a friend in need?

[Guest guest]

Hi everyone, I've been away for a bit while my mother's been ill.

I've been struggling with so many aspects of it, but now one thing

has happened that I am having so much trouble dealing with. The only

place I've ever seen it addressed is here.

I live far away - on purpose - and now that she is chronically ill

the specter of becoming a caregiver is very close now. Having to

move her to me or me near her as I am the only child. You all can

imagine with the BPD how scary that is. But now to top it off my

one childhood friend in my hometown is doing something bizarre and

disturbing. I asked her to help get some mail, and she has used

this as an opportunity to start building a relationship with my

mother. She brings her treats and comforts at the hospital in

addition to the mail. She's told me that my mother can be like an

adopted mother to her, just like another friend of hers mother was.

She also said when her friend's mother died that she grieved more

than the friend did. My heart stopped cold at this point. So she

made herself out to be a daughter to her friend's mother and then

decided she was a better one! I have shared with this friend much of

my pain over being my mother's daughter - she has seen me in

psychological pain over this for twenty years. And now, she's

trying to " adopt " her! I feel invalidated on such a deep level.

Already my mother is responding positively to all the extra

attention. I see a disaster of horrible proportions possibly

developing here. This " friend " of mine has enough dirt on me to end

my relationship with my mother with just one careless comment. I

never in a million years dreamed this situation would develop.

Lately I'm just feeling that maybe I should just let the two of them

have eachother. BUT my friend is not the one who will be there to

clean up my mother's wreck of a house or save her from homelessness

as her money runs out. That is me. My mother is predominantly the

Waif BPD type and now with her illness she truly is as needy as she

has made herself out to be all these years. What am I to do?

thanks all for listening

sunny