New member saying hi

[Guest guest]

Yesterday I broke off the relationship with my bp mom and my " normal "

father. I am feeling a 100 different emotions but I know it was for

the best. I am 32, I have a loving and supportive husband and two

small children.

My mother raised me by herself and with the assistance of her 4th

husband whom she insisted that I have adopt me ASAP when I turned 18.

(My natural father was portrayed as a villian). As a child we moved

across the country and did not remain in contact with any family

members so basically I only had her. Our relationship started getting

turbulent in my teens when I started expressing myself, she saw this

as betrayal and she always accused me of wanting to leave her and go

be with the " bad family " in the midwest who hated her. No matter what

I did to try to convince her I was faithful up until 2 weeks ago she

was sobbing that this is what was going to happen. Even though she had

abandoned my 3 older half siblings previously. One brother I didn't

even know I had until recently, because she told me it was none of my

business.

I always felt like I had done something wrong growing up. Until I

became a Social Worker and my boss (a psychologist)whom I worked with

for years, had a few encounters with my mother. He gave me an

assignment to read " I hate you don't leave me " . It was the first of a

few books to open my eyes and the next week he asked me if everything

had made sense now. I couldn't believe it, I wasn't going crazy.

I have wanted to leave her for years and have imagined my life without

her. Almost like being out of a prison cell. The only reason I didn't

before I met my husband was because they were all I had. Then I got

married and got pregnant soon after and I didn't want to leave because

of the children. They do love them. I do feel guilty for that but now

I have been suffering severe migraines for the past 2 years and have

been taking a mild anti-depressant. When my mother and I do not

communicate for a week or two I feel like a totally different person.

I know I'm not the only one out there. After reading the other posts

this feels like a safe place. Hopefully others can relate with me.

Thanks!

[Guest guest]

You speak my words. I am 36 with two kids and two weeks ago cut relations

with my mother but NOT my normal father. Somehow I keep thinking that my

father and I can keep our relationship going. Kind of giving my nada the

middle finger !! In spite of all her efforts to seperate me from my dad,

maybe we can continue? I haven't spoken to him in two weeks and he is

coming over to my house tomorrow alone. The ground rules will be discussed.

I'm hopeful that he will want to continue our relationship. I know he

will try to lay the guilt on thick. " You know she's sick... " " All she

wants is a relationship with you " ...I can hear the violins now. The ground

rules are he can't talk about her and I. Am I crazy to think this will

work?

K

>

>Reply-To: WTOAdultChildren1

>To: WTOAdultChildren1

>Subject: New member saying hi

>Date: Fri, 11 Aug 2006 17:41:19 -0000

>

>Yesterday I broke off the relationship with my bp mom and my " normal "

>father. I am feeling a 100 different emotions but I know it was for

>the best. I am 32, I have a loving and supportive husband and two

>small children.

>

>My mother raised me by herself and with the assistance of her 4th

>husband whom she insisted that I have adopt me ASAP when I turned 18.

>(My natural father was portrayed as a villian). As a child we moved

>across the country and did not remain in contact with any family

>members so basically I only had her. Our relationship started getting

>turbulent in my teens when I started expressing myself, she saw this

>as betrayal and she always accused me of wanting to leave her and go

>be with the " bad family " in the midwest who hated her. No matter what

>I did to try to convince her I was faithful up until 2 weeks ago she

>was sobbing that this is what was going to happen. Even though she had

>abandoned my 3 older half siblings previously. One brother I didn't

>even know I had until recently, because she told me it was none of my

>business.

>

>I always felt like I had done something wrong growing up. Until I

>became a Social Worker and my boss (a psychologist)whom I worked with

>for years, had a few encounters with my mother. He gave me an

>assignment to read " I hate you don't leave me " . It was the first of a

>few books to open my eyes and the next week he asked me if everything

>had made sense now. I couldn't believe it, I wasn't going crazy.

>

>I have wanted to leave her for years and have imagined my life without

>her. Almost like being out of a prison cell. The only reason I didn't

>before I met my husband was because they were all I had. Then I got

>married and got pregnant soon after and I didn't want to leave because

>of the children. They do love them. I do feel guilty for that but now

>I have been suffering severe migraines for the past 2 years and have

>been taking a mild anti-depressant. When my mother and I do not

>communicate for a week or two I feel like a totally different person.

