A Rough one`

[Guest guest]

Hi All,

I went to visit with mom and dad along with my son and his very pregnant

girlfriend hoping that we would begin to decorate mom and dad's room for x-mas.

I was looking forward to a very nice time and instead I finally managed to get

out of my dad that mom's caregiver did not come today. I had a quick looking

over of mom and noticed that her hands were very red from rubbing up against

each other as mom's hands are very stiff now and always curl into her lap. This

upset me so much that I was crying through the hall on the way to mom's room to

get one of her many pillows that we use to prop up her various body parts.

I don't mind mom's caregiver taking a day off but I wish someone had told me so

that I could have come in earlier. I'm going to speak to my sister about

getting another caregiver for mom whenever Lyn is off. Needless to say, I sent

my son home and stayed back to feed my mom who was having none of it. I had to

fight tears in my eyes the entire time and at one point during dinner I spoke to

one of the nurse in a rather direct way and said that I will no longer feel too

sorry for the lucky older folks who die quickly via a heart attack because

surely this is no life at all.

I was just all over the place emotionally. I felt so guilty about mom and dad

being alone all day. Mom looked so frail and vunerable and dad looked lonely.

I can't believe that life has come to this. Who do I serve here? Mom, dad, my

grand-daughters? Where do I come in? There are days that I'm so exhausted

after caring for that I swear up and down that I will refuse to take care

of yet another person and immediately feel guilty for thinking this way.

I just can't believe that we live our lives only to be so deminish in the end.

courage