Re: I'm Falling Apart Emotionally

[Guest guest]

Terry,

Having suffered through a wife leaving, I can completely sympathize with the pain. I can’t tell you how many times I felt a little better only to have her waltz back into the situation and “rip the scab” off of my gaping emotional wound. On the other hand, I am glad that you have a good therapist. It did a world of good for me and I would urge you to speak with him/her as soon as possible. There is a lot going on right now in your life and a little more professional support is certainly worth the investment. For me, the sessions, especially when I was at my worst, made things bearable for a while and put things into some perspective that allowed me to hang-on and continue to heal.

One little trick that I used to use was thinking about all the people that depended on me, a sort of personal “It’s A Wonderful Life” . For instance, your doctor is trying to help you with your health issues. He/she is there waiting to help make you better. Your therapist takes the time to try to help you and heal you. I am sure that your co-workers depend on you to assist with getting work done at your place of business. The paperboy needs someone to receive the paper he/she has delivered. The post office needs to drop the mail off at your place. You are not an island, you are bound-up with many people, probably more than you know, and you have an effect on them and they on you. Reach out, whether at a place or worship, a coffee shop or a neighbor and I think you will be surprised at what is available to you. Hang in there. Stay strong.

-- Skip

Reply-To: " ProstateCancerSupport " <ProstateCancerSupport >

Date: Tue, 26 Sep 2006 15:04:05 -0000

To: " ProstateCancerSupport " <ProstateCancerSupport >

Subject: I'm Falling Apart Emotionally

Some of you may remember that I've been a member about three weeks and

that my wife walked out on me right after diagnosis.She briefly

returned to her hometown, Des Moines and is now moving to Chicago. She

was back in town yesterday and saw her briefly. It made everything

worse. I have a great therapist but virtually no support sytem. I am

in a meltdown. No-one seems to care if I live or die.

Terry in SF

[Guest guest]

>

> Some of you may remember that I've been a member about three weeks

and

> that my wife walked out on me right after diagnosis.She briefly

> returned to her hometown, Des Moines and is now moving to Chicago.

She

> was back in town yesterday and saw her briefly. It made everything

> worse. I have a great therapist but virtually no support sytem. I

am

> in a meltdown. No-one seems to care if I live or die.

>

> Terry in SF

It's good that you're in therapy. But you should definitely get an

evaluation for mood-lifting drugs if you have not already. You need

to see an MD for that.

Leah

>

[Guest guest]

Terry, I will not try to tell you that you will " get over it " , but

you will learn to live with it, or at least I did. One of the tricks

I used was that I was sure to leave the lights on when I left in the

mornings. That way, I did not come home to an empty house. Also, I

started eating in front of the TV, that way I was not eating alone.

And YES, my loving ex came back, stayed a few months and left.

Seems leaving was the only thing she was ever really good at doing.

Job #1 is to get yourself healthy. After that, surround yourself

with people,,,,, get a second job that will keep you surrounded with

people, if you prefer one that is primarily staffed with females.

Consider taking night classes at a local college, study art, get a

motorcycle, join a comping/hiking club, what ever it is that

interests you, take this opportunity to try it out. Churchs can be a

good source of support too.

Just when I had decided that the world just didn't make a woman who

could live with me, I found my wife. That was 29 years ago. I only

wish I could find the guy my first wife left with. I would like to

thank him and let him know that he is by very best friend- only I

have never met him. (She left him too). Best revenge-----live well

and prosper.

The one thing not to do is to stay at home by yourself. You will

only get more depressed and you will not likely find the

companionship you, and everyone else, needs. And don't kid

yourself, everyone needs someone.

[Guest guest]

Terry, there are thousands of women who would just love to have

someone like you. There must be a senior paper in San Francisco.

Put a small ad in the paper. I guarantee you that you will get lots of

replies. If there is a senior center nearby, go there. They often have

lunches, recreational areas and often have good get-togethers.

Don't let her ruin your life.

