The Loneliness and Isolation/Catch 22

[Guest guest]

Hi Breezy,

I can see you are really, really hurting right now! 's comment was

meant as wholly supportive. She's encouraging you to do what you have to

do for YOU, so that you can begin to move forward, baby step by baby

step. But that doesn't mean you can't tell us where you are at now!

encourages that, although yes, there have been, on occasion, members who

will personalize such posts and think it's about THEM, and feel a

misplaced need to jump to defense of all of " our " brethren.

That bugs me. Like, hellooooo people! - just this time please be an adult

and let it be about the member who needs support!

Now, me, I don't get my nose out of joint. I always say, " if the

shoe fits, wear it, but if not, then don't buy the shoe. "

Discussions like this are a reality check to me; they hold a mirror up to

my face and make me think. speaks out of love and she talks the

talk 'cause she's walked the walk, big time!

Please keep posting.

cyber hugs!

Helen, 55, self-dx'd AS, dx'd ADD

From: Breezy

To: aspires-relationships

Sent: Wed, June 9, 2010 11:33:38 AM

Subject: Re: The Loneliness and

Isolation/Catch 22

I shouldnt have responded to that post. I just sometimes get

irritated when comments get made that make it seem like NT wives are just

a bunch of complaining whiners who dont do anything to accomadate their

spouses. Recently there was a comment about the " typical

NT sulking behavior " then this one. I am going to go back to

lurking. I am sorry for my post I should have ignored my irritation and

just moved on

From: Newland <opubendbroadband (DOT) com>

Subject: [aspires-relationsh ips] The Loneliness and Isolation/Catch

22

To: aspires-relationshi psyahoogroups (DOT) com

Date: Tuesday, June 8, 2010, 9:21 PM



So at what point is it ok for me to want more

for myself and not be considered selfish because I want just one of my

needs met once in awhile. It can be exhausting making sure each and

everyone of his needs are met especially knowing that even when I ask

mine are unlikely to be met.

Some thing I learned over the years? The

only one stopping me was

" me " .

I have the power to say " who "

and who " not " is in my life and what behaviors are acceptable

to me so I can lead a healthy life. It is a question that only

" you " can answer when you are ready to reach this point.

Meyer (AS) used to ask spouses all the

time on this list when he was a member, " can you see yourself

growing old with this person? " Many will say there is no

fix or cure but there is strategies and treatment that can make it

manageable for the person " with " AS, but only

" they " have to want it and do the work.

I am guessing it is just as hard for someone with AS to live in an NT

world as it is for family members to live in the AS world and Tony

Attwood has talked about this in the past. Don't become a closed

family. Parents play a different role than partner's do. The

world will never become AS as they are not the dominate group. I am

from a multi cultural family and none of " us " will every be in

the dominate group, it is just the way it is.

Spend some time figuring out what " you " want or

" need " and then make a plan on how to achieve it. Give

yourself permission to think about " you " and not as a care

giver unless that is the role you see yourself in and want in a

relationship that fulfills your needs?

Sometimes we become so enmeshed in the relationship or are

" fixers " that we no longer see the trees through the

forest. Take some " me " time and figure out what

" you " want and need and it is not being selfish. He

is a big boy and has the same opportunities. Maybe what you had in

the beginning of the relationship is no longer filling either of your

needs? Life changes and people grow apart regardless of

labels. It is called life.

Just me.