>I know I'm not the only one out there. After reading the other posts

>this feels like a safe place. Hopefully others can relate with me.

>

>Thanks!

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help at

>@.... SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT Respond ON

>THE GROUP.

>

>To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call 888-35-SHELL

>() for your copy. We also refer to “Understanding the

>Borderline Mother” (Lawson) and “Surviving the Borderline Parent,” (Roth)

>which you can find at any bookstore. Welcome to the WTO community!

>

>From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community and author SWOE

>and the SWOE Workbook.

>

[Guest guest]

I know what you are saying about the dad. I do love him I recently

realized that over the course of their marriage the bringing

together of my NADA and I ,whenever there was a quarrel was for his

benefit only.

He seems to be living in a survival mode with NADA and I have been

hoping for years they would divorce, but I recently found out

through one on NADA's, I going to tell you something that will

destroy you confessions, that he has had affairs on and off for

years, including picking up women off the street. I cried and she

seemed pleased that my childhood image of him was shattered. Yet he

will stay with her and defend her and she stays with him and will

complain about him but ultimately will never fully leave.

I feel through this journey that I don't know him anymore either. He

was always the one to reel me back in, now I feel like I'm seeing

things clearer. I wish you alot of luck with your dad. K,I know the

guilt will be intense but please remember to put you and your family

needs first before his and see how things go.

Lori

>

> You speak my words. I am 36 with two kids and two weeks ago cut

relations

> with my mother but NOT my normal father. Somehow I keep thinking

that my

> father and I can keep our relationship going. Kind of giving my

nada the

> middle finger !! In spite of all her efforts to seperate me from

my dad,

> maybe we can continue? I haven't spoken to him in two weeks and

he is

> coming over to my house tomorrow alone. The ground rules will be

discussed.

> I'm hopeful that he will want to continue our relationship. I

know he

> will try to lay the guilt on thick. " You know she's

sick... " " All she

> wants is a relationship with you " ...I can hear the violins now.

The ground

> rules are he can't talk about her and I. Am I crazy to think this

will

> work?

>

> K

>

>

> >

> >Reply-To: WTOAdultChildren1

> >To: WTOAdultChildren1

> >Subject: New member saying hi

> >Date: Fri, 11 Aug 2006 17:41:19 -0000

> >

> >Yesterday I broke off the relationship with my bp mom and

my " normal "

> >father. I am feeling a 100 different emotions but I know it was

for

> >the best. I am 32, I have a loving and supportive husband and two

> >small children.

> >

> >My mother raised me by herself and with the assistance of her 4th

> >husband whom she insisted that I have adopt me ASAP when I turned

18.

> >(My natural father was portrayed as a villian). As a child we

moved

> >across the country and did not remain in contact with any family

> >members so basically I only had her. Our relationship started

getting

> >turbulent in my teens when I started expressing myself, she saw

this

> >as betrayal and she always accused me of wanting to leave her and

go

> >be with the " bad family " in the midwest who hated her. No matter

what

> >I did to try to convince her I was faithful up until 2 weeks ago

she

> >was sobbing that this is what was going to happen. Even though

she had

> >abandoned my 3 older half siblings previously. One brother I

didn't

> >even know I had until recently, because she told me it was none

of my

> >business.

> >

> >I always felt like I had done something wrong growing up. Until I

> >became a Social Worker and my boss (a psychologist)whom I worked

with

> >for years, had a few encounters with my mother. He gave me an

> >assignment to read " I hate you don't leave me " . It was the first

of a

> >few books to open my eyes and the next week he asked me if

everything

> >had made sense now. I couldn't believe it, I wasn't going crazy.

> >

> >I have wanted to leave her for years and have imagined my life

without

> >her. Almost like being out of a prison cell. The only reason I

didn't

> >before I met my husband was because they were all I had. Then I

got

> >married and got pregnant soon after and I didn't want to leave

because

> >of the children. They do love them. I do feel guilty for that but

now

> >I have been suffering severe migraines for the past 2 years and

have

> >been taking a mild anti-depressant. When my mother and I do not

> >communicate for a week or two I feel like a totally different

person.

> >I know I'm not the only one out there. After reading the other

posts

> >this feels like a safe place. Hopefully others can relate with me.

> >

> >Thanks!

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help at

> >@... SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT Respond ON

> >THE GROUP.

