Counseling Dilema

[Guest guest]

I haven't posted here before, but I have been following everyone's posts for a

while now. I have a dilema that I am hoping you folks can provide your thoughts

and guidance on.

Quick Snapshot:

I have been with my husband for 7 years. I am NT and have recently been doing

research about Asperger's and feel strongly that my husband falls somewhere in

the spectrum. I came to this conclusion when researching some odd behaviors in

my 2 year old and the more I read, the more things started to click about issues

with my husband.

When we met 7 years ago, we couldn't get enough of each other and continued down

a passionate and loving path UNTIL my 2-year-old son was born. The DAY he was

born, my husband completed turned on my 12 year-old son from a previous

relationship. He wouldn't allow my older son to hold the baby, or even LOOK at

the baby. I figured he was just being protective and thought time would make

him calm down. Well, time only made things worse. It got to the point that he

wouldn't allow my son to leave his room. He wasn't allowed to go to the bathroom

without a " hall pass " . My husband finally asked me to send my son to live with

my sister in Seattle. I live in Tampa, so this was not an option whatsoever.

LONGGGG story short, I left my husband a year ago because my son was failing all

his classes and not doing well at all. This separation was after 2 failed

attempts at counseling.

Flash foward a year:

We are still separated and the husband and I get along great most of the time.

UNLESS, I mention my older son's name; or if he sees my son. After my recent

discovery and research about Asperger's, I decided to discuss the possibility

with my husband. He was very receptive and agreed that that is probably what is

going on wih him and possibly our son. Then he said that he wanted to try

counseling one more time, in an attempt to fix our family. Given the new piece

of the puzzle, I agreed that it may be a good idea to learn how we all

communicate differently and learn how to communicate effectively. I have

arranged for a joint counseling session with someone that specializes in AS.

HOWEVER, yesterday my husband set some " rules " about what can and cannot be

discussed in this session. I am not allowed to say anything negative about him,

even if it is constructive. I am not allowed to bring up Asperger's or my

suspicions regarding him or my 2 year-old. He said if the doctor is any good,

they will figure out he has AS in their own. Basically, I am not allowed to

discuss MY issues. I feel like this is like going to the doctor and telling

them you have pain in your body, but you refuse to tell them that the pain is

in your foot. Counselors aren't mind readers.

The question is . . . . do I just bring up AS in the session anyway? Do I call

the doc ahead of time to discuss the situation? Do I just go along with his

ridiculous " rules " ? Do I just not bother wasting my time going?

Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated. This is my very last attempt at

trying to fix my family.

Thanks everyone!!!

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