2 BPs and projection as a flea?

[Guest guest]

Hi all,

First--Olya. Welcome! My nada and my sister were both bps. I grew up with

this. My

grandmother is also one, I'm pretty sure. I think it is rather common,

actually, to have

more than one bp in the family, especially as men w/bp mothers may be prone to

marry

bps. Anyway, welcome to you and I am SO happy for you to have discovered this

early on!

I discovered it at 33. Lucky for both of us, there's never a bad time for

knowledge.

Second topic--I am wondering members' opinions on something. I have always

thought of

my sister as a bpd, mainly because she engages in projection and cannot accept

responsibility for any of her bad deeds. And, as some of you will recall, I

recently 'labeled'

my colorful European friend bpd for the same reason. Though it seemed like

there might

be hope for him, as well, like, sometimes the communication between us felt

real. This

leads me to wonder if I am putting too much emphasis on projection. Do any of

you think

that projection can be a flea? I always have thought I was a KO because my

fleas were

easily recognized and owned. To be honest, the things I considered 'fleas' were

very easily

corrected. Not to brag--it's just the ways I was acting like a borderline did

not come

naturally to me, and, once I identified them, they rather sloughed off like so

much loose

clothing--I did not want nor need them. It is the PTSD symptoms and the general

symptoms of an abused child that have been so hard to shake. By those I mean

feelings of

'badness' and banishment, feelings of anxiety, the tendency to dissociate--none

of which

are 'fleas'. Of course maybe I still have a lot of fleas and don't know it,

because I haven't

been in an actual 'family'--well--ever. Unless you count my closest friends.

I am sorry for the rant. I am feeling theorhetical today. My main question is,

does anyone

think projection of things the person fears about themselves onto another, can

be a flea?

Any experience with this?

Thanks

Charlie

> > >

> > > I have been in awe of the kind words and time everyone has taken

> to

> > > respond to my posting. It is such an inspiration to hear the

> strength

> > > and friendship that is shared here. So much has resonated with me

> as I

> > > have read everyone's personal stories. My relationship with my

> family

> > > has been something I have always tried to hide. To be able to

> share

> > > gives me such insight and makes my pain so much lighter. It feels

> hard

> > > right now but I have hope it will get better. Dealing with my

> nada has

> > > always felt like a rug being yanked out from under me with

> everything

> > > upside down, painful, and confusing. Thank you again.

> > > To Greg-I am new at this and shy at giving advice but I feel for

> you

> > > and what you are going through. Hang in there and know you are

> not

> > > alone.

> > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Charlie, as I understand it, projection is a normal human tendency. I

even read about it in Oprah once--as a normal phenomenon that everyone

does from time to time. It was described as when you try to ignore

something you don't like about yourself or repress something you don't

like about yourself to the point that you begin to see it a lot in

other people. I think you can also project moods and feelings onto

others as well. I've noticed myself doing this too. I think that

what happens in BP's is that the need to project is very strong

because it is sort of necessary to their survival (keeps them from

feeling all bad). We can let go of our projection, BP's have a much

harder time.

I don't think everyone in my family is a BP, but I've noticed that the

general reaction to me pointing out bad behavior on anyone's part is

to bait and switch and say that I'm the one with the problem. My

therapist said this was just sort of a family tradition in this case.

It doesn't necessarily mean that everyone has BP.

I would say, however, that I give anyone that seems to be projecting A

LOT a wide berth and try to steer clear in general. An example would

be the very unstable colleague I had last year. Within the first

week I knew him, he came to me and told me all these bad things about

other people we worked with that seemed to be flagrantly true of him.

Definite red flag.

Trish