> >

> >To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call 888-35-

SHELL

> >() for your copy. We also refer to " Understanding the

> >Borderline Mother " (Lawson) and " Surviving the Borderline

Parent, " (Roth)

> >which you can find at any bookstore. Welcome to the WTO community!

> >

> >From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community and

author SWOE

> >and the SWOE Workbook.

> >

[Guest guest]

I feel like you just described my situation with my dad. My nada

lost her 90 year old mother 6 months ago and it seems to have made

her BPD worse. My grandnada I believe also had BPD.

Just an update to my original post, the game has begun and I feel

like I have the other teams playbook. My dad called and left a

message the other day, (this is day 3 of NC), wanting us all to

reconcile. Things must be pretty miserable for him over at his house

with nada for him to be calling on day 3.

But I know the drill, I call, he is nice enough, I go over to their

house or they come to mine, they sit down and they tell me they love

me and then nada begins to berate me tell me all the horrible things

I've done to her, how selfish I've been, how I have'nt been thinking

about her feelings. AND THEN nada begins talking about her past,

growing up, adulthood, all the terrible things that have happened to

her and how I just don't understand because she's always made it so

great for me. The classic nada line is, " Although I hope you never

have to experience what I've experienced, maybe one day, if you do,

you will finally understand and say, " oh my mother was right! " !

Through all of nada rantings and raging I usually end up apologizing

and agreeing with her for things I didn't do or didn't have any

control over, or didn't have anything to do with me, just to shut

her up so I could get out of there.

Do I really want to go back to that again? That is the thought I

have the past couple of days when I have been feeling guilty for NC

and espcially not letting them see the kids. I don't want my kids to

have to listen to that one day because I know she will grab whatever

ear is available at the time.

Lori

-- In WTOAdultChildren1 , " kylaboo728 "

wrote:

>

>

> I've been thinking about father stuff lately -- so these posts hit

> home. Especially the " normal " fathers that go into survival

mode.

> That's been my experience, even to present day.

>

> I've recently come to the realization that he has always taken her

> side and left me out in the cold. I had always cast him as

> the " nice " one -- he is more kindly and approachable -- but when

my

> mom would start spinning one of her Category 5 emotional storms,

he

> would take her side -- probably to survive it himself. But if you

> side with the " abuser " and don't protect the innocent, you're just

> as bad yourself.

>

> Once when she completely lost it and threw me out of the house (I

> was 18 and hadn't done a darn thing) -- he called me where I was

> taking refuge, told me to come home, and basically made excuses

for

> her and then lambasted me for calling her " crazy " .

>

> I should have realized then that I'm in this alone. Of course

it's

> taken about 25 years for me to get it, but better late than

never!

>

> Her latest storm involves the impending death of her 90 year old

> mother. My dad -- who never contacts me -- sent me a shitty e-

mail

> basically chastising me for not calling her lately. He then sent

> another, slightly friendlier one that still ordered me to call

her.

> All of the e-mails were full of excuses for her and why she hasn't

> called or had any contact with me -- but yet not yielding any

> consideration my way......not considering that I've got a

household

> full of kids that are home for the summer, etc.....

>

> It was all my fault, she's too weak and beseiged to call me,

> according to his communications.

>

> I refused to call her on those terms. Something about being

ordered

> to do it by someone who doesn't give me the time of day rubbed me

> the wrong way. It's unfortunate that my timing is coinciding with

> her losing her mother, but I won't submit to emotional blackmail

> anymore.

>

> I'm not heartless and I do feel badly that she's losing her

mother --

> so I sent a card, acknowledging her situation and keeping it brief.

>

> I'm sick of being her rescuer -- being used that way. It's like

he

> was throwing me at her so that he wouldn't have to deal with her.

> I'm through being used like that. Those aren't the actions of a

> father who has my interests at heart. His e-mails are an attempt

> to " reel me back in " (as Lori put it) to nada's crap. They serve

> his agenda, not mine.

>

>

>

> lamb0678 wrote:

>

> I know what you are saying about the dad. I do love him I recently

> realized that over the course of their marriage the bringing

> together of my NADA and I ,whenever there was a quarrel was for

his

> benefit only.

>

> He seems to be living in a survival mode with NADA and I have been

> hoping for years they would divorce, but I recently found out

> through one on NADA's, I going to tell you something that will

> destroy you confessions, that he has had affairs on and off for

> years, including picking up women off the street. I cried and she

> seemed pleased that my childhood image of him was shattered. Yet

he

> will stay with her and defend her and she stays with him and will

> complain about him but ultimately will never fully leave.

