Re: Anger (was “Methods�)

[Guest guest]

First of all I have had this for 10 years. It has been been getting worse

rapidly. It is not anger. It is much more than anger. I will usually wait last

minute untill I screem at them or cry. I use my earplugs and iPod(or phone) to

drown out all sound. I am glad to find this. I knew there was something wrong

and I wasn't crazy. I felt like I was the only person with this.

>

>

>

> Subject: Anger (was “Methodsâ€)

> To: Soundsensitivity

> Date: Friday, September 2, 2011, 1:14 PM

>

>

>  

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> This is specifically in reply to na, but also to everyone. Yesterday

na wrote, “I am currently on Lamictal…and it helped with my violence. I

want to know what works best for you.â€

>  

> A few of people replied, including gegleicher:  “na dear, I think that

violence is an separate problem. Although my thoughts are very angry and hateful

toward people who trigger me, I don't get violent.â€

>  

> And Debbie:  “na, you are young, right?  Maybe you are just still

learning how to cope with the feelings you are getting. I do believe that maybe

your violence is related only because I understand how someone would want to

take it to that level.  Honey, I promise you that when you get through these

already hard years of being a teenager, it gets better.  Not better that the

triggers go away or anything, but you learn what works for you.â€

>  

> Now, I’m not picking on either gegleicher or Debbie! But I *do* want to

reassure you, na (and anyone else following this thread) that what you’re

experiencing is very, very real. I’m not so dismissive of the connection

between 4S and violence†" it’s a part of my everyday life, too. And that has

**nothing** to do with being a teenager†" I’m in my early 40s, and have had

this *since* I was a pre-teen.

>  

> I’d describe myself (and so would anyone who knows me!) as an easygoing,

non-violent person. But the rage that flares up when I hear a trigger sound (or,

increasingly, see a trigger visual) is a different thing entirely. The way I

usually describe it to people is this:  Imagine if you said something hurtful

to me. My instant reaction would be anger, but I could choose to stop, take a

deep breath, count to 10, and think about it. Maybe you didn’t realize how

what you said came across. Or maybe you’re just having a bad day, and taking

it out on me. In other words, I can pause and then *choose* how to react. With

my 4S, I don’t have that option, because there is NO GAP AT ALL between the

stimulus and response in which to decide anything. And believe me, I’ve spent

the last 30 years or so looking for that gap.

>  

> And that anger has to go *somewhere.* Again, gegleicher said, “Although my

thoughts are very angry and hateful toward people who trigger me, I don't get

violent.†I’d argue that violence is violence, whether you externalize it

through your actions or hold it in your thoughts …because if you keep it

inside, you’re being violent toward *yourself.* Your stress levels go up just

as much that way†" and maybe even more, because you’re suppressing your anger

and not giving it an outlet.

>  

> Now I’m not saying we should all act out our anger whenever we feel it†" I

know I, for one, would either be locked up or hospitalized within a day! But I

think it’s important to let off steam somehow, because it’s unhealthy to let

it build up. I’m one of the “mimics†(something I know we’ve talked

about here in the past) who needs to imitate the trigger sound as a way of

“fighting back.†So I’ve developed little mechanisms that keep me from

hurting myself or others but still allow me to vent my triggery rage. One

example†" where I work, I keep two staplers on my desk. One that I actually use

to staple, and the other to slam against my desktop once or twice when I hear

something that triggers me. (I wear earplugs and headphones almost all the time,

so it’s only an occasional thing.) I’m sure some people think I’m weird,

but better that than losing my sanity. So if a loud bang comes from my cubicle

once or twice a week for a

> second or two, I figure that’s preferable than me walking into a conference

room and slamming a fist through a plate glass window. )

>  

> Anyway, na, I just didn’t want you to think that your anger is wrong,

or it’s just because you’re young, or anything like that. You†" we

ALL†" have a right to our feelings, whatever they are, just as we all have a

responsibility to find ways to handle them that don’t hurt ourselves or

others.

