Help I've got a stalker not a mother

[Guest guest]

Guys,

I've been nc with nada for a long time and am getting married in a few months.

Since the incident at the dry cleaners a month ago, a few strange events has

occured. First off mother dear checked out the place Jon and I were going to

live. Second off, she SHOWED UP AT CHURCH THIS MORNING. Don't know if she was

tryign to get a hold of the priest to try to stop the wedding or what, maybe she

was just trying to get me to approach her. I'm goign to change the time I go to

try to throw her off guard, don't know if she saw me or not she looked about the

same, only heavier with the same dead stare straight ahead. Any ideas on how to

handle this one, I'm more concerned that she's following me around in ways that

don't make much sense to me. Why would she bother follow me to the church, why

not show up to my doorstop and harrass me. Sometimes I would love to get the

head of a BP to figure out what the hell she thinks so I can avoid her stupid

ass behavior. I should not

have to elope and move to the opposite end of the planet to get away from her.

Unless it was her look aliek, but I do think she is stalking me, somehow enough

information got out and she's trying more desperately than ever get to me and

try to me look bad again.

Ideas anyone???

Thanks

ML

---------------------------------

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[Guest guest]

I am new here and I have a daughter that is Bpd. I am sure she sees me like

you see your Mom at times. I have tried to reach out to her at times and she

has nothing to do with me. It has been 4 years since we parted and she left to

live with a boy and told some big stories. She is still with the guy so she

can't come around us or he would see through the stories and I think the

guilt would be too much for her to deal with. She put us thru hell. But just

the

same I as a Mom would want to be around to see her get married. If your Mom

showed up at church do you think she might want to try to mend fences and is

thinking it might be better to see each other a few times in a safe place? I

really should have read your past post before I wrote this. I guess as a Mom

I just now how hard it is to not see your child.

My Mom is BPD too. Yep I'm the winner of 2 BPDs. Both like to cut me off

because they know how to emotionally black mail me. I don't mind a break from

my Mom. This has been a 4 month break so far but I do long to have a

relationship with my girl. I wish your Mom was healthy mentally and I wish mine

was

too. Good luck, T

[Guest guest]

Hi,

Have you ever thought of getting a restraining order? That might do

the trick. Obviously she is not respectful of your wishes and may

want to try and ruin your day. I know my nada tried to ruin all

special events by making it all about her. Even if you don't get a

restraining order just knowing it is an option if necessary may help.

>

> Guys,

> I've been nc with nada for a long time and am getting married in

a few months. Since the incident at the dry cleaners a month ago, a

few strange events has occured. First off mother dear checked out

the place Jon and I were going to live. Second off, she SHOWED UP

AT CHURCH THIS MORNING. Don't know if she was tryign to get a hold

of the priest to try to stop the wedding or what, maybe she was just

trying to get me to approach her. I'm goign to change the time I go

to try to throw her off guard, don't know if she saw me or not she

looked about the same, only heavier with the same dead stare

straight ahead. Any ideas on how to handle this one, I'm more

concerned that she's following me around in ways that don't make

much sense to me. Why would she bother follow me to the church, why

not show up to my doorstop and harrass me. Sometimes I would love

to get the head of a BP to figure out what the hell she thinks so I

can avoid her stupid ass behavior. I should not

> have to elope and move to the opposite end of the planet to get

away from her. Unless it was her look aliek, but I do think she is

stalking me, somehow enough information got out and she's trying

more desperately than ever get to me and try to me look bad again.

>

> Ideas anyone???

> Thanks

> ML

>

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Yahoo! Messenger with Voice. PC-to-Phone calls for ridiculously

low rates.

>

>

[Guest guest]

,

From what I've read about restraining orders they are extremely hard to get as

basically she'd have to be being physically abusive and causing more problems to

get one. She's one of those that's always been careful to be harmful with words

and never threaten anyone in a way that I could prove. Although I may check

online and ask if there are other ways of getting one for this scenerio where

someone is extremely manipulative and verbally abusive. Has anyone here gotten

one for verbal abuse/harrassment? She's not too bad yet but I think this is

just the beginning, I have a feeling that she is just going to get worse until

the wedding is over and nada didn't get her own way. Although my nada is smart

enough to pick places like a church setting where it's a lot harder to be

extremely rude and everyone usually supports her poor me attitude as well as her

tales about me. One of those places where there are some wise people in the

church (luckily the guy marrying us is one

of those who uses his head not the average who doesn't understand a real world

situation if it hit him in the face.) About the only thing I can do is avoid

her as much as I can. However I'm one of those who can't take meds that easily

for anything, however seeing her provoked a huge anxiety attack, however I was

able to identify why I was having it and was able to handle myself ok.

