RE: very off topic and hope not making a social mistake by to ask of this

[Guest guest]

Hi Sondra,

It is ok to not know about certain words. It does not

mean that you are stupid. There is a word that I never

knew about, it was the word Impotent (not even sure on

the spelling still). One time, I thought I had heard

the word before on a disney movie, so I thought it was

an ok word. I thought that it just meant stupid or

something because of the way I had heard it used. But

I had actually heard the word insolent not impotent

and they have very different meanings. Needless to

say, I was in college already before knowing the

meaning of either of those words really. And one day

my best friend and my boyfriend, (who is now my

husband) were reading some spoof book outloud. I also

did not know what a spoof was either, so incase you

don't know, it is when someone pokes fun or makes fun

of a movie or a book and they copy or mimic it and

pretend in a really " cheesy " or silly way to be like

the characters in a book or movie that they thought

was childish or stupid.

Anyhow, the book they were reading was kind of crude

and was making fun of Cinderella and Snow white and

was adding bad things into the story to be crass and

crude and funny about those princess stories. I really

did not get it or think it was funny at all and

everyone around me was laughing. I felt very stupid.

Then they said something about Snow white's handsome

prince being Impotent. These were all christian

friends I was hanging out with and they suddenly

stopped reading and got kind of embarrased and said,

maybe we better not read this book.

My friend who had been reading it put it down and was

kinda blushing and my boyfriend and another two guys

got embarrased and they wouldn't talk and everybody

was giggling. I could tell that something was bad or

wrong or that I missed something, but I couldn't

figure out what.

I kept asking " What, what you guys? Why is everybody

acting weird? " They kept saying " Just leave it alone,

don't ask " . But I was totally confused. Finally my

boyfriend and now husband, , said " It was

because they talked about the prince being impotent,

ok just leave it alone " and he seemed mad at me. I

felt even more insecure and like I did something wrong

or they were trying to hide it from me.

Well, finally my best friend took me aside and told me

that the word IMPOTENT means, that when a man wants to

have Sex and intercourse that he can't. That for some

reason his Penis physically won't work right and so he

is unable to feel good or have an orgasm from having

sex.

I did not know why somebody couldn't have told me

about that in the first place. They thought I was

stupid for not knowing that by the time I was in

college. But honestly, I don't feel stupid about that,

because I was a good girl and did not have sex or talk

about it much, except scientifically knowing what

happens to your body, until after I was married.

Honestly I do not think that is something to be

ashamed of.

So what I am trying to say to you Sondra, is that you

should not feel stupid either that you do not know the

word mastrabation. It is a word that falls in this

same kind of category. That is why no-one wants to

explain to you what it is. But that is actually

childish and immature and stupid of them to act all

weird about it. They should just openly tell you what

it means. And since they are not going to then I will.

Mastrabation is not just touching ones self to wash or

clean. It is when a person rubs themself or uses water

or vibrators or other things to arouse themself and

feel like they are having sex or causing themself to

have an orgasim.

Many people have different religious beliefs and

opinions about whether mastrabation is right or wrong.

Most Christian based religions feel that this is

wrong, with an attitude of " no questions asked " . I

believe that they feel it is wrong, mostly because

they believe that men and women once married are

supposed to selflessly give this affection to one

another and no one else and they feel that rubbing and

massaging ones self in those sorts of ways will

eaither lead to thoughts about being with someone else

(aside from ones partner). And that thoughts of being

with someone else will frequently lead a person to

leave their spouse and be with someone else.

Mostly they feel this way due to the scriptures that

say that we should not " lust " after any one else, or

" covet " anyone elses husband or wife. So they find it

terrible because of this.

The thing is, I remeber being a little kid and having

a problem with mastrabating, and I was NOT thinking

about being with somebody else or being with anyone at

all, I didn't even really know what sex was. For me it

just felt good and was like getting a hug, only

better. It calmed me down and made me more clear

headed.

However, no matter what anyones religious beliefs are,

it is inappropriate to mastrabate in public. This is

because it takes away from others rights. They might

not want to see that. So it is like the law that you

can't take your clothes off in public. Well you also

shouldn't mastrabate in public, because people

wouldn't have a say whether they wanted to see this or

not, because they wouldn't have a choice, if it was

being done infront of them.

So that is why teachers and doctors and others are

saying " Oh we have to fix So and So's problem with

masturbation " . They can't force that person not to,

but they want to help teach them that it is not ok, in

a public place or setting.

Personally I don't know what I believe on this topic.

I know that they religion I belong to, says that you

shouldn't, but I really don't know that they have

taken into consideration every circumstance. Sometimes

I wonder, If you were married, and your spouse died

and was unable to be their for you sexually and you

did not want to remarry and so you chose to think

about your husband and masterbate, is that really bad?