>  

> -Mayuri

>  

>

[Guest guest]

I've had this since I was 7 years old, now I am 56. I thought that I was the

only one in the world with is torture until I found out about this site and

misophonia in May of this year. When I found out that other people had this and

there was a name for it, I was so excited that I stayed up all nigh reading

comments and articles about it on the internet. For my whole life I never knew

of anyone else with this problem. I had seen many therapists over the years.

They all misdiagnosed it as OCD or phobias. I got so mad when I found out that

there was a name for it, misophonia, and my psychiatrist didn't even know what

it was. I fired him the next week.

It has been getting worse for me too over the years. I have been unable to work

for the past 4 years because of misophonia.

All that being said, I wish I was your age and had another chance at life so I

could avoid the mistakes that I have made in life.

You're young. You have the potential of having a wonderful life. Hang in there.

Maybe you can go to school online. There are definitely online colleges. There

are online jobs too.

I always wanted to be on a farm in the middle of nowhere.

> >

> >

> > From: Mayuri Mandel <mayuri827@>

> > Subject: Anger (was “Methodsâ€)

> > To: Soundsensitivity

> > Date: Friday, September 2, 2011, 1:14 PM

> >

> >

> >  

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > This is specifically in reply to na, but also to everyone. Yesterday

na wrote, “I am currently on Lamictal…and it helped with my violence. I

want to know what works best for you.â€

> >  

> > A few of people replied, including gegleicher:  “na dear, I think

that violence is an separate problem. Although my thoughts are very angry and

hateful toward people who trigger me, I don't get violent.â€

> >  

> > And Debbie:  “na, you are young, right?  Maybe you are just still

learning how to cope with the feelings you are getting. I do believe that maybe

your violence is related only because I understand how someone would want to

take it to that level.  Honey, I promise you that when you get through these

already hard years of being a teenager, it gets better.  Not better that the

triggers go away or anything, but you learn what works for you.â€

> >  

> > Now, I’m not picking on either gegleicher or Debbie! But I *do* want to

reassure you, na (and anyone else following this thread) that what you’re

experiencing is very, very real. I’m not so dismissive of the connection

between 4S and violence†" it’s a part of my everyday life, too. And that has

**nothing** to do with being a teenager†" I’m in my early 40s, and have had

this *since* I was a pre-teen.

> >  

> > I’d describe myself (and so would anyone who knows me!) as an easygoing,

non-violent person. But the rage that flares up when I hear a trigger sound (or,

increasingly, see a trigger visual) is a different thing entirely. The way I

usually describe it to people is this:  Imagine if you said something hurtful

to me. My instant reaction would be anger, but I could choose to stop, take a

deep breath, count to 10, and think about it. Maybe you didn’t realize how

what you said came across. Or maybe you’re just having a bad day, and taking

it out on me. In other words, I can pause and then *choose* how to react. With

my 4S, I don’t have that option, because there is NO GAP AT ALL between the

stimulus and response in which to decide anything. And believe me, I’ve spent

the last 30 years or so looking for that gap.

> >  

> > And that anger has to go *somewhere.* Again, gegleicher said, “Although my

thoughts are very angry and hateful toward people who trigger me, I don't get

violent.†I’d argue that violence is violence, whether you externalize it

through your actions or hold it in your thoughts …because if you keep it

inside, you’re being violent toward *yourself.* Your stress levels go up just

as much that way†" and maybe even more, because you’re suppressing your anger

and not giving it an outlet.

> >  

> > Now I’m not saying we should all act out our anger whenever we feel it†" I

know I, for one, would either be locked up or hospitalized within a day! But I

think it’s important to let off steam somehow, because it’s unhealthy to let

it build up. I’m one of the “mimics†(something I know we’ve talked

about here in the past) who needs to imitate the trigger sound as a way of

“fighting back.†So I’ve developed little mechanisms that keep me from

hurting myself or others but still allow me to vent my triggery rage. One

example†" where I work, I keep two staplers on my desk. One that I actually use

to staple, and the other to slam against my desktop once or twice when I hear

something that triggers me. (I wear earplugs and headphones almost all the time,

so it’s only an occasional thing.) I’m sure some people think I’m weird,

but better that than losing my sanity. So if a loud bang comes from my cubicle

once or twice a week for a

> > second or two, I figure that’s preferable than me walking into a

conference room and slamming a fist through a plate glass window. )

> >  

> > Anyway, na, I just didn’t want you to think that your anger is wrong,

or it’s just because you’re young, or anything like that. You†" we

ALL†" have a right to our feelings, whatever they are, just as we all have a

responsibility to find ways to handle them that don’t hurt ourselves or

others.

