Re: Precision about the four questions

[Guest guest]

>

> When I write the statement " I am angry at because he doesn't

> lisetn to me " ,

>

> which part do I do the 4 quesions on:

>

> - " he doesn't lisetn to me "

> or

> - " I am angry at "

> or

> - " " I am angry at because he doesn't lisetn to me "

>

> or any combination of them.

>

>

Hi Nowhawk,

For me it's the underlying thought/belief i.e. " should listen

to me " which is the real cause of the anger. I would do the Work on

that.

Have a beautiful day

" If I'm fearful, it's because I believe what I think. " Byron

[Guest guest]

>

Hi there,

I always start with the concept that I find that is a judgement about

the other person. So in this case it would be, ' should listen

to me' or ' doesnt listen to me' would be good starting places

for me. When I am 'upset' by someone's behaviour, and I am asking

the questions with an open heart, it never feels automatic. It is a

new moment, and a new situation...and that leaves me with a sense of

freshness when I am open to the truth. No matter how many times it

seems that I have encountered a similar situation. Best wishes,

> Hello,

>

> Even though I am doing the work for a long time now, I wish to avoid

> " automatism " . Therefore here is a list of some questions (some of

them

> are a real re-beginner ones), on which I'd be happy to have others

> " workers " point of view:

>

> Here's a first one:

>

> When I write the statement " I am angry at because he doesn't

> lisetn to me " ,

>

> which part do I do the 4 quesions on:

>

> - " he doesn't lisetn to me "

> or

> - " I am angry at "

> or

> - " " I am angry at because he doesn't lisetn to me "

>

> or any combination of them.

>

>

> Thanks,

>

> Nowhawk

>

[Guest guest]

i would do the questions based on the whole sentence not parts..

but i can see how you could do it either way of course.

rh --

- In Loving-what-is , " now.hawk " wrote:

>

> Hello,

>

> Even though I am doing the work for a long time now, I wish to avoid

> " automatism " . Therefore here is a list of some questions (some of them

> are a real re-beginner ones), on which I'd be happy to have others

> " workers " point of view:

>

> Here's a first one:

>

> When I write the statement " I am angry at because he doesn't

> lisetn to me " ,

>

> which part do I do the 4 quesions on:

>

> - " he doesn't lisetn to me "

> or

> - " I am angry at "

> or

> - " " I am angry at because he doesn't lisetn to me "

>

> or any combination of them.

>

>

> Thanks,

>

> Nowhawk

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Nowhawk,

For me the point is to question the Belief ( SHOULD listen to me),

which gives rise to the feelings (anger, sadness etc), NOT the

Feelings. (I am angry, is it true? doesn't make much sense!). So the

Belief arises out of my Interpretation of 's action of

(apparently) not listening. You can also question DOESN'T listen

to me (Can you REALLY know if he's listening or not?), and then

explore how you react when you believe that thought....

Thank you,

Tamara

> > When I write the statement " I am angry at because he

doesn't lisetn to me " ,

> >

> > which part do I do the 4 quesions on:

> >

> > - " he doesn't lisetn to me "

> > or

> > - " I am angry at "

> > or

> > - " " I am angry at because he doesn't lisetn to me "

> >

> > or any combination of them.

> >

> >

> > Thanks,

> >

> > Nowhawk

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Dear Nowhawk,

I'd sit a while with the sentence and see what resonates most. That

could even be " should listen to me " , like already suggested.

For me it would be " I am angry at " , " does not listen to

me " (never?), " should listen to me " (always?), " I am angry at

, because he doesn't listen to me " (can I recall or think of

situations where he did not listen to me and I was not angry?) and

put all of it under investigation.

And while going on, I would always check what's left.

Love,

PS: don't forget the Turnaround and especially the Number 6! :-)

Am 13.12.2006 um 23:00 schrieb now.hawk:

> Hello,

>

> Even though I am doing the work for a long time now, I wish to avoid

> " automatism " . Therefore here is a list of some questions (some of them

> are a real re-beginner ones), on which I'd be happy to have others

> " workers " point of view:

>

> Here's a first one:

>

> When I write the statement " I am angry at because he doesn't

> lisetn to me " ,

>

> which part do I do the 4 quesions on:

>

> - " he doesn't lisetn to me "

> or

> - " I am angry at "

> or

> - " " I am angry at because he doesn't lisetn to me "

>

> or any combination of them.