Well, I honestly don't know but I know it is a lot

better than just sleeping with some guy because you

are in the mood. SO I do not know, My husband always

tells me I wonder too much and that I need to shut my

brain off and just not think about " what if " or these

sorts of things, but I do wonder and haven't made up

my mind yet for sure, what I believe. For now, because

I am not sure what God would or would not approve of

or appreciate, I choose the solution of not risking

his rath, so to speak, So I try not to do this. But I

don't know what to believe on that and guess I am

pretty open minded about that topic.

I just know it is a personal decision between each

individual and God. I also know that it is considered

a contravertial topic and one that you will not find

many willing or wanting to talk about. This is mostly

because as that guy was saying to you and in his

speach " Most " people have done this or had a problem

with it, and so since they are not always sure what

they believe, or since they often believe it is " Evil "

and yet they have done it, then they feel guilty about

it and don't want to discuss it. It is not your fault

though that they feel guilty, or that you didn't know,

so don't let yourself feel bad because they feel

embarrassed and try to make you feel stupid to get the

focus off of them.

I hope this answers your question and helps you feel

more informed and not like everyone is acting weird

any more when the word is brought up. If you have any

other words that you need clarified or are unsure why

people act weird about them, please feel free to ask.

I will do my best to answer and if I don't know, I am

sure someone on here does and will answer them for us.

Esther

--- sondra wrote:

> when in the confernece the other day and listening

> to steven shore

> present on the hygiene and puberty issues he to

> shared the words of

> materbate and he to say that everyone in the room

> does this and if

> not they are of not being honest. I to have limited

> understand of

> htat word but understand it makes of much

> uncomfortable to hear of

> that word, but I to know that in typical developing

> childrens they

> will be to explore and touch of self much as

> childrens espcially in

> potty training. and have heared of autistic teens

> and adults to

> touch of them self and even my own mikey did of this

> self touching

> much as a littler boy. I to think because we have of

> uneven

> development we might often as autistics explore of

> this later in

> life than in the preschool years.

>

> Why does this word and or thinking make so much

> uncomfortable to be

> to have of words on this. If it is felt to be of

> typical

> development. I to lack seeing why touching of self

> as childrens is

> of a real bad things and do not understand of the

> reasons why steven

> would be to say that everyone in that room does

> this. Yes in bathing

> adult people will be to touch of self in hygiene and

> such so why is

> this of somethings people will be not want to be

> honest about.

>

> Sometimes i to be to hate words and new exposures to

> words because

> it brings and floods me with a mass of confusions

> and yet intrigued

> by words new so can broaden my understand of the

> world.

>

> I to have such delayed thinking of words and this is

> of coming to me

> all day and will not leave of my head so wanted to

> seek out more so

> can understand of this more.

>

> my questions is why is of people ashamed of this

> word and not want

> of to speak of it?

>

> Why are people of want to be dishonest and say they

> never to touch

> of self when I to lack how they cannot be to do this

> if they are

> ones who shower or bath you will need to touch of

> self with soap and

> such to clean of the body or you will be of much

> odor and not have

> any want to be near you?

>

> Maybe i to lack in true what the word means in full

> and so have been

> wondering if i to have a self limited view of it

> that again others

> seem to know and this is one part of my life that

> makes of me not be

> patient with self because feel as if why do other

> seem to know and

> gain from things that seems to be to go past my

> comprehensions. this

> is one areas of the life of me that makes me feel

> stupid. I to tried

> to look it up in my dictionary and couldnot be to

> find that word

> there even so maybe it is of a not nice word like a

> cuss as it was

> not there.

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

I can SO see the confusion from this, since I was in

the same room, I think.

A lot of people say masturbation is just " touching

one's own private parts " . The bit they leave out is

that it is for sexual gratification. And our culture

has made almost anything sexual seem dirty. And people

(especially teenage boys) are embarrassed that they

have to do it themselves instead of having sex. Our

culture is messed up, huh?

So people have made it a dirty word and shameful

thing, but it really isn't. Since you have abuse

issues that might contribute to your strong feelings

about the word.

Kassiane

--- sondra wrote:

> when in the confernece the other day and listening

> to steven shore

> present on the hygiene and puberty issues he to

> shared the words of

> materbate and he to say that everyone in the room

> does this and if

> not they are of not being honest. I to have limited

> understand of

> htat word but understand it makes of much

> uncomfortable to hear of

> that word, but I to know that in typical developing

> childrens they

> will be to explore and touch of self much as

> childrens espcially in

> potty training. and have heared of autistic teens

> and adults to

> touch of them self and even my own mikey did of this

> self touching

> much as a littler boy. I to think because we have of

> uneven

> development we might often as autistics explore of

> this later in

> life than in the preschool years.

>

> Why does this word and or thinking make so much

> uncomfortable to be

> to have of words on this. If it is felt to be of

> typical

> development. I to lack seeing why touching of self

> as childrens is

> of a real bad things and do not understand of the

> reasons why steven

> would be to say that everyone in that room does

> this. Yes in bathing

> adult people will be to touch of self in hygiene and

> such so why is

> this of somethings people will be not want to be

> honest about.