> >  

> > -Mayuri

> >  

> >

>

[Guest guest]

My mom says I need to put effort and if I want to be homeschooled I can. I am

about ready to give up on life all together. I have to stay in a play full of my

trigger sounds for 8 hours.

> > >

> > >

> > > From: Mayuri Mandel <mayuri827@>

> > > Subject: Anger (was “Methodsâ€)

> > > To: Soundsensitivity

> > > Date: Friday, September 2, 2011, 1:14 PM

> > >

> > >

> > >  

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > This is specifically in reply to na, but also to everyone. Yesterday

na wrote, “I am currently on Lamictal…and it helped with my violence. I

want to know what works best for you.â€

> > >  

> > > A few of people replied, including gegleicher:  “na dear, I think

that violence is an separate problem. Although my thoughts are very angry and

hateful toward people who trigger me, I don't get violent.â€

> > >  

> > > And Debbie:  “na, you are young, right?  Maybe you are just still

learning how to cope with the feelings you are getting. I do believe that maybe

your violence is related only because I understand how someone would want to

take it to that level.  Honey, I promise you that when you get through these

already hard years of being a teenager, it gets better.  Not better that the

triggers go away or anything, but you learn what works for you.â€

> > >  

> > > Now, I’m not picking on either gegleicher or Debbie! But I *do* want to

reassure you, na (and anyone else following this thread) that what you’re

experiencing is very, very real. I’m not so dismissive of the connection

between 4S and violence†" it’s a part of my everyday life, too. And that has

**nothing** to do with being a teenager†" I’m in my early 40s, and have had

this *since* I was a pre-teen.

> > >  

> > > I’d describe myself (and so would anyone who knows me!) as an easygoing,

non-violent person. But the rage that flares up when I hear a trigger sound (or,

increasingly, see a trigger visual) is a different thing entirely. The way I

usually describe it to people is this:  Imagine if you said something hurtful

to me. My instant reaction would be anger, but I could choose to stop, take a

deep breath, count to 10, and think about it. Maybe you didn’t realize how

what you said came across. Or maybe you’re just having a bad day, and taking

it out on me. In other words, I can pause and then *choose* how to react. With

my 4S, I don’t have that option, because there is NO GAP AT ALL between the

stimulus and response in which to decide anything. And believe me, I’ve spent

the last 30 years or so looking for that gap.

> > >  

> > > And that anger has to go *somewhere.* Again, gegleicher said, “Although

my thoughts are very angry and hateful toward people who trigger me, I don't get

violent.†I’d argue that violence is violence, whether you externalize it

through your actions or hold it in your thoughts …because if you keep it

inside, you’re being violent toward *yourself.* Your stress levels go up just

as much that way†" and maybe even more, because you’re suppressing your anger

and not giving it an outlet.

> > >  

> > > Now I’m not saying we should all act out our anger whenever we feel

it†" I know I, for one, would either be locked up or hospitalized within a day!

But I think it’s important to let off steam somehow, because it’s unhealthy

to let it build up. I’m one of the “mimics†(something I know we’ve

talked about here in the past) who needs to imitate the trigger sound as a way

of “fighting back.†So I’ve developed little mechanisms that keep me from

hurting myself or others but still allow me to vent my triggery rage. One

example†" where I work, I keep two staplers on my desk. One that I actually use

to staple, and the other to slam against my desktop once or twice when I hear

something that triggers me. (I wear earplugs and headphones almost all the time,

so it’s only an occasional thing.) I’m sure some people think I’m weird,

but better that than losing my sanity. So if a loud bang comes from my cubicle

once or twice a week for a

> > > second or two, I figure that’s preferable than me walking into a

conference room and slamming a fist through a plate glass window. )

> > >  

> > > Anyway, na, I just didn’t want you to think that your anger is

wrong, or it’s just because you’re young, or anything like that. You†" we

ALL†" have a right to our feelings, whatever they are, just as we all have a

responsibility to find ways to handle them that don’t hurt ourselves or

others.

