Re: (unknown)

[Guest guest]

Doreen,

I was glad to hear you resonated with my stuff. This is what I got:

If I drink coffee it means that I am a BAD person. If I don't

exercise it means that I am a lazy, degenerate being and there is no

hope for me.

Help!!!

Love, Margaret

> Margaret,

> I've been lurking for a while now and I am amused by what I am

responding to. I resonated so much with this post I had to look at

the senders name again thinking I had sent off this e-mail myself

unkowingly at some point :-) This is so true for me as well.

>

> In reading it what comes to my mind is instead of doing a sheet

on " I shouldn't drink coffee " and " I should exercise more " I can try:

>

> If I drink coffee it means that............

> If I don't excercise it means that........

>

> Then do the worksheets on what comes up.

>

>

> How do I know I should be drinking coffee? Because I am.

> How do I know I shouldn't be excercising? Because I am not.

>

> I recently had to do a lot of walking and spent long days working.

I found out I had the energy I required for what was needed. Prior

to this I did worksheets, on my body being tired and not having the

energy I needed, and I discovered it was my thoughts that were tiring

me. I was so tense around protecting myself and my energy I had

little left to do anything else but rest!!

>

> I substituted " thoughts " for " body " in the worksheets e.g. My body

doesn't have the energy it needs - my thoughts don't have the energy

I need (or my body needs).

>

> Doreen

>

>

>

>

>

> This morning I find myself doing the work for the zillionth time

> on " I shouldn't drink coffee " and " I should exercise more " . I get

a

> little release but it is as short-lived sometimes as my next

breath.

> In writing this now I realize I rarely ask myself what's the

worst

> that could happen if I continue drinking coffee and not

exercising.

>

> I'll never get proper energy

> My body will always feel achy and old

> I'll die never knowing what it feels like to feel good in a body,

to

> feel alive and vital

> I'll always feel 'less than' these ones who can get their act

> together physically - like the movie stars, like Gwyneth Paltrow

who

> does power yoga six times a week. (don't laugh - I'm laughing)

>

> I wonder why I can never get an exercise plan going. I've tried

that

> oodles of times and it never works. I've given up coffee oodles

of

> times and I'm back again in a week or two.

> In my sane moments I can see it's all about accepting, loving

myself

> when I do these things. And sometimes I can get it that I'm not

the

> doer.

> Feeling rather unenlightened around this and lighter just airing

it

> this morning.

>

> Love, Margaret

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

If I drink cofee I am a bad person

Is that true - it feels like it

Can I absolutely know it's true - No

How do I react,,,, - I beat myself up

Does the thought bring me stress or peace - stress

Is there a peaceful reason to drop the thought - yes

Can I see a reason to drop the thought - yes

Turn it around - I am not a bad person

And another turnaround - If I drink coffee my thoughts are bad. (This is what

it is all about isn't it - the thoughts that arise.) So I will drink coffee

until I don't.

Also try asking what you are getting if you drink coffee:

If I drink coffee I will be more awake, I need it to stay alert, etc. and do the

work on those.

Also try asking what you are getting if you stop drinking coffee:

I get a headache, I am not so alert etc

It used to be an absolute for me that I got a major migraine from stopping

coffee. I recently had the opportunity to give it up for a while and did the

worksheet on getting a migraine. Guess what? No migraine happened. It was

astonishing. Now I've laid to rest the idea I need to keep drinking it in order

to keep the headaches away.

I think it's a work in progress. I still drink coffee, don't excercise

regularly but I am less stressed about it.

Re: (unknown)

Doreen,

I was glad to hear you resonated with my stuff. This is what I got:

If I drink coffee it means that I am a BAD person. If I don't

exercise it means that I am a lazy, degenerate being and there is no

hope for me.

Help!!!

Love, Margaret

> Margaret,

> I've been lurking for a while now and I am amused by what I am

responding to. I resonated so much with this post I had to look at

the senders name again thinking I had sent off this e-mail myself

unkowingly at some point :-) This is so true for me as well.

>

> In reading it what comes to my mind is instead of doing a sheet

on " I shouldn't drink coffee " and " I should exercise more " I can try:

>

> If I drink coffee it means that............

> If I don't excercise it means that........

>

> Then do the worksheets on what comes up.

>

>

> How do I know I should be drinking coffee? Because I am.

> How do I know I shouldn't be excercising? Because I am not.

>

> I recently had to do a lot of walking and spent long days working.

I found out I had the energy I required for what was needed. Prior

to this I did worksheets, on my body being tired and not having the

energy I needed, and I discovered it was my thoughts that were tiring

me. I was so tense around protecting myself and my energy I had

little left to do anything else but rest!!

>

> I substituted " thoughts " for " body " in the worksheets e.g. My body

doesn't have the energy it needs - my thoughts don't have the energy

I need (or my body needs).

