Re: Re: I have recently learnt . . .

September 21, 2006

Dear ac,

I noticed that when I was resentful, angry, hurt, whatever about

someone being dishonest was that I was angry about *my* being

dishonest. And when I diminished my dishonesty, I felt less emotional

about others being dishonest.

Now I notice whenever I am dishonest and use it as an opportunity for

inquiry.

Love,

Am 21.09.2006 um 03:00 schrieb adithya_comming:

> - It was a mistake to expect people to

> be honest or truthful. In our

> " civilized " , " cultured " , " educated "

> society honesty and truthfulness were

> no longer a 'norm' but rather an

> 'exception'.

>

> Many people were so used

> to being dishonest and lying now that

> they didn't even realize it anymore. It

> become part of who they are - and, by

> expecting them to do something else was

> akin to expecting a cat to bark!

>

> With this understanding, it was possible for

> me to be pleasantly surprised and very thankful

> and grateful for honesty, truthfulness whenever I

> encountered it and be relatively fine with

> dishonesty, lies as I understood it as the was part of

> 'normal condition'.

>

> I discovered that this version was closer to reality and

> honesty and truthfulness in the

> " civilized " world was more a part of

> fantasy and keeping that 'expectation'

> largely hurt as it was against common

> reality!

>

> - I hated fighting, long arguments,

> struggles, wars and, I noticed that reason

> I hated it was because of what I 'went

> thru' during fights, arguments and

> battles!

>

> I went through rage, anger,

> hate, resentment and each of them felt

> very bitter and unpleasant to my body

> and my mind.

>

> Later, I learnt to *fight*,

> argue, criticize, use strong words

> without feeling anger, resentment, hate

> or rage inside - but, just as a " tool " ,

> a means for some purpose.

>

> Whenever I *fought* this way - " fighting " didn't hurt Inside!

>

> - Once the anger had set in - I was

> better off getting in total touch with

> it and expressing it honestly,

> truthfully and literally.

>

> When I didn't do it - it felt like a poison inside!

>

September 21, 2006

Why would beating of pillows be " fundamentally flawed when looked at from the

Work perspective? " The beating of pillows can release anger from the body which

needs to be attended to as well as the mind.

Vivian

Re: I have recently learnt . . .

>

> Whenever I *fought* this way - " fighting " didn't hurt Inside!

>

Is it true that the fighting didn't hurt? Maybe it still hurt and

you just blocked your awareness of it.

>

> - Once the anger had set in - I was

> better off getting in total touch with

> it and expressing it honestly,

> truthfully and literally.

>

> When I didn't do it - it felt like a poison inside!

>

According to the ONLY purpose of any negative feeling is to

remind us that we are believing something that is not true, and that

it's time to inquire if we are interested in truth and peace.

Expressing a negative feeling (anger) may make you feel better

temporarily, but it is bound to come back because you have not

undone the false belief/thought causing it. Expressing anger by

beating pillows or shouting etc. was taught in many schools of

therapy, but the whole practice is fundamentally flawed when looked

at from a Work perspective.

Have a beautiful day

" There's nothing between you and love but unquestioned concepts. "

Byron

September 21, 2006

Thank you for your response. Gives one much to think about.

Yes, anger begins with unexamined thoughts and yes, beating a pillow is a

temporary help.

But what if the source of the anger lies in childhood events and perhaps ones we

don't even know about? Something happens in the present and it triggers a

response based on very old anger but we don't even know the exact event so how

can we do the work on it?

Vivian

Re: I have recently learnt . . .

>

> Why would beating of pillows be " fundamentally flawed when looked

at from the Work perspective? " The beating of pillows can release

anger from the body which needs to be attended to as well as the

mind.

>

Hi Vivian,

The whole notion of getting in touch with releasing anger is quite

popular in many Western therapies. As I read , anger is an

effect of believing an unexamined thought. Playing around with an

effect (anger) can be fun, but ultimately if you want to undo the

effect you need to focus on what is causing it. The cause of anger

if I understand correctly is a thought. The flaw in getting in

touch with and releasing anger is that it completely ignores what is

really causing the anger in the first place. Failing to understand

the cause and undo it, one is left to repeat the cycle of getting in

touch with and releasing the anger forever. That is why beating

pillows only provides a very temporary relief from anger. You feel

better for a short while, then the anger returns again because you

have not undone the unexamined thoughts causing it.

Perhaps the most refreshing part of 's work for me is that

finally with the Work I have an effective way to remove negative

effects like anger entirely, rather than being at their mercy.

Have a beautiful day

" Sanity doesn't suffer, ever . . . ever! Sanity doesn't suffer,

ever, ever! Isn't that lovely? " Byron

September 22, 2006

Dear Vivian (Hi ltwobk),

lovethework sums it up nicely. I want to mention that not the thought

itself is causing the emotion, but rather the holding on to the thought.

