Re: Memory of Nada Trashing My room as a Teen

[Guest guest]

My nada trashed my room on a regular basis all throughout my

childhood, it seemed to be a part of her rages. And because there

were four kids in the house, if one of us had a messy room, she'd

start there and then just go through everybody else's room, too. She

was never sorry for it, and it was always our fault because we

didn't respect our things enough to keep them organized.

I had a lot of my things broken/destroyed during nada's episodes.

And I also think she made a point of breaking the things we valued,

because those things especially were never spared.

>

> I was thinking about the OCD that somebody posted the other day

and

> I think I may have a mild case. I like things a certain way and I

> always have. I can't go any place unless the house is clean I

can't

> eat dinner if a cabinet is open even if it's to my back. Silly

> things like that. Well Anyways when I was a teen we had this chick

> staying with us from Russia she was a slob! I couldn't stand it.

She

> would leave cloths on the floor, go in my room take my lotions

make

> ups and magazines whatever. I hated it. My room on the other hand

> was clean and well kept. One day I came home from school only to

> find my entire room destroyed! My clothes were all out of the

> drawers and off the hangers and on the floor in one big pile. Also

> in that pile was everything I owned and everything that Russian

> chick owned. IN MY ROOM! There were school books pictures perfumes

> everything. I was so pissed I wanted to cry. I asked my mom what

> happened and she said well your rooms were messy so I need you to

> clean them. First she was calm, I started to clean, the Russian

> chick didn't know my mom and started to argue so my mom went into

> witch mode. I was scared and kept quit and cleaned. When the

Russian

> chick started to clean to I went downstairs by my mom and I asked

> her why did you do that to my room it was already clean? I clean

it

> all the time. Her response was " well blabla doesn't and she needs

to

> be taught a lesson so I'm gana show her how it is " I didn't press

> her anymore I already did too much. To this day I don't know why

she

> destroyed my room. Anybody else have a similar thing? Lizzy

>

[Guest guest]

Dear Lizzy,

There is no reasonable, understandable reason why your mother did

this. Her mind is/was messed up. Under the same circumstances

today, she might do something completely different. It is a hard

lesson to learn, but it is a waste of precious time to try to make

sense out of something that was not sensible to begin with.

Just know that the behavior was inappropriate, she violated your

boundaries, and what she did was not a solution to any problem. My

whole childhood was like this. Nothing at all made sense, and yet

the adults just went about as if everything was just fine and life

was like it should be.

Take care of yourself,

Sylvia

>

> I was thinking about the OCD that somebody posted the other day

and

> I think I may have a mild case. I like things a certain way and I

> always have. I can't go any place unless the house is clean I

can't

> eat dinner if a cabinet is open even if it's to my back. Silly

> things like that. Well Anyways when I was a teen we had this chick

> staying with us from Russia she was a slob! I couldn't stand it.

She

> would leave cloths on the floor, go in my room take my lotions

make

> ups and magazines whatever. I hated it. My room on the other hand

> was clean and well kept. One day I came home from school only to

> find my entire room destroyed! My clothes were all out of the

> drawers and off the hangers and on the floor in one big pile. Also

> in that pile was everything I owned and everything that Russian

> chick owned. IN MY ROOM! There were school books pictures perfumes

> everything. I was so pissed I wanted to cry. I asked my mom what

> happened and she said well your rooms were messy so I need you to

> clean them. First she was calm, I started to clean, the Russian

> chick didn't know my mom and started to argue so my mom went into

> witch mode. I was scared and kept quit and cleaned. When the

Russian

> chick started to clean to I went downstairs by my mom and I asked

> her why did you do that to my room it was already clean? I clean

it

> all the time. Her response was " well blabla doesn't and she needs

to

> be taught a lesson so I'm gana show her how it is " I didn't press

> her anymore I already did too much. To this day I don't know why

she

> destroyed my room. Anybody else have a similar thing? Lizzy

>

[Guest guest]

Another irony of the BPD behavior - our possessions were trashed

because we didn't respect our things! So what kind of example of

respect were we shown? No wonder we all learned to keep very close

to our hearts that which we most valued....we learned that we

couldn't keep anything we treasured safe from nada unless we made

sure that it wasn't known to anyone.

Sylvia

> >

> > I was thinking about the OCD that somebody posted the other day

> and

> > I think I may have a mild case. I like things a certain way and

I

> > always have. I can't go any place unless the house is clean I

> can't

> > eat dinner if a cabinet is open even if it's to my back. Silly

> > things like that. Well Anyways when I was a teen we had this

chick

> > staying with us from Russia she was a slob! I couldn't stand it.

> She

> > would leave cloths on the floor, go in my room take my lotions

> make

> > ups and magazines whatever. I hated it. My room on the other

hand

> > was clean and well kept. One day I came home from school only to

> > find my entire room destroyed! My clothes were all out of the

> > drawers and off the hangers and on the floor in one big pile.