DFuture H is right that I shouldn't have to live in the shadows, however he's

never seen her wrath, he's never had his family completely destroyed by someone

as eveil as our nadas or had to spend time rewiring his head because she fed a

lot of awful lies that were not just lies, but the basis of how we grew up. I

think he understands what she has done to an extent, but doesn't get that until

she dies she's likely to try to get to us. Atleast he knows not to belive her

lies should she get a hold of him. I suspect she will one day and I think that

will be the day he completely understands to stay away from the moron.

Thanks,

Marie

cre8within wrote:

Hi,

Have you ever thought of getting a restraining order? That might do

the trick. Obviously she is not respectful of your wishes and may

want to try and ruin your day. I know my nada tried to ruin all

special events by making it all about her. Even if you don't get a

restraining order just knowing it is an option if necessary may help.

>

> Guys,

> I've been nc with nada for a long time and am getting married in

a few months. Since the incident at the dry cleaners a month ago, a

few strange events has occured. First off mother dear checked out

the place Jon and I were going to live. Second off, she SHOWED UP

AT CHURCH THIS MORNING. Don't know if she was tryign to get a hold

of the priest to try to stop the wedding or what, maybe she was just

trying to get me to approach her. I'm goign to change the time I go

to try to throw her off guard, don't know if she saw me or not she

looked about the same, only heavier with the same dead stare

straight ahead. Any ideas on how to handle this one, I'm more

concerned that she's following me around in ways that don't make

much sense to me. Why would she bother follow me to the church, why

not show up to my doorstop and harrass me. Sometimes I would love

to get the head of a BP to figure out what the hell she thinks so I

can avoid her stupid ass behavior. I should not

> have to elope and move to the opposite end of the planet to get

away from her. Unless it was her look aliek, but I do think she is

stalking me, somehow enough information got out and she's trying

more desperately than ever get to me and try to me look bad again.

>

> Ideas anyone???

> Thanks

> ML

>

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Yahoo! Messenger with Voice. PC-to-Phone calls for ridiculously

low rates.

>

>

[Guest guest]

ML,

Well if you think she is trying to disrupt your marriage plans via

the priest, I think I would have to have a talk w/the priest and

explain a few things to him or her about how BPD works, how you've

had to severe your ties w/your mother in order to maintain a sense

of 'honoring' her and not creating more drama that adds to natural

penchant for creating drama, how she has abused you time and time

again throughout the course of your life and how you

anticipate 'cleaving to your spouse' as God wanted and do not trust

her ability to come inbetween you and your future dh. I would also

ask the priest for ways that they can see for maintaining a safe

distance from your nada and starting your marriage off on the right

foot w/being able to contain the fires your nada will inevitably try

to start in your marriage.

I think if you present your story as such in more of sad vs angry way-

the reality of where you are w/your mom and how that is truly the

best route for you to take in your life, your priest should

understand that it was not an easy decision that you had to come to

that provoked your severing of ties. Also your priest is there for

spiritual counsel and to help you start your marriage off on the

right foot. I know the priest that presided over our wedding really

had some awesome words to say to me in private about my mother. He

did not suggest me severing ties as that is an individual choice I

needed to come to on my own in my own time, but he is the one that

first opened my eyes to the notion that when God says 'honor thy

mother and father' it is under the assumption that the parents act in

honorable Jewish or Christian fashion behind closed doors. This is

not the case in the borderline household and so you can see many a KO

here and elsewhere who may have had the fear of Christ beat into

their heads in their youth wanting nothing to w/the faith and really

I don't blame them one bit. I have plenty of cousins who are walking

down that path and understand after their BP upbringing. My nada made

sure to raise us as atheists and so my story is a bit different.

I agree w/the notion of making a restraining order if push comes to

shove, the only thing is that you have no prior casehistory of police

intervention w/physical abuse do you? THat's typically, sadly, the

only thing that will most times warrant the usage of a restraining

order- though of course things differe state by state and most times

w/stalkers a restraining order is hardly sufficient- just another

boundary to be broken in the warped minds of the mentally ill.