> > >  

> > > -Mayuri

> > >  

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I have 4S. I live in the midwest in the woods in the middle of nowhere.

Eventually the crickets, the clocks ticking, the SILENCE start to irritate you.

I used to get upset that the squawking birds woke me up at 5 in the morning.

Family snoring happens in the city and in the country. I have found that the

fact that I am not the only one, is VERY helpful. I have found things to take

my mind off of the compulsive thoughts that tend to whirl and to accept that I

have this and that lots of people a just really slobs and thoughtlessly rude.

It is our will over our minds. Yes, I went to a psychiatrist who also never

heard of this and I left feeling silly for mentioning it. This forum is our

only support. I wish you well. You are not alone.

> > >

> > >

> > > From: Mayuri Mandel <mayuri827@>

> > > Subject: Anger (was “Methodsâ€)

> > > To: Soundsensitivity

> > > Date: Friday, September 2, 2011, 1:14 PM

> > >

> > >

> > >  

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > This is specifically in reply to na, but also to everyone. Yesterday

na wrote, “I am currently on Lamictal…and it helped with my violence. I

want to know what works best for you.â€

> > >  

> > > A few of people replied, including gegleicher:  “na dear, I think

that violence is an separate problem. Although my thoughts are very angry and

hateful toward people who trigger me, I don't get violent.â€

> > >  

> > > And Debbie:  “na, you are young, right?  Maybe you are just still

learning how to cope with the feelings you are getting. I do believe that maybe

your violence is related only because I understand how someone would want to

take it to that level.  Honey, I promise you that when you get through these

already hard years of being a teenager, it gets better.  Not better that the

triggers go away or anything, but you learn what works for you.â€

> > >  

> > > Now, I’m not picking on either gegleicher or Debbie! But I *do* want to

reassure you, na (and anyone else following this thread) that what you’re

experiencing is very, very real. I’m not so dismissive of the connection

between 4S and violence†" it’s a part of my everyday life, too. And that has

**nothing** to do with being a teenager†" I’m in my early 40s, and have had

this *since* I was a pre-teen.

> > >  

> > > I’d describe myself (and so would anyone who knows me!) as an easygoing,

non-violent person. But the rage that flares up when I hear a trigger sound (or,

increasingly, see a trigger visual) is a different thing entirely. The way I

usually describe it to people is this:  Imagine if you said something hurtful

to me. My instant reaction would be anger, but I could choose to stop, take a

deep breath, count to 10, and think about it. Maybe you didn’t realize how

what you said came across. Or maybe you’re just having a bad day, and taking

it out on me. In other words, I can pause and then *choose* how to react. With

my 4S, I don’t have that option, because there is NO GAP AT ALL between the

stimulus and response in which to decide anything. And believe me, I’ve spent

the last 30 years or so looking for that gap.

> > >  

> > > And that anger has to go *somewhere.* Again, gegleicher said, “Although

my thoughts are very angry and hateful toward people who trigger me, I don't get

violent.†I’d argue that violence is violence, whether you externalize it

through your actions or hold it in your thoughts …because if you keep it

inside, you’re being violent toward *yourself.* Your stress levels go up just

as much that way†" and maybe even more, because you’re suppressing your anger

and not giving it an outlet.

> > >  

> > > Now I’m not saying we should all act out our anger whenever we feel

it†" I know I, for one, would either be locked up or hospitalized within a day!

But I think it’s important to let off steam somehow, because it’s unhealthy

to let it build up. I’m one of the “mimics†(something I know we’ve

talked about here in the past) who needs to imitate the trigger sound as a way

of “fighting back.†So I’ve developed little mechanisms that keep me from

hurting myself or others but still allow me to vent my triggery rage. One

example†" where I work, I keep two staplers on my desk. One that I actually use

to staple, and the other to slam against my desktop once or twice when I hear

something that triggers me. (I wear earplugs and headphones almost all the time,

so it’s only an occasional thing.) I’m sure some people think I’m weird,

but better that than losing my sanity. So if a loud bang comes from my cubicle

once or twice a week for a

> > > second or two, I figure that’s preferable than me walking into a

conference room and slamming a fist through a plate glass window. )

> > >  

> > > Anyway, na, I just didn’t want you to think that your anger is

wrong, or it’s just because you’re young, or anything like that. You†" we

ALL†" have a right to our feelings, whatever they are, just as we all have a

responsibility to find ways to handle them that don’t hurt ourselves or

others.