>

> Sometimes i to be to hate words and new exposures to

> words because

> it brings and floods me with a mass of confusions

> and yet intrigued

> by words new so can broaden my understand of the

> world.

>

> I to have such delayed thinking of words and this is

> of coming to me

> all day and will not leave of my head so wanted to

> seek out more so

> can understand of this more.

>

> my questions is why is of people ashamed of this

> word and not want

> of to speak of it?

>

> Why are people of want to be dishonest and say they

> never to touch

> of self when I to lack how they cannot be to do this

> if they are

> ones who shower or bath you will need to touch of

> self with soap and

> such to clean of the body or you will be of much

> odor and not have

> any want to be near you?

>

> Maybe i to lack in true what the word means in full

> and so have been

> wondering if i to have a self limited view of it

> that again others

> seem to know and this is one part of my life that

> makes of me not be

> patient with self because feel as if why do other

> seem to know and

> gain from things that seems to be to go past my

> comprehensions. this

> is one areas of the life of me that makes me feel

> stupid. I to tried

> to look it up in my dictionary and couldnot be to

> find that word

> there even so maybe it is of a not nice word like a

> cuss as it was

> not there.

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

I agree Kassi. Sondra, all our lives, girls are made to think that touching

themselves is dirty and shameful. Boys are looked at with a little shake of

the head and a " oh well, boys wil be boys " mentality. All human beings have

sexual feelings and for many on the spectrum, they don't understand where

the boundaries are on when and where they can touch themselves for sexual

gratification, especially since some will never have a sexual partner. It's

important for them to know that it's okay to do this, in the correct time

and place and in privacy.

I think what you have to understand is that masturbation is not the regular

cleaning or bathing of our genitalia, but touching same for sexual

gratification. For many women, certainly not just women on the spectrum,

this is a very troublesome concept as I stated before, many women are made

to feel that good girls don't do that. The truth is, good girls do, they

have just learned not to feel guilty for doing it.

Diane ('s Mom)

Re: very off topic and hope not making a

social mistake by to ask of this

I can SO see the confusion from this, since I was in

the same room, I think.

A lot of people say masturbation is just " touching

one's own private parts " . The bit they leave out is

that it is for sexual gratification. And our culture

has made almost anything sexual seem dirty. And people

(especially teenage boys) are embarrassed that they

have to do it themselves instead of having sex. Our

culture is messed up, huh?

So people have made it a dirty word and shameful

thing, but it really isn't. Since you have abuse

issues that might contribute to your strong feelings

about the word.

Kassiane

--- sondra wrote:

> when in the confernece the other day and listening

> to steven shore

> present on the hygiene and puberty issues he to

> shared the words of

> materbate and he to say that everyone in the room

> does this and if

> not they are of not being honest. I to have limited

> understand of

> htat word but understand it makes of much

> uncomfortable to hear of

> that word, but I to know that in typical developing

> childrens they

> will be to explore and touch of self much as

> childrens espcially in

> potty training. and have heared of autistic teens

> and adults to

> touch of them self and even my own mikey did of this

> self touching

> much as a littler boy. I to think because we have of

> uneven

> development we might often as autistics explore of

> this later in

> life than in the preschool years.

>

> Why does this word and or thinking make so much

> uncomfortable to be

> to have of words on this. If it is felt to be of

> typical

> development. I to lack seeing why touching of self

> as childrens is

> of a real bad things and do not understand of the

> reasons why steven

> would be to say that everyone in that room does

> this. Yes in bathing

> adult people will be to touch of self in hygiene and

> such so why is

> this of somethings people will be not want to be

> honest about.

>

> Sometimes i to be to hate words and new exposures to

> words because

> it brings and floods me with a mass of confusions

> and yet intrigued

> by words new so can broaden my understand of the

> world.

>

> I to have such delayed thinking of words and this is

> of coming to me

> all day and will not leave of my head so wanted to

> seek out more so

> can understand of this more.

>

> my questions is why is of people ashamed of this

> word and not want

> of to speak of it?

>

> Why are people of want to be dishonest and say they

> never to touch

> of self when I to lack how they cannot be to do this

> if they are

> ones who shower or bath you will need to touch of

> self with soap and

> such to clean of the body or you will be of much

> odor and not have

> any want to be near you?

>

> Maybe i to lack in true what the word means in full

> and so have been

> wondering if i to have a self limited view of it

> that again others

> seem to know and this is one part of my life that

> makes of me not be

> patient with self because feel as if why do other

> seem to know and

> gain from things that seems to be to go past my

> comprehensions. this

> is one areas of the life of me that makes me feel

> stupid. I to tried

> to look it up in my dictionary and couldnot be to

> find that word

> there even so maybe it is of a not nice word like a

> cuss as it was

> not there.

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

I will try to give my understanding of this particular social situation. I

do not think you are alone in being embarrassed with the word, I think just

about everyone is. This is probably why the speaker made a kind of crack or

joke about by making the comment that everybody does it. Sex in general is

a taboo topic among most people and the increasing " sell " of sex on TV and

in media makes these issues even more uncomfortable for women.