>

> Doreen

>

>

>

>

>

> This morning I find myself doing the work for the zillionth time

> on " I shouldn't drink coffee " and " I should exercise more " . I get

a

> little release but it is as short-lived sometimes as my next

breath.

> In writing this now I realize I rarely ask myself what's the

worst

> that could happen if I continue drinking coffee and not

exercising.

>

> I'll never get proper energy

> My body will always feel achy and old

> I'll die never knowing what it feels like to feel good in a body,

to

> feel alive and vital

> I'll always feel 'less than' these ones who can get their act

> together physically - like the movie stars, like Gwyneth Paltrow

who

> does power yoga six times a week. (don't laugh - I'm laughing)

>

> I wonder why I can never get an exercise plan going. I've tried

that

> oodles of times and it never works. I've given up coffee oodles

of

> times and I'm back again in a week or two.

> In my sane moments I can see it's all about accepting, loving

myself

> when I do these things. And sometimes I can get it that I'm not

the

> doer.

> Feeling rather unenlightened around this and lighter just airing

it

> this morning.

>

> Love, Margaret

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Mado..

I am new but something seems amiss..the basic question.. I may have

misinterpreted your note, it appears that the name thing is of bother, I

can't be sure. There were assumptions that gave rise to emotions. That

is always drama. So I have to ask some questions.

People who do not use their real names are uncaring.? Is that true?

People who do not use their real names don't " give a shit " . Is that

true?

You can't trust people that do not use their real names, is that true?

How about..another person is upset about people not using their real

names?

Is that true? I really don't know! It could be a drama that is

covering some other deal.

Things just are as they are. Not good, not bad.

Do you use your name to be " caring " ? Do you use it to be trusted? It

can go on and on. The old " switcheroo " sometimes helps to put things

into perspective. I can say that for me all the above are lies.

I set my computer up with a signature that just goes on. I don't even

sign my name. It is just there. It is there no matter what I write.

April

[Guest guest]

perhaps " people who don't use their real names " are trying to avoid any more

problems in their lives? or are paranoid about being tracked down by someone

they indivertibly angered by a misspoke comment? lovingly Icelady

Re: (unknown)

>

> >

>

> " People who do not use their real names are uncaring.? Is that true?

>

> People who do not use their real names don't " give a shit " . Is that

> true?

>

>

>

> You can't trust people that do not use their real names, is that

> true? "

>

>

> Hi April,

>

> The above assumptions do seem wierd and of course they are not true.

> But those are the thoughts that came up for me. They were a lead in

> to what was really triggering me. I perceive these people ( this is

> my story) as impersonal, cold, uncaring, gutsy, strong, fearless, not

> looking for approval. I have been heavily conditioned to be the

> opposite - nice, approval seeking, 'caring'. Anything that appears

> impersonal or uncaring is not allowed to express itself in me (i

> wouldn't have been loved when i was small if i expressed this

> energy).

> That's why 'impersonal' triggers me - I don't allow myself the

> luxury and freedom to be that way.

> Maybe the piece I wrote wasn't very clear - it's because I could feel

> the emotional charge of the core belief for me.

> Someone else could have a judgement on 'people should sign their

> names' and it could lead to a different place - a different core

> belief for them.

> I now realize I actually admire these people. I'm the last to know!

>

> Love, Margaret

>

>

> Mado..

> >

> > I am new but something seems amiss..the basic question.. I may have

> > misinterpreted your note, it appears that the name thing is of

> bother, I

> > can't be sure. There were assumptions that gave rise to emotions.

> That

> > is always drama. So I have to ask some questions.

> >

> >

> >

> > People who do not use their real names are uncaring.? Is that true?

> >

> > People who do not use their real names don't " give a shit " . Is that

> > true?

> >

> >

> >

> > You can't trust people that do not use their real names, is that

> true?

> >

> >

> >

> > How about..another person is upset about people not using their real

> > names?

> >

> > Is that true? I really don't know! It could be a drama that is

> > covering some other deal.

> >

> >

> >

> > Things just are as they are. Not good, not bad.

> >

> >

> >

> > Do you use your name to be " caring " ? Do you use it to be trusted?

> It

> > can go on and on. The old " switcheroo " sometimes helps to put

> things

> > into perspective. I can say that for me all the above are lies.

> >

> >

> >

> > I set my computer up with a signature that just goes on. I don't

> even

> > sign my name. It is just there. It is there no matter what I

> write.

> >

> >

> >

> > April

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

April,

I am going to explain this one more time - if it's still confusing

there's a great little book on this stuff called " The Dark Side of

the Light Chasers " by Debbie Ford.

As we are growing up there are certain aspects, qualities, behaviors

that do not meet with the approval of our parents, family, teachers,

society. Because we want love and approval more than anything in the

world we learn to bury, disown these aspects, energies. For example

if our parents disapproved strongly of any display

of 'irresponsibility', we begin to resist, hide and push down any

tendency towards this aspect. This is a part of ourselves we do not

allow to exist because it would mean the loss of love/approval. We

can become very 'responsible' people, the drive to be responsible

could shape a great part of our lives. We are not even aware that

there is an 'irresponsible' energy buried in our psyche and that we

are forced to expend huge amounts of psychic energy to keep this

beneath the surface.