>

>

> Thanks,

>

> Nowhawk

___________________________________________________________

Der frühe Vogel fängt den Wurm. Hier gelangen Sie zum neuen Yahoo! Mail:

http://mail.yahoo.de

[Guest guest]

>

> Hello,

>

> Even though I am doing the work for a long time now, I wish to avoid

> " automatism " . Therefore here is a list of some questions (some of them

> are a real re-beginner ones), on which I'd be happy to have others

> " workers " point of view:

>

> Here's a first one:

>

> When I write the statement " I am angry at because he doesn't

> lisetn to me " ,

>

> which part do I do the 4 quesions on:

>

> - " he doesn't lisetn to me "

> or

> - " I am angry at "

> or

> - " " I am angry at because he doesn't lisetn to me "

>

> or any combination of them.

>

>

> Thanks,

>

> Nowhawk

>

I agree that the emotions or feelings you have aren't as important as

the judgements you have. Said another way, whatever emotion or feeling

you use, its the stressful thought behind the emotion that is

important. I have found it a little difficult for me to use " I am

angry " , but quite easy to use " I resent " . That brings out the

judgements in me. " I resent my brother being an alcoholic, " then

becomes " My brother is an alcoholic, " which is easier to work with

(TA: I am an alcoholic - in my mind. Which is very true in many ways.

I have mental " addictions " , " abusive " thoughts, and " self-destructive "

attitudes.)

There are two ways to look at a stressful thought. One statement

contains a subject, object, and verb. Example:

" does not listen to me. "

" " is the subject. " Me " is the object upon which the verb operates

on or has the affect upon. This kind of statement generally carries

the biggest charge because it most likely pulls strings every time you

think of it.

The other statement would contain only an object and verb. Example:

" does not listen. "

This is a belief around which a stressful thought may sometimes arise.

This is more subtle than the previous example. This kind of statement

generally has a deep-seated belief system attached and may require a

bit of digging while working with a facilitator - in other words, it

may be hard to get to the root on your own.

Hope this helps.

--

[Guest guest]

I would like to start by owning up

(fully accepting, fully realizing) the

Present reality!

I SEE …

I am upset.

I want to listen to me.

I SEE…

doesn't seem to listen to me.

He seems to what he does and listen to

what he does in spite of me wanting him

to Listen to me.

I SEE…

I have no real control over what

does, over what listens to.

In fact,

I seem to have no real control over

even myself! I might not have chosen to

be upset, irritated, sad or angry… if I

really had control over myself! I might

not have done the SAME thing (expecting

to listen) over and over and

expecting a different result and then

getting upset all over again!

The evidence has shown that doesn't

really listen to me… at least NOT " the

way " I talk to him! If I am really

interested in him listening to me…

maybe, I will try changing " my way " !

Because, the way I have done it so far;

doesn't seem to have worked!

And,

I see that…

In spite of not listening to me,

I am fine in many respects, in

many ways!

In spite of not listening to me.

is fine in many respects!

[ NNB ]

>> Hello,

>>Even though I am doing the work for a long time now, I wish to

avoid

" automatism " . Therefore here is a list of some questions (some of

them

are a real re-beginner ones), on which I'd be happy to have others

" workers " point of view:

>>Here's a first one:

>>When I write the statement " I am angry at because he doesn't

lisetn to me " ,

>>which part do I do the 4 quesions on:

- " he doesn't lisetn to me "

or

- " I am angry at "

or

- " " I am angry at because he doesn't lisetn to me "

or any combination of them.

>>Thanks,

>>Nowhawk

[Guest guest]

>

> I would like to start by owning up

> (fully accepting, fully realizing) the

> Present reality!

>

>

>I SEE …

>

> I am upset.***

>

> I SEE…

>

> I have no real control over what

> does, over what listens to.

>

>

> In fact,

>

> I seem to have no real control over

> even myself! I might not have chosen to

> be upset, irritated, sad or angry… if I

> really had control over myself! I might

> not have done the SAME thing (expecting

> to listen) over and over and

> expecting a different result**** and then

> getting upset all over again!

>

> The evidence has shown that doesn't

> really listen to me… at least NOT " the

> way " I talk to him! If I am really

> interested in him listening to me…

> maybe, I will try changing " my way " !

