A hard one

[Guest guest]

>

> Hi All,

>

> I don't know if my mood is reflecting the never ending rain that is

> coming down here in Toronto but today has been a hard one to get

> through.

> I took with me yesterday to visit with my mom and dad ( clung

> on to me for dear life which is beginning to worry me as she seems to be

> always afraid in unfamiliar environments - hope this passes soon). Dad

> seemed so much better, I hardly noticed his hand tremor but it was hard

> to talk to him because he has lost his hearing aid. Mom was asleep but

> after a while her eyes opened and I walked over to her bed with to

> introduce myself and her great-grand-daughter. Mom's eyes were open and

> stared back at me but that was all. Her pupils where so tiny and her

> eyes did not move much at all.

> I try to roll with the reality of my life today and what is happening to

> us all and for the most part I am able to put one foot in front of the

> other as we must all do but today I find myself wondering what is going

> on in mom's head. Is she frightened? Does she, everytime she wakes up,

> wonder where she is and how she got there? Is she having

> hallucinations? Is she having anxiety? Is she experiencing pain, the

> kind where one isn't at the point of grimacing but we need some

> medication to anyway? Is she trying to communicate with us? How does it

> feel to be trapped in her LBD brain and her frozen body?

> Today, I can't reconcile living life only to die in the end. I know

> that whether we are from a large family or left alone after our parents

> die our lives still matter because even our smallest choices and perhaps

> our actions of tomorrow effect those around us but why all this and then

> nothing? I so envy those of you who have faith of something after this

> life and wish I could take this leap of faith too. I think that I must

> have gotten stuck at that stage in childhood when one realizes that

> there is such a thing as death but decides to put it aside to go about

> the business of living. I think my mind never allowed me this and

> instead the knowledge of death has always walked beside me and as I grow

> older I have taken on more and more phobias as a means of trying to beat

> death off me. I've read about phobias and how to overcome them and the

> word " control " or its loss is stressed over and over again as the reason

> one has phobias but let this old pro tell you that it is the fear of

> death that is at the very heart of it all. Funny thing is, I don't mind

> so much getting older and I don't even mind so much having to die - its

> the not knowing what comes after or the end of me that bothers me the

> most. Why?

> So, having said all that, I wonder if my mom and dad are afraid too.

> Thankfully, they both believe in life after death and this helps some

> but not enough.

> Courage

[Guest guest]

I am fine, you are fine, and we will chalk this one up as another learning

experience. And, as Stevie told me, always keep one foot on the ground.

I love that thought, along with a smile! Keep 'em guessing. (Big Grin)

Have a wonderful day .

Imogene

Caregiver for my True Texas Gentleman husband of 35 years. He has LBD with

Parkinsonism, and Frontal Lobe Disease with Apathy, and possibly AD

In a message dated 6/6/2006 12:45:53 PM Central Daylight Time,

daniel.campbell1@... writes:

Imogene, I'm the one who should be saying sorry.

I shouldn't have jumped down your throat the way I did after all we are here

to give advice, love and support to one another, whether anyone decides to

take that advice is a purely personal choice.

It's just when I read Courage's message I thought ' when is she ever going

to get a break?'.

I am sorry for being so rude which is highly unlike me. We all have

different experiences and different advice to give as we travel down the lewy

road

and of course after our journey is done like mine we try to stay on to offer

comfort and words of wisdom about how we got through different situations.

Again I'm sorry to have sounded so patronizing

.xx

[Guest guest]

Imogene, I'm the one who should be saying sorry.

I shouldn't have jumped down your throat the way I did after all we are here to

give advice, love and support to one another, whether anyone decides to take

that advice is a purely personal choice.

It's just when I read Courage's message I thought ' when is she ever going to

get a break?'.

I am sorry for being so rude which is highly unlike me. We all have different

experiences and different advice to give as we travel down the lewy road and of

course after our journey is done like mine we try to stay on to offer comfort

and words of wisdom about how we got through different situations.

Again I'm sorry to have sounded so patronizing

.xx

Re: A hard one

, I sure am sorry I made an incorrect assumption. I am sorry if I

offended you. I really am. At the moment, I thought she was a young child that

was old enough to be frightened by age and looming death. I am so sorry. I

should have bit my fingers before I wrote.

I have six children, and some of mine were very clingy around strangers at

certain ages. You would never know it today. Not one bashful or afraid in the

bunch. And, all talkers. I tried to teach them to talk, as it was fun play

for me, and now I can't shut them up. You should hear them when we get

together.

Yes, I know about clingy babies, and I know about children just a little

older that are bright, and do understand. It is frightening to them, unless

they

grew up around the old person.

Again, , I feel awful for talking out of turn. I am sorry.

Imogene

Caregiver for my True Texas Gentleman husband of 35 years. He has LBD with

Parkinsonism, and Frontal Lobe Disease with Apathy, and possibly AD

In a message dated 6/5/2006 5:33:01 PM Central Daylight Time,

daniel.campbell1@... writes:

Sorry Imogene if this sounds a bit hard

but I totally disagree. is far too young to have any comprehension of

what is going on around her, she is just a babe after all. I would probably

think that like most little ones that age she is a little bit clingy with

people she doesn't always see all the time. My oldest daughter Nicola would

be like that with my grandfather and he was the sweetest man, she was only

about 18 months-two years old at the time. Some babies are just strange with

people they don't see every day. I'm sure again that with most babies she is

only sociable with some people and not with others and i'm also sure that

courages parents enjoy seeing her, if it is a major problem then she'll know

what to do.

.x