Re: I dont know what to do...Here are some ideas

[Guest guest]

Hi -May,

Honesty is the best policy. A caveat, however, might help. I suggest using

" I " statements, such as " I need to have some time to (grow, look at my

situation in a different perspective, get together with others who have a

similar situation, etc). " I think we should have special times together,

perhaps get together once every two weeks/once a month, to talk about what's

going on. " " I value time with you, however, I need time to spend just

family time with my own clan. "

Whatever you do, don't point out what you see as negative criticism or

negative feelings she might have passed on to you. Approach her with only

the POSITIVE ideas she may have given you. Or take something you feel she

said is wrong or negative and turn it around to find the positive learning

you can gain from it.

I learned how to parent my own boys by doing exactly reverse of what my

parents did to me. As a result, I became a caring, supportive, loving

parent. My sons get all my best - my concern for healthy diets, telling me

the truth, feeling they can trust me, and having them feeling secure that I

only want the best for them.

Hope this helps. Have a safe memorial day weekend.

Barb - mom of

Charlie - age 15

Plymouth, NH

On Sun, May 30, 2010 at 4:56 AM, -May wrote:

>

>

> Hey guys,

>

> I've been in a paradox over what to do for my situation because I dont want

> to feel like this anymore and I dont know what to do or how to handle it.

> You know about my mother, as I have moved out yet she hasnt cut the apron

> strings.

>

> I've had an idea by cutting all ties myself and thought of suggesting some

> space in order of a trial separation. I really dont want to hurt her. I've

> been battling with myself whether to do it or not.

>

> For some reason we can communicate in person over personal matters as we

> dont do too well with confrontation. I need some space though as I'm tired

> of feeling this way and I need to do something in order to stop my pain.

>

> I've been tearing up myself because I want my space but still want her help

> on my terms and I dont know how to deal with it. I'm going to do a mock

> letter later on after my london trip and ask you your advice after proof

> reading it. I hope thats ok.

>

> You all have been the best support in my life, I wish my family could be

> just like you. My mother will be told of how I've been feeling. Yet I havent

> been good in that in the past. I dont tell her about what I'm feeling over

> my important matters because she keeps refusing to help me with them. Plus

> I've quit telling her partner because he just laughs in my face over what

> I'm doing.

>

> I've had enough now, I need it to stop but dont know how to handle it.

>

> Thank you all.

>

> -May Minett

>

>

>