Re: comedy hour: Can you tie your shoe laces?

[Guest guest]

>

> Have any of you here wondered if you are having, (or have you had)

a nervous

> breakdown?

>

> I can remember saying to Yeti once that I thought I was having a

nervous

> breakdown. Her reaction was . just like her.

>

> She said that she once knew someone had had a nervous breakdown.

And he

> knew that he was having a nervous breakdown because.

>

>

>

> He couldn't tie his shoelaces.

>

>

>

> Have any of your Dears come up with any pearls of wisdom like

that? What's

> the most ridiculous, comical thing they have ever said? (and won't

admit to)

>

>

>

>

*****Yes, twice in my life. The first was when I was 21, It was

Easter Day. I awoke to find nada, dishrag and sis almost out the

door, going to church. I asked why no one woke me up. Nada's

reply - she wasn't going to kneel down and pray in church with a

hypocrite like me. My worst fears were realized. I really was

abandoned, I really was all alone. I really was unworthy of

anyone's care and consideration. My family all walked away from

me. I screamed, I cried, I threw my body against the walls of the

hallway and I crumbled onto the floor. I also knew that I had to

get out of there. And the reason was - I couldn't bear to deal with

the confirmation that I was so unworthy. I felt that if I stayed,

that is what would happen. My family would return, we would all act

like nothing had happened, but in my heart I would know, even living

with them, I was nothing. I just uselessly took up space. There

was no purpose or value for my being. I did get out for the rest of

the day, but came back 'home', and the madness of the foo continued.

The 2nd time was when I went no contact with nada. I had to give up

my lifelong dream of being able to do the right thing that would

make my foo a loving, happy family. I had to give up the idea that

I would get the love I so desperately wanted from nada. I had to

give up all the futile hope I had been carrying with me for a

lifetime. I had to face the ultimate danger, that the abandonment

that I feared so much as a child was really going to happen - and

that I was causing it this time by my own actions. I felt like I

was truely going mad over this devastation in my mind, but I also

was able to realize that this was my build up of emotional responses

to all I had tried to stuff inside and ignore throughout my life. I

decided that if this is what I needed to do to break free of all the

insanity, then so be it. I would find a way to live through this as

well.

As far as the most ridiculous thing my nada ever said - hmmmm -

there were so many, and I must have done a pretty good job of

supressing them too, cause I can't think of anything right now. One

of the benefits of NC is that I no longer have to listen to those

stupid comments.

Sylvia

[Guest guest]

Yes!

I was in high school and I was going to a Model UN conference in

Washington DC (still don't know how that slipped past her---prob b/c

my grandmother was visiting from Europe)....Anyway, on the day I was

leaving, she was about to leave for work, and turned to me and

said, " Be careful with the hairdryer. "

Huh? Be careful I don't burn my scalp off? Be careful I don't drop

it in the toilet? How about some " real mom " suggestions....Be

careful not to get lost from your group....I hope you do great in

your speech (Ok, that is really wishful thinking)....Call us when

you get there....

Ugh!

Sofia

>

> Have any of you here wondered if you are having, (or have you had)

a nervous

> breakdown?

>

> I can remember saying to Yeti once that I thought I was having a

nervous

> breakdown. Her reaction was . just like her.

>

> She said that she once knew someone had had a nervous breakdown.

And he

> knew that he was having a nervous breakdown because.

>

>

>

> He couldn't tie his shoelaces.

>

>

>

> Have any of your Dears come up with any pearls of wisdom like

that? What's

> the most ridiculous, comical thing they have ever said? (and won't

admit to)

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Re: Nervous breakdowns & nada's helpful reaction to them...

I almost had one in the nine months between graduating high school and

starting college, when I had to come home and live with nada and stepdad. It

was like, after being out of their clutches for most of the previous 4 years

(spent most school breaks with friends or other family members), it almost

seemed like I had lost my protective shell--or a lot of my " immunity " to their

bad behavior. It therefore overwhelmed me.

I felt so confused and worthless--I was soaking up their horrible messages

like a sponge, and I was " split bad " that whole time--that I definitely wished

I were dead, every minute of every day. I had stolen enough of nada's Valium in

order to do it, if I decided I " had to. " This was my security blanket. I kept

telling myself, " if you wait just a little while, you will be out of the house

again, and you can see if it gets better. It might be better if you get out of

here. You can always kill yourself later. Just wait a few months. " That was my

other security blanket " Just try college, you can always kill yourself later! "

Hard to understand how that would be a comforting message to tell yourself, but

it was.

My boyfriend (from high school, back in New Hampshire) was so worried about

me, he actually ditched school, hitchhiked (a long way, took a couple days) and

showed up at my home to see wtf was going on. You can imagine how freaked out

nada/stepdad were about that!