Also

> > in that pile was everything I owned and everything that Russian

> > chick owned. IN MY ROOM! There were school books pictures

perfumes

> > everything. I was so pissed I wanted to cry. I asked my mom what

> > happened and she said well your rooms were messy so I need you

to

> > clean them. First she was calm, I started to clean, the Russian

> > chick didn't know my mom and started to argue so my mom went

into

> > witch mode. I was scared and kept quit and cleaned. When the

> Russian

> > chick started to clean to I went downstairs by my mom and I

asked

> > her why did you do that to my room it was already clean? I clean

> it

> > all the time. Her response was " well blabla doesn't and she

needs

> to

> > be taught a lesson so I'm gana show her how it is " I didn't

press

> > her anymore I already did too much. To this day I don't know why

> she

> > destroyed my room. Anybody else have a similar thing? Lizzy

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Lizzy, thanks for bringing this up; it has been on my mind recently.

While my nada never trashed my room, I have recently noticed that I

have played the role of the " cleaner " in my family for a very long

time. Our FOO house is always in chaos--dirty, cluttered, broken

down, horrible. From a young age, I was often the one who attempted

to restore order and who was expected to restore order: helping my

brothers organize their things when nada went into a rage, cleaning

out the garage(over, and over and over), breaking down old rotting

furniture and hauling it to the trash, cleaning. It seems that all of

my efforts to do this have been met with some sort of " trashing " from

the whole family. No sooner would I clean something then someone would

fill that space with junk, create a mess--whatever. My nada, in my

opinion subtly condones this and sometimes is actually the one doing

the trashing.

I don't think that I have OCD(although I do have some anxiety that is

related to OCD). I do, however, have some pretty serious issues with

living in chaos and with my own home being too dirty or messy. I

especially get upset when I feel like I'm alone doing the household

chores and my husband is making a mess. It feels like me against the

world trying to accomplish the impossible. YUCK!

Anyway, I can certainly see how such an experience as having your room

turned to chaos could cause you to have some serious issues later on.

My room was often the one place in the house that was orderly and

peacefull and I often stayed in there where I was safe(ish).

Trish

>

> I was thinking about the OCD that somebody posted the other day and

> I think I may have a mild case. I like things a certain way and I

> always have. I can't go any place unless the house is clean I can't

> eat dinner if a cabinet is open even if it's to my back. Silly

> things like that. Well Anyways when I was a teen we had this chick

> staying with us from Russia she was a slob! I couldn't stand it. She

> would leave cloths on the floor, go in my room take my lotions make

> ups and magazines whatever. I hated it. My room on the other hand

> was clean and well kept. One day I came home from school only to

> find my entire room destroyed! My clothes were all out of the

> drawers and off the hangers and on the floor in one big pile. Also

> in that pile was everything I owned and everything that Russian

> chick owned. IN MY ROOM! There were school books pictures perfumes

> everything. I was so pissed I wanted to cry. I asked my mom what

> happened and she said well your rooms were messy so I need you to

> clean them. First she was calm, I started to clean, the Russian

> chick didn't know my mom and started to argue so my mom went into

> witch mode. I was scared and kept quit and cleaned. When the Russian

> chick started to clean to I went downstairs by my mom and I asked

> her why did you do that to my room it was already clean? I clean it

> all the time. Her response was " well blabla doesn't and she needs to

> be taught a lesson so I'm gana show her how it is " I didn't press

> her anymore I already did too much. To this day I don't know why she

> destroyed my room. Anybody else have a similar thing? Lizzy

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks Sylvia for your kind words. I guess Im just wondering is it

more to search for " something against us " and in that search they

desroy our things or do they destroy our things just to make us sad?

Its something we probly will never know. Lizzy

> > >

> > > I was thinking about the OCD that somebody posted the other

day

> > and

> > > I think I may have a mild case. I like things a certain way

and

> I

> > > always have. I can't go any place unless the house is clean I

> > can't

> > > eat dinner if a cabinet is open even if it's to my back. Silly

> > > things like that. Well Anyways when I was a teen we had this

> chick

> > > staying with us from Russia she was a slob! I couldn't stand

it.

> > She

> > > would leave cloths on the floor, go in my room take my lotions

> > make

> > > ups and magazines whatever. I hated it. My room on the other

> hand

> > > was clean and well kept. One day I came home from school only

to

> > > find my entire room destroyed! My clothes were all out of the

> > > drawers and off the hangers and on the floor in one big pile.