>

> I feel through this journey that I don't know him anymore either.

He

> was always the one to reel me back in, now I feel like I'm seeing

> things clearer. I wish you alot of luck with your dad. K,I know

the

> guilt will be intense but please remember to put you and your

family

> needs first before his and see how things go.

>

> Lori

>

>

> >

> > You speak my words. I am 36 with two kids and two weeks ago cut

> relations

> > with my mother but NOT my normal father. Somehow I keep thinking

> that my

> > father and I can keep our relationship going. Kind of giving my

> nada the

> > middle finger !! In spite of all her efforts to seperate me from

> my dad,

> > maybe we can continue? I haven't spoken to him in two weeks and

> he is

> > coming over to my house tomorrow alone. The ground rules will be

> discussed.

> > I'm hopeful that he will want to continue our relationship. I

> know he

> > will try to lay the guilt on thick. " You know she's

> sick... " " All she

> > wants is a relationship with you " ...I can hear the violins now.

> The ground

> > rules are he can't talk about her and I. Am I crazy to think

this

> will

> > work?

> >

> > K

> >

> >

> > >From: " lamb0678 " <lamb0678@>

> > >Reply-To: WTOAdultChildren1

> > >To: WTOAdultChildren1

> > >Subject: New member saying hi

> > >Date: Fri, 11 Aug 2006 17:41:19 -0000

> > >

> > >Yesterday I broke off the relationship with my bp mom and

> my " normal "

> > >father. I am feeling a 100 different emotions but I know it was

> for

> > >the best. I am 32, I have a loving and supportive husband and

two

> > >small children.

> > >

> > >My mother raised me by herself and with the assistance of her

4th

> > >husband whom she insisted that I have adopt me ASAP when I

turned

> 18.

> > >(My natural father was portrayed as a villian). As a child we

> moved

> > >across the country and did not remain in contact with any family

> > >members so basically I only had her. Our relationship started

> getting

> > >turbulent in my teens when I started expressing myself, she saw

> this

> > >as betrayal and she always accused me of wanting to leave her

and

> go

> > >be with the " bad family " in the midwest who hated her. No

matter

> what

> > >I did to try to convince her I was faithful up until 2 weeks

ago

> she

> > >was sobbing that this is what was going to happen. Even though

> she had

> > >abandoned my 3 older half siblings previously. One brother I

> didn't

> > >even know I had until recently, because she told me it was none

> of my

> > >business.

> > >

> > >I always felt like I had done something wrong growing up. Until

I

> > >became a Social Worker and my boss (a psychologist)whom I

worked

> with

> > >for years, had a few encounters with my mother. He gave me an

> > >assignment to read " I hate you don't leave me " . It was the

first

> of a

> > >few books to open my eyes and the next week he asked me if

> everything

> > >had made sense now. I couldn't believe it, I wasn't going crazy.

> > >

> > >I have wanted to leave her for years and have imagined my life

> without

> > >her. Almost like being out of a prison cell. The only reason I

> didn't

> > >before I met my husband was because they were all I had. Then I

> got

> > >married and got pregnant soon after and I didn't want to leave

> because

> > >of the children. They do love them. I do feel guilty for that

but

> now

> > >I have been suffering severe migraines for the past 2 years and

> have

> > >been taking a mild anti-depressant. When my mother and I do not

> > >communicate for a week or two I feel like a totally different

> person.

> > >I know I'm not the only one out there. After reading the other

> posts

> > >this feels like a safe place. Hopefully others can relate with

me.

> > >

> > >Thanks!

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help at

> > >@ SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT Respond ON

> > >THE GROUP.

> > >

> > >To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call 888-35-

> SHELL

> > >() for your copy. We also refer to " Understanding

the

> > >Borderline Mother " (Lawson) and " Surviving the Borderline

> Parent, " (Roth)

> > >which you can find at any bookstore. Welcome to the WTO

community!

> > >

> > >From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community and

> author SWOE

> > >and the SWOE Workbook.

> > >

[Guest guest]

Lori,

I understand completely. THis is why I remain NC with my nada.

There is absolutely nothing to go back to but the exact same thing

that caused me to go no contact to begin with.