Investigating the thought is meeting it with understanding, and

result in un-attachement to it (you knew that, anyway, didn't you? ;-)

And as long as you're not ready to do that, go on beating pillows! ;-)

Love,

Am 22.09.2006 um 02:01 schrieb lovetheworkofbk:

>

>>

>> Why would beating of pillows be " fundamentally flawed when looked

>> at from the Work perspective? " The beating of pillows can release

>> anger from the body which needs to be attended to as well as the

>> mind.

>

> Hi Vivian,

>

> The whole notion of getting in touch with releasing anger is quite

> popular in many Western therapies. As I read , anger is an

> effect of believing an unexamined thought. Playing around with an

> effect (anger) can be fun, but ultimately if you want to undo the

> effect you need to focus on what is causing it. The cause of anger

> if I understand correctly is a thought. The flaw in getting in

> touch with and releasing anger is that it completely ignores what is

> really causing the anger in the first place. Failing to understand

> the cause and undo it, one is left to repeat the cycle of getting in

> touch with and releasing the anger forever. That is why beating

> pillows only provides a very temporary relief from anger. You feel

> better for a short while, then the anger returns again because you

> have not undone the unexamined thoughts causing it.

> Perhaps the most refreshing part of 's work for me is that

> finally with the Work I have an effective way to remove negative

> effects like anger entirely, rather than being at their mercy.

>

> Have a beautiful day

>

> " Sanity doesn't suffer, ever . . . ever! Sanity doesn't suffer,

> ever, ever! Isn't that lovely? " Byron

>

September 22, 2006

Sounds very similar to inner child work.

I once told that I really didn't think there was any conflict between The

Work and psychology and she didn't disagree.

Vivian

Re: I have recently learnt . . .

>

> Thank you for your response. Gives one much to think about.

> Yes, anger begins with unexamined thoughts and yes, beating a pillow

is a temporary help.

> But what if the source of the anger lies in childhood events and

perhaps ones we don't even know about? Something happens in the

present and it triggers a response based on very old anger but we

don't even know the exact event so how can we do the work on it?

>

Hi Vivian,

If you are having trouble finding the thought causing the feeling, you

could try the following exercise from 's book " I need your love -

Is that true? " :

" If you're upset and you can't seem to find the thought behind the

emotions, try this: Take some time to travel inwardly toward the place

where the feeling is most intense. This means sinking into the

physical sensation of the feeling. Let yourself be upset all over

again, for your own sake, and this time give it a voice. If the

feeling could talk, what would it say and who would it say that to?

Don't rush this. Be precise. Otherwise you're likely to come up with

something that seems wise or kind - the thought you think you should

be thinking - instead of the thought that's really there and hurting. "

Hope this helps you, and have a gorgeous day

" There's nothing between you and love but unquestioned concepts. "

Byron

September 22, 2006

Sounds good. That should work.

Thanks, Vivian

Re: I have recently learnt . . .

Dear Vivian,

It came to me to say:

It is necessary to know the exact event. Is that true?

I am upset because I should remember the exact event. Is it true?

Do not try to create a " past " but do The Work on what hurts NOW.

Why add extra suffering trying to recall something from a past? Just

Work on what is your thinking now.

The current frustration/disturbance is sufficient to do The Work

without allowing our Ego Mind to create an imaginary past to blame

the current feelings on. What are your thoughts NOW? What upsets

you NOW?

My experience is that the " childhood events " come to my awareness

through doing The Work on my current upsetting thoughts, and they

come to awareness when it is time for them to.

Blessings, Steve D.

> >

> > Thank you for your response. Gives one much to think about.

> > Yes, anger begins with unexamined thoughts and yes, beating a

pillow

> is a temporary help.

> > But what if the source of the anger lies in childhood events and

> perhaps ones we don't even know about? Something happens in the

> present and it triggers a response based on very old anger but we

> don't even know the exact event so how can we do the work on it?

> >

>

> Hi Vivian,

>

> If you are having trouble finding the thought causing the feeling,

you

> could try the following exercise from 's book " I need your

love -

> Is that true? " :

>

> " If you're upset and you can't seem to find the thought behind the

> emotions, try this: Take some time to travel inwardly toward the

place

> where the feeling is most intense. This means sinking into the

> physical sensation of the feeling. Let yourself be upset all over

> again, for your own sake, and this time give it a voice. If the

> feeling could talk, what would it say and who would it say that to?

> Don't rush this. Be precise. Otherwise you're likely to come up

with

> something that seems wise or kind - the thought you think you

should

> be thinking - instead of the thought that's really there and

hurting. "

>

> Hope this helps you, and have a gorgeous day

>

> " There's nothing between you and love but unquestioned concepts. "

> Byron

>

September 22, 2006

Good one . Yes, I'd forgotten and appreciate the reminder that the

thought itself is completely benevolent and just sits there. It is the story

around the thought that causes pain.