> Also

> > > in that pile was everything I owned and everything that

Russian

> > > chick owned. IN MY ROOM! There were school books pictures

> perfumes

> > > everything. I was so pissed I wanted to cry. I asked my mom

what

> > > happened and she said well your rooms were messy so I need you

> to

> > > clean them. First she was calm, I started to clean, the

Russian

> > > chick didn't know my mom and started to argue so my mom went

> into

> > > witch mode. I was scared and kept quit and cleaned. When the

> > Russian

> > > chick started to clean to I went downstairs by my mom and I

> asked

> > > her why did you do that to my room it was already clean? I

clean

> > it

> > > all the time. Her response was " well blabla doesn't and she

> needs

> > to

> > > be taught a lesson so I'm gana show her how it is " I didn't

> press

> > > her anymore I already did too much. To this day I don't know

why

> > she

> > > destroyed my room. Anybody else have a similar thing? Lizzy

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Lizzy wrote:

I guess Im just wondering is it

more to search for " something against us " and in that search they

desroy our things or do they destroy our things just to make us sad?

Its something we probly will never know. Lizzy

____________________

Both.

Only one thing made Yeti happier than actively screwing with my brain, and

that was " getting something on me " - so she could screw with my brain at her

leisure.

Send instant messages to your online friends http://au.messenger.yahoo.com

[Guest guest]

As far as I can see, it could be jealousy ( " You love your things

more than you love me " ), or control ( " I have the power to make your

life miserable if you don't do what I want you to " ), or it could be

an inability to tolerate other people finding happiness, even if it

is in the form of a material possession.

I'll never forget a disco ball my older brother bought, one of those

rotating plastic light balls that threw squares of color on the

wall. I have fond memories of us sitting in the dark, watching those

squares of color - it was soothing and it kept the world out for a

while.

I think nada knew it made us happy. Not three weeks after my brother

bought it, nada found a reason to smash it against the wall.

So much of my childhood made no sense to me at the time. And while

it helps to understand them in the context of healing from their

actions or of dealing with them in the present, these kinds of

behaviors are inappropriate and abusive.

> > > >

> > > > I was thinking about the OCD that somebody posted the other

> day

> > > and

> > > > I think I may have a mild case. I like things a certain way

> and

> > I

> > > > always have. I can't go any place unless the house is clean

I

> > > can't

> > > > eat dinner if a cabinet is open even if it's to my back.

Silly

> > > > things like that. Well Anyways when I was a teen we had this

> > chick

> > > > staying with us from Russia she was a slob! I couldn't stand

> it.

> > > She

> > > > would leave cloths on the floor, go in my room take my

lotions

> > > make

> > > > ups and magazines whatever. I hated it. My room on the other

> > hand

> > > > was clean and well kept. One day I came home from school

only

> to

> > > > find my entire room destroyed! My clothes were all out of

the

> > > > drawers and off the hangers and on the floor in one big

pile.

> > Also

> > > > in that pile was everything I owned and everything that

> Russian

> > > > chick owned. IN MY ROOM! There were school books pictures

> > perfumes

> > > > everything. I was so pissed I wanted to cry. I asked my mom

> what

> > > > happened and she said well your rooms were messy so I need

you

> > to

> > > > clean them. First she was calm, I started to clean, the

> Russian

> > > > chick didn't know my mom and started to argue so my mom went

> > into

> > > > witch mode. I was scared and kept quit and cleaned. When the

> > > Russian

> > > > chick started to clean to I went downstairs by my mom and I

> > asked

> > > > her why did you do that to my room it was already clean? I

> clean

> > > it

> > > > all the time. Her response was " well blabla doesn't and she

> > needs

> > > to

> > > > be taught a lesson so I'm gana show her how it is " I didn't

> > press

> > > > her anymore I already did too much. To this day I don't know

> why

> > > she

> > > > destroyed my room. Anybody else have a similar thing? Lizzy

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Trish, I tried to respond yesterday but I think I accidentally

somehow deleted my letter when I meant to send it. I'm still not

sure how that one happened. Then I had to go I work as a volunteer

at the food shelf with my grandparents and cousins (we have been

doing it for over 3 years) and I didn't get back at my house until

late so sorry for the late reply.

I just wanted to say thank you for the reply and I can understand

how you feel when you talk about feeling alone in cleaning while it

seems that everybody else is the ones messing. I often do laundry

and find I have 3 shirts while the other 3 members in my family each

have about 15-20. Or like my room and closet is neatly kept but my

husbands and kids spaces are very untidy. They don't like then that

way but they don't like to clean so I am left to pick up. I know I

don't have to but I don't like them messy either. I am sure it's

because that is how I did it for years cleaning up after the FOO.