Then we meet someone who is acting 'irresponsibly' and hey presto we

are majorly triggered. It can be confusing why we dislike, are

indignant of this person. The turnaround doesn't seem to make sense -

hey, I'm not irresponsible. You are irresponsible because you are

all things - you have just buried this one deeply. The gift is in

acknowledging that you really are irresponsible, and that that is

exactly what you need to allow out, to be played out more in your

life. It could mean not being so serious, goofing off a bit,

relaxing, being more childlike etc. This would lead to wholeness in

your psyche - you are no longer hating, resisting, disowning a

natural energy.

To go back to my caring/uncaring pattern - I didn't allow myself to

be 'uncaring' as a child because I wouldn't be loved. I pushed this

out of sight and developed a personality of niceness, caring,

sweetness etc.All the time I've been sitting on this huge chunk

of 'uncaring' energy which is dying to come out , which is part of my

life force, my natural power. So I get triggered by people who might

appear uncaring, mean. I need to let this energy up and out, be

uncaring, revel in it, enjoy the freedom of it - let go of the

niceness, sweetness because part of it is not really me, just learned

behavior.

When nothing is unacceptable, disowned, it all comes into balance and

then there is a free expression of the Love that we are.

Love, Margaret

P.S. I am sick of being nice and sweet. Thank you Jeanne for your

personal input.

- In Loving-what-is@y..., " April " <notetoapril@c...> wrote:

>

Margaret,

>

> " Impersonal " triggers you.I am honestly trying to figure this out

OK?

> LOL..

>

>

>

> OK so you feel that if you are not " trying to please " you are

> impersonal? That is obviously a lie! LOL. so I suppose more

finding of

> lies will open up your " real work " .

>

>

>

> You sound very open to listening, that is damned personal to me!

LOL.

> I have been to therapy for a L-O-N-G time for the " codependent "

stuff.I

> think I can understand what you are " fighting " .

>

>

>

> April

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I have a daughter who will be 6 years old next month.  Her diagnoses are

Asperger's, OCD, ADHD, & Nonverbal Learning Disorder.  She also has the sensory

issues and fine motor deficits for which she goes to occupational therapy once a

week.  Anyway, she does the obsessive touching just like your daughter.  She

does it symmetrically most of the time, so she has to touch with both hands or

both feet.  She had a severe germ phobia for a while and was touching with the

backs of her hands at that time.  But she has lightened up a little on the germ

phobia and isn't constantly washing anymore nor touching with the backs of her

hands.  She has also lightened up on the touching a little.  At one point she

was touching with both hands, both feet, and both elbows.  Now she just

occassionally touches with both hands.  She touches anything she is near..

furniture, walls, and even people.

My daughter's psychologist told me that the touching is more of an Asperger's

thing.  Kids with Asperger's usually have " repetitive motor movements " such as

hand-flapping, spinning, etc.  This is just one of those things like that.  It

appears to be OCD and could be classified as OCD, but the line between OCD and

Asperger obsessions is very blurred.  It really just depends on who you ask. 

She received the OCD diagnosis because of her germ phobia.  If it were just the

touching that she was doing, then she would not have received the OCD

diagnosis.  That's per our psychologist though.  Other psychs may have differing

opinions or educations on this. 

My 11yo daughter also has OCD and she hoards things so I know how that one goes

too.  Not fun!! 

Have you thought of homeschooling your daughter?  It really does kids like this

a lot of good to be freed from all the anxiety that goes along with school. 

Homeschooling is so common now that you wouldn't have any trouble with the

socialization part of it either.  I have always homeschooled all of my children

and they are doing quite well. 

Good luck!

Misty

Mom to 4 Aspies (2 with diagnosed OCD)

________________________________

To:

Sent: Thursday, April 9, 2009 10:05:52 AM

Subject: (unknown)

Hi,

 

My six year old daughter has had some anxiety since an arly age.  She always had

issues with clothing and new experiences were very difficult for her.  Once she

experienced something a few times (ex. two days of swimmimg lessons), she seemed

O.K.  In kind and 1st grade she complained of not wanting to go on the bus. 

This past weekend she confessed that she often needs to touch thngs and do

things over and over.  She keeps finding things on her food and wanted to keep

her hair when she got her haircut.  She is now having extremen anxiety before

school and does not want me to leave for work.  The psychologist said has OCD

and the pediatrician put her on 5mg of prozak.  I knew she had difficulty with

change, but now she is openly touching things over and over again and does not

want to go to school.  It is so painful to watch.  This is new to my husband and

I.  Does anyone have any advise or success story?  I am so scared for my

daughter.