Amy ,Holidays, life and roses. (Sorry VERY LONG! )

[Guest guest]

 

Amy and any one that may be feeling the same way at this time of year.

 

 Every year about this time I start to fight depression more then any other

time

but say the month of February.

 

I think I know a bit of how you feel. From my own divorce I not only lost any

and every thing from our home but I also lost any rights to my kids and to this

day I have never had a major holiday with them at all. I also was left moneyless

and homeless and forced to move back to a state I dislike to start life over at

age 42 with 45 cents an old truck and some clothing no job and the Sickest I had

ever been in my life (still am) I even was wondering if I was going to live and

if so how much longer. I had no SSDI yet lots of court hearings back in

Idaho(Divorce, Social security, and criminal (Thanks ex wife)) and trying to

live on less then $174 a month to do it all on. I also shortly after it all

should have filed for bankruptcy but I was even to broke to afford to do that so

I was now hounded by bill collectors also and had a destroyed credit rating if I

still had one that is. In the end I to said I did not care any more and I also

had all the pills one would have needed. I also knew if I did it my ex would get

my life insurance policy and my kids would get SSI.

 

I did not only think and talk I fallowed threw with the thoughts. Luckily that

small voice inside me called out for help in time and I got it and that is why I

am here right now. (Thankfully my ex did not get to collect as she never

deserved it LMAO!)

 

I made it threw it all how well not easy not pain free but I can tell you every

last part of it was worth it and to night it was driven home again to me as my

son was telling me how his job is grooming him for a nice promotion . It’s so

nice to see my son growing up in to the man I knew he was and even if I can not

see him like I want to talking to him and sharing with him is a joy onto its

self.

 

For 8 years now he has been lucky to get a card for Christmas with a letter I

write how I feel about him and how much and why I love him and am glad I am here

to enjoy a part of his life to this day. In the 8 years he has gotten maybe two

or three times a Christmas gift from me as it is some thing that we just can not

afford and this year will not be any deferent. he is not alone as my wife’s

three kids that is how its been almost there whole life as they have only known

poverty but for a few years after there father passed on and they first got

SSSB. Funny what a large back pay check can do. Her kids are now from the ages

of 24 to 19 and my two are 25 and 20. They have never said much about gifts at

all as they all understand and always have. My own kids were spoiled rotten

before and still could be by there mother but she is too selfish to share with

them and always tells them she is so broke but yet go's out and buys her self

things all the time. She has gone threw three new cars and I still drive the

same old truck. I have not seen my kids in over two years now again it’s a

money

deal but at lest my son understands. My daughter well her mothers hooks are so

deep in her she has nothing to do with me including never calls or even sends a

card for any day holiday or not.

 

What I can pass on to you is this Praise and love the fact you have you child

you may not be able to give her things but then again that’s all they are is

things its your love and care that she needs and wants the most even if she dose

not say it and that no body can buy! a gift becomes forgotten broken or left to

the side when the next new thing comes along but love and care that lives on no

matter what now here is one more hint I am a guy but I also am a good person and

the gifts I remember the most were all hand made or hand me downs and most of

them believe it or not I still have the bought ones have for the most part come

and gone from me in life for one reason or another but the ones made with love

thought and kindness I have held on to and some of them I was given as a child .

From a blanket my grandma made to two ruff cloth poster my sister made when she

was so broke she could not afford any thing including food. she used scrap

material to make them and I still have them but I remember when she gave them to

me she was crying saying how sorry she was that she could not buy me any thing

well that day they got hug in my room and to this day they are a treasure to me

.. My mom is not crafty at all but she made a scrap book of sorts about my dad

that drove me to tears. She also made on about my self that made me giggle and

one about her self that told me things about her I never knew. All treasures

again that I will keep.

 

I remember Christmases growing up with dad unemployed and not getting much if

any thing but what I do remember is the time we spent as a family together just

sitting in front of the tree or fire place talking yes I wish for things like

that now as most of us as a family no longer talk at all my kids are hinders of

miles away yet I live for that dream of one Christmas of having them both with

me at lest one time to share like we did when they were o so little again.

 

so is it worth getting threw it you bet it is because its what you will remember

and what you will miss that will matter the most later. just like it will be

your love and your care that your child will recall when she is a lot older and

looking back her self or sharing with her own kids maybe some day.

 

No one said life would be neither easy nor fair and its not that you and I know

but is it worth it you better believe it and I know it now more then I did

before. I am sorry for that day I almost made the biggest mistake of my life

because I would have missed all the wonderful things I have enjoyed from then

on. no it has not been all roses but it been one big bed of them but to get to

the buds your got to get threw all the thorns also and some of them hurt and

even draw blood but when you pluck that red rose and look at its wonder the

thorns are all forgotten about as the wonder and the fragrance fills your senses

and the softness touches your skin your ready to do it all over again for one

more rose and that is life there is always that one more rose to pick smell and

see and the best one of all is seeing our children grow up and learn that life

can be hard and unfair at times but threw it all its also filled with great

wonder surprises and magic as long as we fight to make it threw the hard spots

 My best to you

  

The Redneck

Marty G.

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

Mark Twain

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Sent: Sat, November 20, 2010 3:30:46 PM

Subject: does any one have

 

hi everyone

......only getting 96 dollars on family

medical leave have bills out the butt don't know how I'm going to pay them and i

don't have any money for my daughter Christmas gifts i told her its going to

very skimpy this year she might get something .............

 I'm sick cause i get screwed by people all the time my chest has been

hurting when i got the papers I'm really ready to give up on life I'm at the

point now i don't care got all kinds of pills to just end it now