See, Sondra, I think you and I are the type of people who are easily

disgusted by the distasteful sex and nudity on television and in media.

Women are made to be objects and our heightened sensitivity to moral conduct

(or at least an adherence to a higher set of self-government) makes us grind

in the stomach when we hear such words spoken. I have learned that context

is important but if you are like me, context is hard to understand.

Try to understand Sondra that just because you expect more of yourself in

those terms does not make you inadequate. You should never feel lesser just

because you have higher expectations morally. But do try to remember that

the context in which these words were used is important. The crack by the

speaker may have been in our terms distasteful, but he was only trying to

ease the discomfort of the listeners. I hope I am making sense.

Despite our modern times, I suppose most of us still cringe on traditionally

taboo topics like sex, religion, money and politics. And as for why people

act as if they do not do certain things? Well, people are inclined to judge

themselves by their ideals and others by their actions. To reveal one's

actions would make it difficult to judge oneself by his ideals.

very off topic and hope not making a social

mistake by to ask of this

when in the confernece the other day and listening to steven shore

present on the hygiene and puberty issues he to shared the words of

materbate and he to say that everyone in the room does this and if

not they are of not being honest. I to have limited understand of

htat word but understand it makes of much uncomfortable to hear of

that word, but I to know that in typical developing childrens they

will be to explore and touch of self much as childrens espcially in

potty training. and have heared of autistic teens and adults to

touch of them self and even my own mikey did of this self touching

much as a littler boy. I to think because we have of uneven

development we might often as autistics explore of this later in

life than in the preschool years.

Why does this word and or thinking make so much uncomfortable to be

to have of words on this. If it is felt to be of typical

development. I to lack seeing why touching of self as childrens is

of a real bad things and do not understand of the reasons why steven

would be to say that everyone in that room does this. Yes in bathing

adult people will be to touch of self in hygiene and such so why is

this of somethings people will be not want to be honest about.

Sometimes i to be to hate words and new exposures to words because

it brings and floods me with a mass of confusions and yet intrigued

by words new so can broaden my understand of the world.

I to have such delayed thinking of words and this is of coming to me

all day and will not leave of my head so wanted to seek out more so

can understand of this more.

my questions is why is of people ashamed of this word and not want

of to speak of it?

Why are people of want to be dishonest and say they never to touch

of self when I to lack how they cannot be to do this if they are

ones who shower or bath you will need to touch of self with soap and

such to clean of the body or you will be of much odor and not have

any want to be near you?

Maybe i to lack in true what the word means in full and so have been

wondering if i to have a self limited view of it that again others

seem to know and this is one part of my life that makes of me not be

patient with self because feel as if why do other seem to know and

gain from things that seems to be to go past my comprehensions. this

is one areas of the life of me that makes me feel stupid. I to tried

to look it up in my dictionary and couldnot be to find that word

there even so maybe it is of a not nice word like a cuss as it was

not there.

[Guest guest]

this is where i to be confused if all do this then I to never

learned of it, and lack in true how one can have sex to thems

selves. I to always felt that had to be with another and even though

married still am confused by why that part of life is of important

ansd seeked out. this is where life to me is of very scary and

confusing. I to be of a person i to feel is A-sexual if I to

understand even that (it means has no sex drive and not ever think

of sex or desire of it), but the therapist to say my early learning

of it causes me some barriers and my autism development might not be

at a level of having the awareness of sexual desire.

now the odd is of have learned of organism and so when overly

excited by non sexual things such as an emotional surging of happy

or seeing a event or action or anythings can trigger a tickling in

my tummy and my need to push hard of the pelvis bones to stop of the

feel because it is of too strong and overwhelms me and it causes me

to surge in confusions of what is happening to me, some to say it

sounds as if my being is of this organism things. it is not matched

with any sexual thinkings though. i to think my whole being is just

one messed up being at times LOL. What causes a person to not have

any desire at all for sexaul intamacy. If all are of born of this

nature then why do some develop of this fashions.

I can be of intamate with the husband but it takes much work

menally, emotionally, sensory , and pre setting the ideas of this

for me to be of able to participate at any level. It isn ot that i

to not be to have good feelings during that time to him and towards

him but in me have no desrire to seek it out and or iniate of it

ever to him. this hurts of him and yet lack how to make of my body

and brain do things it does not have of ability to do internally.

But the words being shared by a few here are helping me to

understand why so many assumed the touching of their private areas

were of a sexaul nature and i to be confused by why so many shared

words of sex and mastabation within the same sentence. I to often

had of parents ask of why they were of rubbing or touching self and

even for self understood some of it due to the sensory need but not

matched with a sexual thinking of any.

it makes of sense now why others were not telling me words to it and

why it was of a like a mystery and people often did not share all

they to knew of the word. it is left as an assumption word. this is

where many with autism are at disadvantage. this disadvantage makes

me feel stupid in compare to others much so and yes they do laugh

much at me for this lack of not knowing of things others expect of

me to know.