For some of us, this seems like the only available choice. If I

were to resume contact with nada, she would assume - and the foo

would support that assumption - that I 'finally' regained my

senses. I would have to take my given place in the family as the

misguided child. No thank you! I haven't gone through all this

painful emotional growth to just put myself back into that mess.

Take care of yourself,

Sylvia

> > >

> > > You speak my words. I am 36 with two kids and two weeks ago

cut

> > relations

> > > with my mother but NOT my normal father. Somehow I keep

thinking

> > that my

> > > father and I can keep our relationship going. Kind of giving

my

> > nada the

> > > middle finger !! In spite of all her efforts to seperate me

from

> > my dad,

> > > maybe we can continue? I haven't spoken to him in two weeks

and

> > he is

> > > coming over to my house tomorrow alone. The ground rules will

be

> > discussed.

> > > I'm hopeful that he will want to continue our relationship. I

> > know he

> > > will try to lay the guilt on thick. " You know she's

> > sick... " " All she

> > > wants is a relationship with you " ...I can hear the violins

now.

> > The ground

> > > rules are he can't talk about her and I. Am I crazy to think

> this

> > will

> > > work?

> > >

> > > K

> > >

> > >

> > > >From: " lamb0678 " <lamb0678@>

> > > >Reply-To: WTOAdultChildren1

> > > >To: WTOAdultChildren1

> > > >Subject: New member saying hi

> > > >Date: Fri, 11 Aug 2006 17:41:19 -0000

> > > >

> > > >Yesterday I broke off the relationship with my bp mom and

> > my " normal "

> > > >father. I am feeling a 100 different emotions but I know it

was

> > for

> > > >the best. I am 32, I have a loving and supportive husband and

> two

> > > >small children.

> > > >

> > > >My mother raised me by herself and with the assistance of her

> 4th

> > > >husband whom she insisted that I have adopt me ASAP when I

> turned

> > 18.

> > > >(My natural father was portrayed as a villian). As a child we

> > moved

> > > >across the country and did not remain in contact with any

family

> > > >members so basically I only had her. Our relationship started

> > getting

> > > >turbulent in my teens when I started expressing myself, she

saw

> > this

> > > >as betrayal and she always accused me of wanting to leave her

> and

> > go

> > > >be with the " bad family " in the midwest who hated her. No

> matter

> > what

> > > >I did to try to convince her I was faithful up until 2 weeks

> ago

> > she

> > > >was sobbing that this is what was going to happen. Even

though

> > she had

> > > >abandoned my 3 older half siblings previously. One brother I

> > didn't

> > > >even know I had until recently, because she told me it was

none

> > of my

> > > >business.

> > > >

> > > >I always felt like I had done something wrong growing up.

Until

> I

> > > >became a Social Worker and my boss (a psychologist)whom I

> worked

> > with

> > > >for years, had a few encounters with my mother. He gave me an

> > > >assignment to read " I hate you don't leave me " . It was the

> first

> > of a

> > > >few books to open my eyes and the next week he asked me if

> > everything

> > > >had made sense now. I couldn't believe it, I wasn't going

crazy.

> > > >

> > > >I have wanted to leave her for years and have imagined my

life

> > without

> > > >her. Almost like being out of a prison cell. The only reason

I

> > didn't

> > > >before I met my husband was because they were all I had. Then

I

> > got

> > > >married and got pregnant soon after and I didn't want to

leave

> > because

> > > >of the children. They do love them. I do feel guilty for that

> but

> > now

> > > >I have been suffering severe migraines for the past 2 years

and

> > have

> > > >been taking a mild anti-depressant. When my mother and I do

not

> > > >communicate for a week or two I feel like a totally different

> > person.

> > > >I know I'm not the only one out there. After reading the

other

> > posts

> > > >this feels like a safe place. Hopefully others can relate

with

> me.

> > > >

> > > >Thanks!

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help at

> > > >@ SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT Respond ON

> > > >THE GROUP.

> > > >

> > > >To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call 888-

35-

> > SHELL

> > > >() for your copy. We also refer to " Understanding

> the

> > > >Borderline Mother " (Lawson) and " Surviving the Borderline

> > Parent, " (Roth)

> > > >which you can find at any bookstore. Welcome to the WTO

> community!

> > > >

> > > >From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community and

> > author SWOE

> > > >and the SWOE Workbook.

> > > >

[Guest guest]

Thanks Sylvia for your kind words. Over the years my books have been

a great tool and resource but being a member of this group the past

few days has really felt like a strange type of " homecoming " .