Nada and stepdad insisted on having a " family meeting " (where did they get

that idea from? tv? it was the first and last such " family meeting " they ever

undertook). It was really surreal--they tried to tell my bf that I was such a

total loser that it was a waste of time for him to even come out there and try

to help me or support me, that he should just go home and mind his own d***

business. I just remember him saying over and over like a broken record " I'm

concerned about [Flea]. I want to support her. " In other words, HE didn't know

what to make of the whole situation, and I was too much of a mess to

communicate anything (I basically sat there semi-mute through the whole " family

meeting " , that's how far gone I was. But he knew something was wrong at our

house, and all he could think of was, to say he cared.

That was a bizarre incident but it meant a lot at the time. After trying to

tell my bf I was a total loser that he should just give up on, they stuck him

on a Greyhound bus back to New Hampshire (and then made me pay for the ticket

from my big Mc's earnings).

Anyway, at one point I tried to tell my mother what was wrong (yes, that's

how desperate I was--asking my nada for help or support, what the heck was I

thinking?). And her reply was to burst into hysterical tears and cry, " WHY ARE

YOU DOING THIS TO ME? " Thanks, Mom!

Once I got to college and started to function again, I never went home after

that, except for a day or two (Xmas or whatever). I worked two minimum wage

summer jobs in order to NOT have to go home over the summers (when room and

board was not covered).

Flea

PS I was such a mess during those months between high school and college,

that I probably could NOT have tied my shoelaces, lol! ;-)

---------------------------------

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[Guest guest]

So sorry you had to go through that Flea, but it must have been

comforting and validating on some level to know that someone was

concerned about you and loved you enough to come see what was going

on.

The " Why are you doing this to me? " line, still sends chills down my

spine....

Ugh!

Sofia

>

> Re: Nervous breakdowns & nada's helpful reaction to them...

>

> I almost had one in the nine months between graduating high

school and starting college, when I had to come home and live with

nada and stepdad. It was like, after being out of their clutches

for most of the previous 4 years (spent most school breaks with

friends or other family members), it almost seemed like I had lost

my protective shell--or a lot of my " immunity " to their bad

behavior. It therefore overwhelmed me.

>

> I felt so confused and worthless--I was soaking up their

horrible messages like a sponge, and I was " split bad " that whole

time--that I definitely wished I were dead, every minute of every

day. I had stolen enough of nada's Valium in order to do it, if I

decided I " had to. " This was my security blanket. I kept telling

myself, " if you wait just a little while, you will be out of the

house again, and you can see if it gets better. It might be better

if you get out of here. You can always kill yourself later. Just

wait a few months. " That was my other security blanket " Just try

college, you can always kill yourself later! " Hard to understand

how that would be a comforting message to tell yourself, but it was.

>

> My boyfriend (from high school, back in New Hampshire) was so

worried about me, he actually ditched school, hitchhiked (a long

way, took a couple days) and showed up at my home to see wtf was

going on. You can imagine how freaked out nada/stepdad were about

that!

>

> Nada and stepdad insisted on having a " family meeting " (where

did they get that idea from? tv? it was the first and last

such " family meeting " they ever undertook). It was really surreal--

they tried to tell my bf that I was such a total loser that it was

a waste of time for him to even come out there and try to help me

or support me, that he should just go home and mind his own d***

business. I just remember him saying over and over like a broken

record " I'm concerned about [Flea]. I want to support her. " In

other words, HE didn't know what to make of the whole situation,

and I was too much of a mess to communicate anything (I basically

sat there semi-mute through the whole " family meeting " , that's how

far gone I was. But he knew something was wrong at our house, and

all he could think of was, to say he cared.

>

> That was a bizarre incident but it meant a lot at the time.

After trying to tell my bf I was a total loser that he should just

give up on, they stuck him on a Greyhound bus back to New Hampshire

(and then made me pay for the ticket from my big Mc's

earnings).

>

> Anyway, at one point I tried to tell my mother what was wrong

(yes, that's how desperate I was--asking my nada for help or

support, what the heck was I thinking?). And her reply was to burst

into hysterical tears and cry, " WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME? "

Thanks, Mom!

>

> Once I got to college and started to function again, I never

went home after that, except for a day or two (Xmas or whatever). I

worked two minimum wage summer jobs in order to NOT have to go home

over the summers (when room and board was not covered).

> Flea

> PS I was such a mess during those months between high school

and college, that I probably could NOT have tied my shoelaces,

lol! ;-)

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Yahoo! Mail

> Bring photos to life! New PhotoMail makes sharing a breeze.

>

>

[Guest guest]

> The " Why are you doing this to me? " line, still sends chills down my

> spine....