In the end, I think I would cross my 't's and dot my 'i's w/regards

to my church if you want to stay in that particular church. I had to

move a 1000 miles away from my nada and some days that still is not

far enough.

Best wishes to you and especially so w/your wedding planning. It is

hard enough for the average couple to prepare for the beautiful gift

of marriage and the wedding day, but when you stir up a few crazy bps

into the pot, wow! I see truly why my brother eloped last year:)

Kerrie

>

> Guys,

> I've been nc with nada for a long time and am getting married in

a few months. Since the incident at the dry cleaners a month ago, a

few strange events has occured. First off mother dear checked out

the place Jon and I were going to live. Second off, she SHOWED UP AT

CHURCH THIS MORNING. Don't know if she was tryign to get a hold of

the priest to try to stop the wedding or what, maybe she was just

trying to get me to approach her. I'm goign to change the time I go

to try to throw her off guard, don't know if she saw me or not she

looked about the same, only heavier with the same dead stare straight

ahead. Any ideas on how to handle this one, I'm more concerned that

she's following me around in ways that don't make much sense to me.

Why would she bother follow me to the church, why not show up to my

doorstop and harrass me. Sometimes I would love to get the head of a

BP to figure out what the hell she thinks so I can avoid her stupid

ass behavior. I should not

> have to elope and move to the opposite end of the planet to get

away from her. Unless it was her look aliek, but I do think she is

stalking me, somehow enough information got out and she's trying more

desperately than ever get to me and try to me look bad again.

>

> Ideas anyone???

> Thanks

> ML

>

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Yahoo! Messenger with Voice. PC-to-Phone calls for ridiculously low

rates.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Restraining orders work to a degree. But they are very hard to get.

Here is the number one thing that will help you get one if need be,

DOCUMENT EVERYTHING! Document times, dates, and things that were

said. Document the dates and times you said leave me alone, get away

from me, stop harrassing me. Document the times she did anything to

you weather it be phoning, dropping by or dropping you on your ass.

Next contact an officer, tell him or her that you asked your mother

to leave you alone and that you " warned her but she won't stop " . He

or she will more than likely tell you to DOCUMENT EVERYTING. Because

if you do get so far as a court room the judge will want proof and

not just " well this one time " . Next once you have enough

documentation and feel like you have contacted the officer enough

(the officer may even call or visit you mom asking her to leave you

alone) then get a lawyer and head on over to court and file. I found

that having a lawyer shows you are not joking.

I had over 6 hours of harrassing phone calls that my mom left on my

voice mail, I had countless emails sometimes up to 6 a day. I also

had photos of after the physical abuse took place. And I had

documentation of every hang up phone call and every time she told me

stopped by my house. This was enough to get an Order of Protection.

It didn't really keep her away she violated it probly 6-10 times I

only reported 1 time witch I spent the better part of 1 and a half

years in court with physical proof of her violation proving she

violated it. But you know how Borderlinerers are NEVER WRONG> In the

end she lost. According to her only because she let me win. But in

the end I really feel it was worth all the trouble.

-

>

> Guys,

> I've been nc with nada for a long time and am getting married in

a few months. Since the incident at the dry cleaners a month ago, a

few strange events has occured. First off mother dear checked out

the place Jon and I were going to live. Second off, she SHOWED UP

AT CHURCH THIS MORNING. Don't know if she was tryign to get a hold

of the priest to try to stop the wedding or what, maybe she was just

trying to get me to approach her. I'm goign to change the time I go

to try to throw her off guard, don't know if she saw me or not she

looked about the same, only heavier with the same dead stare

straight ahead. Any ideas on how to handle this one, I'm more

concerned that she's following me around in ways that don't make

much sense to me. Why would she bother follow me to the church, why

not show up to my doorstop and harrass me. Sometimes I would love

to get the head of a BP to figure out what the hell she thinks so I

can avoid her stupid ass behavior. I should not

> have to elope and move to the opposite end of the planet to get

away from her. Unless it was her look aliek, but I do think she is

stalking me, somehow enough information got out and she's trying

more desperately than ever get to me and try to me look bad again.

>

> Ideas anyone???

> Thanks

> ML

>

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Yahoo! Messenger with Voice. PC-to-Phone calls for ridiculously

low rates.