Lori

> > > >

> > > > You speak my words. I am 36 with two kids and two weeks ago

> cut

> > > relations

> > > > with my mother but NOT my normal father. Somehow I keep

> thinking

> > > that my

> > > > father and I can keep our relationship going. Kind of giving

> my

> > > nada the

> > > > middle finger !! In spite of all her efforts to seperate me

> from

> > > my dad,

> > > > maybe we can continue? I haven't spoken to him in two weeks

> and

> > > he is

> > > > coming over to my house tomorrow alone. The ground rules

will

> be

> > > discussed.

> > > > I'm hopeful that he will want to continue our relationship.

I

> > > know he

> > > > will try to lay the guilt on thick. " You know she's

> > > sick... " " All she

> > > > wants is a relationship with you " ...I can hear the violins

> now.

> > > The ground

> > > > rules are he can't talk about her and I. Am I crazy to think

> > this

> > > will

> > > > work?

> > > >

> > > > K

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > >From: " lamb0678 " <lamb0678@>

> > > > >Reply-To: WTOAdultChildren1

> > > > >To: WTOAdultChildren1

> > > > >Subject: New member saying hi

> > > > >Date: Fri, 11 Aug 2006 17:41:19 -0000

> > > > >

> > > > >Yesterday I broke off the relationship with my bp mom and

> > > my " normal "

> > > > >father. I am feeling a 100 different emotions but I know it

> was

> > > for

> > > > >the best. I am 32, I have a loving and supportive husband

and

> > two

> > > > >small children.

> > > > >

> > > > >My mother raised me by herself and with the assistance of

her

> > 4th

> > > > >husband whom she insisted that I have adopt me ASAP when I

> > turned

> > > 18.

> > > > >(My natural father was portrayed as a villian). As a child

we

> > > moved

> > > > >across the country and did not remain in contact with any

> family

> > > > >members so basically I only had her. Our relationship

started

> > > getting

> > > > >turbulent in my teens when I started expressing myself, she

> saw

> > > this

> > > > >as betrayal and she always accused me of wanting to leave

her

> > and

> > > go

> > > > >be with the " bad family " in the midwest who hated her. No

> > matter

> > > what

> > > > >I did to try to convince her I was faithful up until 2

weeks

> > ago

> > > she

> > > > >was sobbing that this is what was going to happen. Even

> though

> > > she had

> > > > >abandoned my 3 older half siblings previously. One brother

I

> > > didn't

> > > > >even know I had until recently, because she told me it was

> none

> > > of my

> > > > >business.

> > > > >

> > > > >I always felt like I had done something wrong growing up.

> Until

> > I

> > > > >became a Social Worker and my boss (a psychologist)whom I

> > worked

> > > with

> > > > >for years, had a few encounters with my mother. He gave me

an

> > > > >assignment to read " I hate you don't leave me " . It was the

> > first

> > > of a

> > > > >few books to open my eyes and the next week he asked me if

> > > everything

> > > > >had made sense now. I couldn't believe it, I wasn't going

> crazy.

> > > > >

> > > > >I have wanted to leave her for years and have imagined my

> life

> > > without

> > > > >her. Almost like being out of a prison cell. The only

reason

> I

> > > didn't

> > > > >before I met my husband was because they were all I had.

Then

> I

> > > got

> > > > >married and got pregnant soon after and I didn't want to

> leave

> > > because

> > > > >of the children. They do love them. I do feel guilty for

that

> > but

> > > now

> > > > >I have been suffering severe migraines for the past 2 years

> and

> > > have

> > > > >been taking a mild anti-depressant. When my mother and I do

> not

> > > > >communicate for a week or two I feel like a totally

different

> > > person.

> > > > >I know I'm not the only one out there. After reading the

> other

> > > posts

> > > > >this feels like a safe place. Hopefully others can relate

> with

> > me.

> > > > >

> > > > >Thanks!

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help at

> > > > >@ SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT Respond

ON

> > > > >THE GROUP.

> > > > >

> > > > >To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call 888-

> 35-

> > > SHELL

> > > > >() for your copy. We also refer

to " Understanding

> > the

> > > > >Borderline Mother " (Lawson) and " Surviving the Borderline

> > > Parent, " (Roth)

> > > > >which you can find at any bookstore. Welcome to the WTO

> > community!