Sondra

[Guest guest]

laura was not embarrassed as lacked in true the meaning of the word,

I to felt it was always a hygiene word not a sexual word but could

not understand why that word caused so much issues an reactions of

people. so to me since not had awareness it was not an embarass to

me nor was it a word of moral conduct to me because lacked awareness

of the higher level knowing of the word that others seemed to had.

so it left me feeling inadequate because others seemed to know of

its higher thinking where i to be to only had a very vague

understand of the word as a whole.

to me it still is of not so much amoral things to me because of the

lack of sexual interest for self. I to stillb e to not have full

understand of it all and wonder of it much more like a mystery to be

solved and gathering clues to solve it sort of thinking right now.

yes very true about strong social and moral boundaries to things of

nudity and to me dangerous life style thinkings. I to get fearful of

it, find it disgusting and morally degrading of humaness to be to

show of the body as if it holds a stronger value than the soul it

contains. so yes much of this is of same thinking as you. If I to

learn a social or moral rule I to become very rigid to it. the

children ofme have come home with words and over time have learned

of them words and find them disgusting and in same priority fo

cusses that are of bad. the kids of me have advantage to being

exposed to the learning of such words and thinking of todays society

of teens, but they know I to lack of its meaning so maynot scold

them in the begin until I to have in some fashions gained of the

meaning of the words. Such as for a time they use to say fricking

and I to lacked it but understood they used it when upset and angry,

and liked the way it sounded so began using it. the husband to hear

of me to say it and say I to not be to like that coming from you

mouth and he shared it was a form of a similar word but altered to

be so called less offensive but meaned the same. this caused me

great unsettling to know had sayed those words and was upset that

maybe had offended of people to say such words.

I to be not have a moral standard to mastabation yet because it to

me is not a fully understood things and lack how it can be for one

to have sex to them self, or have any clue to the need for it, or

why it is done? so to me cant form a social or moral rule to

somethings i to lack yet.

I to be to just want to understand of self more an dlife more and

yet lack why if this is of somethings all people do why my brain did

not develop this need or knowing of it. I to lack if this is of

autism related or another malfunctioning part of my being in life,

or if this is biomedical related, or result from abuse.... does nay

know of why one would be to have no sexual drive or interest , are

people born of that or do they just not develop it or is it altered

due to life... I to guess need to understand this to understand the

moral of mastabations.

Yes, kassi is of very smart to words and is of very open person and

is willing to teach even if the subject lines is maybe considered of

embarass or controversial and this is of a person strenght to her

becuase she understands boundaries but also understand needs for my

questions is of to learn and she knows if people do not speak out no

learning comes. it is of a good list here where can ask of these

questions and be of safe to ask of them to learn.

Sondra

[Guest guest]

Sondra,

I have been laughed at so many times about these

issues and have had people treat me like a child or

like I am stupid. I used to be offended by it, and now

it still hurts a little, but I tend to ignore what

they think of me. I know I am a good person, I know I

am smart in many other ways and know many things that

they do not, I have a husband who loves me and good

children who love me and I have a Heavenly Father

(God) and his son Jesus Christ who love me. Those are

the most important things, not what some person at a

class or meeting or public place think of me. They can

think I am stupid and nieve all they want, but I know

that I am intellegent and God knows that and that is

what matters, so I just ignore them and I remember

what I told you my friend Amsi's mom used to tell her,

" Yes you are retarded in this area, but they are

retarded in being nice "

So it all evens out in the end, We all have strengths

and weeknesses. That is what makes us human. If we

were perfect at everything than there would be no

point in being here on earth, Earth is like school, it

is a place we come to (are born into) and we learn and

grow and then we demonstrate what we know and have

learned in our everyday living, like daily quizes sort

of. If we were perfect and knew everything, there

would not be much point in staying in school as a

student.

Some people excell in math, others in literature

either reading, writing, or both, some are good at

science, but how often do you find somebody who is

perfect at every subject, and even if they are, that

is just the subjects they teach in school, the

" school " called life has many other subjects such as

loving your family, helping those in need, cleaning,

cooking, changing diapers, sharing, being selfless and

so many other subjects. None of us can be perfect at

all of it.

So, what I am trying to say Sondra, is maybe it seems

like everyone else knows certain things or social

things that you feel in the dark about, but many of

those same people who act so high and mighty about

being intellegent, aren't very nice, they aren't

caring for 4 children and a grandbaby. Many of them

never have spoken in public, and if they have, many of

them have not been doing it for the wonderful reason

that you do it. They write books or speak in public

for money, you do it to help others and share your

voice. It does not matter if you are like them, you

don't need to be like them.

Society teaches us to conform or be like everyone

else, but really God created us all unique and very

differently than every other person. God likes

individuality and diversity. One of my favorite lines

from a movie is in the movie Robin Hood, Prince of

Theives. The black man in that movie is talking to a

young child and she asks the man why god painted him.

