A Redneck Valentines just for you.

[Guest guest]

Collards is green,my dog's name is Blueand I'm so luckyto have a sweet thang like you. Yore hair is like cornsilka-flapping in the breeze. Softer than Blue'sand without all them fleas. You move like the bass,which excite me in May. You ain't got no scalesbut I luv you anyway. Yo're as satisfy'n as okryjist a-fry'n in the pan. Yo're as fragrant as "snuff"right out of the can. You have some'a yore teeth,for which I am proud; I hold my head highwhen we're in a crowd. On special occasionswhen you shave under yore arms,well, I'm in hawg heaven,and awed by yore charms. Still them fellers at

workthey all want to know, what I did to deservesuch a purdy, young doe. Like a good roll of duct tapeyo're there fer yore man, to patch up life's troublesand fix what you can. Yo're as cute as a junebuga-buzzin' overhead.You ain't mean like those far antsI found in my bed. Cut from the best clothlike a plaid flannel shirt, you spark up my life morethan a fresh load of dirt. When you hold me real tightlike a padded gunrack, my life is complete;Ain't nuttin' I lack. Yore complexion, it's perfection,like the best vinyl sidin'. despite

all the years,yore age, it keeps hidin'. Me 'n' you's like a Moon Piewith a RC cold drank, we go togetherlike a skunk goes with stank. Some men, they buy chocolatefor Valentine's Day; They git it at Wal-Mart,it's

romantic that way. Some men git roseson that special dayfrom the cooler at Kroger.That's impressive," I say. Some men buy fine diamondsfrom a flea market booth. "Diamonds are forever,"they explain, suave and couth. But for this man, honey,these just won't do. Cause

yo're too special,you sweet thang you I got you a gift,without taste nor odor,More useful than diamonds...it's a new troll'n motor!! There are souls in this world which have the gift of finding joy everywhere and of leaving it behind them when they go." -Frederick Faber