> > > > >

> > > > >From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community

and

> > > author SWOE

> > > > >and the SWOE Workbook.

> > > > >

[Guest guest]

>Through all of nada rantings and raging I usually end up apologizing

>and agreeing with her for things I didn't do or didn't have any

>control over, or didn't have anything to do with me, just to shut

>her up so I could get out of there.

This behavior is called " playing the game. " We grow up without

realizing we are entering the game arena. Then one day we get tired

of the game and want out. Only the house rules won't allow that

without lots of trouble and pain. Many decide to stay in the game

rather than face the consequences of quitting. I have quit. I am

here to tell you that it is worth all the flak you will get while

getting out of the game. Whether you choose a no contact or remain in

contact and just quit playing by her rules it will be worth it. It's

either that or reconcile to being stressed and unhappy yourself which

makes you a great role model for your own children and subjects them

to the same drama and sickness.

It is a strange thing but too many of us do not believe we are

entitled to peace and happiness and independence in this life. But we

are and it takes courage and determination to achieve. There is never

a good time to make the changes. But if not now, when??????? If not

you who???????? The game will go on for generations if no one stops

it. Dee

[Guest guest]

Dee, what your saying hits home. Ever since my dd was born my nada

has told me again and again how much she reminds her of herself. It

makes me sick when she says that. So she lavishes her with special

attention which of course is drawing a 5 yr. old in rather well. I

stand back and see it. One day dd said to me in a temper tantrum

that she wanted to live with nada. I happen to tell this to my nada

and her response was, " Well, who knows what will happen when she's a

teenager. " That really opened my eyes right then and there.

Lori

> >Through all of nada rantings and raging I usually end up

apologizing

> >and agreeing with her for things I didn't do or didn't have any

> >control over, or didn't have anything to do with me, just to shut

> >her up so I could get out of there.

>

> This behavior is called " playing the game. " We grow up without

> realizing we are entering the game arena. Then one day we get

tired

> of the game and want out. Only the house rules won't allow that

> without lots of trouble and pain. Many decide to stay in the game

> rather than face the consequences of quitting. I have quit. I am

> here to tell you that it is worth all the flak you will get while

> getting out of the game. Whether you choose a no contact or

remain in

> contact and just quit playing by her rules it will be worth it.

It's

> either that or reconcile to being stressed and unhappy yourself

which

> makes you a great role model for your own children and subjects

them

> to the same drama and sickness.

>

> It is a strange thing but too many of us do not believe we are

> entitled to peace and happiness and independence in this life.

But we

> are and it takes courage and determination to achieve. There is

never

> a good time to make the changes. But if not now, when??????? If

not

> you who???????? The game will go on for generations if no one

stops

> it. Dee

>

[Guest guest]

My nada was always trying to intice my children to stay with her for

long periods of time. I am sure she did it with her other

grandchildren as well. She so much needed this kind of validation

of her worth, and I am sure she would have felt really great about

getting a child to 'choose' grandma over the child's own parents.

For as much bribing as my nada tried with my children, they never

even indicated a desire to stay with her - not even during the

turbulent teens. (I had pretty smart kids!!!)

Take care,

Sylvia

> > >Through all of nada rantings and raging I usually end up

> apologizing

> > >and agreeing with her for things I didn't do or didn't have any

> > >control over, or didn't have anything to do with me, just to

shut

> > >her up so I could get out of there.

> >

> > This behavior is called " playing the game. " We grow up without

> > realizing we are entering the game arena. Then one day we get

> tired

> > of the game and want out. Only the house rules won't allow that

> > without lots of trouble and pain. Many decide to stay in the

game

> > rather than face the consequences of quitting. I have quit. I

am

> > here to tell you that it is worth all the flak you will get while

> > getting out of the game. Whether you choose a no contact or

> remain in

> > contact and just quit playing by her rules it will be worth it.

> It's

> > either that or reconcile to being stressed and unhappy yourself

> which

> > makes you a great role model for your own children and subjects

> them

> > to the same drama and sickness.

> >

> > It is a strange thing but too many of us do not believe we are

> > entitled to peace and happiness and independence in this life.

> But we

> > are and it takes courage and determination to achieve. There is

> never

> > a good time to make the changes. But if not now, when???????

If

> not

> > you who???????? The game will go on for generations if no one

> stops

> > it. Dee

> >

>