In this movie the charactor is from the middle east

and believes in Allah (speling?) as his god and he

says, " Allah loves variety " . I love that quote. It is

so simple. No matter what the name is we choose to

call God, or the Supreme being who created us, he

loves us and wants us to be ourselves and just use the

talents, skills, and abilities he gave us to work for

him and his work is helping and loving one another.

As far as you not feeling sexually excited or aroused,

Sondra there are many reasons why that may be

possible. The number one reason that comes to my mind

is that you were abused and mistreated at a young age

and continually in life. Sometimes the damage that was

done to us as young children in that respect can

permanently damage us and cause us problems that will

stay with many people forever, until we die. These are

not just mental or " In your head " problems. Many of

these problems that we face, having been victims of

sexual and/or other forms of abuse manifest in

Physical ways in our bodies.

There is a book that I read about this that I think

may greatly help you. It is very easy reading and

really have learned a lot from it. The book is called

Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom - Creating Physical and

Emotional Health and healing by Christiane Northrup,

M.D. It is an amazing book and has helped me get

through much of my past abuse issues. It is a very

large book and is not really a read from cover to

cover, it can be but is more of a reference book that

you read over time as you are facing certain health

and emotional issues in life.

I truly believe that God created men and women to be

able to both have joy and pleasure, in many ways. I

believe that Sexual pleasure was one of those ways,

but at times due to health issues, abuse, hormone

levels and all sorts of things some of us are not able

to enjoy the full use of our physical bodies. Some are

born without an arm or leg, others are born blind or

deaf, many have these things happen to them later in

life and yes they may not be able to ever have the joy

or feeling of using say their left arm, or their eyes

or whatever, but that does not mean that they can not

enjoy life. Womens bodies were designed by God, for

them to be able to bear children. That does not

however mean that in order for a women to be truly

happy that she must have a child. I guess what I am

trying to say Sondra is that you may not be able to

achieve full sexual pleasure, the way that many

explain or describe it, but that could be due to

abuse, emotions, hormones, health or many other

aspects or a combination of aspects, however that does

not mean that you can not live a full life and be

truly happy and reach the measure of your creation

without sex or sexual arousal. Just like a blind man

can be very happy and enjoy a wonderful life, without

seeing, you can enjoy a full and desireable life

without seeking out sexual experiences.

If you want to be able to feel this way and have these

experiences that is different, and if you feel you are

being deprived and not able to feel them there are all

sorts of herbal remedies and topical creams and

medication and everything for men and women to be able

to better enjoy sexual pleasure, but if you are really

happy and satisfied without feeling that and don't

care about it, then don't worry you are not bad or

weird, my sister has experienced orgasms and she still

doesn't care for sex, it is just not her thing, She

has been married for 3 years and she is there for her

husband as pleases him as you mentioned that you do

for your husband, but she would rather just snuggle or

work on a project in the same room as her hubby or

family then have sex. In a sence Sondra you are more

free than many people. Many people's desire for sexual

gratification is so strong that it causes them to do

wicked things. I am not saying that it is NOT their

fault, it is their fault when they choose to hurt

others because they crave sex. But at times they are

like addicts. They are addicted to sex the way

alchoholics are to acohol and druggies to drugs. They

feel desparate and willing to do anything for sex. It

is still wicked and wrong of them to let their

pleasure and desire take away from others freedom and

infringe on their childhood and life the way your

grandfather did to you. He will have to pay for the

things he did to you and your family. God will see to

that in the life after earth, but unfortunately you

still sometimes have to pay for the wicked crulety

that he chose.

I just want you to know Sondra, that just because many

men and women want and desire sex and the feeling it

gives them it is not the same for everyone, I have

many friends who say they would really care less if

they ever had sex again, and they are all happily

married women, they just don't care for it. The reason

I say you are lucky is because I have a very strong

drive for it. It bothers me a lot, sometimes I can't

sleep because of it or I can't think because of it or

I get angry or irritable because of it, and though I

would never choose to push myself on anyone, not even

my husband, I sometimes would do almost anything to be

with my hubby that way, including loosing sleep or

doing extra house work or whatever. I even went to the

doctors once and asked if he had a medicine to give me

to make my feeling for Sex go away. He looked at me

like I was insane and said, You know, I have 10 women

a day come in here and beg me to give them something

to make their desire greater and you want to get rid

of yours. He said, " This is a first " . They don't even

make medication for women to lessen their drive for

sex, only to increase it. So maybe you are more normal

than you think, and as I said before, who cares if you

are normal or not, You are you and the way God made

you and as long as you and he are happy that is what

counts.

I have to go, I hope this all makes sence to you. If

you have questions or want to talk about this further.

Feel free to ask more questions or e-mail me off post.

But Sondra, I want you to know you are a wonderful

women and doing a great job and I appreciate greatly

your cheerful attitude and your thoughts and advice on

so many things.