I wish you all the bestAubrey Pilgrim, DC (Ret.) Author ofA Revolutionary Approach to Prostate Cancer-Read the original book for FREE at: http://www.prostatepointers.org/prostate/lay/apilgrim/Read new edition for FREE at http://www.cancer.prostate-help.org/capilgr.htmDr. E. Crawford is co-author of the revision

Some of you may remember that I've been a member about three weeks and that my wife walked out on me right after diagnosis.She briefly returned to her hometown, Des Moines and is now moving to Chicago. She was back in town yesterday and saw her briefly. It made everything worse. I have a great therapist but virtually no support sytem. I am in a meltdown. No-one seems to care if I live or die.Terry in SF

[Guest guest]

You might ask your doc about an anti-depressant called Effexor. It

isn't for everybody but it did a world of good for me.

---

Jim Manley's Photoshop Elements Page

http://www.geocities.com/jim_p_manley/index.html

http://web.mac.com/jamespmanley/iWeb/Photoshop_Elements

God's Plan for Salvation

http://web.mac.com/jamespmanley/iWeb/Gods_plan/Welcome.html

I am 58 years old, PSA 7.4, now 2.1 diagnosed 8-9-06

Gleason 5+4=9, hasn't gone into the bone yet, has

spread to lungs & bladder. Taking Casodex pills &

Zoledex shots. I am convinced that my GOD and

Lord Jesus Christ will heal me as a testimony to his love.

2 Chronicles 20

> It's good that you're in therapy. But you should definitely get an

> evaluation for mood-lifting drugs if you have not already. You need

> to see an MD for that.

[Guest guest]

Terry,

I know this is difficult. Everyone is different in the way they make it

through a divorce. You have to do it your way. Just know that the pain

will lessen. Life will go to a new normal. Do what you feel comfortable

doing. Do what you enjoy. Indugle yourself. If that means eating out do

that. If that means buying a new toy, do that. Maybe doing volunteer

work will help you forget your pain. Go on to Match.com and shop. Build

something and hammer many nails. Join a gym and work out on a regular

basis.

It is all about feeling the pain and getting beyond it. I have been

married twice. Once divorced, once widowed. Just don't get stuck, care

about yourself and look forward rather than back. It isn't always easy

but eventually you will have to find a way to forgive her and also

yourself.

Kathy

> --- I'm Falling Apart Emotionally

>

> Date: Tue, September 26, 2006 8:04 am

> To: ProstateCancerSupport

>

>

>

> Some of you may remember that I've been a member about three weeks and

> that my wife walked out on me right after diagnosis.She briefly

> returned to her hometown, Des Moines and is now moving to Chicago. She

> was back in town yesterday and saw her briefly. It made everything

> worse. I have a great therapist but virtually no support sytem. I am

> in a meltdown. No-one seems to care if I live or die.

>

> Terry in SF

>

[Guest guest]

I am currently in the San Francisco area. I would be

willing to meet your for coffee and talk about your

cancer. I just went through it with my husband and it

is not easy.

Ann

--- APilgrm@... wrote:

>

>

> Terry, there are thousands of women who would just

> love to have

> someone like you. There must be a senior paper in

> San Francisco.

> Put a small ad in the paper. I guarantee you that

> you will get lots of

> replies. If there is a senior center nearby, go

> there. They often have

> lunches, recreational areas and often have good

> get-togethers.

>

> Don't let her ruin your life.

>

> I wish you all the best

>

> Aubrey Pilgrim, DC (Ret.) Author of

> A Revolutionary Approach to Prostate Cancer-Read

> the original book

> for FREE at:

>

_http://www.prostatepointers.org/prostate/lay/apilgrim/_

>

>

(http://www.prostatepointers.org/prostate/lay/apilgrim/)

>

> Read new edition for FREE at

> _http://www.cancer.prostate-help.org/capilgr.htm_

> (http://www.cancer.prostate-help.org/capilgr.htm)

> Dr. E. Crawford is co-author of the revision

>

>

> In a message dated 9/26/2006 11:10:11 A.M. Eastern

> Daylight Time,

> tbrejla@... writes:

>

>

>

>

> Some of you may remember that I've been a member

> about three weeks and

> that my wife walked out on me right after

> diagnosis.She briefly

> returned to her hometown, Des Moines and is now

> moving to Chicago. She

> was back in town yesterday and saw her briefly. It

> made everything

> worse. I have a great therapist but virtually no

> support sytem. I am

> in a meltdown. No-one seems to care if I live or

> die.