Same here. And " It's not me it's YOU! " , blah blah blah to (literally) ad

nauseum. I just adored the fact that when I stopped living with her, if

she started on stuff like that I could

Just

Walk

Out

Talk about long-awaited-for *freedom*

Send instant messages to your online friends http://au.messenger.yahoo.com

[Guest guest]

> that he should just go home and mind his own d*** business.

Like, he shouldn't be concerned, he's the one being neurotic, he should

leave you to them because they are experts at ruining peoples' lives.

At least there's one thing there that is true.

So sorry Flea, I thought along those lines too.

Talking with my therapist, she asked if I had ever been suicidal. " When

*WASN'T* I? A *good* day is when I didn't actively make sure my plans

would work flawlessly.

Send instant messages to your online friends http://au.messenger.yahoo.com

[Guest guest]

Oh god! I have 2 favorites floating around in my head. The first

one, I've already posted in another spot, but I've just got to repeat

it here.

1. When I was going to France for the first time, my nada warned me,

" Don't sleep with any gay men in Paris and get AIDS! " Huh? I was

like, " why would any gay men sleep with me????? "

2. My nada had just searched my split-black brother's room and found

a baggie of pipe tobacco (brown, fragrant--obviously pipe tobacco).

She waved the baggie in my face and asked, " Is this marajuAAAAAAna? "

It's better if you can imagine the voice--kind of screechy and

annoyinng---so annoying, in fact, that every boyfriend I've ever had

has done an imitation of my nada(my husband does a good one too).

Thanks for bringing this up, because sometimes, these crack me up.

Trish

>

> Have any of you here wondered if you are having, (or have you had) a

nervous

> breakdown?

>

> I can remember saying to Yeti once that I thought I was having a nervous

> breakdown. Her reaction was . just like her.

>

> She said that she once knew someone had had a nervous breakdown. And he

> knew that he was having a nervous breakdown because.

>

>

>

> He couldn't tie his shoelaces.

>

>

>

> Have any of your Dears come up with any pearls of wisdom like that?

What's

> the most ridiculous, comical thing they have ever said? (and won't

admit to)

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hey Y’All,

You’re making’ my sides ache with laughter! That’s some funny ____!

Here’s one of my favorites.

It’s years ago, a rare “family” gathering. We’re eating (always a nada

favorite time to nada-ize me). I ask a relative who lived a long time in

Europe if they speak any Spanish. Because it’s ME, my nada’s target, who

asked the question, Nada launches an attack for all to hear. (Snarling

expression and tone of voice.) “How would _____ know how to speak

Spanish, he was born in ______!” Fill in the last blank with a European

country where no one could possibly know a single word of Spanish!

By the way, one of my favorite survival tools as a child was to silently

play a game in which I scored each of my nada’s and step-fada’s idiotic

statements and questions! I kept the records in my head: Stupidest

Comment of the Day, Stupidest Total Day, Stupidest Total Week, Stupidest

Comments of All-time . . . Oh that was fun.

One Non-BP Recovering Man

--- tlblack2006 wrote:

> Oh god! I have 2 favorites floating around in my head. The first

> one, I've already posted in another spot, but I've just got to repeat

> it here.

>

> 1. When I was going to France for the first time, my nada warned me,

> " Don't sleep with any gay men in Paris and get AIDS! " Huh? I was

> like, " why would any gay men sleep with me????? "

>

> 2. My nada had just searched my split-black brother's room and found

> a baggie of pipe tobacco (brown, fragrant--obviously pipe tobacco).

> She waved the baggie in my face and asked, " Is this marajuAAAAAAna? "

> It's better if you can imagine the voice--kind of screechy and

> annoyinng---so annoying, in fact, that every boyfriend I've ever had

> has done an imitation of my nada(my husband does a good one too).

>

> Thanks for bringing this up, because sometimes, these crack me up.

>

> Trish

>

>

> >

> > Have any of you here wondered if you are having, (or have you had) a

> nervous

> > breakdown?

> >

> > I can remember saying to Yeti once that I thought I was having a

> nervous

> > breakdown. Her reaction was . just like her.

> >

> > She said that she once knew someone had had a nervous breakdown. And

> he

> > knew that he was having a nervous breakdown because.

> >

> >

> >

> > He couldn't tie his shoelaces.

> >

> >

> >

> > Have any of your Dears come up with any pearls of wisdom like that?

> What's

> > the most ridiculous, comical thing they have ever said? (and won't

> admit to)

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

,

Yes, it's funny how having The Plan was a " security blanket " . My life is so

different now (not living with mean people who hate me and all...) ...and I

don't feel that way anymore. But I remember how it made absolute perfect sense

at the time. If something like that makes absolute perfect sense, I guess it is

a big red flag that something is Terribly Wrong at Home. But we knew that all

along, eh...

Flea

---------------------------------

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