Sincerely, Esther

--- sondra wrote:

> this is where i to be confused if all do this then I

> to never

> learned of it, and lack in true how one can have sex

> to thems

> selves. I to always felt that had to be with another

> and even though

> married still am confused by why that part of life

> is of important

> ansd seeked out. this is where life to me is of very

> scary and

> confusing. I to be of a person i to feel is A-sexual

> if I to

> understand even that (it means has no sex drive and

> not ever think

> of sex or desire of it), but the therapist to say my

> early learning

> of it causes me some barriers and my autism

> development might not be

> at a level of having the awareness of sexual desire.

>

>

> now the odd is of have learned of organism and so

> when overly

> excited by non sexual things such as an emotional

> surging of happy

> or seeing a event or action or anythings can trigger

> a tickling in

> my tummy and my need to push hard of the pelvis

> bones to stop of the

> feel because it is of too strong and overwhelms me

> and it causes me

> to surge in confusions of what is happening to me,

> some to say it

> sounds as if my being is of this organism things. it

> is not matched

> with any sexual thinkings though. i to think my

> whole being is just

> one messed up being at times LOL. What causes a

> person to not have

> any desire at all for sexaul intamacy. If all are of

> born of this

> nature then why do some develop of this fashions.

>

> I can be of intamate with the husband but it takes

> much work

> menally, emotionally, sensory , and pre setting the

> ideas of this

> for me to be of able to participate at any level. It

> isn ot that i

> to not be to have good feelings during that time to

> him and towards

> him but in me have no desrire to seek it out and or

> iniate of it

> ever to him. this hurts of him and yet lack how to

> make of my body

> and brain do things it does not have of ability to

> do internally.

>

> But the words being shared by a few here are helping

> me to

> understand why so many assumed the touching of their

> private areas

> were of a sexaul nature and i to be confused by why

> so many shared

> words of sex and mastabation within the same

> sentence. I to often

> had of parents ask of why they were of rubbing or

> touching self and

> even for self understood some of it due to the

> sensory need but not

> matched with a sexual thinking of any.

>

> it makes of sense now why others were not telling me

> words to it and

> why it was of a like a mystery and people often did

> not share all

> they to knew of the word. it is left as an

> assumption word. this is

> where many with autism are at disadvantage. this

> disadvantage makes

> me feel stupid in compare to others much so and yes

> they do laugh

> much at me for this lack of not knowing of things

> others expect of

> me to know.

>

> Sondra

>

>

>

>

>

>

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Hi Sondra,

I guess I will explain in more detail the full meaning

of mastrabation, because I see that you are still not

understanding the idea of it. It does not mean that

you are stupid, it just means that you never learned.

Ok so for those who do not want to read or talk about

this subject, don't read, but Sondra deserves for

people to tell her the truth so that she doesn't feel

left out and left in the dark about this word.

Basicly Sondra Mastrabation does not mean that you are

having sex with yourself. The Act of Sex is when two

people get together and they touch eachother and use

their bodies together to make one another feel good.

Typically it involves intercourse, but does not have

to. Intercourse is when a man gets an erection (or his

Penis becomes hard and bigger and longer) and he

places his Penis inside a womans vagina. That is

called Intercourse. So, yes in order to do that their

has to be a man with a Penis and a woman with a vagina

for Intercourse to work. Intercourse is the way to

have sex that can cause a woman to become pregnant.

This is because when a man's Penis is inside a woman

and he has an orgasm his body discharges sperm. This

part of the sexual process is called an ejaculation.

But if a woman does not want to become pregnant that

time of having intercourse, then their are many ways

to prevent that which are called Birth control (such

as condoms, pills, gells, etc.)

But sex does not necessarily have to consist of

intercourse. Their is oral sex, foreplay, and many

different ways of touching your partner or them you

that all are considered under the category of sex. In

fact Sondra, most women, do not get turned on or

aroused or excited by intercourse. For some reason for

most women, it does not make their body feel that

excited or great. There are many different ways to do

this but for the most part, intercourse is not one of

them for many women.

Some of the ways that seem to feel best for the women

I have talked to or read information from is for their

partner to use there fingers and use a warming gell or

something to make it so that your vaginal area is not

dry and irritated and then for your husband to gently

massage and rub and touch your genitalia. For many

women, that does not work or it takes hours for it to

work, and so they preffer something that helps excite

their body. They use vibrators, that are specifically

made for arousing a womans body and making her have an

orgasm. For some women it is not even a physical thing

as much that makes that feeling come. Sometimes it is

music or the words their husband says to them of how

much he loves and admires and appreciates them,

sometimes it is just knowing that their husband wants

them and is attracted to them.

This is a huge topic and everyone is so different that

it is sort of a mystery for each person to find out

what they like and what their spouse or partner likes

and they need to explore this mystery together as a

couple and try new things until something works for

them.