>

> Terry in SF

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

I have been reading your posts to the prostate support group. Please tell your doctor what you are going through. She/he can guide you. My husband just did a walk for cancer and met some wonderful caring people that are in a similar situation. There were many women doing the walk also. I personally don't think you need another woman until you can get to stand up alone, but if you must, women love to nurture and one will come along that will want to take care of you. How old are you and where do you live? If you go to www.cancer.org you will see the American Cancer Society web site where you can plug in your zip code and find events to participate in: http://www.cancer.org/docroot/par/par_0.asp or to volunteer your time go here: http://www.cancer.org/docroot/vol/vol_0.asp You will need to push yourself the first time but then you wil find it very rewarding. Believe me when I say, it is nearly impossible to wallow in misery when you are helping someone else. Please do this. Jeanine Jeanine Gawthrope R.T.®(CT) Guild CT + MRI Center 825 Washington Street Norwood, MA 02062Tel Fax

How low will we go? Check out Yahoo! Messenger’s low PC-to-Phone call rates.

[Guest guest]

>

> Some of you may remember that I've been a member about three weeks

and

> that my wife walked out on me right after diagnosis.She briefly

> returned to her hometown, Des Moines and is now moving to Chicago.

She

> was back in town yesterday and saw her briefly. It made everything

> worse. I have a great therapist but virtually no support sytem. I am

> in a meltdown. No-one seems to care if I live or die.

>

> Terry in SF

You sound really down and maybe you need to be in a supportive

environment like a hospital where you can get more intensive

treatment. It sounds to me that maybe you are not in a position to

implement some of the excellent suggestions people have given you.

If these feelings persist, you need to either call a psychiatrist or

check yourself into a hospital. For your own safety.

Please consider this.

leah

>

[Guest guest]

>

> Some of you may remember that I've been a member about three weeks and

> that my wife walked out on me right after diagnosis.She briefly

> returned to her hometown, Des Moines and is now moving to Chicago. She

> was back in town yesterday and saw her briefly. It made everything

> worse. I have a great therapist but virtually no support sytem. I am

> in a meltdown. No-one seems to care if I live or die.

>

> Terry in SF

>

Hi Terry

My mother died when I was four, I have no memory of her. I contacted

infantile paralysis (polio) six months later and remain partially

paralysed in both legs. Not a good start to life.

My father found solace and support at that time by joining a

pseudo-Christian mind control cult. I was brought up in that cult for

35 years, thinking it was reality.

In 1985 I realised it was a cult based on unreality. My realisation

led to me leaving the cult which resulted in my wife and three sons

being encouraged to leave me by cult leaders (which they did); my

being totally ostracised by my father, step-mother, brother, three

sisters; and loosing close friends of a lifetime.

I was totally destroyed by the experience, diagnosed with

Posttraumatic Stress Disorder, and found no reason to live.

In the past twenty years I have gradually rebuilt my life. One very

important thing I have learnt is that if your wife is willing to leave

you, because she is putting her own interests first, then she is not

worth your wasted affection.

In my own personal experience, the answer to your " No-one seems to

care if I live or die " syndrome is to physically force yourself out

into the community and take an active interest in others. The more you

take an active interest in others, the more they will care if you live

or die. I found it best to seek to help others worse off than myself.

At the moment you are drowning in your own misery. I know how you

feel. I've been there. I've written the book, I've done the DVD, I

have worn the T shirt. So don't think I am not sympathetic, I am. In

fact I offer you more than sympathy, I offer you empathy.

But I also know what worked for me. You are bogged down in a rut, and

you need to get out of it. To get a vehicle out of a rut sometimes

requires great physical effort. So switch off the TV, switch off the

computer, and get out there.

After twenty years of learning how to enjoy life again (and I most

certainly do), I can assure you that forcing yourself out into the

community and taking an active interest in others does work.

Today I return to hospital, after the removal of my prostate gland a

week ago, to have my catheter removed. I have yet to learn whether my

cancer has spread elsewhere. No matter what, I shall continue to enjoy

life and enjoy the rich conversations of others.

Kind regards