> > >  

> > > -Mayuri

> > >  

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

It is as if we are cursed. There is no getting away from it.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > From: Mayuri Mandel <mayuri827@>

> > > > Subject: Anger (was “Methodsâ€)

> > > > To: Soundsensitivity

> > > > Date: Friday, September 2, 2011, 1:14 PM

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >  

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > This is specifically in reply to na, but also to everyone.

Yesterday na wrote, “I am currently on Lamictal…and it helped with my

violence. I want to know what works best for you.â€

> > > >  

> > > > A few of people replied, including gegleicher:  “na dear, I

think that violence is an separate problem. Although my thoughts are very angry

and hateful toward people who trigger me, I don't get violent.â€

> > > >  

> > > > And Debbie:  “na, you are young, right?  Maybe you are just

still learning how to cope with the feelings you are getting. I do believe that

maybe your violence is related only because I understand how someone would want

to take it to that level.  Honey, I promise you that when you get through these

already hard years of being a teenager, it gets better.  Not better that the

triggers go away or anything, but you learn what works for you.â€

> > > >  

> > > > Now, I’m not picking on either gegleicher or Debbie! But I *do* want

to reassure you, na (and anyone else following this thread) that what

you’re experiencing is very, very real. I’m not so dismissive of the

connection between 4S and violence†" it’s a part of my everyday life, too. And

that has **nothing** to do with being a teenager†" I’m in my early 40s, and

have had this *since* I was a pre-teen.

> > > >  

> > > > I’d describe myself (and so would anyone who knows me!) as an

easygoing, non-violent person. But the rage that flares up when I hear a trigger

sound (or, increasingly, see a trigger visual) is a different thing entirely.

The way I usually describe it to people is this:  Imagine if you said something

hurtful to me. My instant reaction would be anger, but I could choose to stop,

take a deep breath, count to 10, and think about it. Maybe you didn’t realize

how what you said came across. Or maybe you’re just having a bad day, and

taking it out on me. In other words, I can pause and then *choose* how to react.

With my 4S, I don’t have that option, because there is NO GAP AT ALL between

the stimulus and response in which to decide anything. And believe me, I’ve

spent the last 30 years or so looking for that gap.

> > > >  

> > > > And that anger has to go *somewhere.* Again, gegleicher said,

“Although my thoughts are very angry and hateful toward people who trigger me,

I don't get violent.†I’d argue that violence is violence, whether you

externalize it through your actions or hold it in your thoughts …because if

you keep it inside, you’re being violent toward *yourself.* Your stress levels

go up just as much that way†" and maybe even more, because you’re suppressing

your anger and not giving it an outlet.

> > > >  

> > > > Now I’m not saying we should all act out our anger whenever we feel

it†" I know I, for one, would either be locked up or hospitalized within a day!

But I think it’s important to let off steam somehow, because it’s unhealthy

to let it build up. I’m one of the “mimics†(something I know we’ve

talked about here in the past) who needs to imitate the trigger sound as a way

of “fighting back.†So I’ve developed little mechanisms that keep me from

hurting myself or others but still allow me to vent my triggery rage. One

example†" where I work, I keep two staplers on my desk. One that I actually use

to staple, and the other to slam against my desktop once or twice when I hear

something that triggers me. (I wear earplugs and headphones almost all the time,

so it’s only an occasional thing.) I’m sure some people think I’m weird,

but better that than losing my sanity. So if a loud bang comes from my cubicle

once or twice a week for a

> > > > second or two, I figure that’s preferable than me walking into a

conference room and slamming a fist through a plate glass window. )

> > > >  

> > > > Anyway, na, I just didn’t want you to think that your anger is

wrong, or it’s just because you’re young, or anything like that. You†" we

ALL†" have a right to our feelings, whatever they are, just as we all have a

responsibility to find ways to handle them that don’t hurt ourselves or

others.

