive way of

> living.

>

> The thought of today is that I have to start empowering myself

> financially. I have done the Work on this until the cows come

home. I

> always thought that action should come in a 'doing the dishes',

kind

> of way, effortless when the time was right, that if I accepted and

> loved this powerless, useless part of me it would all fall into

place

> and there would be greater movement in a natural way, without

fear.

> Maybe that's true for the likes of etc. who don't experience

> fear but for me it feels like I don't have a choice but to 'feel

the

> fear and do it anyway', move forward while I encourage myself all

the

> way. I think I have to take action even while there is fear until

I

> learn there is nothing to fear.

>

> Good new year of healing to you all.

>

> Love, Margaret

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Margaret, I found that money started to flow for me when I asked for help in

unblocking my impedements to abundance. My bottom line was that " I am not

worthy " and this is what I used to put out to the universe unceasingly in

many ways. My thoughts, my demeanor. Abundance in all its forms is there for

all of us. For me it was allowing it in rather than seeking it out. So for

me it came down to 'being " rather than " doing " . Being worthy. Being

deserving. Believing In my worth.

Love, Bob

Re: Fear

Hi le,

Yep, yep, we got a lot in common baby. So good to read your stuff.

" I really

have needed to know that I can take care of ME (even if it didn't

look as good as his care for me looked- it would be enough- "

This is what I've never known and it haunts me. And I get so excited

at the thoughts of taking care of me - the end of dependence. I

believe ultimately it doesn't matter where the money comes from.. God

taking care of the birds in the field and all that stuff.. but it

feels very strong for me that in order to feel whole and strong and

not fearful I must learn to take care of myself financially. Even if

an inheritance dropped into my lap it would not resolve the issue in

terms of my own empowerment and sense of capability and my right to

take up space in the world. I sense that once I move past these

limitations and disempowerment it really wouldn't matter where money

came from.

I wonder if this taking care of oneself financially is a universal

need for wholeness or is it just based on particular soul lessons for

some of us. I have a friend who lives off a very comfortable alimony

and she doesn't seem to give a thought to this situation, no

discomfort whatsoever. I guess it's just not part of her life script

to take care of herself this way.

Trying to figure it all out as usual, instead of just being with me.

Love, margaret

-- In Loving-what-is , " free2bme889

<Gcinelli889@a...> " <Gcinelli889@a...> wrote:

>

> >

>

> > it's not my truth - first that he'll see me as uncaring, selfish,

> > ungiving and also that if I don't give him this why would he want

> to

> > stay with me and then how am I going to provide for myself

> > financially. So this money fear intrudes on my being true to

myself

> > in the moment.

> > I also see too clearly how the future is a repetition of the past

> if

> > we don't undo our beliefs. I have gravitated into the same

position

> > with husband #2 as I had going with husband #1 many years ago,

> > financially dependent on someone else-- feeling powerless around

> > making money and lots of fear around leaving my reclusive way of

> > living.

> >

> > The thought of today is that I have to start empowering myself

> > financially. I have done the Work on this until the cows come

home.

> I

> > always thought that action should come in a 'doing the dishes',

> kind

> > of way, effortless when the time was right, that if I accepted

and

> > loved this powerless, useless part of me it would all fall into

> place

> > and there would be greater movement in a natural way, without

fear.

> > Maybe that's true for the likes of etc. who don't

experience

> > fear but for me it feels like I don't have a choice but to 'feel

> the

> > fear and do it anyway', move forward while I encourage myself all

> the

> > way. I think I have to take action even while there is fear until

I

> > learn there is nothing to fear.

> >

> > Good new year of healing to you all.

> >

> > Love, Margaret

>

>

> Dear Margaret,

> I was so thrilled to read your email and see that we are the same,

> you and me. I too have been in many relationships with that same

> underlying bargain going on. In my last (current) relationship we

> got the " bargain " out in the open and we actually went to a

councelor

> and wrote up a contract on how he would provide for me finacially

for

> a year while I dove into my artwork, I in turn would clean the

house,

> cook the meals and help him to relax after a hard days work (food,

> compliments, sex, affection etc.) We tried to make it as fair as

> possible so that no one would feel abligated or indebted. And if we

> broke up, everything would be split in half regardless of who

bought

> it etc. But as timed passed I began to feel that there was a very

> strong imbalance going on inside of me. I felt like I was slowly

but

> surely loosing my ability to take care of myself finacially. My

love

> for him was being smothered by my fear of loosing him and having to

> learn how to take care of myself all over again. After a while I

> wasn't even sure if I was staying because I loved him or because he

> paid for everything. It was so painful for both of us. I was no

> longer able to be affectionate with him because the debt I felt to

> him and the neediness were so heavy on my mind. He began to feel

that

> I didn't " appreciate' what he was doing for me and my feelings of

> debt increased. We finally broke up before the year was over. I

> knew that i would never know for sure if I truly loved him, or me,

as

> long as he was supporting me. It was very difficult at first- I

had

> $700 in my hand, no job, and a much softer work ethic. I struggled,

> still do, but what had changed for me, was that I knew that I could

> never exchange my love for money again (oldest profession in the

> world for women). This also meant that I would not allow myself to

> work at a job I hated just because the pay was good- that too would

> be selling myself for money. My focus shifted and I realized that

it

> was more important for me to feel a sense genuine accomplishment in

> the world, however small, then it was for me to live a grand,

> comfortable life that I had not had a hand it making for myself.

Me

> and my ex, eventually got back together. The " bargain " crepted back

> into our relationship again. The scared side me really wanted to be

> taken care of (still does), and the scared side of him really

wanted

> to secure love with money. Pretty soon we both realized that

> the " bargain " would never work for either of us again. We knew

that

> we were only encouraging each other fears, and here we had an

> opportunity to support each other in overcoming our fear. I really

> have needed to know that I can take care of ME (even if it didn't

> look as good as his care for me looked- it would be enough). And

my

> boyfriend really needed to know that he could be loved and love

> without paying for it. Love is free when it is not mingling with

> fear or anger. I try not to take even one penny from him now. I am

> even learning to buy him things, to treat him to dinners, to

splurge

> on Christmas gifts for him- and the thing is- I am doing it all for

> me- to recieve the gift of giving, to him and to me. I am not

wealthy

> in my bank account. There are many days when I am not sure how or

> where the money is going to come- but it always does, regardless of

> my panic about it. I am wealthy in my artwork now- each of my

> paintings feels like gold to me. I have also realize that my

> struggles are from the concepts that were handed down from my

mother,

> my grandmother, great grandmother-etc. These are old fears. I

have

> started doing the work on my mother- especially around my fears of

> lack and thoughts of inadequacy in finacially situations. It seems

> to help. Sometimes I am so scared, I entertain all sorts of awful

> thoughts of poverty and sickness and isolation, but the work has

> helped me to move even during my most awful fears, sometimes only

an

> inch, sometimes more. Like you said, I just go ahead anyway,

because

> I know that once this fear is undone, then it is done, and I am a

> little freer. once said " Love is action. "

>

> Love le