>

>

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 4/10/2006 7:47:14 P.M. Central Standard Time,

proflaf1@... writes:

PS I now also see why your brother eloped, I'm glad I only have about 2

months left.

That is why I chose to get married one day and went to the justice of the

peace because I knew what I was looking at with my Mom. It just wasn't worth it.

Good Luck, T

[Guest guest]

Thanks,

My aunt actually went ahead and talked to the priest about it. From what she

said he wasn't up for hearing details and he didn't want to hear about the

relationship. Next week we will finish most of the church paperwork as that

should cross all of the information for the church. If the priest does ask me

about my mother, I will be sure to explain that she has been very abusive and

that I fear that she would attempt to get between future DH and I as well as

have a go at his family like she's had with mine. basically Isolated Dad and I

to the point we had no extended family, however nada could write nasty letters

to them whenever she wanted to. It comforts me that a point that the person who

presided over your wedding was actually not freaking out about the whole thing

and understood the honor thy mother thing is not possible in a bp relationship

as there morla motives aren't the norm (alteast mine were't) I don't know why I

had been thinking of that lately, however I

now realize as a kid I was screwed in the sense that in order to 'honor/obey'

nada I had to lie for her, and there for wsa always stuck in a nasty cycle.

All you need is one BP to stir the pot and it's enough for me. Hence why I'm

glad most of the plannign is done so that I can deal with the little things that

go wrong and laugh about them as well as deal with broken boundary shit.

THanks

ML

PS I now also see why your brother eloped, I'm glad I only have about 2 months

left.

---------------------------------

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[Guest guest]

Thanks for gviing me the tips, I doubt I could get a restraining order as there

has never been a record of physical abuse. However I will document and next

time I send her a letter, I will sent it reciept returned so that I have proof I

told her to get lost.

ML

lizzyboo81 wrote:

Restraining orders work to a degree. But they are very hard to get.

Here is the number one thing that will help you get one if need be,

DOCUMENT EVERYTHING! Document times, dates, and things that were

said. Document the dates and times you said leave me alone, get away

from me, stop harrassing me. Document the times she did anything to

you weather it be phoning, dropping by or dropping you on your ass.

Next contact an officer, tell him or her that you asked your mother

to leave you alone and that you " warned her but she won't stop " . He

or she will more than likely tell you to DOCUMENT EVERYTING. Because

if you do get so far as a court room the judge will want proof and

not just " well this one time " . Next once you have enough

documentation and feel like you have contacted the officer enough

(the officer may even call or visit you mom asking her to leave you

alone) then get a lawyer and head on over to court and file. I found

that having a lawyer shows you are not joking.

I had over 6 hours of harrassing phone calls that my mom left on my

voice mail, I had countless emails sometimes up to 6 a day. I also

had photos of after the physical abuse took place. And I had

documentation of every hang up phone call and every time she told me

stopped by my house. This was enough to get an Order of Protection.

It didn't really keep her away she violated it probly 6-10 times I

only reported 1 time witch I spent the better part of 1 and a half

years in court with physical proof of her violation proving she

violated it. But you know how Borderlinerers are NEVER WRONG> In the

end she lost. According to her only because she let me win. But in

the end I really feel it was worth all the trouble.

-

>

> Guys,

> I've been nc with nada for a long time and am getting married in

a few months. Since the incident at the dry cleaners a month ago, a

few strange events has occured. First off mother dear checked out

the place Jon and I were going to live. Second off, she SHOWED UP

AT CHURCH THIS MORNING. Don't know if she was tryign to get a hold

of the priest to try to stop the wedding or what, maybe she was just

trying to get me to approach her. I'm goign to change the time I go

to try to throw her off guard, don't know if she saw me or not she

looked about the same, only heavier with the same dead stare

straight ahead. Any ideas on how to handle this one, I'm more

concerned that she's following me around in ways that don't make

much sense to me. Why would she bother follow me to the church, why

not show up to my doorstop and harrass me. Sometimes I would love

to get the head of a BP to figure out what the hell she thinks so I

can avoid her stupid ass behavior. I should not

> have to elope and move to the opposite end of the planet to get

away from her. Unless it was her look aliek, but I do think she is

stalking me, somehow enough information got out and she's trying

more desperately than ever get to me and try to me look bad again.

>

> Ideas anyone???

> Thanks

> ML

>

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Yahoo! Messenger with Voice. PC-to-Phone calls for ridiculously

low rates.

>

>