question about the social world

[Guest guest]

Ok so I have a question.... my daughter (13) is trying to negotiate the

social world. She is homeschooled so things tend to not happen spontaneously

as they would if she was seeing kids every day. The problem she keeps

running into is when she invites someone to something or they are working on

having her come to their house they don't seem to be able to give a straight

answer. I don't know how to direct her in this.

For example: She and a friend had planned a sleepover. The friend's parents

said not until school is out. School is now out so my daughter brought it up

again and the girl said she would ask her parents but has not gotten back to

my daughter. It is now the evening before and we still have no answer.

This sort of thing happens a lot. I don't know if I should read this as

other kid's parents are super busy. Or if the other kid is trying to

politely brush off my daughter. My daughter says the other girl keeps

'losing' her phone number. To me that sounds like an excuse on the other

girl's part. But then when I have seen them together she appears to

genuinely like my daughter...

I just don't know how to help her with this. She wants to know if she should

call the friends house... my inclination is to say 'no don't' because the

friend said she would call or e-mail and this family has a history of not

getting back to us about things. I don't know if they are just flakey or

busy or if the girl is not interested... I'm just not inclined to go

dragging around after people because then the relationship ends up being

very one sided with one person doing all the motivation and work.... seems

rather pointless.

It would be one thing if it just happened once in a while but this kind of

thing happens regularly with different people. I don't know if my daughter

is not meshing well or if the people are not meshable... I can't really help

her because I can't identify the problem. If I knew it was her social skills

I could get her help with that. Or on the other hand I could just work on

her meeting more people until she meets some that are healthy and well

balanced. But I don't know if the problem is primarily her, the friends she

has, or just being a teen. I get rave reviews on her from all the adults,

but of course don't know what her peers think. Sometimes when a kid is

highly liked by the adults the other kids don't like them so much...

She is in social activities, she's in track, karate, and church regularly

and also other events that are not as regular.

Getting through the teen years didn't go so well for me, I can look back and

help her with some things from what I have learned since but this sort of

social dance I just don't get. Anyone have ideas?

Jennie AS