> > > >  

> > > > -Mayuri

> > > >  

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

My anger has gotten worse over the years, too. I am 29 now and I am a friendly,

easy going person but the trigger noises change me, too. I think I feel angrier

than ever because I have never stopped trying to " get better " . I seek out help.

I spend the majority of my money on trying to be healthier (from psychologist

appointments, self-help books and courses, to massages... anything that will

help me to relax). I feel angry because I can't control the situations and

people around me, and it seems as if I can't control the way that I feel and

react. And trust me, I have tried all the positive self-talk and anxiety

programs in the world. I always turn the anger in on myself and I end up

feeling shame. I then get depressed because I am not living the life that I

want, and I feel like the people that love me didn't sign up for this -

especially my husband since he chose me and my family didn't.

>

> This is specifically in reply to na, but also to everyone. Yesterday

na wrote, “I am currently on Lamictal…and it helped with my violence. I

want to know what works best for you.â€

>  

> A few of people replied, including gegleicher:  “na dear, I think that

violence is an separate problem. Although my thoughts are very angry and hateful

toward people who trigger me, I don't get violent.â€

>  

> And Debbie:  “na, you are young, right?  Maybe you are just still

learning how to cope with the feelings you are getting. I do believe that maybe

your violence is related only because I understand how someone would want to

take it to that level.  Honey, I promise you that when you get through these

already hard years of being a teenager, it gets better.  Not better that the

triggers go away or anything, but you learn what works for you.â€

>  

> Now, I’m not picking on either gegleicher or Debbie! But I *do* want to

reassure you, na (and anyone else following this thread) that what you’re

experiencing is very, very real. I’m not so dismissive of the connection

between 4S and violence†" it’s a part of my everyday life, too. And that has

**nothing** to do with being a teenager†" I’m in my early 40s, and have had

this *since* I was a pre-teen.

>  

> I’d describe myself (and so would anyone who knows me!) as an easygoing,

non-violent person. But the rage that flares up when I hear a trigger sound (or,

increasingly, see a trigger visual) is a different thing entirely. The way I

usually describe it to people is this:  Imagine if you said something hurtful

to me. My instant reaction would be anger, but I could choose to stop, take a

deep breath, count to 10, and think about it. Maybe you didn’t realize how

what you said came across. Or maybe you’re just having a bad day, and taking

it out on me. In other words, I can pause and then *choose* how to react. With

my 4S, I don’t have that option, because there is NO GAP AT ALL between the

stimulus and response in which to decide anything. And believe me, I’ve spent

the last 30 years or so looking for that gap.

>  

> And that anger has to go *somewhere.* Again, gegleicher said, “Although my

thoughts are very angry and hateful toward people who trigger me, I don't get

violent.†I’d argue that violence is violence, whether you externalize it

through your actions or hold it in your thoughts …because if you keep it

inside, you’re being violent toward *yourself.* Your stress levels go up just

as much that way†" and maybe even more, because you’re suppressing your anger

and not giving it an outlet.

>  

> Now I’m not saying we should all act out our anger whenever we feel it†" I

know I, for one, would either be locked up or hospitalized within a day! But I

think it’s important to let off steam somehow, because it’s unhealthy to let

it build up. I’m one of the “mimics†(something I know we’ve talked

about here in the past) who needs to imitate the trigger sound as a way of

“fighting back.†So I’ve developed little mechanisms that keep me from

hurting myself or others but still allow me to vent my triggery rage. One

example†" where I work, I keep two staplers on my desk. One that I actually use

to staple, and the other to slam against my desktop once or twice when I hear

something that triggers me. (I wear earplugs and headphones almost all the time,

so it’s only an occasional thing.) I’m sure some people think I’m weird,

but better that than losing my sanity. So if a loud bang comes from my cubicle

once or twice a week for a

> second or two, I figure that’s preferable than me walking into a conference

room and slamming a fist through a plate glass window. )

>  

> Anyway, na, I just didn’t want you to think that your anger is wrong,

or it’s just because you’re young, or anything like that. You†" we

ALL†" have a right to our feelings, whatever they are, just as we all have a

responsibility to find ways to handle them that don’t hurt ourselves or

others.