I mentioned above something called Oral sex. I am not

sure whether you are familiar with what that is or

not, but what oral sex is, is when you use your mouth

to make your partner feel good. When a woman does this

to a man, she uses her mouth to suck on and massage

her husbands penis. She can make him have an erection

and even ejaculation with only her mouth. Some people

swallow the sperm stuff which also has many names for

it, and others think that is gross and so they have

their partner where a condom and the stuff goes in

that instead of their mouth.

When a man makes oral sex to a woman, he uses his

tongue and licks her genitals and vaginal area and

makes her feel good that way.

Again, there are huge debates on all of these things

depending on ones religiose beliefs and personal

prefference. My personal belief, is that as long as

you are with your spouse and thinking about them

during all of it and you BOTH feel comfortable with

it, anything goes. I feel that it is very wrong no

matter if you are married or not for any man or woman

to force or push something on another person that they

do not like or do not feel comfortable with.

Now with mastrabation, it is not quite the same as

sex, because it is just one person, ones self. So it

is not officially sex, it is just the act of touching

yourself to make yourself feel sexual pleasure and

acheive an orgasm. For a man, it would typically be

rubbing himself and making himself feel good enough in

his penis to have an errection and ejaculation. For a

woman it would mostly just be touching herself there

to feel good and sometimes, if she can to make her

body have an orgasm. But for some reason many women

can't have an orgasm for some reason their body just

doesn't work that way or they feel too tense or

uptight to let themselves.

Anyhow, I know all these e-mails have been long

Sondra, but I am really trying to help explain to you

the best way that I can, what this word means, so that

you can understand and make your own decisions and

opinions on it and what you think of it. Maybe ask

your husband to help you understand it if this is not

sufficient, because I son't know how else to explain.

The book I mentioned though earlier, " Women's Bodies,

Women's Wisdom " does talk about it a little though,

from a medical point of view and very factual, so you

may want to read that book if this does not help or

clarify it enough for you. If you still have questions

that you think I can answer, I will do my best and

feel free to ask, I am not embarrased to help you or

tell you about all of this. It is part of life and you

are entitled to know.

Hope it helps, Esther

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

I think the sexuality issues and the way people react are interesting,

too. My friend, who's 6 yr old daughter with ASD, was physically

abused at a school by being restrained because her little girl was

wearing a dress, her panties were gapping open a little, and the girl

was touching her private area. The teacher was so adamet in the

meeting, " THAT'S NOT SANITARY, I WON'T HAVE THAT IN MY CLASS. " Okay,

it's not sanitary. Neither is picking one's nose, how many kids you

hear about getting a 20 minute restraint known to kill people because

they stuck their finger up their nostril? I think it was more about

the issue of it being private parts. BTW, I had a gened teacher from

the same district laugh and say she can't think of a kindergartener

who hasn't put one's hands down one's pants.

That's different from masturbation, though. The def of masturbation is:

Excitation of one's own or another's genital organs, usually to

orgasm, by manual contact or means other than sexual intercourse.

(www.dictionary.com)

I don't know about people with autism, probably like NT people, there

are varied feelings of modesty. But, in general, NT people develop by

middle childhood feelings of embarassment when others see their

nakedness or personal behaviors, like going to the bathroom or

bathing. For example, my 2 nt girls during potty training did not want

me in the bathroom when they had bowel movements. They felt

embarassment for me to see them strain or smell the odor. They felt it

was a very personal thing. My 3 yr old gets embarassed if anyone sees

her without panties on. When she's changing clothes she'll say, " No

one look at my nakey! " Lol. Now my 9 yr old I still have to get on to

not walk into the den to watch television naked. She doesn't seem to

have any modesty, parts is parts to her.

I think the feelings of embarassment have a healthy place. The reason

I believe the embarassment is healthy (to a point) is because it

allows one to understand their body is private and not for everyone's

viewing and participation. At the same time, those feelings can be

abused and mistreated by others with sexual issues. Many kids with

autism (and NT)are going to engage in masturbation and not be aware

that it's something to do in private. This creates a HUGE problem. I

can tell you before I had my child with autism, I would have assumed

any child engaging in masturbation would have HAD to been molested.

Now I realize that's simply not the case. But how many other

well-meaning people would assume our kids are being abused and cause

all sorts of problems for a very normal, natural behavior.

Like with bathing one's privates, that is typically not socially

appropriate to discuss everywhere. Talking with each other's friends

or for better understanding, like on this board, seems to me to be

perfectly acceptable. On the other hand, one probably wouldn't want to

discuss with one's boss in a meeting about bathroom supplies about

genital issues, lol. Talking to people like you, Sondra, I realize

once again how difficult trying to learn unspoken social rules can be.

I think one of the biggest problems for us is that so much of society

sees females who engage in sexual gratification as dirty, while it's

perfectly acceptable for males to do it. I remember a friend had a 6

mo old son who would grab his penis when she would change his diaper.

People laughed like, " That's a boy for ya! " but when my 6 mo old

daughter would explore during diaper changes, those same people would

say, " Ewe, that's gross. " Made no sense at all to me.

Debi