19 year old in a weird, weird world. .

April 20, 2006

Hi guys! My name is . I'm 19 and just found out that my mom

is BP. This may sound just like everyone else's experience, or it

may not. I don't want to go into a lot of boring detail, but I would

like to know if anyone can relate to me. . .I guess I need that same

validation that I'm not the crazy one my mom tells me I am

Last year my brother was involved in an accident and was convicted

of Vehicular Homicide and Careless Driving Resulting in a Death. He

was 17 years old. 2 weeks after watching him plead guilty, my

parents kicked me out of the house because I wasn't vacuuming as

often as they thought I should and said it was one more example of

how I don't love anyone and care more about myself/my pleasure/my

friends, than taking care of my family. My whole life I've been made

to feel that I'm the bane of my mothers existence- that I'm a

terrible person and child. I'm been slightly physically abused as

well. My mom has an extreme history of sexual, physical, and mental

abuse, as well as some substance abuse a few years ago. She was

diagnosed with some anxiety disorders following her second marriage

to my father, and is now on marriage number three to my stepfather,

who caves in and sides with her, regardless of his true feelings.

I've been told constantly that I'm selfish, cold, a bitch, that I

have anger problems, am Bipolar, that I'm a disappointment. . .I

remember when I was little that my mom would say that she thought we

were all going to leave her, that we didn't love her, and that she

felt she was going crazy. That happened a while ago, but it's always

stuck with me. When I confronted her about the physical abuse I

endured, she got teary and said , " Could that have been when I had

the drinking problem, ?! " And I know it wasn't because the

drinking problem ended before the abuse began.

Currently I'm in therapy and have been diagnosed with depression (

by a doctor before I started therapy), and with Generalized Anxiety

Disorder, Post Traumatic Stress, Bereavement, and something else

that I thought was kind of obscure.

The list goes on and on and on.

Strangely enough, when times are good, I wonder if I'm blowing

everything out of proportion. I could talk forever about what this

has been like, but I'm sure yall already know.

I guess what I'm searching for is a group of people who can validate

my experience. I need to hear if anyone can relate to this, and

other peoples opinions. I would love that.

God bless you all..

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