>  

> -Mayuri

>  

>

[Guest guest]

That's exactly how I feel. I realize that everyone has their problems but I just

want to trade problems to get a break from this one.

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > From: Mayuri Mandel <mayuri827@>

> > > > > Subject: Anger (was “Methodsâ€)

> > > > > To: Soundsensitivity

> > > > > Date: Friday, September 2, 2011, 1:14 PM

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >  

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > This is specifically in reply to na, but also to everyone.

Yesterday na wrote, “I am currently on Lamictal…and it helped with my

violence. I want to know what works best for you.â€

> > > > >  

> > > > > A few of people replied, including gegleicher:  “na dear, I

think that violence is an separate problem. Although my thoughts are very angry

and hateful toward people who trigger me, I don't get violent.â€

> > > > >  

> > > > > And Debbie:  “na, you are young, right?  Maybe you are just

still learning how to cope with the feelings you are getting. I do believe that

maybe your violence is related only because I understand how someone would want

to take it to that level.  Honey, I promise you that when you get through these

already hard years of being a teenager, it gets better.  Not better that the

triggers go away or anything, but you learn what works for you.â€

> > > > >  

> > > > > Now, I’m not picking on either gegleicher or Debbie! But I *do* want

to reassure you, na (and anyone else following this thread) that what

you’re experiencing is very, very real. I’m not so dismissive of the

connection between 4S and violence†" it’s a part of my everyday life, too. And

that has **nothing** to do with being a teenager†" I’m in my early 40s, and

have had this *since* I was a pre-teen.

> > > > >  

> > > > > I’d describe myself (and so would anyone who knows me!) as an

easygoing, non-violent person. But the rage that flares up when I hear a trigger

sound (or, increasingly, see a trigger visual) is a different thing entirely.

The way I usually describe it to people is this:  Imagine if you said something

hurtful to me. My instant reaction would be anger, but I could choose to stop,

take a deep breath, count to 10, and think about it. Maybe you didn’t realize

how what you said came across. Or maybe you’re just having a bad day, and

taking it out on me. In other words, I can pause and then *choose* how to react.

With my 4S, I don’t have that option, because there is NO GAP AT ALL between

the stimulus and response in which to decide anything. And believe me, I’ve

spent the last 30 years or so looking for that gap.

> > > > >  

> > > > > And that anger has to go *somewhere.* Again, gegleicher said,

“Although my thoughts are very angry and hateful toward people who trigger me,

I don't get violent.†I’d argue that violence is violence, whether you

externalize it through your actions or hold it in your thoughts …because if

you keep it inside, you’re being violent toward *yourself.* Your stress levels

go up just as much that way†" and maybe even more, because you’re suppressing

your anger and not giving it an outlet.

> > > > >  

> > > > > Now I’m not saying we should all act out our anger whenever we feel

it†" I know I, for one, would either be locked up or hospitalized within a day!

But I think it’s important to let off steam somehow, because it’s unhealthy

to let it build up. I’m one of the “mimics†(something I know we’ve

talked about here in the past) who needs to imitate the trigger sound as a way

of “fighting back.†So I’ve developed little mechanisms that keep me from

hurting myself or others but still allow me to vent my triggery rage. One

example†" where I work, I keep two staplers on my desk. One that I actually use

to staple, and the other to slam against my desktop once or twice when I hear

something that triggers me. (I wear earplugs and headphones almost all the time,

so it’s only an occasional thing.) I’m sure some people think I’m weird,

but better that than losing my sanity. So if a loud bang comes from my cubicle

once or twice a week for a

> > > > > second or two, I figure that’s preferable than me walking into a

conference room and slamming a fist through a plate glass window. )

> > > > >  

> > > > > Anyway, na, I just didn’t want you to think that your anger is

wrong, or it’s just because you’re young, or anything like that. You†" we

ALL†" have a right to our feelings, whatever they are, just as we all have a

responsibility to find ways to handle them that don’t hurt ourselves or

others.

> > > > >  

> > > > > -Mayuri

> > > > >  

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>