> Because, the way I have done it so far;

> doesn't seem to have worked!

>

And, FINALLY and Most Importantly…

I would ask what is More Important to

me, what do I freally want, what is my

real PURPOSE?

Is it more important to me that I be

peaceful, happy…

Or, is it more important to me that

listens to me?

Depending on what is " more important "

to me, my approach could be Very

Different! If making listen is

what More Important to me, I realize

that there maybe many techniques

available - some more effective that

others while none of them may be fool-

proof and completely sure!

But, if peace is what is more

important to me, I realize that

has almost nothing to do with it!

----

**** From Albert Einstein

" The definition of insanity is:

Doing the same thing and expecting different result. "

< http://www.palasokeri.com/modules.php?

op=modload & name=Quotes & file=index >

*** From Tolle

Whatever your life situation is, how would you feel if you

completely accepted it as it is - right Now?

~

Accept what is.

I truly cannot. I'm agitated and angry about this.

Then accept what is.

Accept that I'm agitated and angry? Accept that I cannot accept?

Yes. Bring acceptance into your nonacceptance. Bring surrender into

your nonsurrender. Then see what happens.

~

< http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/Loving-what-is/post?

act=reply & messageNum=40139>

[ NNB ]

>

>

> >> Hello,

>

> >>Even though I am doing the work for a long time now, I wish to

> avoid

> " automatism " . Therefore here is a list of some questions (some of

> them

> are a real re-beginner ones), on which I'd be happy to have others

> " workers " point of view:

>

> >>Here's a first one:

>

> >>When I write the statement " I am angry at because he doesn't

> lisetn to me " ,

>

> >>which part do I do the 4 quesions on:

>

> - " he doesn't lisetn to me "

> or

> - " I am angry at "

> or

> - " " I am angry at because he doesn't lisetn to me "

>

> or any combination of them.

>

>

> >>Thanks,

>

> >>Nowhawk

>

[Guest guest]

You do the work on the thought:

He doesn't listen to me

And not on the emotion, since the emotion is an outcome of the thought

Remember: think, feel, act, have

T

-- Precision about the four questions

Hello,

Even though I am doing the work for a long time now, I wish to avoid

" automatism " . Therefore here is a list of some questions (some of them

are a real re-beginner ones), on which I'd be happy to have others

" workers " point of view:

Here's a first one:

When I write the statement " I am angry at because he doesn't

lisetn to me " ,

which part do I do the 4 quesions on:

- " he doesn't lisetn to me "

or

- " I am angry at "

or

- " " I am angry at because he doesn't lisetn to me "

or any combination of them.

Thanks,

Nowhawk

[Guest guest]

, you are so wise

Your mind turn me on, in a mental way ;-)

I loved how you wrote:

" I am angry at

, because he doesn't listen to me " (can I recall or think of

Situations where he did not listen to me and I was not angry?)

I love your free mind!

T

-- Re: Precision about the four questions

Dear Nowhawk,

I'd sit a while with the sentence and see what resonates most. That

could even be " should listen to me " , like already suggested.

For me it would be " I am angry at " , " does not listen to

me " (never?), " should listen to me " (always?), " I am angry at

, because he doesn't listen to me " (can I recall or think of

situations where he did not listen to me and I was not angry?) and

put all of it under investigation.

And while going on, I would always check what's left.

Love,

PS: don't forget the Turnaround and especially the Number 6! :-)

Am 13.12.2006 um 23:00 schrieb now.hawk:

> Hello,

>

> Even though I am doing the work for a long time now, I wish to avoid

> " automatism " . Therefore here is a list of some questions (some of them

> are a real re-beginner ones), on which I'd be happy to have others

> " workers " point of view:

>

> Here's a first one:

>

> When I write the statement " I am angry at because he doesn't

> lisetn to me " ,

>

> which part do I do the 4 quesions on:

>

> - " he doesn't lisetn to me "

> or

> - " I am angry at "

> or

> - " " I am angry at because he doesn't lisetn to me "

>

> or any combination of them.

>

>

> Thanks,

>

> Nowhawk

___________________________________________________________

Der fr|he Vogel fdngt den Wurm. Hier gelangen Sie zum neuen Yahoo! Mail:

http://mail.yahoo.de