a happy story about dating with chronic pain

March 22, 2006

Given Rick's recent post about the difficulty of dating with chronic

pain, I thought I would share a story with a happy ending, maybe to

encourage the singles in our group that there *is* hope out there,

and there are " normals " who are willing to take on us CPers....

My 45 yo brother met a woman through an internet chat room that he

really liked, and started dating. After a few dates, she dropped

what she thought was a " bomb " on him - that she has MS. She

thoroughly expected that that was the last she was ever going to see

of him, because every other guy she'd ever met had turned tail and

run, including her bastard of a previous husband (he'd been one of

those " why are you doing this to *me* " kinda guys - we all know the

type, right?)

My brother has always used me as his personal relationship counselor,

so of course I got the first call. His only reaction was bafflement

at why she had turned so " weird " about telling him! He didn't see a

problem with the MS itself - he just really couldn't comprehend why

she was pushing him away so hard! I had to explain to him that she

had probably been hurt so many times by guys that couldn't deal that

it was perfectly reasonable for her to be defensive and protective

and expect that he was going to be just like the rest of them.

But not my bro! I'm so proud of him! Now, he didn't go into this

blind or naive - he took the time to do research and asked a lot of

questions, and they talked a lot about how things would work, but he

didn't let it scare him off. He just accepted that at their age,

health issues - even scary chronic ones - are going to have to be

expected, and he's not one to give up easily. Even though she kept

testing him, and pushing him away for a while, sure he was going to

give up eventually, he stuck it out, refusing to let her run him off

over something that to him just wasn't worth losing the relationship.

They're still together and doing great! And, there hasn't been an

annoucement yet, but I think she's going to end up being my sister

one of these days! And I couldn't be happier....

So there is hope out there, singles! (And no, I don't have any more

brothers, sorry! He's one of a kind....)

Cheryl in AZ

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