This weekend was especially annoying because of soccer. My husband

didn't move from the bed until 5pm on Saturday but when he did

finally move he helped me cook dinner because my grandparents were

coming. Then Sunday wasn't much better after church and lunch with

his brother he spent the rest of the day playing video games and

talking to his mom over the internet. So this whole weekend I felt

like I was left to carry the burden. It's not like that every day so

I just shut up. Usually he is out of bed on Saturdays by noon. It's

way better than living with nada. Instead of trying to care for

nada, sister, kids, and husband I now just have kids and husband. I

feel very obligated to do more now not only because of my upbringing

but also I stay home. That is part of the reason I want to stay home

because he doesn't help much so I can't work 9-5 and then come home

and do everything. This way I can do haircuts shopping baths

cleaning and whatnot when he is gone so when he does get home its

fairy easy but I still wish I could have a break sometimes to like

him. I guess it's my nature to be like this and it will take

practice and time to change. Thanks again Love, Lizzy

> >

> > I was thinking about the OCD that somebody posted the other day

and

> > I think I may have a mild case. I like things a certain way and

I

> > always have. I can't go any place unless the house is clean I

can't

> > eat dinner if a cabinet is open even if it's to my back. Silly

> > things like that. Well Anyways when I was a teen we had this

chick

> > staying with us from Russia she was a slob! I couldn't stand it.

She

> > would leave cloths on the floor, go in my room take my lotions

make

> > ups and magazines whatever. I hated it. My room on the other

hand

> > was clean and well kept. One day I came home from school only to

> > find my entire room destroyed! My clothes were all out of the

> > drawers and off the hangers and on the floor in one big pile.

Also

> > in that pile was everything I owned and everything that Russian

> > chick owned. IN MY ROOM! There were school books pictures

perfumes

> > everything. I was so pissed I wanted to cry. I asked my mom what

> > happened and she said well your rooms were messy so I need you

to

> > clean them. First she was calm, I started to clean, the Russian

> > chick didn't know my mom and started to argue so my mom went

into

> > witch mode. I was scared and kept quit and cleaned. When the

Russian

> > chick started to clean to I went downstairs by my mom and I

asked

> > her why did you do that to my room it was already clean? I clean

it

> > all the time. Her response was " well blabla doesn't and she

needs to

> > be taught a lesson so I'm gana show her how it is " I didn't

press

> > her anymore I already did too much. To this day I don't know why

she

> > destroyed my room. Anybody else have a similar thing? Lizzy

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Micelle that was a very good point and so interesting. I am sure it

was jealousy to like you said or finding happiness in a material

thing. Like I had this glass doll my mom's friend gave me as a baby

gift but I always loved it. My mom put that Russian girls things

under it I thinks with the intention that it would break because she

was so careless and clumsy. It worked because it broke. The sad

thing was the doll was sitting on a shelf. The girl felt so bad. We

were all crying her, me, and my sister. This wasn't the same time as

the other trashing by the way. But I always thought my mom was

jealous of her friend because of her looks and personality and that

she gave me something so cute probly made nada mad. Anyways thanks

for the spin. Lizzy

> > > > >

> > > > > I was thinking about the OCD that somebody posted the

other

> > day

> > > > and

> > > > > I think I may have a mild case. I like things a certain

way

> > and

> > > I

> > > > > always have. I can't go any place unless the house is

clean

> I

> > > > can't

> > > > > eat dinner if a cabinet is open even if it's to my back.

> Silly

> > > > > things like that. Well Anyways when I was a teen we had

this

> > > chick

> > > > > staying with us from Russia she was a slob! I couldn't

stand

> > it.

> > > > She

> > > > > would leave cloths on the floor, go in my room take my

> lotions

> > > > make

> > > > > ups and magazines whatever. I hated it. My room on the

other

> > > hand

> > > > > was clean and well kept. One day I came home from school

> only

> > to

> > > > > find my entire room destroyed! My clothes were all out of

> the

> > > > > drawers and off the hangers and on the floor in one big

> pile.

> > > Also

> > > > > in that pile was everything I owned and everything that

> > Russian

> > > > > chick owned. IN MY ROOM! There were school books pictures

> > > perfumes

> > > > > everything. I was so pissed I wanted to cry. I asked my

mom

> > what

> > > > > happened and she said well your rooms were messy so I need

> you

> > > to

> > > > > clean them. First she was calm, I started to clean, the

> > Russian

> > > > > chick didn't know my mom and started to argue so my mom

went

> > > into

> > > > > witch mode. I was scared and kept quit and cleaned. When

the

> > > > Russian

> > > > > chick started to clean to I went downstairs by my mom and

I

> > > asked

> > > > > her why did you do that to my room it was already clean? I

> > clean

> > > > it

> > > > > all the time. Her response was " well blabla doesn't and

she

> > > needs

> > > > to

> > > > > be taught a lesson so I'm gana show her how it is " I

didn't

> > > press

> > > > > her anymore I already did too much. To this day I don't

know

> > why

> > > > she

> > > > > destroyed my room. Anybody else have a similar thing? Lizzy

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>